


The Choices We Made

by yuraaa



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Badass Eren Yeager, Canon Era, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Eren Yeager Is a Ray of Sunshine, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Slow Burn, Titan Shifter Eren Yeager, but will also kill you in your sleep if you piss him off, i love me a good slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 134,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24767395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuraaa/pseuds/yuraaa
Summary: He supposes dying here is a kindness, instead of in between the teeth of a titan, like the fate so many of his comrades had. Sure, he’d never know if it’s possible to rid the world of those monstrosities outside the walls. He’d never see the day those walls actually fall. He’d never see what actually lies beyond them. What life is like outside of everything he’s ever known. If the sun shined differently without the confines of a cage.If all the suffering had been worth it in the end.Or the one where Levi gets separated from the rest of his squad while out on a mission, and Eren, who has grown up outside the walls, finds him before death does.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 790
Kudos: 1703





	1. Daylight

_He wakes up to the gentle lull of the waters flowing throughout the river, the smooth rush of liquid like a cold carress on his cheeks. Pebbles dig uncomfortably on his back, with their jagged sides seemingly intent on leaving their bite on his skin, but he supposes that is nothing compared to the searing pain throbbing on his leg, demanding attention. His eyelids feel heavy with the weight of the world instead of just his lashes, but he tries to blink the exhaustion away. Afraid that if his eyes remain closed, they shall remain so permanently._  
  
_His vision is blurry, like his irises have been covered with film. But light penetrates anyway, and he guesses he could only be looking at the moon. Albeit slowly, he manages to lift up a hand. His fingers eclipse the glowing orb, as they twitch. He snarls. Remembers how they once gripped blades so firm, so certain, that his weapons have become an extension of his arm. How with a flick, grown men twice his size would cower in fear at his command._

_But now they shake, perhaps from the cold seeping through his bones; perhaps the years of war have finally taken its toll, and his body is now just a remnant of the onslaught. Another life to burry._

_Except no one’s around to even dig him a grave. No one around to know he’s finally, finally dead._  
_No one around for him to see If anyone will bother to weep for his loss._

_The moon will be the only witness to his final breath, and he thinks that may not be so bad. A soldier rarely has the luxury to spend the last moments of their life in peace and quiet. Not with all the bloodshed, and the chaos, and the giant monsters who have a knack for human flesh._

_He supposes dying here is a kindness, instead of in between the teeth of a titan, like the fate so many of his comrades had. Sure, he’d never know if it’s possible to rid the world of those monstrosities outside the walls. He’d never see the day those walls actually fall. He’d never see what actually lies beyond them. What life is like outside of everything he’s ever known. If the sun shined differently without the confines of a cage._

_If all the suffering had been worth it in the end._

_His breath hitches, and his chest clenches at a painful beat. The air feels ragged as it enters his lungs, as if parts of it got lost along the way down. His mind drifts, and he sees flashes of Isabel and Farlan, and suddenly everything hurts tenfold._

_But then he thinks it’s okay. It’s okay to open Pandora’s Box. To take these skeletons out of his closet, and finally lay them to rest. After everything, at least, he hopes he’s allowed to follow where they are._

_Ah, hope. What a dangerous thing to feel when you already have one foot on the grave, lest a treacherous part of him dares to slice off that foot, just to say that death has no claim on him yet._

_But a part of him is also tired. His shoulders have been burdened with the weight of the dead for the longest time. Would it really be so bad to put them down now?_

_His eyes grow heavy, like all the years of sleep he never got had finally caught up to him. And so he permits the exhaustion to settle in. His body is a house, and now his soul is moving out._

_He flicks the lights off. Locks the door._

_And finally, he leaves._

_The wind blows and whispers, ‘Here lies Humanity’s Strongest. May he rest in peace.’_

* * *

Except he doesn’t.  
  
Levi startles awake, panting heavily, pain shooting throughout his limbs. He frantically eyes the unfamiliar surroundings; his instincts on overdrive, as he tries to detect any possible threat. His hands immediately fly down to his hips on impulse, hovering where his blades ought to be.

He takes a deep breath, willing himself to calm down when he realized he was alone. He appears to be in some sort of cave, except this one looks obviously lived in, with all the litter scattered around. 

He was lying on a tattered cloth, woven leaves serving as his makeshift blanket, and he shudders at the thought of the dirt he’s accumulated from sleeping on the ground. His skin itches from the rough texture of the leaves, and he throws them off to the side. He’s left only in his boxers, which was understandable since his clothes were probably drenched lying on that river for who knows how long. Still, he won’t hesitate to cut someone’s head off if he’s actually just been in the hands of a pervert. His ire dies down a bit when he sees foreign plants plastered around his inflamed skin, which he guesses was some sort of medication. 

He grits his teeth as he tries to stand, only to land back on his ass, aggravating his wounds further. One or two of his ribs are probably broken, he hopes he doesn’t have a concussion, but it seems his leg had suffered the most damage. He supposes he should be thankful it’s still attached, given that it had been seconds away from becoming a titan’s chew toy, but still. Of all things he could have possibly injured, it just _had_ to be what he needed to get the hell out of this place. 

He feels a headache coming, and he groans. _He was supposed to be dead, goddammit._

Levi spots his gear, as well as his boots thrown haphazarldy in a corner. Careful not to put too much strain on his leg, he crawls slowly to where a small knife is strapped on the side of his boot. It doesn’t take a genius to know that he sure as hell did not sleep-dragged himself all the way here, not when he had been borderline delirious. But who in their right mind would be living outside the walls? More importantly, how could they?

Fuck. Was it actually possible? It must be, with the torch precariously hanging on the cave wall, the amateurly built wooden table with roots tied taut to support its joints, the assortment of trinkets, of different colored stones piled on it. All of this a sign of life. 

His grip tightens on the handle of his knife. The one who took him here probably didn’t think he was worth killing, considering they actually took the time to bandage him up, but he wasn’t taking any chances. 

He hears a rustle outside the cave, footsteps coming closer, and closer. He grows rigid for a split second, before hurrying back to his “bed”, and schools his features to appear as if he never woke. 

He feels the presence of another body as it enters the cave. He tenses as they approach, crossing over to him in feather-quiet steps, careful not to disrupt the slumber he’s put on for a show. The stranger kneels beside him, and it takes everything in Levi to stay still, as they hover. A hand presses on his forehead, checking the state of his temperature. 

That second of disregard for his awareness was all he needed to catch his captor by surprise, grabbing the hand placed on his skin to twist their arm behind their back. They let out a startled yelp, and Levi tastes blood when he bites inside his cheek, as his body protests in pain at the sudden movement. 

Levi ignores what feels like flames licking the inside of his leg, swiflty maneuvering their position in order to shift his strength up his torso to keep the stranger tackled face down to the ground. Levi moves his good knee to grind down what he now sees is a boy’s back. In quick observation, he reckons he has a couple of years over the kid, and guesses him to be at least in his late teens.

Keeping a hand firmly locked on the boy’s wrists, the other positions the knife on the boy’s throat, and if Levi accidentally draws blood because the fucker couldn’t keep still, then he really couldn’t be blamed, could he?

“Who are you? Where the fuck in the world are we?!” Levi growls. This was the temperament that made legions fall to their knees—why Erwin and Hange were the only two people who could look him in the eye, because nobody else had the courage to dare and do so.

The boy squirms, unintelligible cries spilling from his mouth. Levi clicked his tongue in frustration, flipping his hostage over so he was straddling him between his legs, thinking that he may not get any answers if he continued grinding his face to the ground. The blade remains close to the boy’s throat, however.

“Listen here, you piece of shit. If you don’t give me answers, you know what I’m gonna do? I’m going to shove this knife so far up your ass, you’re going to vomit it back up.” Levi hisses as he threateningly twirls the knife between his fingers. The body beneath him trembles in fear, allowing Levi to finally get a good look. 

The first thing he notices is the poor excuse of a bird’s nest resting on top of the boy’s head. There’s a stray leaf caught in the messy, brown strands, and Levi wonders when he last washed it; his mouth twists in disgust. He was wearing an even filthier shirt, with a couple of holes that looked like they came from being snagged on branches. It was also a couple of sizes too big, but though he appeared slim, there was an evident bulge of muscle in his arms. 

Then there were the eyes. They were the color of fresh water reflecting the first hint of morning sun. Blues, and greens mixed in harmony, like heaven and earth holding hands. If only they weren’t clouded in fear, and glinting with unshed tears, perhaps the image of Levi reflected on them would have been more serene. 

“P-please.” The boy whimpers. “N-no hurt. Please.”

Levi’s hold slightly loosens as he heard the stunted speech. 

“I h-help. Leg i-is blood. I saw. No h-hurt you.” He continues to babble brokenly, a hiccup slipping his lips every now and then, as he was full on crying now. More concerned about getting snot on his skin, rather than the kid being an actual threat, Levi slowly gets off of him, blades still at the ready in case the brat tries anything funny. The brunet’s cries quiets down into sobs, as he gingerly rubs his wrists, making Levi feel like he just kicked a puppy. _Tch, what a pain._

Levi stares him down for a good minute, gauging the situation, while the boy refuses to meet his gaze, seemingly intent on focusing on the loose thread of his shirt that he’s been anxiously thumbing on.

“Look, kid,” Levi sighs, running a hand through his hair. “As long as you don’t pull anything, I won’t hurt you. But should you even think of doing anything weird, I’ll slit your throat faster than you can blink. Understood?” The boy bites on his lip, but nods, otherwise.

“Good. Now, do you think you can answer some questions for me?” 

Another nod.

“Alright. So.” Levi pauses, and does another quick scan of the cave. “Where the fuck are we?”

“U-uhm. Cave.”

Levi slams his knife down the ground, making the boy flinch, as if he expected for the blade to slice off a part of him. “Do you think I’m an idiot? Of course, we’re in a fucking cave! What I’m asking is how far we are from the Wall? You do know what the Wall is, don’t you? Those big ass slabs of concrete?”

It takes a few seconds, but the words seemed to have sink, and the boy’s face lights up. “T-the big—“ His hands make excited gestures, signing large squares in the air. He grins when Levi dips his chin in affirmation. 

“T-today we are, uhm, very away?” His eyebrows meet in a frown, unsure of his words. “B-but I—way! Way I can, uhm..”

Levi waves a hand, signalling him to stop. He would have said ‘don’t hurt yourself’ but he’s not _that_ kind of an asshole, so he keeps the snark between his teeth. “You can show me the way, is that it?”

The boy bobs his head enthusiastically. 

“Alright, let’s get going then.” 

Levi makes a move to stand up, leaning his weight on his good leg. The regret of violently jostling it earlier almost makes him fall over as the pressure reawakens the pain, but much like everything he’s been through in his life, he soldiers on. The walls may have been a cage, but it has tea and proper plumbing, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t get his well-deserved bath after the hell of the last twenty-four hours.

“N-no.” The boy says softly, Levi falters, almost thinks he misheard.

“No?” He questions, with an eyebrow raised.  
  
The boy shakes his head. 

Irritated, Levi twirls the knife on his hand threateningly. A persisting habit awoken by the stranger in front of him, it seems. The boy slightly pulls back at the sight of the blade, but steels himself with resolve. He meets Levi’s scowl with a frown of his own, shaking his head in defiance once again.  
  
“That was an order, not a request, you shitty brat. If you don’t want me to make titan fodder out of you, you best get your ass up or I swear—“

“Hurt!” The boy cuts him off with a frustrated yell, gesturing to Levi’s leg. “B-blood stop. But blood again, i-if you go.” He continues more softly, though the frown doesn’t leave his face as if Levi’s injury had personally offended him. 

Levi clears his throat, the hostility stirring inside his chest gradually calming down, realizing that the kid’s disobedience stemmed from worry, rather than plain refusal. “Worry about yourself. You don’t know who the fuck you’re talking to.” 

Levi hates the title, but he wasn’t hailed as Humanity’s Strongest if a broken leg was all it took to immobilize him. He’s survived on worst.

The boy remains unmoving, staring at him with big, wide eyes. He meets his stare with the most deadpan expression he could muster, but the boy’s stubborness rivals the hardness of the Walls, making Levi run a hand on his face in defeat. 

“Fine, fine.” He flicks his wrist in surrender. “But the second I heal, we’re leaving, you hear me?” Levi says, stressing his point with the raise of a finger. Fuck. He’s really talking to a puppy here, isn’t he? The boy, seemingly content with winning the argument, moves to help Levi lie back down. Levi tries to wave him away, elbows him on the ribs when the kid got too close, but the brunet was nothing if not insistent, so with a roll of his eyes, Levi lets him sit him back down the ground, much to his chagrin.

“If you’re done playing nurse, get me my clothes, why don’t you?” Levi huffs, scratching at his irritated skin. He notices dirt under his fingernails, and he furiously tries to pick them out as the kid stood up to cater to his command.

The boy returns with his uniform, the fabric still warm from the heat of the sun. It carries the smell of tree bark, but no longer of sweat, at least. And though some of his blood still stains, it no longer looks like it’s been used to wipe off a murder. 

He doesn’t put everything on, deciding it to be too much of a hassle. He settles for his undershirt, and the kid helps him put on his trousers. He winces at the torn pant leg. 

Once he’s clothed again, and settled, the boy remains dutifully by his side, carefully dabbing his middle finger on the medicinal plants wrapped around Levi’s injury, checking if it’s already time to have them replaced.

“Oi, kid.” He looks up questioningly, as Levi swats away his ministrations. “You got a name?”

The boy tilts his head to the side. 

Levi thinks maybe if he sighs deep enough he’ll die.

“A name. Something people call you with. Then again, there isn’t really anyone here to call you anything, is there?” He muses. The boy only looks at him expectantly as he continues to talk. “I’m Levi.”

The brunet bites his lip in thought. “Ri-ribai,” he says softly, testing the weight of the name on his tongue. A hesitant carress of syllables, though they still snag on his teeth on their way out.

Levi snorts as the kid butchers his name. “It’s Levi, you idiot. Le-vi. Say it again, go on.”

The kid purses his lip, annoyed at his inability to get it correctly the first time. “Li-Levi?” Levi gives him an encouraging nod. Well, as encouraging as a small nudge of a chin could be.

“Levi!” The kid exclaims happily. 

“Hm. Good job, kid.” Levi’s lip curls up slightly in amusement, and the boy preens at the compliment. He smiles like he has never known sadness, and Levi wonders how it feels to be familiar with mirth that way. To treat happiness as a friend who wouldn’t stab you in the back with your own knife. He repeats Levi’s name over, and over like a mantra. Testing different lilts, dropping the letters in altered dips, as if there was more to it than an identity. 

Levi flicks him on the forehead to get him to stop, and the boy glares at him as he rubs the reddening spot. “You sure you don’t remember your name? I can’t keep calling you ‘kid’ it’s annoying.”

Levi wasn’t met with a response, only a sag of the boy’s shoulders. 

“You know what, whatever. From now on your name is Kid. We have more important shit to deal with, anyway.” Perhaps it wasn’t Levi’s brightest idea, but he wasn’t exactly what you’d call creative, and Kid just may be the stupidest name ever, but the brunet has the stained-glass of a church with the light of the setting sun passing through for eyes, and he’s looking at Levi like he’s holy, so it couldn’t be that bad. 

“Now that that’s settled, tell me, how long have you been out here?”

Kid hesitates, anxiously gnawing on his lip. Levi finds that he does that a lot, it’s a wonder they’re still in tact. 

“Long time. N-not know why. Just that I is here. Always.” Kid averts his gaze, and Levi mourns the loss of color, as if the curtains in his eyes have once again been drawn.

“I figured as much. But then again, you know how to talk. You seem decent enough to know basic social graces. You’ve been here since you can remember, but you can’t have been here your whole life.” 

“T-the pictures in my head. They are like, inside smoke? They are there, but I—I cannot see.” Kid murmurs dejectedly, rubbing on the smudge of dirt staining the back of his hand, as if he were afraid that if he looked up, Levi would level him with disappointment. 

He’s confused, sure. Who the hell would dump a kid all the way out the Wall with no way to fend for himself? It was hard enough to survive in the wilderness alone, but with Titans raging around, it was next to impossible. The Scout Regiment could barely last a day, and they were all soldiers who spent years honing their bodies into arsenals. Kid was all long, clumsy limbs, and if Levi wanted, breaking his bone would be no different than snapping a twig. 

It wasn’t likely that he was left here in recent years. Otherwise, his speech wouldn’t have been so stunted. Kid has the language capacity of a literal child, and Levi guesses he was brought out here when he was one. 

An image of a small, brunet boy wandering around the forest, alone, with death lurking around the corner, flashes through Levi’s mind, and his chest flows with white-hot rage, he feels like he’s drowning, and burning at the same time. 

This naïve, innocent child who comes to the rescue of random strangers, with no second thought—even when said stranger repays him with threats, and a knife to the throat. Someone who treats a poorly thought out, monosyllabic name like a treasure he has finally earthed, and no gold could ever compare. Someone so untainted, he can look at Levi, and see someone worth saving.  
  
This kid who was left for dead was the reason Levi was alive. 

Levi feels a hand pressed gently on his chest, breaking his train of thought.

“Levi is okay?” 

No, Levi is not fucking okay. He wants to slam someone’s head against a wall. 

But he says none of that. Instead, Levi breathes deeply through his nose, thinking that scaring the kid wouldn’t get him the answers he need.

“How did you survive? There are titans everywhere. Hell, I don’t even know why there isn’t one eating us right now.”

“We are away. Not many in this place. And Sun will hide soon. Titans do not like dark. Makes them s-sleep. Some awake, but, uhm, eye is not good? I go out then. Look for food. If smell like animal, h-hard to know if—“ Kid falters, and makes gestures toward his body.

“If you’re a human.” Levi continues for him, and Kid nods enthusiastically. “Huh. So, what, you just douse yourself with animal blood and prance around like you’re on a fucking stroll?”

“Titans not hurt animals. Use blood, and t-the smell, it—“ Kid slaps his palms together, having no words for a better explanation.

“It mixes together. It confuses them.” Levi says in realization. He feels awed for a minute, until he thinks about how filthy that method was, and his thrill dies down to displeasure. 

“When alone. Works very much.” Kid confirms.

Levi hums in agreement. It would be a more effective method when used in small recon missions, and if push comes to shove, which always fucking does, Kid is proof of its efficiency for stealth. It might give someone enough time to camoflauge themself, and escape. 

“That’s—actually not a bad idea. Glad you’re not just a brat after all.” Levi smirks, and Kid pouts at him petulantly. 

Levi points his chin to Kid’s shirt. “How about clothing? Don’t tell me you’ve been wearing that since you’ve been here? I touched that, you fucker.” He growls.

Kid shakes his head, and stands up to retrieve a dirty satchel sitting pitifully in a corner. He hands it to Levi, who hesitantly takes it from him, eyeing the filth in blatant disgust.

Levi takes the contents out of the bag. A couple of shirts, trousers. Some with holes, some with questionable stains that Levi would rather not think about. A few pens whose ink have all dried. A small notebook with the pages stuck together, and turning brown with age. Nothing written on it except what seems to be a grocery list, which makes Levi shoot a confused look at Kid, who only shrugs in response. There are oddly-shaped rocks, a shoelace, and a small dagger.

Levi freezes when he unfolds what he thought was a blanket, only to be met with the insignia of the Scout Regiment. The blue and white of the wings faded with time, the fabric no longer a vibrant forest green. His hand trembles, crumpling the cloth as his fingers close into a fist. Ice travels from the soles of his feet to his scalp, and he feels cold with indignation. 

“Where the fuck did you get this?” Levi seethes, making Kid flinch.

“I-I found them.” Kid murmurs with his head down. He yelps when Levi grabs him by the shirt, yanking him angrily.

“You found their dead bodies, and thought it was alright to steal what little they had left, as if those motherfucking Titans haven’t done enough damage already?! Were you going to do the same to me too, if I turned out dead—is that it, you bastard?!” And Levi knows it’s ridiculous to direct such resentment to someone who was just trying to survive. People do horrible things when they’re desperate. He, of all people, should know. But when he thinks about the cloak belonging to someone who could have been under his command, his responsibility—another body among a sea of others who he had led to their deaths—bile rises to his throat, and he tries to swallow it back down the way he swallows his guilt. 

Kid grips the hand fisted on his shirt, and snarls back. “Not steal!” He rips the satchel off Levi’s lap, and slams it to the ground, the contents spilling haphzardly. “These—I find! From forest. Left behind!”

Levi’s grip loosens, but the tremor still does not leave his hold. “B-but bodies.” The words make Kid’s breath hitch. “Bodies, I bury. Try to bury who I-I find. So Titans—so they do not take anymore.”

And so, Levi lets go. Rests the back of his head on the cave wall, and closes his eyes. His ears ring, like all his blood has shifted to his brain, and he feels so dizzy he wants to laugh. Because of course. _Of fucking course_ , this kid with his heart so golden he might as well kick the Sun out of its job, would go burying the dead he owed nothing to, and allow them to die with as much decency he could provide, even if doing so, he risks joining them down the grave. 

And Levi feels relieved—feels it wash over him like the gentle drizzle of summer rain—that life has not made this kid cruel. This kid who was still holding his hand, as if he were afraid that if he let go, Levi would disappear somewhere he cannot follow. His lips are bitten bloody, and his eyes are in the middle of a storm. And what a shame that was because they were so beautiful when he was happy, like the earth on the first day of spring.

Levi lifts a hand, ruffles his hair gently, and says, “Thank you, Kid.” 

And then, Kid smiles. A soft curve lift of his lips.

The clouds part. The Sun peeks.

And Levi finally sees daylight. 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been so starved of canon era fanfics because I feel like I’ve read them all. So here’s me trying to add my own twists. First things first, yes, Eren is a titan-shifter. He knows his ability. He’s survived all this time because of it, though he does the blood of the animal thing from time to time, too. His speech is stunted because he’s been out there since he was a child, and spends a lot of time in his titan form, but he’s not stupid so he’s not suddenly gonna transform in front of Levi even when he was being threatened with a knife because he knows he’ll heal from it anyway lol. But why is he even outside the wall in the first place, and who put him there, those are the questions we’ll be getting to as we progress with the story.
> 
> Please leave kudos, and comments, because season 4 is coming and I’m just so excited I need people to freak out with!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!


	2. Nuclear

In retrospect, he should have known, really.   
  
He woke up that morning with the heat of the Sun lapping his skin sloppily, like a virgin lover. His hair uncomfortably plastered on his forehead with sweat, and his blanket, normally so soothing in its soft caress, was stifling with too much warmth. The light seeping through his window was too bright, and his eyes throb in pain at the infiltration of excessive radiance. 

Years away from the Underground, and he’s still too accustomed to the dark. 

His Uncle Kenny used to say that when the Sun is at its most brilliant, it’s only because the Devil is out to play, which was absolutely fitting, because everything was going to hell, and it wasn’t even noon yet. 

* * *

There had been an unusual number of titan activity outside the Wall. Initial reports have indicated that the sudden influx had doubled the normal amount of Titans lurking about, and that had only been during the first week of observation. 

On the days that followed, the problem had only worsened. At first, they thought the Titans were getting hungrier. That as the population within the Walls increased, so did their instinct to ravage human flesh. As if there were a beacon whose light has grown, and extended farther, attracting them more, and more. But the time span was too short. Too soon, too sudden.

“ _Unless someone’s been shitting babies a hundred times per hour.”_ Levi had snorted at the theory, and Erwin had thrown him an unimpressed look at the time, given that they were sitting among high officials, where words like ‘ _shitting_ ’ were generally frowned upon. But Commander Pixis had laughed, and they all knew Levi was right to ridicule it anyway. There was no way such a sudden shift within the walls would have gone unnoticed, if ever. 

The Titans, they had eventually concluded, did not look hungry, per se. Or at least, not hungrier than they have always been. The Scouts stationed to patrol the Wall had reported instances wherein regular Titans exhibited abberant behavior, such as slamming their bodies against the wall to the point of losing limbs, until they’re nothing more than steaming piles of bloody heap, scattered all around the soil; their roars sounding like frantic cries. It was almost as if they were—frightened. Like they were running. Like they weren’t just looking for a way to break in, but a way to escape.

“ _Oh, how the tables have turned,”_ Levi had thought smugly.

With soldiers perched atop the Wall, assisting in clearing their path out by shooting the Titans prowling within range with cannons, Levi’s Special Ops Squad was tasked to find out the cause of the anomalous behavior. 

Follow the course in which the Titans were streaming from, switch to 3DMG, and camoflauge themselves within the forest. Once the source was found, return back to base. If they failed to determine the cause, return before sundown. Strictly engage battle only when necessary.

Well, seeing as Oluo was now currently in the clutches of a ten-meter Titan, Levi supposes this time was necessary as any. 

Levi fires his grappling hook towards the nearby tree, its metal claws grazing the Titan’s neck, his blade delivering the final killing blow as he whirred past. Its grip loosens enough, allowing Oluo enough space to maneuver himself to the tree branch Levi had landed on. The Titan collapses facedown the ground, and dust swirls in the air from the impact.

“Pull a stunt like that again, and you’ll be mucking the stables for a week while carrying a horse on your fucking back, is that clear?” Levi threatens.

Oluo scrambles at making a salute, thumping on his chest a bit too hard, making him choke both on fear, and his saliva,“Y-yes, Captain!”

Levi surveys the situation. There are two titans on the left. Petra is already in mid-air, blades poised to kill. She spins, delivering a blow to the abberant, then fires her hook on the larger one’s forehead. She flies with her arms crossed, blades glinting in both hands, as she slashes its entire head in one clean cut. She does look beautiful, so fierce, like this. Bravery fits her like a second skin.

“Petra! What about ‘ _Engage only when necessary’_ do you not understand?!” He yells at her, though with little venom. She’s always had the flair for the dramatics—killing titans like she’s an acrobat putting on a show, much to his annoyance.

She laughs, and yells back a ‘Sorry, Captain’ before launching herself off, even though she doesn’t really sound sorry at all. Levi shakes his head, and huffs when he notices another horde coming at them to his right. 

“Oluo, go follow Petra. Make sure she quits showing off, and doesn’t get herself eaten. I’ll catch up.”

Oluo nods, but warily eyes the incoming herd, consisting of three eight-meters. “Are you sure you won’t need help, Captain?”

Levi glares at him, and Oluo opens his mouth to speak, except he accidentally bites on his tongue again before he even gets the words out, and Levi could only let out an exasperated sigh. “Just go. And be careful,” He stresses. 

“You too, Captain.” With a resolute nod, Oluo leaves.

Levi waits for the horde to close in, replaces his blades with new ones, and snarls, “C’mon you, motherfuckers!”

The first one looms over him, its teeth clenched in a grit as it lifts a hand, rustling the canopy above, and sweeps through. Except its grip meets nothing but air, with Levi already swinging in flight, slicing through its neck before it could even react. Eight-meter ones were intimidating at first sight, but they were always slower than someone’s grandparent. 

A mouth lunges at him, so he fires at a higher tree for leverage, spins like a storm raging with violent winds, and goes for the kill. Blood splatters on his cheek from the cut, and he growls in disgust. “You ugly, son of a bitch.”

His feet spring off a tree bark, and he once again launches in the air, lifting both blades, and hurtling them at the eyes of the last one of the horde. It cries out in pain, while Levi produces a new set of weapons, and delivers a clean cut from its nape, right down the spine. 

“Tch. How filthy.” He glowers at the Titan blood staining his hand, which was now dissipating in a steam. 

He propels himself forward, quickly catching up to the rest of the team. He barks orders to lie low from now on, pointing a glare at Petra. It was better to traverse the forest on their gear, rather than risk getting accidentally stepped on while riding their horses, which was why they couldn’t expend too much of their gas on aerial battles alone.

The Titans were acting even stranger, now that he could observe them upclose, thinking back to the one Erd had been assisting Gunther earlier with. It was your average ten-meter, with its arms twisted in a strange angle, like someone had broken it in a fight; mouth carved in a permanent grin. Or at least, Levi thought it was average, until it suddenly froze mid-fight, then turned to flee, in spite of the two live humans in its audience. Erd slashes it dead before it got away.

Levi’s eyebrows connect in frustration at the memory. Year after year, the Scout Regiment’s numbers dwindle down—their dead body count not exactly the most convincing poster for recruitment— yet they still possess so little knowledge to use against these behemoths. Somehow these creatures still have the audacity to add mystery to their natures even more, as if they weren’t dangerous enough to begin with. 

The few times it happens again, the Titans actually begin screeching. Their eyes glazed as if there was some kind of horror that only they could see, before running off again to the opposite direction. It was like humanity was looking in a goddamn mirror. 

A roar rumbles far off, and the trees shake as if an earthquake had awaken. A flock of birds shrill, rattled in their flight. Even Squad Levi almost reels back in midair, caught off guard at the outcry. That was not the sound of a normal Titan. No—that was a fit of rage. A bomb in the glory of its explosion. Levi feels the tremor in his bones like an aftershock. Like he should brace himself for more—for worse. The hackles in his neck rises menacingly at the threat.

“W-what the hell was that?!” Oluo asks in surprise. 

“That—” Another roar. “—may just be what we’re looking for.” Levi pushes forward. 

* * *

Levi, given the years he’s spent serving in the Survey Corps, has seen his fair share of Abberant Titans. The air was always a bit harder to breathe in when one was around, but he blames that on the grotesque bend of their limbs, and the malicious grin they had plastered on their faces like they know something you don’t, which was insulting considering that Titans were supposed to have little to no intelligence. 

Once, he has faced off with an Abnormal the size of an Oak tree, its knees bent backward so it ran on all fours the way a spider would, with its tongue lolling out of its mouth like something straight out of a nightmare. Then there was this three-meter who was so fixated with Erwin, it ignored everyone on sight. Levi told him it probably thought Erwin’s eyebrows were its lost child, and Hange had tried convincing him to let them capture it so they can experiment whether Titans were capable of feeling attraction, rather than just plain hunger. Suffice it to say, Erwin killed that beast in a heartbeat, and refused to speak to both of them for a week. Said he’d speak to them when they were both acting like reasonable adults again.

And then there’s—whatever the hell this is.

A fifteen-meter with long, brown hair, and eyes that glow like polished jades under the heat of the Sun—but flashed like lightning born from the fury of a tempest—currently had another titan’s neck wrapped within its hand; its fingers digging through the flesh—blood trickling down its knuckles in a steady stream of smoking crimson. It lifts its fist, and slams it on the other’s head, making it splatter, reminding Levi of a tomato that’s been ran over by a carriage on a street. 

A smaller titan takes a bite off the Abnormal’s arm, ripping a good chunk of its skin. It snarls, like it’s been keeping thunder hidden within its throat. It grabs its attacker by the neck, throws it down the ground, before crushing its skull with the stomp of a foot, kicking the rest of the body away for good measure.

Another one jumps at it from behind, but before it could get any closer, the Abnormal drives a fist up its mouth—its kuckles punching with so much force that its whole hand goes through the three-meter’s skull. Tendrils of smoke slither around its body, and Levi’s skin prickles. He had never been in the face of such raw power before. 

The Abnormal flicks the remnants of gore with the shake of a wrist, chunks of flesh raining down the ground, and a sense of morbid satisfaction rumbles in Levi’s chest at the thought of Titan blood keeping the soil fed for a change. 

Petra clamps a hand on her mouth in shock, and Erd points a shaky finger at the freak show in front of them, “C-capt—“

Levi cuts him off with a sharp wave of his hand, lifting his index finger to his lips, signalling them to be quiet. He gestures for them to hide behind the respective trunks of the trees they were perched on. They all give him a nod in return, their backs pressed on the bark they hoped was enough to give them camouflage.

Then suddenly, everything was quiet. Too quiet. Levi could hear the sway of the wind rustling the slumber of leaves. The croak of insects building a home somewhere within his tree’s woods. A trickle of sweat travels down his forehead to his cheeks, and when it dropped further down, it felt like a delinquent rock had thrown the Earth off its rotation. Levi’s heart thumped like someone set a cannon loose inside his ribcage, because fuck, if that Abnormal could swat Titans a hundred times his size away like flies, then what more could it do to their bodies that would actually seem like flies in comparison. 

And the way it moved. It was fluid. Calculated. Poised, and ready to attack. Like it knew what it was doing. _Like it had intelligence_ , Levi realizes both in horror, and misplaced awe. 

Levi takes a deep breath. It could start shooting fireworks out of its ass, for all he cared, but he was not losing a squad member today. He did not wake up this morning to further stain his hands with the gushing red of another comrade’s death. He’d get his squad out of here alive, even if it meant facing a Titan with intelligence, who had just made squashed watermelons out of the heads of its previous assailants.

_Well._

_Fuck him sideways._

“Eld, watch out!” Gunther screams, and Levi swears he saw it all in slow motion—felt the way his heart lurch to his throat so vividly, that his pulse beat like a fist pounding on a door—when a two-meter leaps out of a tree, its mouth wide open as it jumped to where Eld was standing, whose jaw was hanging agape with shock. 

Levi’s body moves on autopilot. The iron wire hurls him through the air so quickly, his harness digs through his skin like a bite. He heaves a blade as if it were a boomerang, and effecively slices the grimy fingers outstretched towards Eld, which finally shakes the man out of his initial surprise. Eld fires his grappling hook, except the Titan had managed to hold on to the branch he had just been standing on, and lifts itself with one arm—eyes crazed with frantic hunger—with its mouth stretched, teeth ready to clamp down on his dangling legs.

“Eld!” Levi roars, so loud, so desperate, that the entire forest must have been shaken with it, as the scene unfolds in front of him; his arm outstretched as if they could get to Eld quicker than the rest of his body can if he just reached harder. His muscle complains in distress at the strain. And he burns with self-loathing, his insides scorched with agonizing regret, because fuck, why was he never fast enough, strong enough, when it mattered, and now Eld was going to be added in the long list of people that he failed to protect. Because he hates that he’s human—that he’s only human at a time like this. The titan’s jaws opens wider, ready to clamp down on Eld’s legs. Its teeth closing in until—

Until—

Until the Intelligent Titan suddenly snatches Eld in one hand, and grabs the other titan by the hair in another, slamming it dead on a tree. The wood looks like it’s been crying blood, and Levi was glad—so, so glad—that it wasn’t Eld’s.

No one dared to move. Even Eld who was in the Intelligent Titan’s grip was just staring at it with wide eyes, as if any sudden movement would trigger hell all over again. Levi and the rest of the squad had their blades unsheated, his palms clenched on his weapon so tightly, the indent they’re leaving almost feels permanent. A reminder of what he’s still on the verge of losing. Waiting for the next course of action was so excruciating, it was physically painful. 

The Titan stares at Eld who’s gone so pale he looked like he was about to throw up any second now. Then it shifts its line of sight, and it lands on Levi. It slightly cocks its head to the side in what appears like— _dare he say_ —curiosity. The wind fluttering its brown, matted hair curtaining the hues of green that were staring him down in what awfully felt like familiarity. The thought stirs uncomfortably in his stomach, like his intestines had been detangled and rearranged. It blinks owlishly at him, as if it were waiting for him to do something, and when he remained unmoving, steam blows out from his mouth, the way an exhale of breath would, coming from a sigh.

The squad bristles, blades hovered, and ready to attack at any sign of threat. 

Except none came.

The Titan carefully placed Eld beside Levi with a gentle hand, even using its fingers to help steady Eld on his feet. After making sure that Eld wasn’t going to fall over, the Titan stares Levi again in the eye, dips its chin in acknowledgement, then runs off, the force of its footsteps rattling the trees.

No one speaks for a good minute, the recent events not quite processing in their heads just yet. It was Oluo— _it was always fucking Oluo_ —who breaks the silence.

“Captain.”

“Shut up.”

“Captain.” He tries again, panic now rising up his throat.

“I said, shut up, Oluo—“

“But Captain—!”

Petra cuts them off with a sharp intake of breath, and an even sharper “Holy shit!”. Her hands fly to her hair, gripping the roots tightly, as she crouches down. “What the actual fuck just happened?!”

“Eld, are you alright?” Levi asks, gives him a once over, and relief immediately cascades over him like wildfire when he sees that other than his knees still shaking a bit, and a couple of scratches here and there, Eld seemed to be fine.

“I’m fine, Captain. Just—“ Eld shakes his head, at a loss for words. 

“What do we do now, Captain? That Titan, it—fuck—it totally saved our asses, didn’t it? How is that possible? It didn’t even seem interested in eating Eld, or any of us for that matter.”

“I know, Gunther. Don’t get your goddamn panties in a twist. I was there when it happened.” Levi deadpans, and Gunther mumbles an apology. He sighs, runs a hand through his hair, and tries to compose himself. He never thought he’d live to see the day he’d actually wish he brought Hange with him—they would have had a field day. 

“Here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re going to follow that Abberant, and try to capture it. But if we can’t, we have to at least see if it has a permanent habitat, gauge the terrain of its location, and bring reinforcements the next time we return. You saw how powerful that son of a bitch was, I’d be surprised if we actually captured it by ourselves. The minute it changes its mind, and decides to make lunch out of us after all, we get the fuck out of there, alright? Our priority, first and foremost, will always be to get out of here alive. At the very least, we’re not coming home empty handed. With what we just witnessed, fuck, not really. So no playing the hero, you all got it?” They all nod. “Now, if we’re all done with our little breakdown—“

Levi looks at the direction the Titan had run off to.

“Everyone, let’s go.”

“Yes, Captain!” 

* * *

Looking back, how ironic was it that he had warned his squad vehemently against playing the hero, when he was the one who had self-sacrificingly pushed Petra out of the way before a Titan got to her. That it now has him in its mouth instead. That he had feared so much for the state of Eld’s legs, considering that his own was currently being grinded in between teeth, and the right one would have been completely bitten off if he were a second too late in cutting open the bastard’s jaw. His legs feel like someone had set them on fire, and he doesn’t have the heart, nor the stomach to check the damage that’s been done. Not when he felt like a broken puppet who was literally hanging on a string.

Somewhere along chasing the Abberant they had encountered, the Universe decided that it was not quite down with bending them down, and fucking them over. Because the next horde that they ran into was an outstanding collection of eight and ten-metered ones; two of them, abnormals who were not so human-friendly as comparedd to their former green-eyed giant. 

He remembers a flurry of him barking orders. 

“Oluo, go back up Eld!”

“Gunther! Do not engage!”

“Petra, what the fuck are you doing?! Conserve your gas! Our priority is that Titan—leave these other ugly fuckers for the next time!”

“Stick to formation, or are you all just so eager to die?!”

And finally, “Don’t you dare turn back. Find that Titan! Go! Go!” Levi growls, his back faced to the rest of his squad who was looking at the two fifteen-meters before him. He sees their trembling fists placed in salute to their chests in his peripheral vision, and he almost wants to threaten them to run laps around the base as soon as they got back for looking at him with unshed tears, as if it were the last time they were going to see him. But he bites down the string of violent words, wraps them like barbed wire around his teeth, because perhaps they were not so far off from the truth. 

Erwin once told him that hell had seven levels, and now he can feel each one burning within his legs. A mixture of blood, and sweat sheens on his forehead, and he grinds his teeth in irritation, because if he was going to die, why couldn’t he die clean?

Hands dart out to make a grab for him, and he dodges—his bones traitorous as they protest his movements. 

“Alright, you sons of bitches. Let’s get this over with.” Levi unsheats his blades, and he flies.

* * *

  
_Falling was a warm hand stroking his hair, gentle fingers brushing through the strands, the way a touch is careful not to trigger ripples on water._

_Falling was the feather-like silence of a whispered murmur that enters his ears like a secret. A lullaby. The sound carried by the night, when the world is asleep, and nothing is cruel._

_Falling was looking at the sky, and seeing that it was evergreen. Innocent as the blades of grass that tickle the soles of your feet with warmth as you walk through the fields beneath the afternoon Sun. And yet, as vehement as the wilderness raging with the flames of a forest fire. Bold, and brave, and beautiful. All-consuming. Everything that he was not allowed to deserve._

_But still, he reaches out a hand. Surprisingly, it reaches back. And Levi finds that he does not mind hitting the ground this way._

Levi was startled awake by someone lightly shaking his shoulders. He hears his name being repeated, escaping with anxious breaths. His head feels heavy with the weight of a barrel of alcohol he did not drink—like someone had constructed a stable within his skull, and shoved in a thousand horses. He groans as the light from a torch pierces his eyes with no mercy. 

“L-levi,” Kid jostles him again, and he fights the urge to separate that hand from that wrist, because it was the middle of the goddamn night, even the gods—if they were real—were asleep, so unless somebody was dying, he could see no acceptable reason why he was being so unnecessarily disturbed. 

“Fuck off, Kid. What do you want?” Levi says groggily, swatting away the brunet’s hand.

“Levi was—uhm. Fighting someone in sleep? Sometimes I—me too. See bad pictures when sleep. And cry when wake. And I—“ Kid wrings his hands together, like he’d tangle them in a knot if he could. His teeth punctures his bottom lip as if his words were prisoners trying to break through their cell. “I do not—do not want Levi’s eyes to be sad.”

And wasn’t that just the biggest punch to the gut? Levi feels a sudden rush of heat flush in his cheeks, his chest tightening with a warmth that rivals the burn of freshly brewed tea. But he forces himself to shrug it off—thinks he must be running a fever, because what other explanation could there be for the way his insides feel like it’s in the middle of Summer?

“Tch. It’s called nightmares, you brat. And if you think that’s all it takes to make me cry, then I got some bad news for you. The world could end right here, right now, and the worst you’d see me be upset about is the cleanup I’d have to do after. But I suppose I’d even enjoy that, huh?” Levi snorts. 

“Levi is very brave.” Kid smiles at him, all soft like his happiness is made of clouds.

“Living in this fucked up world, it’s not like anyone’s got a choice, Kid.” Levi murmurs somberly, as he tries to sit up in spite of Kid’s protest. 

“Levi. Uhm. H-how is inside? Living in Wall?” Kid hands him a poorly-carved wooden cup, its rim mismatched in odd angles, like the handicraft of a toddler. But it has water, and Levi didn’t realize how dry his throat had been until he’s been handed a drink. He grimaces at the weird aftertaste caused by the wood, but finishes it, nonetheless.

“What do you think? You call it living, but really it’s just people trapped inside, waiting for the next Titan breach like pigs waiting for slaughter. You’ve got the army, which is divided into three main branches: The Garrison, a fancy name for drunkards. The Military Police, a bunch of ass lickers who think they’re so high and mighty for being in the direct service of the crown, but in reality, they’re all just cowards. Can’t even look over the Wall without pissing their pants. And then there’s the Scout Regiment, we’re in charge of exploration outside the Walls. Try to see if there’s still any land out that hasn’t been made Titan territory.” Levi explains. That’s probably the most number of words he’s said in one sitting, but Kid’s eyes are candles alight with such curious innocence, that Levi thinks as long as there was no other witness, then there’s probably no harm. Besides, Kid has been alone for so long, he almost feels like he owes him a conversation that wasn’t just grunts and empty threats. 

“But it’s not all that bad. I at least have a bathtub.” Levi smirks, and yet he aches at the thought of functional plumbing.

“What is bathtub?” Kid cocks his head to the side with all the purity of a child. Once again, Levi has to stomp down his anger at the culprit who had robbed this unsullied soul of living a proper life.

“It’s this thing you can fill with water, then you bathe in it. Like this cup, but big enough to fit a person.” Levi gestures to his now empty cup. He runs a hand through his hair, and groans miserably at the buildup of dirt and oil. “The things I would do for a bath right now.”

Suddenly, Kid lights up, and if he had a tail, Levi bets it would be wagging right now. “I take Levi to river!”

“What—you’re taking to me where I almost died? Going to get the job finished?” Levi rolls his eyes, but he is slightly tempted at the prospect. It wasn’t the warm, essential oiled bath he was craving, but anything that will get the grime, and filth off his skin ought to do for now.

Kid shakes his head vehemently, and his green eyes steel into a blade.”Will protect Levi.”

To be honest, Levi wanted to laugh. Not out of spite, or ridicule, but due to the fact that no one’s really dared to protect Levi, because he hasn’t needed protection since he was an infant. His body has been honed as a weapon—each muscle, each bone sharpened for years—that he carried the strength of an entire brigade within an arm alone.   
  
And yet, here was this boy, ragged and scrawny with youth, offering to protect Humanity’s Strongest; eyes ablazed, as if they were challenging danger to actually try. And Levi is both lost in a forest, and lost in those eyes.

Levi chuckles, flicking the brunet on the forehead. “I may be injured, Kid, but I can still break your bones, and hang you on a tree with a strand of hair, if I wanted to. You’re a couple of years too late to try and protect me, of all people.”

Kid grunts unhappily at his words. “River still go?” 

“You know what, fine. You’ve been yapping my ears so much, I doubt I’d get any sleep anyway.”

Kid ignores the jab, probably starting to get immuned to Levi’s aggressive use of vocabulary, and helps him stand up. Once he’s on his feet, Kid bends his knees, getting ready to pick him up, and Levi almost sees red. 

“Oi, you bastard! What the hell do you think you’re doing—you think I’m some kind of princess or some shit?!” Levi snarls, but Kid only frowns at him, and crouches down. Levi’s mouth drops agape in disbelief, and the urge to dropkick the brunet intensifies. “You’re not piggybacking me, either, asshole!”

Kid actually had the audacity to huff at him in frustration as if Levi was the one being unreasonable. “What Levi want? Levi cannot walk. I carry.” He says, like he was speaking to a child.

Levi growls, ”What I want is to not be manhandled. I am very much capable of walking, as well as committing mass murder if you insist on treating me like a cripple.”

“O-okay, okay. No more angry.” Kid lifts his hands up in surrender, and Levi eventually calms down enough to not want to elbow him on the side, when Kid wraps an arm around his shoulder, so Levi could lean on him for assistance. 

They venture out into the night, the sound of leaves crunching underneath their feet blends in the orchestra of croaking frogs, and the ringing chirp of crickets. The chill of the late breeze cools down his sweat, making it dry uncomfortably on his skin. Kid tells him that he has rarely encountered a Titan during the night, but infrequent does not mean impossible, so he brings his gear with him, and keeps his eyes peeled for any sign of threat. Hange would revive him back to life just to tease him if he actually died while trying to take a bath.

The river soon comes within his sight, and with no Titan encounter along the way, Levi sighs in relief that he seems to once again be on the good side of lady luck.

Kid helps him sit down by the shallow part of the water, careful not to submerge his injury, lest he risks irritating it. The wound had been healing steadily, but the gash was still a worrying shade of red, and an infection would be the last thing he’d want to deal with right now. 

Levi takes off his shirt, and with more help, removes his trousers, too, carefully folding them, before placing them on the ground. Kid sits down beside his leg, dampens the cloth Levi made him bring, and gently cleans his wound. 

“Oi, give that to me. You don’t have to do that.” Levi tries to take the cloth, but Kid pushes his hand away.

“Want to.” Kid insists, not looking at Levi, his focus set solely on tending to his leg. Levi eventually relents when the brunet continues to ignore his protest, and opts to scoop water with his hands, washing his face, his arms, his torso—scrubbing his skin raw with his palm until his pale complexion turned into a well-washed pink. The cold brought such a welcomed relief, along with the stillness of the night, he wishes the Sun would disregard punctuality for a day, and let the Moon rule longer. He hasn’t had peace for companion in such a long time. Then again, he can’t remember if he has ever had it at all. 

“Done!” Kid announces proudly, as he finished his ministrations. Levi slowly twists his legs, and Kid beams with his moonlight smile when he nods in approval, deeming it clean enough. 

“Thanks Kid—hey, where are you going?” He tries to turn when Kid stands up, and repositions himself behind Levi. 

“Next one.” Levi stills when Kid scoops a handful of water, and dumps it on his head. Drops trickle down his neck, then on to his back, and a different chill settles on his spine. 

“What—“ Kid shushes him, repeating the same process until his hair is drenched enough. Nimble fingers begin carding through the strands, parting them gently. Each of his tresses lathered with careful attention, and the gesture is so, so soft, he could taste the saccharine spark trailing from his scalp, all the way to the dip of his back. It settles the way a lightning strikes, and Levi’s eyes close— the night curls around the two of them, all warm breaths, and tip-toed motions.

Kid touches him like he’s washing away his sins, and Levi relishes in the pleasure of redemption. Because when was the last time anyone handled him with forgiveness?

‘ _I wish I could feel like this for the rest of my life.’_

“Levi,” His name is spoken so silently, he throbs with it.

“Mm?”

“Tell me a-about Wall.”

“I already did, earlier, didn’t I?”

He feels the brunet shake his head, “No, no. Different. Things that—that are warm. Want to— when in Wall. Want to know—what makes Levi..warm.”

Levi wants to say that the Walls know nothing but the harsh winds of Winter. That his blood runs so cold sometimes— his teeth chatter, his bones ache, his ribcage houses a windstorm—and all he is, was the aftermath of an avalanche. That it takes days to dig up what was left of him, if there’s even any. Takes even longer to banish the thought that perhaps it was better to remain buried, after all. That he wakes up feeling nothing, so he fights, and kills, and lashes until he’s filled with something, everything—anything at all.

But none of the words leave him. He keeps them sealed, folded on paper, and sets them on fire with the pretense that he’s alright. He’s survived this long so he must be. He wonders if Kid would cry for him. Cry those precious tears, until the river overflows with them. Until he drowns. Wonders how it feels for his lungs to swell with sorrow other than his own. 

The air is thick, and suddenly it is too much for him to swallow.  
  
“Well, that’s a fucking weird question.” Weird because it’s phrased all wrong. Weird because the only warmth he’s ever known was outside the walls. Selfless, and kind, and giving—always giving. Warmth was the fingertips tracing a map on his skull, untangling thoughts. Outlining his ruins, and treats them like they’re historic. Like there’s more to him than just debris. 

“Answer anyway.”

So he does.

“Candles, and blankets, and tea—lots, and lots of fucking tea. I prefer it black.”

_Blues, and greens. Hair, brown like wood, soft like leaves._

“Bleach. Tiles scrubbed white. Freshly washed sheets.”  
  
_Long, slim fingers attached to calloused hands that feel like they could smash the sky open. Still, with touches so tender, they feel like sunlight._

“Those long brooms you use to clean cobwebs up on ceilings. Soup with potatoes.”

_A tongue that stutters, but never lies._

“Mint toothpaste. Shampoo. Body scrubs—Humanity’s greatest fucking creations, I tell you.”

_Freckles bunched on the corners of high cheeks. They look like stars._

“Handknitted scarves. Brand new cutlery. Anything shiny.”

_Smiles. Smiles that stretch so wide they feel bigger than the Universe. Like they could wrap up the Earth, and take away its sadness. Smiles that look so hopeful, he believes it can._

“The sound of my mother’s laughter.”

_A boy whose heart beats so loud he becomes nuclear._

“S’good, Levi. Me too. Feel warm too.” A forehead presses on his nape. A ‘thank you’ whispered like a prayer on his skin.

For all they knew, the world could be ending tomorrow. But for now it’s enough to just belong in this moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So. I would just like to clarify, because i don’t want it to be misinterpreted, LEVI IS NOT FALLING IN LOVE. Yet.  
> You know when he was living in the Underground, then when he was allowed to go up and see the sun for the first time? That’s sort of how he is with Eren. Like, he sees light for the first time. And it’s so pure, and just really, really, bright, and all his life he’s only ever known darkness. So he doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know how to deserve it. But he still wants it because it’s like, he finally found something good. Someone that doesn’t ask anything from him. It’s not love. It’s too quick to be love. Eren just makes him feel.. human, I suppose? Like he doesn’t have to be anything but human. The world’s always treated him like a weapon, like he was never allowed to feel things so our baby’s all angsty. Then here’s this precious boy giving him baths under the moonlight. And he’s not humanity’s strongest in that moment. He’s just Levi. And he just wants a fucking bath.
> 
> Anyway, this is the longest anything I’ve ever written in my life. And also, it’s my birthday so I’d really appreciate comments, and kudos. I tried really hard to finish this today. And please, don’t be afraid to give me tips on how I could write this story better, or even just opinions on how you think this story will go. It’s always fun to trade insight. 
> 
> So, yeah. Thank you for reading!
> 
> ((The notes from the first chapter are showing below. Is that a glitch? How do I get rid of it))


	3. Bits and Pieces

Kid tries to give him the world in bits and pieces.

It comes in the form of oddly-shaped rocks that glint in silver under the white light of afternoon heat. He says he likes the color. Says they look like Levi’s eyes. Says it with a grin that brightens his face as if a thousand tiny suns have made a home on his lips. So Levi accepts them. In spite the dirt that gets under his fingers, and the traces of mud that blemishes his palm—even that one time Kid smudged the corner of his eye with soil, because he was trying to compare which rock matched his eye color the most—even then, Levi accepts them. Because Kid smiles like the five a.m. sunrise, and as he places another rock on Levi’s open hand, he hopes the sun never sets on that smile.

“They are pretty.” 

“Fucking dirty is what they are.” 

Kid finds the rocks piled next to Levi’s head where he sleeps. 

* * *

Kid tries to give him the world in bits and pieces.

It comes in the form of leaves that look like they’ve been set aflame. The orange branching out into an ombre of deep red veins. Kid sticks them on Levi’s back as he lies on his stomach, says that if he couldn’t walk, then he’d give him wings. Levi tries not to think of the fire that wakes in him at the touch. Tries to blame the burn on the unclean foliage collecting on his skin, instead of the warm breath fanning on his nape. And only now does he truly understand why it is a Titan’s weak point, because Levi feels it like a blade that he almost keels over. 

“Oi, are you done playing around?” He grumbles. Kid doesn’t give him an answer. Only pats the leaves on his back harder. “Are you planning on jabbing those things all the way to my lungs, you brat? I’m telling you, it’s not gonna stick when I stand up. And it fucking itches.”

Kid sighs, and leans back on his palms, frowning at his work. 

“The hell are you even doing anyway?”

Kid reaches for his satchel, and pulls out the cloak that almost made Levi strangle him the first day they met. He traces the outline of the Survery Corps’ insignia with a finger.

“Want to give Levi.”

“You think a bunch of weird-ass looking leaves are going to turn me into some sort of bird?” He snorts. Kid shakes his head, leaning closer. The strands of his chestnut hair brushing lightly on his shoulders, and Levi almost chokes.

“Levi—talks. Always talk like..trapped. I want—Levi to be free.” 

And you see, the first time Levi ever got stabbed, he was twelve, and the blade wedged so deep within his stomach, he swore it curled around his ribs and made a permanent home. That the knife had drove him so far out of his own skin, it was then he truly felt homeless. He had no house, and now not even a body to return to. 

The pain had been so infinite, it felt like he was born with it. He had screamed so loud the entire Underground must have shaken. Raw, and unfiltered. But unheard. Unanswered. 

Pulling the knife out felt like he was pulling his soul out along with it. Plunging it with no mercy on the neck of the bastard who had tried to rob him confirms that he might just have.

That night he returned to the alleyway he slept on, welcomed back by soiled cartons he treated as his bed. His guts spilling. His blood left like a trail on the streets, as if his body was still hoping someone would come searching for him. 

Closing his eyes made no difference. There is never light in the Underground. There’s only wishing his throat wasn’t so dry his saliva didn’t went down like cement. Only wishing he wasn’t so hungry his organs weren’t trying to digest themselves. Only wishing he wasn’t a twelve-year old boy whose intestines were almost dangling out, he thinks maybe he should just make a noose out of them, and hang himself with it.

There was only wishing someone would still come and set him free. 

And Kid looks at him—always with lashes that flutter with heavy understanding. Always like he knows more than he should. Always like he could see every inch, every crevice of his being, everything that Levi kept locked away so deep within himself, he wants to cover those viridian eyes, because these are things even Levi couldn’t stand to look at. Parts of him that he thought were so filthy he once had alcohol poisoning trying to wash them clean. 

Kid plasters one last leaf on his skin. Orders him to stay still as to not disrupt his work.

“What does it look like?” Levi asks, turning his head slightly, his eyes straining to look down on his back. 

Kid looks at him. His eyes like a bonfire in the dark. The Wings of Freedom burning hot on his spine.

“Like you could fly.”

And in that moment, Levi almost believes he could. 

* * *

Kid tries to give him the world in bits and pieces.

It comes in the form of a hand tugging insistently on his arm, forcing him awake. He opens one bleary eye, and narrows all the ice he could muster with a glare. Kid blatantly ignores his ire as he physically vibrates—continues to tug on Levi’s limbs like he’s trying to unravel a knot. Levi is tempted to drive a fist up his throat as a warning that no one gets away with disturbing his sleep unscathed, when he hardly gets enough as it is.

Levi is tempted to drive a fist up _his_ own throat when he finds that _he_ lets Kid get away with a lot of things. 

“Levi! Up! Up now!” Kid says with the urgency of a firecracker ready to blow, urging him to stand up.

“Why is it that you always insist on waking me up in the most fuck ass hours of the night, you piece of titan shit—“ He stumbles, almost planting face first down the ground as Kid drags him out of the cave, seemingly forgetting that he is still suffering from a severely heavy limp. “Slow the fuck down!” 

“Look! Look!” Kid points up. If the brunet didn’t have an arm to help steady him, Levi swears he’d be jumping up and down. “It’s raining stars!”

Levi looks up just in time for a meteor to tear through the night sky. Then comes another, and another. They pass by in seconds. Disappears as quickly as they come. And Levi wonders if all things beautiful must always be so fleeting. Like they always had somewhere else to go. He looks at the boy next to him whose warmth was seeping through his clothes all the way to his bones, and he hopes not. He hopes some of them decides to stay. Levi doesn’t want to just look back one day, and remember. 

“It’s called a meteor shower.”

“Mi-mi-ti-yor,” The syllables roll recklessly off his tongue like boulders tumblng off a cliff, the way they always do whenever Levi teaches him a new word. But he learns them like they’re treasures so that makes it okay.

“Again. Meteor.”

“Mi-chor. Meteor!” Kid repeats the word so proudly as if it was the only accomplishment to ever matter. On this night, under a blanket of stars streaking the sky silver, it may as well be.

“Good. You’re getting better.” Levi says, and is rewarded with a smile. He doesn’t need to look up to see another cosmic phenomenon.

“Is there m-meteor too inside walls?” 

“I’ve only seen them once. A couple of years back, I think? But I’m sure I was with Hange when it happened. I know because they pushed me so hard when they saw it happening I almost fell off my horse.” Levi grimaces at the memory. 

“H-hange is?” 

“They’re one of the squad leaders of the Survey Corps. Don’t let that title fool you, though. Hange is batshit crazy.” A shiver wracks through his body, whether it’s from the cold or at the thought of Hange, Levi doesn’t know.

“Tell me m-more. About people in—in walls. Levi’s f-friends?” The brunet looks at him again with that wide-eyed gaze, and he finds it hard to deny the boy anything when he stares like Levi holds the answer to the Universe.

“Well, there’s Hange, as I’ve mentioned. Aside from being the resident lunatic, they’re also a scientist, believe it or not. They conduct researches on Titans, but they treat those fuckers like puppies, I’m surprised they actually get anything done. They’ve gone one whole week without showering, and the oil build-up I’ve had to scrub off of their scalp still haunts me to this day. To hell with getting eaten by a Titan, their hygiene is enough to give me nightmares.”

To avoid any more strain on Levi’s injury, Kid has moved to sit them down, and if he feels the damp soil clinging obnoxiously on the back of his trousers, the thought is quickly dismissed by the sound of the brunet’s laughter. 

“S-seems nice.” 

“You say that now, just wait until you actually meet and they dissect you like a frog.” Levi snorts. Kid urges him to continue as he stifles his giggles with the back of his hand. And the sound is all the good Levi’s ever known in the world. 

“There’s also Erwin. Commander of the Survey Corps, also known as Commander Eyebrows. I swear those little shits have a life of their own—he probably sent them to spy on me because there is just no fucking way anyone could have been brave enough to snitch on me smuggling cleaning supplies into my room. In my defense, I’m the only one who’s competent to use them in the first place. Anyway, Erwin’s in charge of the whole thing. Unsurprisingly too, since he’s a manipulative son of a bitch. He’s only just a bit more tolerable than the rest of the higher-ups, which is why I stick around.” Levi leaves out the part that it’s really just because Erwin let him keep the cleaning supplies, so long as he only smuggles bleach every other week.

“Then there’s the Special Ops Squad. My squad. A team of elites I personally handpicked. They’re a bunch of hardheads, but they kill Titans like they’re killing flies, and they’re the only ones I’d trust with a broom. Petra’s the only girl in the group, but don’t underestimate her. She looks like the type who’d go and bake you cookies, but if you piss her off, she’d rip you a new asshole, and shove those cookies so far up your anus you’d taste them on your tongue.

Speaking of tongues, there’s Oluo, who’s one bite away from completely losing his. And there are times I just wish he would, once and for all, because as talented as he is with a blade, the man wil not shut the fuck up even at gunpoint. Eld is his complete opposite, which is exactly why he’s my second-in-command. He’s quiet, most of the time, but when he does speak, it’s usually just him reminding Oluo and Petra about the time they pissed themselves during their first expedition. _And_ _jesus fuck, I’m surrounded by animals. How disgusting_. And lastly, there’s Gunther, who has a stick so far up his ass sometimes, I actually wonder why people call _me_ the uptight one. But then again, he did manage to kill a Titan with a tree branch once, so I guess that’s his redeeming quality.” Levi smirks. 

He doesn’t realize how much he’s been talking until he has to clear his throat, not used to such an easy flow of words, he almost wants to cover his mouth. Because that’s the thing. It’s so easy. Everything is just suddenly so goddamn easy. With the way Kid looks at him with that Viridian twinkle in his eyes, and Levi is just talking, and talking, until his words are spilling like a knocked over bottle of wine, and Kid soaks them all up. Doesn’t mind that his words are crass, and bitter. Doesn’t mind that they’ll leave a stain. Just that they’re Levi’s. And because they’re Levi’s, they’re important. 

Then he leans his head on Levi’s shoulder. Does it like it’s the easiest goddamn thing in the world, too. Like he’s done it a thousand times, and plans to do it a thousand more. And suddenly Levi’s pulse point has shifted, and his shoulder is throbbing into one big bruise. He doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know where to start. Doesn’t know where to put his hands. Hair tickles the side of his neck, and the Universe narrows down into that singular feeling. He wants to keep it in a glass jar, and put it on top of the highest shelf where no horror in the world could ever reach it. 

“Levi sounds h-happy. When talk about them. Me am also happy—when Levi is.” Kid says it so quietly he sounds like he’s putting a child to sleep. And Levi looks at the sky—how big it is all of a sudden—wonders how it could ever overlook a life so cruel, when there are things that could feel so infinite like this.   
  
“I suppose that’s good. You’ve been through so much bullshit, you can have all the happiness for the both of us, Kid.” He peeks at Levi through his lashes, and all the warmth in his body moves to the spot the brunet’s eyes fixate at. “Now that you’ve brought them up, they all probably think I’m dead. I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they find out I’m not—They’re gonna be so fucking pissed. Those herbs you’ve been sticking on my wounds have been working well, so I guess I’ll only need a couple more weeks—probably two—until I’m good to go back. I don’t need my leg fully recovered, I just need to be able to walk like I don’t have shit in my pants.”

“Levi?”

“Mm?”

“W-when you come back…”

“Yeah?”

“Inside w-wall..”

“What?”

“W-will you—“

“Just spit it out—“

“Will you t-take me with y-you?”

Oh.

_Oh._

Fuck everyone who ever told Levi that he was heartless, because he can feel his heart shatter in his chest with the sound of breaking glass. His ribcage cracks like porcelain, as he stares at the boy whose head was still on his shoulders, his eyes now closed, and Levi wishes they weren’t so he could see the earthquake shaking underneath those eyelids, so he could see that Levi is trembling with words he doesn’t know how to say, and he just wants to make it better.

And he asks in a voice so small, Levi could fit his fear in the palm of his hand.   
  
Because of all the stupid things to think about, he actually thought Levi was going to leave him behind. That Levi would walk through those gates, enter those walls, and actually be physically capable to stomach the thought of never seeing the forest come alive in those too-big eyes again. Of never hearing that laugh that sounds like the only salvation left in this wasteland full of blood, and loss—where fallen walls meant the end of the world. 

And Levi—he just wants more. Wants more mornings where he wakes up with a head digging uncomfortably on his back, chestnut hair all over. Wants more spelling games where Kid insists that _apple_ should be spelled _afall_ because they fall from trees. Wants more nights where they trade dreams like they’re secrets—whispered so silent as if they might get caught. How Kid once told him he wants to be the first man to walk on the Moon, and Levi told him he was ridiculous, even though on the back of his throat were the words _“I believe you can be.”_

Levi wants more of this. The silence of just sitting together, and exisiting.

“Of course I’m taking you with me, idiot. The Walls know you’d stop taking baths if I’m not there to kick your filthy ass over it.” Levi says. With words that are crass, and bitter. With words that will leave a stain. With words he knows Kid will understand.

_As if I could ever leave you behind._

“Y-yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ll even teach you how to play chess.”

_As if I could ever look at the Moon again, and not help you reach it._

“I-I would like that.”

“Mm.”

 _Me too._

* * *

Kid tries to give him the world in bits and pieces.

It comes in the form of having something to lose. 

“Levi. Will hunt. Back later,” Kid says, releasing a blade from Levi’s gear. 

“Oi, who says you can take that? I really ought to teach you some manners.” Levi scoffs as he lifts himself up, using the cave wall as leverage. Kid immediately comes at his aid, wrapping a secure arm around his waist. “And I’m coming with you. Can’t have you prancing around like a baby chick, just waiting for a Titan to swallow you whole.”

Kid frowns at him, and sighs the way a child would begin whining that they’re old enough for things they think they’re ready for. “Levi. Lived alone. Survived alone—for years.”

Levi cocks an eyebrow sharply, “Your point?”

“Can do it. You rest.”

“I need to stretch my legs, and you need supervision. If you don’t like it, then I suggest you bring out the fireweed for the hundredth time we’re having it for lunch” Levi crosses his arm challengingly, while Kid grimaces at the thought of having more wildflowers for meals. 

Hunting for them usually meant traps for rabbits, and squirrels where they don’t need to venture far off from the cave, but Kid was growing concern that Levi was starting to look thinner, and argued the necessity of a more sufficient kill.

“Levi,” Kid says his name in exasperation as if it was going to be enough to make him concede. 

“It’s either I come with you, or we both stay here. Neither options are up for further negotiation.”

Kid sighs, lifting his hands in surrender, “Okay, okay,” He throws a pointed look at Levi’s gear, “Bring this?”

“As if I’d go out without it.” Levi rolls his eyes, tugging on the brunet’s arm to help him move forward to the corner where his gear was lying, so pitifully unused. 

“Try to n-not use it. Levi still hurt.” Kid kneels down, assisting him with the straps. He runs an examining finger on Levi’s leg, brows furrowed deeper.

“It’s fine, Kid. You’re such a mother hen—you gonna start laying eggs now?”

“Worried.” Kid grumbles, carefully securing a strap on his thigh.

Levi hates it when he gets like this. Hates the shadow of doubt that takes over his face in place of his usual zeal. But then that just makes him a hypocrite, since the reason why he’s been so adamant on going out even when his leg is dead weight is because he’s worried too. 

He sighs, and gently nudges Kid with a foot, “I’ll be fine. It doesn’t even hurt that much anymore.”

Kid stands up once they’re both done fastening on the gear on Levi’s body. The brunet takes Levi’s arm, puts it around his shoulder, as his hand makes its way back to Levi’s waist. He says nothing. Only leads them out the cave slowly.

“Hey, listen to me,” Kid looks at him, his mouth still pressed in a thin line. “If we see a Titan, you run. If it sees us, you run. You let me handle it, and you run, and you don’t look back, understand?”

Kid’s mouth parts in disbelief, as if he couldn’t believe these were actual words that were coming out of Levi’s lips. He looks at Levi like he wants to shove those words right back his throat, and never let them pass his mouth again. Kid doesn’t respond. Only glares at Levi like he’s about to punch him if he says anything more.

“Oi, Kid, tell me you understand.” Levi growls, yanking the collar of his shirt. Kid pushes off his hand, and continues to walk, eyes peeled for any strange movement. 

It doesn’t take very long until Levi’s fuse goes off, because this is the kind of violent silence that makes him want to grind a foot down someone’s neck. “Do you not hear me talking to you, you son of a bitch?” Levi grinds his teeth so hard the inside of his mouth feels like a machine that’s beginning to malfunction.

Kid only glares at him sharper, “Will not run. Not leave Levi,” and in a voice he thought Levi wouldn’t hear, “Would rather die,” He spits into the wind.

This time Levi’s fist curls so tight on his shirt he almost rips it, “This is not the place for you, and your stubborn ass. You do not get to decide if you’ll die for me, you hear me? If I tell you to do something, you do it without question. Because between the two of us, I’m the only one who knows what the fuck they’re doing. I don’t give two shits if you don’t like it, but you _will_ obey my orders—“

“Not your soldier!” 

“The hell you’re not! Because if you were, I’d be cutting off those good-for-nothing ears since you’re too much of an idiot to actually use them and listen!”

“Levi is idiot! Can take care of m-myself!”

“That’s what everyone says until two seconds later when they’re being chewed on by a Titan like they’re fucking gum!”

“J-just go back to cave! Not need you here.”

Levi scoffs, and he feels the acid on his tongue, the poison in his words. He wants to say he knows what’s best. _You’ve done enough. You’ve done too much. Just Let me keep you safe._ Instead he snarls, “You’re useless alive. What good are you to me dead?!”

Kid flinches, and the forest dies within his eyes, replaced by the telltale signs of a storm brewing. Levi doesn’t have the time to brace for rain when he hears a twig snap. The air heavy with the stench of blood and sulfur. 

In quick, instinctual coordination of limbs, he pulls Kid behind the cover of the nearest tree. Fifty-feet away was a four-meter Titan. The ends of its blonde hair matted with either mud, or the blood of another unfortunate victim. Mouth wide in a grotesque grin, its teeth chipped, gums almost black. 

Levi tightens his grip on Kid’s wrist, so much he’s afraid they’d snap. But he doesn’t let go. Because Kid is a kite. He soars through strong winds, but if Levi loses his hold, he’ll fall. And he doesn’t have the heart to see the Sun crash to the ground. Not like this. Not if he could help it. 

Levi sees his intent. Sees the way Kid’s fingers curl around his blade like a snake. The way his eyes burn like he’s the predator instead of the prey. Levi doesn’t want to watch the tables turn. He tugs on the brunet’s arm lightly, trying to get his attention. He shakes his head, desperate to get his point across. But Kid just smiles. All soft, and sweet like death isn’t waiting in the corner. He mouths “It’s okay” like he means it. Like it’s alright for Levi to believe it. 

Levi gnaws so deep on his lips he feels as if he’s digging a grave with his teeth. He still has Kid’s arm in a deathgrip, but the brunet runs his free hand smoothly on the back of his, soothing to pry his fingers open. He gently places his forehead on Levi’s, before leaning back, placing a finger on his lips.

Levi mouths _“No,” “Don’t.”_

Kid turns his back on him before he could say _“Please.”_

He hears it like gunshots, the way the leaves crunch underneath Kid’s feet. He watches in horror as the brunet slices his palm open, as he goes farther, and farther away from Levi’s reach. The blood gushes, streams like a waterfall. Wasn’t it just a few nights ago that they were watching stars fall? How did they get here where it’s Kid’s blood dropping on the ground, the way sand drops inside an hourglass where time knows nothing but to run out?

The Titan twitches in interest at the scent of open flesh. Its eyes lock on him, and the ground rattles at its frenzied rampage. It begins running on all fours, tongue lolling out. But Kid just stands there, blood still dripping, blade tucked tightly in his palm. And a scream bubbles inside Levi’s throat when the Titan sweeps a hand, but Kid uses it as leverage to jump close enough to swipe a cut across its eyes. It lets out a garbled cry, waving its limbs blindly as steam rises on its wound. Kid cuts off one flailing hand, and then the other, its chin slamming on the ground, losing balance. He circles around its convulsing body, hauls his weight up, and quickly locates its nape. But before he could slice it clean, the Titan rolls over, the sudden movement throwing off the brunet, and his body slams on a nearby tree.

Levi feels the impact like a punch to the gut. He sees the blood trickling down Kid’s forehead, his teeth clenched in pain. His eyes are shut, and fear ripples in his spine as the image of them open, yet unseeing flashes through his mind. The forest with the lights out. 

And Levi’s vision bleeds red. Adrenaline pumps through his veins. He doesn’t care that his wound is raging along with him. Doesn’t care if it bursts wide open. Doesn’t care if it swallows him whole. The Titan crawls to where Kid’s body has fallen, mouth wide open, its saliva leaking a trail.

Levi fires a grappling hook on the tree that braced the brunet’s landing. His sockets are burning behind his eyes, the muscles in his legs feel like they’re unraveling in between the seconds it took to fly through the distance separating him from the teeth preparing to clamp down on the one good thing Levi’s managed to find.

“Die!” He snarls, as his hooks release, and he spins, swiping down his blade like a reaper. The Titan collapses in a heavy thud, steam curling around its carcass. He grits his teeth at the pain that shoots up his limbs when he lands. 

“Oi, Kid—Wake up. Fuck. Fuck!” Levi gathers him in his arms, his hand trembles as he taps his face awake.

“Levi? S’that you?” Kid mumbles groggily, rubbing a hand on his eyes, trying to brush of the dizziness.

“Can you stand? What were you thinking?! Fuck—I can’t believe—!” 

When they get back in the cave, it takes everything in Levi not to slam him on the wall.

“Levi—“

“Shut up,” Levi hisses, “Shut up. You do not get to talk. You do not get to explain. Because there is absolutely nothing you can say to justify that shit show you just did!”

Kid tries to grab the hem of his shirt, but Levi shoves his hand away. “Don’t touch me!”

And the thing is, Levi knows. Beneath the anger swirling in his chest like a tornado ready to destroy everything in its wake, he knows Kid meant well. Was only trying to protect him, the way Levi’s only trying to protect him, too. But above Kid’s eye was a purple bruise in bloom, a streak of dry blood trailing from his forehead, down his jaw. And Levi hates that they’re remnants of an almost death. Of what he almost lost. Because how could death dare and lay claim on the boy who is everything so much larger than life? And how could Levi almost let it?

“Why couldn’t you just listen, and stay where I could keep you safe?!”

“Levi,” Kid takes his hand, and he almost pushes him away again, but the brunet places Levi’s palm on his cheek. Skin flushed. Still warm. He gives Levi a smile that was so alive, his breath hitches, and he didn’t dare blink. Afraid of all the things he might miss if he did. He smiles with his heart on the corner of his mouth, and was Levi so wrong for wanting to always keep it beating?

“it is okay now. I-I’m here, Levi. I’m here.”

And for now that’s enough.

“Yeah, you’re here. I got you.”

Kid tries to give him the world in bits and pieces. Levi will return it to him whole. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is basically just
> 
> Eren:*is all cute and adorable*  
> Levi:*feels warm and gooey on the inside*  
> Also Levi:...it must be indigestion
> 
> It’s a slow burn, because these two idiots are so slow that eventually we’d all just want to burn something down hahaha This chapter was supposed to be up much sooner, but I was rewatching AOT, and idk what happened lmao So basically, I’m giving you as much fluff as I can because I’m planning on retuning them to the walls soon, and it’s not even a spoiler when I say that’s when all hell breaks loose. 
> 
> And also, did anyone think Eren was going to transform when he sliced his palm? That was really just him being extra, and about the wounds, like, if Levi might get suspicious about them healing too soon? You know how Eren can concentrate on healing parts of him more quickly? I’m thinking it can go the other way around. If he concentrates enough, he can slow down the healing process or something like that.
> 
> By the way, any guesses on how Eren's real name is revealed? I can't wait until I don't have to refer to him as Kid anymore hahaha
> 
> As always, thank you for all your kind words! I hope everyone keeps reading, and I would absolutely love it if you tell me what you think about this chapter. Have a great day!


	4. Airborne

Nothing within this night is the way it should be. 

Levi jolts awake with an arm smacking him on the head. A knee digging on the curve of his back, as if it's trying to merge with his spine. His hand instinctually reaches for the dagger he keeps strapped on his leg when he sleeps—brain on high alert at the possibility of an intruder. 

Except the body thrashing beside him belongs to anyone but a stranger. The ends of his hair are coiling around his neck like a snare strangling its prey. His breath moves in and out of his lips through stuttered, desperate gasps—mouth reaching for the next inhale like it’s the last. His hands quiver as they curl into fists. The bones of his fingers rattling in an aftershock. 

Levi pulls him onto his lap, and tries to shake him awake. “Kid—hey! What’s happening? Wake up! Oi!” Levi pushes his eyelids open, the amber glow of the torchlit fire only serving to make his irises look like corpses burning on a pyre. Eyes glazed as if his body is the only thing that’s here. The rest of him off to somewhere Levi can’t reach. Stuck in a battle Levi cannot fight for him. He lets out a cry that leaves his throat like jagged glass, and that’s how Levi knows he’s losing. 

“This isn’t funny—Fuck! C’mon, Kid, snap out of it!” Levi snarls, slapping Kid’s face with the back of his hand. The brunet shoots up, startled into consciousness, but he is not yet whole. Parts of him still left behind a place Levi can’t see. He is looking around frantically. Head whipping left and right. The hackles on his neck raised like a cornered animal’s. 

Levi cups his face within firm palms in the hopes of dragging him back. He levels his eyes with Kid’s frightened ones to replace the nightmare still in his vision with someone that isn’t an enemy. “Look at me—Hey, hey. Look at me, Kid. It’s Levi. See? It’s me. It’s just me.” He murmurs, soothingly rubbing his thumbs on the tiny freckles sitting on the brunet’s cheeks. It doesn’t take long until he’s brushing away tears. 

“L-levi? Where—what is g-going on? I h-have to—Levi, m-my mom, she—!” At the mention of his mother, Kid draws a breath so sharp it must have cut his lungs, and Levi witnesses how a star dies. 

“A Titan,” He says, the quiver in his voice enough to shake the entire earth until it splits in two, “My mom. Eaten. Was eaten by a T-titan.” 

Levi doesn’t let him say another word. Levi pulls him—gathers him so quickly in his arms, afraid that if he doesn’t move fast enough, Kid will drift so far away from himself, he could never come back whole. Levi would never forgive himself if he lets the Sun return as a candle. Light so easily extinguished. So easily gone. Wasn’t it just yesterday when his eyes alone could burn cities to the ground?

Kid buries his face on Levi’s neck. Levi wraps his arms around him tighter. 

“S-she—I don’t—! I c-couldn’t! I couldn’t help her!” Kid cries the way a thunderstorm hits. All gray clouds, as if the entire world is in mourning. “I w-was there! But I couldn’t—!” 

Kid’s words are swallowed by hiccups. And Levi hates the broken sound. Hates the way Kid’s fingers, and limbs, and mouth, and eyes are all suddenly just pieces in Levi’s arms, when he used to wonder how a heart so big could fit inside a body. How do you put back together someone life itself couldn’t contain?   
Kid is still shaking like he can’t bear to be in his own skin. And Levi is still holding him to make sure he does. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Kid.” Levi whispers into his hair. Because—fuck—he is. He is. _Sorry I let the nightmares get to you first. Sorry I wasn’t there. Sorry you’ve been alone all this time. Sorry if there are wars you still have to fight alone now. Let me fix it. Let go. Let me try._

Tonight, Levi is not a soldier. He is not a man. He is just an apology. 

Kid is so close, his warmth bleeding through Levi’s pulse—his neck, his lungs. Through every artery, every vein. Leaving a trace all throughout Levi’s everything, that if Kid ever comes up as a missing person, the first place anyone would look is inside Levi’s ribcage. 

“K-kill them.” He growls into Levi’s collar bone. “I’ll kill them all! I’m going to d-drive them out—every last one of them from this world!“ Another sob cracks through his teeth, his grip tightening on Levi’s shirt. He lifts up his head, a stray teardrop remains perched on his lashes, the way the sky cradles the rain before it floods the earth. He wipes it away. Levi wants to rip out his sadness, and hurl it at the Universe. It has no business trying to belong here. 

“Levi,” He cries. Shakes. “Who am I?”

Something snaps, and rips through Levi’s chest like a whip. His heart is somewhere on the floor. Somewhere on his feet. Somewhere in the hands of a boy whose own heart has swallowed Levi whole.

“Listen to me,” He grabs the back of Kid’s neck, placing their foreheads together. Hopes he can make him see that he’s reflected in Levi’s eyes, the way water reflects the sky. Vast, and infinite, and bright, and unreachable. But Levi will extend a hand anyway. “Your name is Kid, yeah? It’s the most shitass name in the Universe, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking for giving it to you, and what the hell you were thinking for actually accepting it. But you know what, that’s okay. That’s okay, because you’re the biggest fucking brat I’ve ever known. Hell, you keep eating plants that look like someone’s already spat them out, and you do it without even checking if it’s poisoned first, no matter how many goddamn times I warn you. I have no idea how you’ve lasted this long. Seriously. My god. And you snore. Fuck. You snore like your mouth is made out of a chainsaw. You’re lucky I don’t have a pillow, because I swear I would have smothered you with it by now. And I know we’re living in a fucking cave, but must you track mud all over the place, or are you really just into being a neanderthal?

But you—you like ladybugs. You think worms are snakes that didn’t have enough to eat so they didn’t grow, and so they make you sad. You like sticking your tongue out when it rains, even though it’s fucking disgusting. But you know what really makes you weird? It’s the way you don’t think twice about helping out a stranger who’s already put a knife to your throat. You also sneak portions of your own food into mine when you think I’m not looking. You have no self-preservation, but you’re kind, and good. You’re so, so good. And you know what else? You’re going to be the first man on the Moon. You will be, because you told me so. And I believe it’s possible, if it’s you. Because you’ve always been so much more than this world. Greater than the Titans, bigger than all the walls combined. You’re not what you can’t remember. You are not your regrets. You’re just—fuck—you’re just you. Your name is Kid. And you’re the bravest fucking person I know. Remember that.”

The rest of the night is just their breathing. Fingers tangled on shirts. Faces buried on chests. Arms around bodies. Sadness still sits in a corner. The world is still out there. There is still so much they don’t know. But for now, they’ve managed to stop drowning. Right this moment, they’re unsinkable. 

* * *

Kid is sitting just outside of the cave, shoulders hunched, mouth pressed into a line so thin as if he’s afraid of the words that will spill if he opens them. He’s been twirling a pebble in between his fingers for the past half hour, eyes staring blankly off into space. He looks like the last man on Earth. 

Levi sighs, and sits next to him. “So. You want to talk about last night?”

Kid drops the pebble. He stares at Levi so hard, like he’s trying to commit him into his memory. Like it’s about to be the only place he’d see him again. Levi’s stomach clenches painfully at the feeling that half of him has already left. He’s here, but it feels like Levi hasn’t seen him in a long time. The Sun is so high up, but his eyes are still in the middle of the night.

Kid shrugs, and picks up another pebble. Levi snatches it, and flings it off to a tree, before he can begin twirling it again. The hit sounded like the elephant in the room they’ve been dancing around on has been shot. The brunet glares at him, but Levi has years over him to hone his eyes sharper. Levi’s eyes are nothing if not layers of steel. “Let me rephrase that. You want to talk about last night, or am I going to have to pull it off your tongue?”

“D-do I have to?” Levi hates that it’s his voice. His eyes. But they’re all so empty like a shadow. Like he went away last night, and something different came back. Levi has to squint just to make sure he’s still there. 

“Yes, you do. Because if you don’t let that out, it will fester until it eats you on the inside, and you’re no good as a fucking corpse. So if I have to carve it out of you, don’t think for a damn second that I won’t.”

Kid sighs so heavily it’s as if he’s been keeping that breath wedged in between his teeth all morning. “Not very clear. J-just my mom she—“ 

“Slowly. Gather your thoughts slowly. I’m not going anywhere.”

Kid takes another deep breath, “Titan. B-big, big Titan. Took her. Ate her.”

“Do you remember where you were that time? Was it inside the Walls?”

“The Titan took her. She was, uhm, under r-rocks, and c-coll—I don’t know w-what to call. But blood. Lots, and lots of b-blood. And s-screams. I-I tried—L-Levi I don’t—Please n-no more.” His fingers coil on the roots of his hair. The veins on his hands stick out, the bones of his knuckles stretching his skin as if they’re trying to break free from their confines. Levi doesn’t know if he’s pulling the memories out of his head, or pushing them back in. Because Levi knows nightmares don’t remain in sleep. They can be physical. And no one ever wants to see the things that haunt them at night roam freely under daylight.

Levi wraps his hands around the brunet’s wrist. Slowly pulling them away, until they’re twitching in Levi’s hold like dying snakes. “Hey—hey. Kid. Breathe, okay? Can you do that for me? C’mon, Kid. In and out. Come on. I’m here.” 

And he does. He breathes, and shakes, and his eyes are brewing another storm. And the Earth is colliding with another planet. The Sun’s lights are off. The snow is so bloody red that it’s black. The sky has crashed. The apocalypse is a boy. Everything is wrong. And Levi just wants to take him to a place where nothing hurts. Where he can say that things will be okay, and mean them.

But he can’t. And they’re sitting here, lost in a forest, breathing air that he can’t even guarantee they’ll still breathe later—tomorrow. _And he just fucking can’t._

“Don’t look at the Titan. Don’t look at your—your mother. Tell me what’s around you. Trees, buildings, houses?”

“Uhm, h-house, I think. Lots of other h-houses. But everything is—gone. Fall. In pieces.”

“Okay. Okay, good. So you’re not out here in the forest. There are houses, but they’ve collapsed.”

“Y-yes. My mom—she. She is u-under.” Kid’s eyes glaze like Levi is about to lose him again, so he holds his hand tighter. Tries to keep him grounded. Tries to keep him steady. Tries to keep—him. Keep him. Just tries to keep him.

“I’ll assume that she was stuck underneath the rubble of your house? But she was still alive then? The collapse—it’s not what—“

“No. Not what killed her. Titan did.” Kid’s hands fall limp in Levi’s hold. People say that the eyes are the window to the soul. But now Levi sees nothing but shattered glass, and the curtains all closed. “I—I was trying to go to her. But—I couldn’t. Too late. Was too late.”

Levi gnaws on his lips so hard that he draws blood. He wants to take his blades, set out against the Universe, and make it scream. Everyone always says he was the maddest person in the room, and now he wants nothing more than to prove them right.

“Stay with me, Kid.” Levi lightly taps his fingers to the brunet’s cheek. “I know this is hard for you, and—fuck, really, I’m—I’m sorry. But we have to keep going, do you understand?”

Kid only answers him with a nod, like it’s the only thing left his body is allowing him strength to do. 

“Alright. Now. Was anyone with you when it happened? How about your father?”

Kid freezes for a second as if his heart tumbled and skidded through a beat. But all he does is shake his head. “N-no. I’m not—I’m not sure. Images not clear. I was alone, I-I think?”

“Hey, it’s okay. We don’t have to figure everything out right now.” Levi licks his lips. They still taste like blood. “At least we’re right about you not living in this forest your whole life. We still don’t know how you got here—Maybe—maybe with all the chaos? I don’t know. How did a Titan even—“ 

He remembers the carnage. How the pavement, the walls—entire towns painted red with slaughter. There were more limbs scattered on the ground than people who were still breathing. So many arms, and legs. No one could tell which was whose. You could build a new body altogether. The sky was a blanket of charcoal, with crows circling, and tendrils of thick, black smoke swirling in the air like a signal: ‘Another death here.’

That day humanity was reminded just how miniscule—how helpless— it was in the grander scheme of things. 

“Kid, I think you were there.”

“Huh? W-where?” 

“The first time the Walls had been breached in a hundred years. The day Wall Maria fell.”

* * *

  
Levi refuses to waste anymore time. He took Kid’s satchel. Shoved all the pretty stones, and leaves, and trinkets that the brunet has collected during the past couple of weeks inside it, before tossing it to him. Kid startles, holding the bag haphazardly, careful not to let its contents spill. 

“W-what? Levi?” He looks up at Levi questioningly. Frowning at him as Levi strides to his gear, fastening the straps, and buckles with deft fingers. “What is going on?”

“We’re leaving, that’s what. The Sun is down. The Titans are asleep. How many days until we reach the Wall? We’ll cover as much ground as we can during nighttime. We can find another cave along the way before daylight breaks. If not, we stay up the trees, and hide. As much as I’d like to kill every last one of those fuckers, I’m getting low on gas, and we need it to climb over the Wall. We can’t exactly knock on the gates like were fucking selling cookies, can we?”

Kid scrambles up at that, accidentally dropping down his bag, as he tries to stop Levi from finishing to put on his gear. “W-we can’t! Not yet. Levi’s leg is—“

“—Fine. It’s so motherfucking fine I can gouge your eyeballs out with a toe. Now you can either hurry your ass up and gather whatever shit you need, or would you rather you meet my foot face to face first?” Levi growls, slapping away the hand gripping his belt buckle. 

“B-but! Plans! We have no plans!”

“Are you deaf? Did you not hear a word I just said?”

“But why so soon?” Kid asks dejectedly, hands twitching like he doesn’t know where to put them.

“Look, Kid. As much fun as it was playing house with you, we can’t stay here. We’ve already wasted enough time as it is. It doesn’t matter how long we wait, because those fucking Titans are still out there, and the longer we stay here, the more chances that they find us and makes toothpicks out of our bones, before we even get a step out this goddamn cave.” Kid still looks at him unconvinced, eyebrows furrowed. Levi sighs, and runs a hand through his hair. “And you know I’m not letting that happen until we figure out how to get you your memories back, or get you reunited with your family if—Some of them could still be looking for you. Maybe your dad, maybe you have a sister—I don’t know. And neither of us ever will if we stay here. Now are you fucking coming, or not?”

“F-from here to the Wall. Three days. Will take us at least five if—if only go at night.”

“Tch. Five, huh?” Levi unsheathes a blade, his eyes, a sharp reflection on the steel. “We better get moving, then.”

Before Levi could take another step, Kid grips a hand on his wrist. His touch is boiling. “What are you doing? We don’t have time for this—“

“Levi. We step out there. You. Me. Equals. Never say ‘run’ o-or leave you. I won’t. We go back together. Or not at all. Rely on me too.” 

Levi feels it so heavily. All the warnings, and the cautions about moths and flames, and wings flying too close to the Sun, are ringing in his ears like gunfire. But they’re too late. Fire has already swollen in his chest, licking inside his skin, his blood is gasoline, and his lungs have turned to ashes. But he’s never felt so alive. Burning in someone’s touch, under someone’s gaze like this.

* * *

  
“Oi, brat. Stay close. Don’t go wandering off on your own, you hear me?” Levi hisses into the night. His fingers twitch, hovers above his blade at every leaf flattening under his foot, every pebble he kicks, every owl hooting as if it’s signalling to the enemies where they are. Traversing the woods at night has always been the bane of his existence. Now he has to do it with no supplies, gas verging on empty, a limp he’s been trying to hide like a mistress, and a boy who’s gotten so deep under his skin, it feels like he’s grown another limb. 

“Calm down, Levi. Titans sleep at night. Those awake are, uhm, not so i-intelligent?” Kid says with a shrug, and all Levi wants to do is swing a fist at his jaw because of his nonchalance. Levi knows he’s spent years—not just surviving—but actually living within this Titan-infested forest, but he’s walking like he’s on a fucking stroll, it’s ridiculous. 

“Do you know what you and every other person who got eaten by a Titan have in common? You’re all idiots who got too fucking complacent, that’s what. I don’t care if those assholes turn into a puppy when the Sun goes down. Those things still have teeth, and if they have teeth, they can eat you, and if they eat you, you’re going back inside the goddam wall as a fucking chewed-off limb.”

Kid only rolls his eyes at his tirade, and Levi feels a vein in his forehead explode. “Levi thinks too much.”

“That’s because between the two of us, I’m the only one who has a fucking brain.” Levi snarls. Kid kicks off a pebble in his direction, and it bounces off his boot. “Once all this is over, I’m going to make you lick every damn dirt on this shoe.”

“If it makes Levi feel better, we can use blood? You know, I said before? Makes Titan smell wrong.” He says it so innocently like he’s offering Levi a sandwich, it makes it all the more annoying. 

“Oh no, you little shit. That’s not happening until we’re really, really desperate. I haven’t had a decent bath in so long, you think I’d willingly roll over animal filth? No, thanks. I’ll take my chances.”

Kid smothers a laugh on the back of his hand, and Levi wants to smother his face with a blanket. It does put him at ease, somewhat, to see the light back in his eyes. 

“Hey, Levi.”

“Mm?”

“Want to see me be right?”

“The fuck are you talking about?”

Before Levi could raise an eyebrow at him, Kid takes off, and runs. “Oi! Shit—get back here!” Levi hisses, trying to level his voice as to not attract any attention. But Kid is galloping around like a horse, all long limbs, and carelessness. Levi has half a mind to tackle him to the ground. 

“What the actual fuck—“

Kid grabs his hand, and grins. The look of someone who’s up to no good. “Does Levi trust me?”

“Levi is going to fucking break your neck if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on!” He growls. But Kid’s smile only gets wider, like Levi could replace his teeth with stars. 

“Want to show you s-something. But promise you are calm, okay?”

“Do I fucking look like I’m calm to you?!”

“Levi,” Kid says with the audacity to be exasperated, when he’s the one who’s been trying to give Levi a heart attack, running off into the dark like that.

“Fuck you. Whatever, fine.” He waves a hand in defeat. 

Kid is leading, still holding him by the hand as if he doesn’t trust Levi to follow. And he wants to laugh. The kind of laugh where nothing is funny, but everything is ridiculous. Because they’re holding hands under the moonlight, and Levi doesn’t know where they’re going. But his feet are walking one after the other, the way they paddle underwater. Automatic, and on instinct. And Kid looks at him with the Moon, and the stars, and the entire fucking sky in his eyes, and Levi wonders if it’s actually possible to drown above ground. 

“You ready?” He whispers. Levi nods. Kid points to a tree, and maybe it’s the way its branches look like broken limbs that makes it look strange, or the minimal light that gives the brown of its trunk a sickly pallor, and its leaves really could have seen better days.

Or maybe it’s the motherfucking five-meter Titan leaning against it, staring straight into Levi, that makes him really jump back, his blades ready to slice.

“Wait! Wait! Levi, stop—“ Kid starts flailing his hands, and Levi is going to lock him in a goddamn dungeon when they get back to HQ.

“What do you mean stop—are you blind?! Don’t get too close to it—what the hell are you doing?!” 

Kid gives up on placating him, and walks over to the Titan, standing right below its mouth. And Levi’s heart is a wardrum banging on his chest, because Kid is all soft, warm flesh. So easily breakable. And he’s standing under a fucking Titan of all places.

“Levi, it’s okay! Look!” Kid presses a hand against the Titan’s gut, but it doesn’t so much as twitch, while Levi’s soul, however, is about to separate from his body. 

“You have ten seconds to explain what the fuck is happening before I rip that Titan open, and stuff you inside it myself.” He grits his teeth, his hands itching to slice his blade into something. 

“Told you. Titans sleep at night. Looks awake, but not. See the eyes?” Levi’s glare follows Kid’s pointer finger. “Veins very red, right? The more red, the more asleep. Senses weaker. Titans cannot smell, and see without sunlight. And unless, make them bleed, Titans do not feel touch.” Kid slaps a hand on the Titan to prove his point, and Levi’s heart jumps into his throat. It slowly comes back down when the Titan still doesn’t show a reaction. 

“The hell? How do you know all this shit?” 

“Years of free time.” Kid steps into Levi’s personal space, and he feels the world shift. “Told you. Trust me. Levi, I will not q-question you when inside the wall. But here? This forest. The things in it. Levi this—the only home I know.” 

And Levi shudders. Not because it’s cold. Not because there’s a Titan five steps away. But because it feels like someone stuffed him inside a cannon, and blasted him up into the air, and the wind is the way it was when he flew for the first time. Except now it’s not flying—he’s soaring into the unknown. And the sky is so much bluer like this, the Sun so much more golden. And he doesn’t know where to direct his limbs. Only knows that he’ll fall eventually. But the crash is worth it, because how can it not be when he’s tasted freedom, looking straight into the eyes of a soul so enormous all three walls couldn’t hope to imprison it? 

“I did not survive—all this—hiding. I fought. And bled. Almost died more times than you could ever know. So. If I tell you, I will get us out alive. Believe it.”

Levi’s lip curls upward. He clamps a hand on to his mouth, until his laugh is leaking through the space in between his fingers, even though nothing is funny, and everything is still ridiculous. And he’s still flying, and soaring, and his heart is nowhere in his chest. It’s airborne. 

* * *

  
They spend the day up the highest tree in their vicinity that Levi could find. They take turns sleeping, and Kid has almost rolled off a branch more times than Levi has fingers, successfully wrecking his nervous system with each twitch of his limbs. They eat nuts while talking, and the rest of the world moves unknowingly below them. Levi spots a Titan from time to time, and it takes everything in him not to shove Kid into the thickness of tree leaves so he can hide him. Kid only glared at him when he actually suggested it, and called him a ‘Dodo head’ whatever the fuck that is. They saw a Titan trip over its own feet, breaking its neck, and Levi wonders how their lives are terrorized daily by these creatures when they’re so damn stupid.

When night rolled in again, Levi is determined that they cover as much ground as they can. And if his leg is starting to feel a bit numb, then it’s nothing that Kid has to know. 

“You better not be planning on giving me another heart attack tonight. If you decide on another impromptu Titan lesson, I’m going to fucking skin you alive.” He warns, and he thinks about when his threats have lost their effectiveness, because Kid only sticks his tongue out at him. 

“No worry. Warn you next time. Levi is very—intense.” Kid scrunches his nose at the word. 

“Did you honestly expect me to shake its hand, and introduce myself? Have a lovely fucking chat while we’re at it?” He snorts. 

“Oh, no. Impossible at night. Try midday. Much more c-cooperative when Sun is highest.” Kid says the words so easily, like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Levi’s head whips so quickly, he hears his neck creak in protest, and the brunet looks at him so naively as if he didn’t just drop a bomb, and hurled it at Levi’s face.

“That’s—that’s fucking crazy. You’re shitting me, aren’t you? It’s not funny, asshole.”

Kid frowns at him. “What? Am not. It, uhm, depends on Titan. Words not very clear. Mostly garble. But sometimes they talk. Or growl is right term?” 

“Kid, I’ve been around Titans half of my life, what the fuck do you mean they talk?” Sweat is drying uncomfortably on the nape of his neck. And his skin itches. The bones inside his leg would be ripping his skin like a door, and flinging it off its hinges, if it could. And Titans talk, apparently, and this night is piling one anomaly one after the other, Levi’s about to uproot a tree and hit someone with it.

“What Levi want me to mean? They talk. Told you, not always. Depends. On time, on Titan itself. But usually, get them angry enough, they talk.” Kid shrugs.

He stares at Kid, watches the words come out of his mouth, and it’s in a language he does understand, but he still doesn’t know what the fuck they mean. What does ‘get them angry enough’ entail? When they go out on expeditions outside the Wall, they’re usually too preoccupied on keeping themselves alive that they don’t really have the time to know what could possibly piss these monsters off. 

Levi’s jaw parts slightly in disbelief. What the hell has Kid been doing that angers Titans so much that it’s enough to make them talk? 

Levi doesn’t get the chance to ask. He looks over questioningly at Kid who has suddenly stopped walking. His instincts spike, eyes fleeting left to right, on the look out for any signs of danger. 

“Oh.” He says softly. A puff of breath.

“Oi, what is it now?” Levi eyes him warily. But Kid just ignores him. He’s walking, and walking, until Levi realizes they’ve reached a small clearing. Kid stands by a tree, looks at it as if he’s having a silent conversation with the forest. When he kneels down, that’s when Levi notices the jagged planks of woods, and rocks piled up on clumps of soil lined across the forest floor as if they’re guarding something underneath.

“The fuck is this?” Levi asks, crouching down beside him.

Kid doesn’t answer him immediately. Only runs a single, careful finger on one of the rocks, the way a touch tries not to disrupt sleep.

“W-whenever I find them, I try take them somewhere nice. Far from Titans. Wherever I am in forest, when I find them, I look for place they can—rest.” Sometimes Kid speaks in a way that makes his words flow like riddles as if it’s actually his first language. Levi only waits for him to explain further. “Remember before, Levi? I said I find things in forest. Things left behind. Sometimes I—the dead. Is what I find. What remains. So for them, I make things like this. So I know where they are. So when someone comes look for them, they can find them, too.”

Levi wonders if they’re so far within the forest that when the wind blows, it only brings more silence. No branches cracking against the breeze, no birds, no crickets, no monsters. Only skeletons in Levi’s closet, leaving one by one. He thinks of Liam, one of the first soldiers he’s ever trained. How he was always on the verge of collapse under Levi’s glare, but led off a Titan horde by himself when it got too close to the supply carts. He thinks of Ana, the first woman who ever told Levi she loved him. That it didn’t matter if he couldn’t return her feelings, as long as he returned alive. Levi did, but she didn’t. He thinks of Jacob, the first person who ever got him blackout drunk. How he couldn’t tell right from left, his foot from his hands. The last moment they had together was spent vomitting their guts onto Erwin’s plants. And they were spilling, and laughing, limbs all over the place. And Levi was heaving his lungs out, but he had never felt so full. He doesn’t remember Jacob’s last words to him. Only the taste of his lips on his mouth, and Levi was drunk all over again. He’s never had a drop of alcohol ever since.   
  
And Levi doesn’t know if it’s them. Doesn’t know whose name these flesh or bones belong to. Just that they had once belonged to someone. Had once been a hand to an arm, a foot to a leg, a soul to a body. A daughter, a son, a mother, a father, a friend, a lover.

A life.

But whoever they are, Levi hopes they’re at peace. He doesn’t know if there’s a heaven or a hell, just that there’s a boy whose hands have bled as they dug against the earth, trying to return the fallen to the Universe. Levi doesn’t have a religion. But now he has something to believe in.

The night is still, and it’s quiet, and their shoulders are rubbing together. He thinks back on the time Hange told him about friction. Remembers big words like ‘electromagnetic’ and ‘charged particles.’ And Levi still doesn’t understand what they mean, still doesn’t know what they’re for. Maybe he should have paid more attention then. Maybe now he wouldn’t have to wonder how a touch could set someone on fire. 

* * *

  
After paying their respects, they continue to move forward.

“Kid,” Levi calls, stealing his attention from the pebble he’s been kicking along as they walked.

“Mm?”

“Was I the first person you’ve ever met in these woods?”

“Yes.”

Levi looks at him, surprised. Then the familiar form of a scowl crumples his face. “How come? You know where the Wall is. You know people have been coming in, and out of them. Why couldn’t you have just—I don’t know—looked for a fucking cave somewhere near where others might have found you?” 

This was something that’s always been lingering on Levi’s mind. Sure, the Scouts never really got so deep within Titan territory, but if Kid had been seeing remnants of their dead, then surely, at some point, he was somewhere close. Why did he never come ask for help?

“Because that time, inside wall is—nothing for me there.”

“How many times this night am I going to have to ask you what the fuck do you mean?” He huffs, which only makes Kid laugh. Levi doesn’t know whether he should be amazed or annoyed that someone could dare make light of his frustrations like this. 

“I do not know what is inside wall. Also do not know people coming from them.” He shrugs.

“Oh? And when you saw me half-dead, it’s not like you knew who the fuck I was?” Levi raises an eyebrow in a challenge. And Kid smiles softly at him. A gentle quirk of the lips. Like he knows something he doesn’t. Like there’s a joke, and it’s funny, and Levi’s the only one who’s not yet laughing. “The hell are you smiling at?”

Kid shakes his head, schooling his lips into neutrality. “Levi hurt. I help.”

“But didn’t you ever want to get away from this shithole? Honestly, Kid, I still don’t know how you’re alive. Maybe Titans don’t want to eat you because you fucking stink like a wet sock.” Levi wrinkles his nose, although he really shouldn’t be one to talk. Once they get back, he’s never leaving his bathroom. The rest of the world could go fuck itself.

Kid rolls his eyes at him, “Forest not so bad, really. And Titans, uhm, not so scary if—you know what to do.”

“You slice an area one-meter long, and ten-centimeters wide on their nape. What fucking else is there to be done?”

Kid’s eyebrows scrunch in thought, “Your people—how much they know about Titans?”

“We know about them, as much as I know about you. Hardly anything. They appeared a hundred years ago, even though no one knows whose asshole they came from, and they’ve been driving humans near extinction ever since. Which is really just insulting, if you ask me, since they look like deformed, constipated babies. Given, they’re hundred times the size of a normal human, but you know what I mean. Anyway, aside from the nape thing, we’re at least aware that they need sunlight for sustenance. Fuckers don’t even need to eat humans, but for some reason, they insist on treating us like an all-you-can-eat buffet. That’s basically the gist of it. If you want to know more about all the other technical stuff, I’ll get Hange to talk to you.”

“That is..not much?” Kid says, and Levi knows it’s not meant to be offensive, but he scoffs, anyway. 

“Well, excuse me, if we’re all too busy trying not to die that I never got to find out if a Titan likes to take sugar with its fucking coffee.”

“I am sorry.” He murmurs quietly. Kid grabs the end of his cloak, like a child trying not to get lost in the wave of a crowd, and Levi sighs.

“It’s fine. It’s not like it’s not true.”

The rest of the evening is spent with eyes peeled, breaths quiet. The Moon perched above them like a lamp that takes up too much space, with not enough light. Kid doesn’t let go of his cloak even once. He feels small. Like Levi could scoop him up, and fit him in his pocket. Like Levi could hide him behind his back, and stand between him and the rest of the world. 

Levi thinks of mistakes, and how easy it is to make them. How much difference a second makes when they could die anytime. He thinks of how he almost did.

“Hey, Kid. You seem to know a lot about Titans, right? I’m sure you’ve seen a fair lot of those bastards?”

“Yes?” Kid says slowly, looking up at Levi from under his lashes, eyes skeptical.

“The mission I was leading—the whole mess that got me here in the first place—it was because Titans were acting crazier than usual. We were sent out to figure out why that was.”

“Mmhm?”

“And when we got here we encountered this—Titan. It was a fifteen-meter. Brown hair. Green eyes. Huh. Kinda looks like a Titan version of you, now that I think about it.” Levi snorts, and Kid grips his arm tightly when he suddenly trips on his own feet, his other arm flailing. “Oi, Kid, you okay? Be careful.”

“Y-yes. Uhm. Okay. I am okay.” He says, the pitch of his voice slighly raising. His posture ramrod straight.

“You sure?”

“Yes, yes. Keep—keep going.” Kid urges. He doesn’t reach for Levi’s cloak again.

“Right. Anyway. It was—for a lack of a better word—weird. Really fucking weird. I mean, when we saw it, it was ramming other Titans on trees, and kicking off their heads like sweaty, ass balls. We’ve never seen a Titan kill its own kind, but I suppose it could have been a territorial thing, you know? And I can accept that, except that’s not even the weirdest part. Do you remember Eld?” He turns to Kid, who nods to him in confirmation. “Some other Titan almost got him, but then this—this Abnormal, or whatever the fuck it was—swoops in, saves him, and slams the Titan to a tree, like it was killing off a goddamn fly. And it sees the rest of my squad, and we’re just standing there like fucking idiots, then it gives us back Eld. And as if it wasn’t weird enough, the bastard actually looked at me, and I swear I’m not imagining it, but it fucking nodded. Can you believe that? Fucking crazy, right?”

“Uhm, yes. Crazy. Strange. Very strange.” Kid starts bobbing his head quickly, like he’s lost all the muscle inside his neck, and his skull is on the verge of falling off. 

Levi quirks an eyebrow, “You alright there? You look like shit’s about to come out of your ass.”

“I am okay! No worry.”

Levi doesn’t believe it, but he lets it go for the mean time. “So? Does that Titan seem familiar to you?”

“N-not so much? Forest is very wide. Titans are a lot. May come from very far.”

“Is that so? A shame, then. Hange would have had a fucking aneurysm trying to study it, if we were able to bring it back.”

“Levi not afraid?”

“No, why should I be? All Titans are weird, and just because that one happens to be weirder than most, doesn’t mean I can’t kill it.”

“I know, I know. Me too. Want to be brave as Levi.” He smiles.

His hand is back on Levi’s cloak. And it’s a nice hand. The knobs of his knuckles jutting like small mountains underneath the skin. Ropes of veins going on, and on. Endless lines of blue rivers. The crisscross on his palm look like roads on a map. Levi wonders where they lead. Where Kid has already gone. Where he plans to go to next. If Levi could come with. He never wants this hand to change. Never wants these mountains to crumble. These rivers to run dry. These roads to reach a deadend. Levi never wants this hand to ever have to be brave. Just wants them here, warm and curled around his cloak, where Levi could be brave enough for the both of them.

“You got a lot of work cut out for you, Kid. You can’t even hold a fucking Dung Beetle.” He smirks. 

Kid pouts at him, and playfully kicks him on the shin. “They are weird!”

“Yeah, well, _you’re_ weird, dumbass—“

The wind blows, but the leaves rustle differently. Levi pulls on Kid’s wrist tightly, and hides their figures among the shadows of the trees. Levi clamps a hand on his mouth, muffling the yelp slipping from Kid’s lips. 

“Shh! Something’s going on. I’ll go check it out. Stay here, okay? And be quiet.” 

Kid rips away his hand off his mouth, but he doesn’t let go of Levi’s wrist. “No. Come with you!” He hisses. “You let me help. That was deal!”

“Listen to me!” Levi grits his teeth, trying to level his voice. “You’ll stay here for now. If you think I’m in trouble, then you can come out, okay? But until then, let me handle this.”

Kid only scowls at him, but eventually, he relents. “Okay,” He sighs. “Okay. Be careful. Please.”  
  
Levi smirks, disrupting the knot of a frown marring his forehead with a sweep of his thumb. “Worry about yourself, idiot.”

Levi steps out, treading the grass flattening underneath the soles of his boots as if he’s navigating through landmines. Each step laced with the possibility of an explosion. His eyes strain, as they try to follow every shift within the night. Shadows are the last thing you’d want to trust in the dark. 

He can feel the tension rolling off of Kid right to where he’s standing. And Levi wants to say it’s okay. Wants to stomp his feet, and crush all that fear until they’re nothing but dust on his heels. He thinks of Kid, and his smile, and all the darkness around them reaching for a piece of that light. They say people become devils when they have something to die for. Levi runs a hand through his hair. He feels the horns growing.

A twig snaps, and everything happens at once. 

He hears Kid yell out his name. Desperate, and afraid. The sound you make when you’re reaching for something, even though you know it’s too late. And it’s ugly, and wrong, and Levi never wants to hear it again. Levi turns, growling at the threat. He lifts his blade, ready to tear through every flesh, every bone, every monster in this forest. He will tear through the entire world, until he’d never need the walls, only his hands to keep the boy behind him safe. 

Except his blade doesn’t cut through a body. It clangs against steel. 

“Levi!” And it is not a Titan, not a threat, that now has his torso wrapped within arms. His mouth is suddenly full of brown, messy hair that smells like burnt chemicals. A face buried, and a nose rubbing all over his shoulders, very much like a dog digging through soil. 

“What the fuck—Hange?!” Levi drops his blade on the ground, trying—and miserably failing—to untangle himself from Hange’s arms which are still clinging to him like tentacles. If anything, they only coil around him tighter. Hange is a quicksand like that. 

“Levi, you asshole! You had everyone so worried—everyone thought you were dead! But I knew you weren’t, because you’re too grumpy to die. And even if you did, hell would probably return you back to earth, because you’re such a bossy, little devil!” Hange pulls back a little, but their hands remain firm on his shoulders. “Ah, let me get a good look at you, my midget!”

Levi’s attention snaps into the twitch on their mouth. The slight tremble of lips. The way their hands are sinking through his clothes, through his skin, as if their trying to make sure that Levi’s here. That Levi’s real. Hange always hides their fear in plain sight. They smile at Levi. And he has never seen them so afraid. 

“Captain!” Levi looks behind Hange, and sees the rest of his squad dismounting from their horses. 

“Oi, shitty four-eyes! Why aren’t you riding a horse like the rest of them?! Did you fucking walk here from the Wall?”

“We were about to set up camp, Captain, but Squad Leader Hange thought they heard your voice. And they—well they ran.” Eld explains, looking sheepish as he scratched the back of his head.

“Technically, I didn’t run. I used my 3DMG!” 

“And then you came barrelling towards me like a fucking baboon. Couldn’t you have said hello like a normal person?”

“Oh, Levi,” Hange says fondly. “You know I’m anything but normal.”

“Well, that’s an understatement.” He grumbles. 

They all gather around him. Petra looks like she’s about to cry. Her face scrunched up like she just ate something sour. Oluo has a faint streak of blood on the side of his mouth, which he probably got from another bite on his tongue when he saw that Levi is, in fact, whole and alive, and not just a left over limb from a Titan rampage. Gunther is staring, boring holes on to the side of his head, as if he’s waiting for Levi to grow another one. Mouth opening, and closing like a fish. Full of words that he wants, but doesn’t know if he’s allowed to say. Eld’s eyes are a little glassy, and if he actually starts crying, Levi will combust, and punch him in the face. Because it’s fucking Eld. And Eld never cries, not even that one time a blade was wedged on his thigh, and a horde of Titans was running towards them from behind. And Levi only knows how to make people cry. Doesn’t know what to do when people cry _for_ him. 

“We’re so glad you’re alright, Captain! I—I can’t believe you’re alive. We were so—!” Petra chokes on a sob, and her fingers twitch beside her, as if it’s taking every bit of her being to not pull Levi into a hug.

“None of that, Petra.” He admonishes lightly. “You dipshits really didn’t think you’ve seen the last of me, did you?” He smirks.

“Of course not, Captain.” Eld says, chest puffed. Eyes smoldering from glass to steel. “Everyone, where are our manners? Line up!” The rest of the squad follows his command, even Hange. “Show your respects! Salute!”

Levi hears the thump of their fists on their chests, and feels it like a deranged heartbeat. Loud, and fierce, and bursting. And then he’s back at HQ, and Hange is breaking down his door at three in the morning, buzzed with caffeine, and chemicals, and five whole days of no sleep. They’re screaming, and laughing, then screaming again. Shoving a petri dish with a Titan’s finger on it under his nose, because _‘I did it, Levi! It hasn’t disintegrated in an hour! That’s the longest we’ve ever preserved a specimen! Look, look!’_ And Levi is looking, and looking until all he sees are the bags underneath their eyes, but Hange is so elated that they’re floating, both feet no longer touching the ground, like they could outrun time, and space. And Hange does, because if it’s something that can’t be done, Hange will do it thrice. Once for good measure. The second, for the flair. A third time, because they can. 

He sees Petra literally snatching a soldier out of a Titan’s mouth, and Oluo snatching Petra before its teeth clamps down. Eld, and Gunther tearing through its nape all the way down its spine like twin blades. Explosive in a way a strike of lightning detonates a bomb. They look indestructible. Like the world doesn’t stand a chance. Because this is not just a squad. Not just a team. This is a family. 

Levi shakes his head. Lips curled into a small, fond smile. “Tch. You all really are a bunch of idiots.”

“Yeah, but we’re your idiots!” Hange’s laughter booms across the woods. Carves itself within the trees. So heavy, and alive. 

“Uhm..Levi?” Everyone turns their head to Kid’s direction, as he steps out of the shadows. He walks towards Levi, and stands by his side. They all gape at him.

“Oh. Right. Everyone, this is—“

“Oh? And who might you be?” Hange perks up, takes Kid’s personal space and rips it apart with their bare hands, adjusting their glasses further up their nose, as they do so. 

“As I was saying before I was so fucking rudely interrupted,“ Levi pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. “This is—well—this is…Kid.” Levi wants to go back in time, and punch himself, because he is apparently an idiot who does not think things through. 

“Your name is..Kid?” Hange blinks at the brunet, tilting their head to the side, confused.

“Yes! Levi gave it to me. Hello!” And Kid beams. All teeth. All happy. Smiles in a way that makes you want to believe in a Higher Power. And Levi? Levi wants to dig a hole, crawl in it, and die. But people don’t always get what they want.

“Levi.”

“Don’t say it.”

“Levi.”

“I said don’t fucking—!”

“I don’t know what’s going on, and why you’re going around naming people, but I can’t believe you named someone ‘Kid!’ What’s up with that, you grumpy, little man? That’s worse than getting a dog, and naming them ‘Puppy’! Oh, my walls!” Hange clutches their stomach as they laugh, slapping their thigh in the process. The others have their cheeks bunched up high in their faces, lips clamping down against their teeth. Bodies twiching as they try to swallow down the vibrations of impending laughter. 

“I fucking hate you all.” Levi snarls, baring his canines. 

Kid tugs at his sleeve, eyebrows furrowed. “Levi, why laugh?”

“Because they’re assholes, that’s why.”

Hange pulls Kid into their arms, squealing. He looks at Levi for help, but everyone knows when it comes to Hange, it’s every man for himself. “Oh, Levi, he’s positively adorable! Look at these fluffy cheeks! Where in the world did you find him?” Kid whines when Hange aggressively squishes his face, and Levi takes that as his cue to step in. He kicks Hange on the back of the leg, and drags Kid away from them as they yelp. 

“I’m not telling you shit until you take us back to camp. I’m fucking starving.”

* * *

They’re all huddled around a fire. Levi fights a smile. Struggles not to start ripping out his teeth, and throw them into the flame like some sort of Pagan offering, because Kid is fidgeting beside him. Wrapped in a blanket, rubbing his face on the soft fabric, and Levi’s stomach is doing that thing where it feels like its trying to eat itself. Then Kid offers the blanket to him the way he’d offer Levi the stars if he could, and the feeling only gets worse. 

“Now tell me, what’s his story? C’mon, Levi! Give me the dirt!” 

“I’m going to feed you the dirt, fucking four-eyes.”

“But seriously, Captain. Who exactly is he?”

Levi sighs, “I’m not really sure who he ‘exactly’ is. He doesn’t remember, that’s why I had to give him a name, in the first place. He found me half-dead. Saved me. Nursed me back to health until I was good enough to stop needing someone to scratch my fucking ass for me. I wouldn’t be alive now, if it wasn’t for him. We don’t know how he got here, but he’s been living in these woods since—Well, since he can remember, I suppose.”

“With all these Titans around, Captain? That’s impossible.”

“Yeah, tough shit, Oluo. Since Kid is literally sitting next to you, then we’ll just have to assume that it isn’t, won’t we?” Levi’s sarcasm drips so thickly, you can catch it with a palm. 

“Oh, how horrible! The things he must have been through.” Petra says in disbelief. Looking at Kid who was now playing with his blanket’s loose thread, impervious to the eyes staring at him in pity. 

“Don’t look at him like that.” Levi growls. “I know he doesn’t look impressive at first glance, but he’s stubborn as literal shit that won’t come out your asshole. And he’s weird sometimes, but he’s not an idiot, okay? He’s survived so much, and he fucking did It alone! He can be smart when he wants to, and—“

“Levi,” Hange smiles at him softly, giving his hand a gentle pat. “It’s okay. No one here is judging him for anything. We think he’s really brave, and we can never thank him enough for saving your life—something that we couldn’t even do.” 

Levi doesn’t apologize for his outburst. Only scowls at the blade of grass bending over his boot. But his squad knows his silences by now. Knows when his anger is a bomb, a firecracker, or just a misfired gunshot. It wasn’t long until they’re all passing around stories again, and Kid and Oluo are swordfighting beside him using forks. 

“So, Kid—Walls, that name is really going to take me some time to get used to—how’s living with grumpy pants here been treating you?” Hange snickers.

Kid looks at Levi skeptically, causing him to raise an eyebrow at the brunet. Levi thinks he’s been nothing but delightful, thank you very much. “Levi is, uhm, very…clean?”

Levi snorts at his answer. “You’re just a slob, brat.”

“Really, Levi? You’re a clean freak even when you’re out here in the woods? Bet the only reason you didn’t die was because you wanted to take a bath first!” Hange whines. Levi glares at his men who were trying to disguise their laughter into coughs. Grimaces in disgust at Petra who had accidentally spit out her drink at Hange’s remark.

“True! Levi likes baths! Always, lots of them!”

“And you don’t take enough. I don’t know how I was ever able to put up with your stinky ass.” Levi elbows him on the side. Feels the giggle vibrate in his ribs. Levi didn’t know it was possible to physically touch a laugh.

“Don’t be mean to him, Captain.” Petra chides in that motherhen voice she uses when she insists on treating everyone around her like infants. 

“Tch. Don’t coddle him. He may look innocent, but he almost killed me once.”

They all look at Kid in horror, which makes him panic, flailing his arms defensively.

“No, no! It was accident! Did not know Levi was a-all-arler—“

“Allergic.”

“—Allergic to plant!”

“What have you been feeding our captain, Kid? That’s Humanity’s Strongest you almost killed off there.” Gunther chuckles, and Levi wonders if he should be worried that his squad is finding his near-death-experience funny. 

“Humanity’s Strongest?” Kid asks innocently. 

“You got that right! Captain Levi here is as strong as a whole army.” Eld grins, expanding his arms open for emphasis. 

“Remember that time he took out that Abnormal—the one with the big tooth?”

“Big tooth—yeah! Fuck, that was crazy! I think I peed my pants a little then, to be honest.”

“Ew, _too_ honest, Oluo! But really, that day I thought to myself maybe they built the walls, not to protect us from the Titans, but to protect the Titans from the Captain!”

Levi rolls his eyes as they trade stories of his wars. He’s never been fond of the title. Humanity’s Strongest. It’s always been such a heavy weight to carry. It’s like a bag that’s been stuffed with too many things inside, and Levi’s just waiting for the day the zipper breaks, and the fabric rips. The day everything spills, and rolls on the foor, and everyone realizes that you were never supposed to fit the future of humanity in just a single pocket. 

But Kid is shining. On the edge of his seat, like the coil of a spring. Mouth wide open in awe, as he listens, and takes, and wraps his arms around these stories like he’s ready to runaway with them. Stuffs them in his pockets, and under his shirt. Tucks them beneath his feet, in between his soles and his shoes, until he’s overflowing with so much of Levi that he’s dropping his warfare all over the grass. 

“Yes, Levi is very strong! He fights Dung Beetles for me!”

Before Levi can help it, he laughs. It shoots up his throat, and shatters the barriers of his teeth. And he can’t rememeber the last time he laughed like this. Can’t remember if his ribs were supposed to feel like the hooves of a horse were stomping on each one until they break, and there’s no more space for air in his lungs, only laughter and relief. Relief because he could be killing an ant, and Kid would shoot across the sky, and call it a victory. Relief because there’s at least one person who he could be ‘Just Levi’ for. Relief because to that one person being ‘Just Levi’ is enough. 

They all look at him funny. But then Kid is laughing too. And Levi learns two things tonight. How you can physically touch a laugh, and how they also glow in the dark. 

* * *

“Anyone wanna tell me how this rescue mission even got approved? I was gone a long time, and everyone already thought I was dead.”

“Oh, what, the nice story of how I almost got court martialed twice for threatening to put Titan guts into the higher-ups’ food, because they’re all a bunch of asshats? Alright then. Let’s start with how it didn’t get approved. At least, at first.” Hange huffs angrily, blowing off their bangs in a frustrated puff of breath.

“They were not very—positive. About the, uhm, situation.” Eld grimaces.

“I’d be more surprised if they were. So, what happened?”

“It was Commander Erwin. It took a while, because all of us had been injured when we returned, and they wouldn’t allow us to return back here unless we were a hundred percent recovered. We don’t know how he managed to persuade them exactly, but he did. Although the condition was, this would be the first and last rescue mission for you, Captain. If we couldn’t find you within three days, then that’s it. All or nothing.” Gunther supplies grimly.

“And I was so ready to risk a third court-martial notice, too! You were missing for a month, Levi, so it was basically just them trying to humor us. None of them believed you could still be alive.” Hange begins aggressively ripping off grass from the ground, muttering curses under their breath. 

“And how long have you been searching?”

“This was our second day. If the squad leader hadn’t heard you, then who knows if we could have gotten to you at all.”

“How were you even planning on getting inside the wall, Levi? You can hide in this forest, but you know the 3DMG is useless in the area between here and there. How are you supposed to outrun Titans without a horse?”

“Well, it’s a good fucking thing you all showed up when you did, didn’t you? I was mostly planning on winging that part, anyway.” Levi waves a hand dismissively. That had been his main concern from the start, especially when he had Kid in tow. Speaking of the brunet, Levi notices he’d been rubbing at his eyes for the past half hour, stifling his yawn with his blanket,

“Oi, Kid. You sleepy? Get inside the tent already. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“No, no. Like to listen talk. Sleep later.” He says, even though another yawn is already splitting his mouth open. 

Kid wraps the blanket around himself like a cocoon, then proceeds to unceremoniously plop his head on Levi’s lap. He twists, and turns until he finds a comfortable position. Rubbing his face on Levi’s hipbone before he finally settles on one.

Levi’s fingers automatically card through the chestnut strands, a gesture that’s been formed out of habit. Kid’s nightmares have been more prominent lately, and Levi finds that it’s easier to calm him down, and return him to sleep like this. When there’s a hand ready to pull him away, in case it gets too dark.

Levi’s grown used to running, and parting through his hair as if he’s trying to locate all the bad, horrible things inside his head. Some sort of messed up scavenger hunt, where all he wants to do is drag all his ghosts, and fling them on the other side of the earth where they can’t roam around his body like it’s haunted. 

Levi looks up when he hears someone choke, and sees that everyone else is already staring back at him, mouths gaping so wide you can almost see the back of their throats. Their eyebrows are shooting all the way up their hairline. And Hange’s nostrils are flaring. He almost doesn’t understand what’s wrong, thinks that someone might be dying, until their eyes burn through the hand still twisting brown tresses in between his fingers, and he jolts so hard it’s like his whole body turnd into a heart attack. Kid stirs when Levi suddenly recoils, and his arm twitches, tempted to reach out, and soothe the knot forming on his forehead. He chooses to throw a rock at Hange, instead. 

“That’s so fucking cute, Levi. What the hell?! Someone—anyone—hold me! If nobody holds me in the next three seconds, I am going to scream!” Hange squeals. The sound of a loaded cannon ready to fire. 

“P-permission to scream along with you, Squad Leader!” Levi groans, as Hange and Petra start squeezing each other’s hands, arms flailing, like someone pulled the ground from under their feet. He’s grateful that the others at least had the tact to keep their mouths shut, even though the glances they think they’re secretly throwing in his direction are so obvious, they might as well gouge out their eyeballs and hurl it at him. 

“Shut the fuck up, you idiots!” Levi hisses. Kid’s nose scrunches in his sleep. And it’s such a tiny, tiny movement. Not even a particle of dust, or a grain of salt compared to all the large, spectacular things that keep the Earth spinning, or from tumbling out of position wherever it is in the expanse of the Universe, but somehow it’s the most important thing. Levi wants to frame it, and pin it on his wall, along with the whistle-breaths, and eyelid twitches, and the stray strands splayed across his cheeks, and the stupid hand that’s found its place back on Levi’s stupid cloak. 

Then he mumbles. Garbles. The way a word sounds when it’s formed with too much saliva. Then he does it again. Except this time he says Levi’s name, and his mind short-circuits because he doesn’t know how his name managed to find the time to pile bricks, and build walls, and doors, and windows. Build a home inside that mouth where it goes in and out, like it’s always belonged there. And it’s an odd type of whisper. The way a word sounds when it expands, and pushes everything else into the background. He’s sure somewhere Hange, and Petra are still screaming, fire is still crackling as it devours wood, and impending doom is still slithering around the corner. But their noise is pushed, and shoved, until they’ve all fallen over a cliff. And all that’s left is the sound of Levi’s name, spilling out of those lips, and taking over the world. He wants to hear it again. Wants to know if it tastes as good as it sounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY GOD THIS WAS SUCH A MONSTER TO WRITE HOLY SHIT! 
> 
> Anyway! Pack your bags, everyone! We’re going back to the wall!! Which, by the way, I am so sorry for in advance because there’s going to be so much angst lmao honestly I’m just tempted to leave our babies in the forest and let them adopt bunnies or something. 
> 
> And regarding age, I was never a big fan of the big age gap but I can't mess with it too much without screwing the timeline. So let's just put Eren at 18 and Levi at 26 maybe 27. I can work around that.
> 
> When I wrote this fic I seriously never thought it’d be getting all this love. It was just an idea that wouldn’t let me sleep until it’s written, and now I’m so glad that I actually moved my lazy ass and wrote it. Sometimes I’m just like, oh wow, there are actually people who are putting aside their precious time to read this, and I’m so thankful I wish I could gather you all up for coffee or something, but I can’t. And the only thing I can do for you guys is to make this fic worthwhile. Whatever these characters see, hear, or feel, I want you to experience all those moments as if you’re looking at their world through their eyes. I hope I’m doing them justice, and I hope you’ll enjoy every word <3
> 
> AND ALSO WOOOO HANGE AND SQUAD LEVI HELL YEAH! 
> 
> Leave me your thoughts through the comments, I always appreciate hearing from you all. Happy reading!


	5. Summer-lit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EVERYONE BEFORE YOU READ!! There is a scene down below, and you’ll know what scene I’m talking about because it’s the only scene where Levi and Eren are alone. And while you read it, I need you to go and play Sweet Night by V, because that’s the song that shaped that scene and I just need you to keep playing it until the scene is finished. Idc if you’re not an army, please please please. I just think it gives a different vibe to the scene and idk just do it. Enjoy!

“Penny for your thoughts, shortstack?” Hange drops down to take a seat next to him, rustling the dried leaves littering the forest floor as they cross their legs. Shuffling into position with the grace of a newborn foal. Levi almost expects them to neigh. 

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Levi asks without keeping his eyes off the stretch of darkness in front of them. He knows it’s staring right back. Always waiting. Ready to pounce. Lurking until your guard is down, and it can sink its claws to drag you where you can never get it back up again. It’s called nightfall for a reason. Levi had to learn why the hard way. 

“And realistically, _you_ should be dead. But I’m here. You’re here. And there’s a lovely, little stray pup—who you apparently like to cuddle—sleeping a few feet away from us. Guess life doesn’t always let us meet our expectations.” Hange wiggles their eyebrows, baring their canines in a teasing grin, and Levi thinks of how satisfying it would be to smash them with a fist. 

He huffs, rolling his eyes. “I told you it’s not like that. Fuck you, you’re all making it weird.” Levi growls, grabbing a handful of leaves, and throwing it at Hange. It only makes them laugh. Makes them push their glasses further up the slope of their nose to stare at him with that knowing look like there’s nothing in the world they wouldn’t be able to see. Levi hates it. The way their eyes prick at his skin like they could always cut, and dissect the truth out of him. 

“I’m not saying anything. You’re the one who’s getting all defensive.” Levi glares at Hange, but the daggers he’s throwing in their direction hardly gets a nick. “Stop being such a prissy, old man. I mean, I get it. We all do. Kid’s too adorable for his own good. And don’t even get me started with those eyes—my god! The world really does play favorites, huh?” 

Levi wants to tell Hange to shut up, because he knows. Those eyes are the first thing he sees when he wakes up. The last thing he sees before he sleeps. It’s like day and night is dictated by the flutter of those eyelids. Like Kid could bat them once, and the natural order of things would happily adjust. 

“What the hell are your glasses even for if you can’t see something as obvious as him being a _goddamn child_?”

“It’s not like I’m asking you to sweep him off his feet, and whisk him away in your man cave, you grump. I just think it might be nice to keep him around. You seem more.. subdued with him here. Like—you’re still an asshole, but you’re an asshole in moderation. Does that make sense?”

Levi scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re insufferable.”

“Thanks. I try.” Hange snickers, rubbing along a hand on their arm to get rid of the bite of the late night breeze. “But seriously, when we get back, what do you plan to do with him? He’d have a lot to catch up on if he ever joins the military, but if you’re the one training him, I’m sure—“

“Absolutely not.” Levi snarls. Spits the words like they’re poison. Hange looks at him in surprise. “He’s not—I don’t want him entering the military. I don’t want him to ever step foot outside the Wall unless we’ve gotten rid of all these motherfucking Titans. He’s been through enough.”

Hange grimaces at him, unimpressed. Wears the disapproving face of a parent who’s about to scold a child who insists they know better. Hange flicks him on the nose, and Levi strangles the temptation to break their fingers so that they’d hang limp on their hand like a streamer of flacid dicks.

“And what about what he wants, huh? Did it ever occur to you that whatever he does next is not for you to decide? You’re his first friend, Levi. If he’s as stubborn as you say, do you really think he’d agree to separate from you without putting up a fight?”

“It’s not about what anyone wants. It’s what’s good for him that matters.”

“And why is that up to you? Think about how he’d feel! He’s awfully attached to you, what would he think if you just suddenly send him away? You’re important to him, and don’t even try to deny it, he’s important to you too! Now, I don’t know what the hell that entails, but must you really have to sacrifice both your happiness because you _assume_ it’s what’s best?”

Levi knows that Hange is right, and despises that they are. Levi has no right to demand anything from him, nor tell him what to do when Levi was the one who owed him a debt. 

He thinks of Kid in the mornings. The flutter of his lashes as he blinks away sleep. The way he stretches his arms, and keep them hanging high in the air for the first few seconds like he’s waiting for the sky to pick him up. How the world wakes, and rises along with him, like he’s the centerpoint of its consciousness. Like the Sun will refuse to rise if he doesn’t. 

He thinks of the time Kid jumped from the tree rooted in front of their cave. How he leaped, calling out Levi’s name. His unapologetic, blind trust, as if he could fall from the height of all three walls combined, and expect Levi to catch him, anyway. He remembers the strain on his limp as he ran. Kid’s weight on his arms, his elbows digging painfully on Levi’s chest when he fell. An injured bird cupped protectively within his palms. The way he looked when he said it reminded him of Levi when they first met. How that reckless innocence had tilted Levi’s entire being a little to the left. Too much to the right. And everything that shouldn’t be happening is happening all at once. Levi looked at his feet to confirm that they were still planted on the ground. Then he looked at those Viridian eyes, and saw that he was falling, anyway. 

Levi tries to convince himself that he could do without them. The sleepy G’morning Levi’s. The barely awake Good night’s. His obsession with tiny insects. How he runs after Titans, but runs away from Dung Beetles. The flowers he always has to pick. Pinks, and reds, and yellows, until there’s no room for anything but color. He brings Levi a different one everyday. Levi likes them best when they’re green; The way the curl of his lips when he smiles tattoos itself on each one of Levi’s pulse points, so when he laughs Levi feels it like a heartbeat. 

Levi supposes it was a fair trade. To give all of it up as long as it meant Kid was safe. To carve a hole in his chest in the shape of this boy, where Levi could keep his habits, and quirks. Memories of him tucked in his ribcage like a keepsake. A box of souvenirs. Because Levi knows he can’t have them now. But he wants to at least remember them forever. 

He can imagine the fit that Kid will throw. Levi can handle the anger. They’ve annoyed each other plenty before. But Levi has never been on the receiving end of his disappointment. His stomach churns at the thought of looking into those eyes, and seeing the color replaced with the ugly shadow of betrayal. But Levi will risk it. Better to have him angry than dead.

“Is it so bad, Hange? For me to want to give him some semblance of fucking normalcy after he’s had to risk his life, alone here for years? Did you know that if you walk deep enough within this forest you’ll find makeshift cemeteries for the people we had to abandon? That he’s been burying our dead when it should have been our goddamn job. To him, it doesn’t matter if it’s half a body, or an arm, or a leg, or a fucking tooth, because that’s just the kind of person he is. Now tell me, would you want someone that— _that_ innocent, _that_ pure—to have to go back to all this hell when he finally has a chance to live like a normal person? Call me what you want, Hange. An asshole. A bastard. Take your fucking pick. But even I’m not that cruel.”

“I’m sorry, Levi. You know that’s not what I—“

“Save it.” Levi stands up, dusting the dirt off his trousers. “I’ll wake him up. You go get the others. We don’t have long until daylight.”

“Levi.” Hange sighs, defeated. 

“This conversation is over. Now go.”

Levi doesn’t wait for Hange to respond. He walks over to where Kid is sleeping. Sees him wrapped around his blanket, half his face squished against the arm his head is lying on. Hands curled into loose fists, like he’s getting ready for a fight. Brave even in his sleep. Levi crouches down, and gets a closer look at his chest rising up and down. Levi engraves them into his memory. The slight part of his lips. The warmth of his skin. And he thinks this is enough. To have him real, and present, and alive. He can’t let himself be selfish. Because Kid is still so full of possibilities, and Levi doesn’t know how to fit into his million dreams. Only knows that he doesn’t deserve to. The Sun is much too big to belong to one person, anyway. 

* * *

Petra hands him the reins of his horse with a soft smile. It pushes its wet nose into Levi’s hand, while his other pats the mane adorning its neck. It huffs in satisfaction at the attention.

“You fuckers really wouldn’t have accepted me being dead as an answer, huh?” He smirks. 

Hange wraps an arm around his shoulder, and gives a playful knock on his head with their own. “Of course not, my tiny devil! Really, we just thought you were taking too long to come back because you were busy trying to clean the entire forest spotless, is all.” 

Levi rolls his eyes, making their grin split wider. Their earlier spat, not exactly forgotten, just saved for another day. Hange is relentless at getting what they want. They’d build a literal bridge with their bare hands just to get a point across. But more importantly, they know Levi better than anyone. Knows that a war waged against him cannot be settled within a day, so for now they settle it with a truce. 

Kid is staring at his horse with wide eyes, and Levi beckons him over. He shoots across the distance between them with the speed of a bullet. Kid smiles at Levi, and it’s like watching fire burn up close. He doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of this. How generous Kid is with everything he feels, you have no choice but to be full of it, too. 

“C’mon, Kid. You’re riding with me. Just try not to fall on your ass, and you’re good to go.” Levi says as he mounts his horse, reaching for Kid’s hand once he’s properly seated. Kid steps forward, about to place his palm on Levi’s, but the horse suddenly steps back, whining in apparent distress. Kid tries to move closer, but the beast’s panic only increases tenfold. Rising off its hinges where its hooves would have trampled the brunet if he hadn’t been quick to dodge. 

Levi soothingly runs a hand on the mare’s head as an effort to calm it down. “Easy, girl. What’s wrong?” He murmurs, placating the horse who was twisting, and turning away from Kid’s direction. Hauling Levi away as if being in the brunet’s general vicinity was worse than being in the presence of Titans, which was strange all in itself because military horses were trained to endure the terror of battling monsters ten times their size. 

Levi scowls at Kid who was peeking at him behind a tree, “Oi, you brat. What the hell did you do?”

Kid returns his frown, affronted at the accusation. “Why me? I not do anything!” His glower turns into longing as he stares at Levi’s horse who was still anxiously dragging its hoof on the ground. 

Levi sighs, pitying the yearning look that’s pulling Kid’s lip into a pout. He knows how quick the brunet latches at the prospect of trying anything new. Always wondering. Always venturing through the unknowable. His greatest disappointment comes in the form of the things he was missing out on. Defeated by his own curiousity. It doesn’t sit well with Levi. The way he views himself like he’s half-empty. 

“We’re ready to go, Captain.” Gunther says. Kid was still hiding half of his body behind the tree, and Levi’s horse still refuses to budge even when he tried to direct it to move forward in his direction. The rest of his team were already mounted on their horses. They stare at Levi in silent question, waiting for an explanation for the impromptu hide-and-seek happening before them.

“Amelie doesn’t like him. He’s going to have to ride with one of you.” Levi turns his attention to Kid, gesturing for him to step out with a slight tilt of his head. “Quit fucking around. Go pick a horse that doesn’t want to pummel you to the dirt.”

Kid puffs his cheeks in frustration, but does so, anyway. He steps out hesitantly, chewing on his bottom lip. It’s a nervous habit that Levi’s been trying to get him to quit. Kid has a tendency to bite down too hard. Levi doesn’t like him being marred with any trace of blood. 

He comes closer slowly. Like there are shackles prohibiting his feet from any sudden movement. But the moment the rest of the horses sense his presence, however, all that happens is a repeat of what transpired with Levi’s own. His team tries to placate the spooked animals, all huffing unhappily, like they’ve collectively decided to runaway if Kid moved any closer.

“W-what’s wrong with them?” Petra asks in confusion, trying to balance herself while her horse steps away in panic.   
Levi clicks his tongue, irritated. “Fuck if I know!”

“What should we do, Captain?”

“We can’t afford to waste any more time. Take my horse. I’ll carry him across by 3DMG for now.”

“But Captain, you’ll lose gas before we even get to the Wall, and it’s dangerous to have another person in tow while up in the air like that. It’ll be difficult for you to get away quick in case a Titan shows up.” Eld reasons out, gripping the reins of his horse tightly as it scampers about.

Levi pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation, breathing deeply to help regulate his rapidly rising temper. “Do you think I’m a fucking idiot, Eld? Of course, I’m aware of that! If he can’t ride on a goddamn horse, and if I can’t bring him along with my gear, then do you have a better idea or are you suggesting that the two of us fucking walk? Because if I have to haul his ass all the way to the Wall barefoot, then don’t think for a second that I won’t.” He growls. Impatience constricting in his throat.

“I’m sorry, Captain.” Eld murmurs, keeping his head low. 

“Levi?” Kid calls to him softly, leaning back on the tree he was previously hiding in. 

“What?” Levi says, a little too sharply. The knot on his forehead only deepens at the strange look shadowing over the brunet’s face. It’s like seeing him through a veil of smoke. Levi knows he’s there but there’s still parts of him missing. Obstructed from view. 

“I-I think it is better if I, uhm, stay?” He says hesitantly, lowering his eyes. Levi stares at him for a good ten seconds. He heard the words, but it’s like the syllables have all jumbled until he’s speaking a language that sounds as if it was forced to fit into his mouth. Like he said it alongside a flash of thunder. Words that are drenched in rain. All cold, and muddled, and wrong.

Levi dismounts from his horse, and walks over to Kid in quick strides where every step felt like a second too late. Levi yanks his wrist, his fingers clamping around Kid’s pulse. A steady knock beneath the skin, until Levi forces him to meet his eyes, and it erupts into a prisoner shaking the iron bars of its cell, trying to break free. “What the fuck do you think you’re saying, you shitty brat?”

A sad curl rests on his lips. Far too dim to be called a smile. Levi wants to rip it off his face, and tear it to shreds. Because he knows that look. The face someone makes when they’re about to disappear. He refuses to let the Sun sink any further into the dark. Afraid of seeing night and day stand side by side, only to find out that he can no longer tell the difference.

“Not much time. Must not waste more. You must go. I am okay here. If—if everyone—if Levi is safe, then I am okay. Please.” Kid breathes out his plea the way air compacts a scream into a whisper. Like he’s crying with his mouth closed. Like if he doesn’t let Levi see his grief, then it would mean it’s not there. 

“You’re kidding me. Tell me you’re fucking kidding me. Did your mouth just suddenly turn into a toilet because I cannot fucking believe the bullshit that’s coming out of it right now!” Levi growls. Winter slithers throughout his chest, down to his lungs, underneath every inch of his skin. His bones rattle and ache with the cold. He doesn’t know what to do with this much ice in his system. He wants to swallow a whole pack of cigarettes, light them up when they reach his ribs, until his insides are scorched, and he’s surviving on smoke. Levi will take anything but this frost. And it’s stupid, the way he’s numb but still feels all of it too much. 

Kid shakes his head. Stubborn. Places his hand on Levi’s. Ironic. Like he wasn’t just asking to be left behind. As if he’s not the one letting go in the first place. “Not worry about me. I am okay. I will go near wall. Maybe—maybe one day, Levi will come out again. I will be there. I will wait. But now, Levi should go. Have to go home!”

Levi barely remembers the last time he thought of home and what it meant. Cracks on cave walls. Insects humming in the night. The river under the Moon. The crackle of a worn out torch light. Silver stones. Bloodred leaves. ‘ _Look, Levi! It’s raining stars!’_ Fingers linked in the dark. Thinking this must be what they meant to have the world in the palm of your hand. 

How could Levi return anywhere, and dare to call it home when he’s had a taste of all that? To be forced to reach down his throat, and spit it all out, and be expected to stomach anything else that was just old wood and concrete in comparison? 

“I am _not_ leaving you here, you fuck! If I have to drag you all the way to the Wall, then I will.” Levi snarls. Bars the yell pounding behind his teeth, rattling his gums. Levi wants to scream himself hoarse until his words are the only thing the boy in front of him hears. Wants to etch them into his skin where he can trace each letter, and feel what they mean. 

_We go back together or not at all._

“It is okay! Survive before, survive again now—“

“And how long is it until your luck runs out, huh? I don’t know what the fuck you’ve been doing, making it this long alone, but to hell with you if you think I’m just going to abandon you here! You’re not always going to be fine! You’re not always going to be lucky, you bastard! Am I supposed to leave, and come back for you, just to find out you’ve eventually died?!”

“Levi, please.”

“No. Stop it. You don’t get to ask this of me.” 

They stare each other down. The flecks of green swimming in those eyes, glowing even as they crack. Levi wonders if Kid is seeing the same fissures in his. Doesn’t want him to see silver and have them reflect defeat. Because they’re so close. So fucking close to just quit and stop here now. 

Kid sighs. Deep like his breath is too heavy for his lungs. He drops his head down Levi’s shoulder. Lips ghosting on his collar bone. Each puff of air pressing in. Knocking on a door that was never locked to begin with. Something inside Levi gives way. His bones turning into collapsed floor boards—organs rearranging like they don’t know where they should go—because Kid hides _from_ him by hiding _in_ him. Levi doesn’t know what he sees in there. He’s never been anyone’s safe place before. 

He hears someone spluttering behind them. Choking, and scandalized gasps swirling in the background. Petra looks like she’s been strapped on to a sling shot. Eld is trying, and failing to shut her up. Gunther is digging non-existent dirt from under his nails. And Oluo is one bite away from paralyzing his tongue. But it’s all static noise. Like rain pelting down the roof, hammering down the pavement. A sound that wraps itself around everything, ringing in his ears like he’s hearing the world wrong, because Levi doesn’t even notice how long his heart has been flatlining until Kid whispers ‘Okay, Levi’ on the small dip of his neck, and there are arms around him holding him inside out, moving everything right back into place. Levi doesn’t know when he turned into pieces scattered on the ground, until he’s being put together whole.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” Hange comes into view whistling, a shit-eating grin plastered on their face, the way they look when they have a syringe down a Titan’s neck. “Are you kidding me, Levi? You couldn’t have waited a few seconds ‘til I got back before giving everyone a show? Screw perimeter checks! I would gladly roll over in front of a Titan for this!” They groan, rearing their head back. Brown locks flapping at the exaggerated gesture. 

Levi clears his throat, taps Kid twice on the arm, signalling him to let go. He glares at Hange, but that’s about as useless as trying to cut a Titan open with a spoon. 

“So,” Hange drawls, not bothering to cover the amusement laced in their voice. Levi is already dreading how much they’re going to pester him later. “What did I miss? Aside from you two being as cute as a baby’s bottom, I mean?” 

“Fuck off. We have a problem. The horses are treating him like the fucking plague.” 

“What? How come?”

“We wouldn’t be standing here like idiots if I knew, would we?” 

Hange rolls their eyes, and traps Kid’s face in between their hands, pressing down like they’re kneading dough instead of skin. Kid is as tall as a goddamn tree, much to Levi’s annoyance. He doesn’t understand why everyone insists on treating him like he just came out of the womb. “How can any creature alive not like your pretty, pretty face? No worries, my sweet! I’m sure my dear Antoinette will find you just as precious!” Hange whistles, calling forth their horse. The mare trudges towards them slowly, as if reluctant to leave the patch of grass that’s been holding its attention. Hooves clacking like a child dragging its feet. 

It stops beside Hange, pushing its snout onto their head, and nipping gently at the wayward strands. Hange tuts at it softly, rubbing a hand on its body. Swift back and forths, the way you’d rub your skin on fabric when you accidentally touch something sticky. A bribe, if Levi’s ever seen one. “Now, now. Behave. We have a new friend with us today, and you’re my sweet girl, aren’t you? My sweet, brave girl. You won’t throw him off, and break his pretty, little neck, will you? Oh yes, you won’t.” Hange coos. The horse huffs happily, lavished by all the attention. Hange extends a hand to Kid, wagging their fingers, coaxing him to come closer.

The brunet throws a reluctant look at Levi. He gives a tiny nod for reassurance. 

Kid lifts a hand slowly. Like he’s moving his arm with rusty joints. Creaky with the threat to remain stuck with one wrong, rushed movement. Hange’s horse steps back, making the brunet flinch. Levi sees the disappointment blooming on the corner of his mouth, and he is just so done with everything that’s been trying to tie those lips to the ground. 

But maybe animals really do sense the feelings of those around them. Or maybe for some reason it just happened to change its mind. The horse takes one step forward. Then another. And another. Until its snout is pressing on to the brunet’s cheek. Levi reels in disgust when a wet tongue pops out of its mouth, taking an experimental lick. Kid’s cheek is shiny with slobber, but Levi doesn’t think he minds it one bit. He gasps. The shadows in his eyes parting like clouds do to make way for the Sun. Antoinette pushes its floppy lips further into his chestnut hair. Licking, and sniffing. And Kid is laughing. Breathless. The kind of happiness that takes up space. Solid, and warm, and full. 

Something in Levi stutters. Thinks twice before it functions again.

_How long until this belongs to someone else?_

Levi shakes his head. Rips apart the thought. Sets fire to the shreds, and buries the ashes. There’s so fucking much he’s not allowed to let himself get close to. 

“Levi!” Kid calls his name. Right cheek pressed against Antoinette’s. Hands fleeting throughout the mare’s body like he doesn’t know where to put them, until his arms curl and settle around its neck. “Look, Levi! Look! She likes me!”

“Don’t strangle her, you damn brat.” Levi clicks his tongue. “I guess this means you’re riding with Hange then. Figures. You’re both fucking weirdos, I’m not surprised the horse can’t tell who from who.”

“Oh, don’t be such a sourpuss!” Hange bumps him on the shoulder. Levi pushes back. “Just look at him. He’s so cute, I could just gobble him up!” 

“Fuck this. He’s not riding with you. You’ll smother him to death before any Titan does.”

Hange smirks. Tugs Kid off the horse, and loops their arms together. “Don’t be jealous, Levi. You’ve had him all to yourself for a month. Let others take a turn!”

Levi’s fingers twitch on his sides. Eager to break a bone. Clenching into a fist ready to meet a chin. It does nothing but make Hange grin wider. Levi wants to pluck their teeth, then shove them back a place they’re not supposed to grow in. “Do you hear the kind of shit coming out of your piece of shit mouth, or has your brain swelled up so large that it just completely blocks sound altogether?”

Hange laughs, like they have a lifetime supply of it all piled up inside their belly. Laughs like they have all the time in the world. They saunter towards Levi, arms swaying the way wind chimes look when they’re touched by a breeze. Hange looks at him fondly, and it only makes him feel infinitely worse. They only look at Levi like that when they’re about to pull words out of his mouth that he’d rather die choking on than say. So Levi swallows. Wet, and thick, and heavy. Lets the acid in his stomach digest all the things that are better left unsaid. Because Kid has somehow found his way up the horse’s back. Asking Levi to ‘ _Look! Look, look!_ ’ Again like he did earlier. Again like he always does. Too preocuppied to notice that the problem is not that Levi isn’t looking. It’s that he couldn’t look away. 

* * *

The forest is easy enough. By the time morning comes, I’m fairly positive we’d only be at least an hour or two away from reaching the open area between here and the Wall. Assuming we don’t run into too many hordes, at least.”   
  
They ride before dawn. That point in the sky where light is just beginning to break, and the Moon forgets that it’s no longer supposed to be there. The forest merges into one big blur as they speed throughout the woods. Colors splattered into one huge earthy canvass. The world passing by. Distant. Where almost dying on a river, and being rescued by a strange boy seemed such a long time ago it couldn’t possibly have happened. 

“Hordes form because of one smell. Come together because they c-concentrate on one smell. Our blood smells same to them. But they smell it very strong. We must be careful. Must not bleed.” Kid speaks. Too bright. Too real to be a fever dream. 

“Ha? And how do you know that, brat?” Oluo asks, raising an eyebrow that quickly comes back down as his horse precariously stumbles on a rock, rattling his balance. A yelp escapes his lip, followed by a sigh of relief when his tongue managed to dodge the scrape of his teeth

Kid throws him a dirty look. It’s like staring at a mirror. Levi’s never felt so proud. “Lived here long. If not know these things, you die. Also, please stop biting tongue. Titans supposed to be not awake now, but not all of them sleep. Senses not strong, but blood is still blood. Some smell them more strong than others. Even just a drop.” 

“You know, it makes sense.” Petra says, lines forming on her forehead as she undergoes an epiphany. “Remember the 47th expedition? When they were trying to build a base North of here? Reports said that the area had been cleared. It was quiet enough for them to start setting up the supplies, but an abnormal got past, eating one of the soldiers. And then suddenly there’s just a whole influx of them!”

“Well, shit! Fuck you, Levi!” Hange screeches, grips the rein of their horse tightly as if they’re about to ram it against his. “Kid is a Titan genius, and you never bothered to tell me?!”

“You never asked, shitty four-eyes!” Levi smirks. 

“Oh, so you wanna play dirty, huh?” Hange sneers with too much teeth. They killed their first Titan looking like this. “Hey, Kid!” 

“Yeah?”

“Wanna know something about Levi?”

Kid lights up. Like sunrise decided to come early, and wake the world through him. He bobs his head up and down. 

“Levi may look all scary and shit, but get this—his left foot is extremely ticklish!” Hange cackles as if the involuntary twitching of Levi’s body was the funniest thing in the world. It sounds like the wheels of a carriage running through a rough road. They turn their head a bit, looking back at Kid expectantly. 

“Uhm. I know?” Kid answers with a small frown, like he’s failing to understand something that should have been obvious. Levi sighs, dying internally. 

Hange’s mouth drops down. So wide you could fit a cave in there. “What do you mean ‘you know?’ How?” They whip their head to stare at Levi in disbelief. “The hell have you two been doing out here, Levi?!”

“None of your fucking business! Now shut up. They can hear you spewing shit all the way to goddamn Sina.” 

“Oh, no. You’re not getting out of this so easily! We’re going to have a long, long chat about this when we get back.”

Levi bites down a groan. Thinks that Kid really is more trouble than he’s worth. Levi sees the strands of chestnut hair whipping against the wind like arms growing out of a hurricane. He has one hand on the back of Hange’s cloak. The other wound tight on the hilt of a blade that Levi wouldn’t let him ride off into the woods without. Kid always looks like he’s carrying more than the naked eye could see. Sometimes Levi wants to break him open. Map out the juts of his ribs, the length of his spine. Figure out why he looks like he breathes with his chest bolted when he thinks Levi isn’t looking. 

Kid meets his stare. And gazes shouldn’t feel physical, but this one is. Like a hand that reaches, and pulls, and drags. Levi looks, and he looks back. Muscle memory. Levi wonders how he got used to this. If he ever will. 

Kid smiles in that way he does where he curls his lips, and the entire earth shifts along with it. The corner of his mouth turning into the center of the Universe. The big, bold X marked on a treasure map. He looks like something that comes by once in a lifetime. 

“Eyes ahead, brat.” Levi snaps the reins of his horse, willing it to go faster. Like he’s running towards a door that’s about to close. Running so fast he can only see the rest of the world in glimpses. And it’s strange because all his life Levi had been chasing after freedom. And freedom used to only mean living without walls. Killing all the Titans. Saving humanity from extinction. Not counting your breaths like counting coins dropping on wishing wells. Three more plops until you’re dead.

When had freedom meant trading dreams in the dark. Teashops, and planting own gardens, and growing wings, and flying, and leaving fingerprints on the Moon. Kid always sounds like he’s dreaming. In and out of consciousness. Like he’s something reality can’t touch. 

When had freedom meant the smell of the earth after rain. That one time unexpected drizzle poured even with the sun high up. Beating down on their skin like tiny shards of glass. Clothes clinging tightly. Squelching boots. Looking like they were crying with their whole body. Kid held his hand. Or just his finger, really. Levi’s pinky pinched between his thumb, and his index as they walked. He doesn’t know why. Levi was berating him for getting dirt all over his clothes, until at some point Kid saw his finger and just suddenly decided it had to be held. Everything he does always happens out of nowhere. But when they do, Levi just finds himself asking how could they have only happened now. Their fingers remained linked. Even when they reached their cave. Even when the rain stopped. 

Levi doesn’t know when freedom had taken the shape of a boy. 

Doesn’t know when thinking of freedom meant thinking of him. 

* * *

  
The problem with the Sun rising is seeing all the things you were afraid to find in the dark.

They were perched on branches overlooking the vast expanse still separating them from the Wall. The towering slabs of concrete a mere silhouette from their vantage point. Levi can’t help but grit his teeth at the distance they still have to conquer. To come this far, and still not come far enough. 

“Are you okay, Levi?” Kid asks, placing a hand on his shoulder. Worry marring his forehead. 

“No. I’m sweaty, and dirty, and I want a fucking bath. If Erwin sends me on another mission out, I’m going to rip those goddamn eyebrows once and for all.” Levi huffs, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He clicks his tongue when he saw dirt gathering underneath his nails. Hange laughs, and Levi scowls in their direction. “Laugh any louder, four-eyes, and you’d have an entire horde biting after your ass.”

“Oh, don’t be such a pessimist, Levi. And besides, we haven’t even encountered a Titan yet. At least, not one that isn’t still dead to the world.” 

“You don’t think that’s strange, Squad Leader? With how long the Sun’s been up?” Eld asks. Gaze fixed on the stretch of land lying before them. 

“Titans do not wake up with the Sun.” Kid says with all the casualty of stating that the sky is blue. Hange fires a grappling hook on the tree trunk that Kid and Levi are standing on. Grabbing the brunet’s hand when they land in front of him. Eyes wide. Levi scowls at their tangled hands. 

“What do you mean?” Hange asks, staring at Kid in reverie. As if they’re about to fall at his feet in worship the way those from the Wall religion do every morning. Down on their knees. Right palm pressed on their chest where their heart is beating under. Left hand on the wall. Murmuring prayers that can only be heard by concrete.

“Titans sleep at night, yes? And get energy from Sun. But when they wake it is not im-immediate.” Kid looks at him for confirmation if he’s using the word right. Levi nods. “Uhm. The time between Sun rising, and Titans waking. It is very slow. They are starting to awake but uhm, still like, inside a dream?”

“They’re in a trance.” Hange says in realization, pulling out a small notebook from inside their jacket, scribbling at it furiously. Their pen looking dangerously close to snapping in half. “They’re conscious, but they’re in a trance!” 

“They still see us. But not react correctly. Moves are slow and heavy. And also easy to hide because their nose not smelling things right at this time. But for each Titan this is not the same. Just like how some Titans still awake at night. But not—not so active? All weak when no Sun. All weak in this state, but there are some that recover more fast. Smelling blood is trigger.”

Hange looks at Kid like they’ve seen a god. Buzzing, and ready to vibrate out of their skin. The way a gun rattles when you pull the trigger. They grab both of the brunet’s wrists, then turns their head to look at Levi. “I swear Levi, you better hurry and get your constipated angsty shit together, because if you don’t marry this boy, then I will!”

Petra bursts out laughing. Loud as a popped balloon. Levi throws her a glare, making her slap a palm on her mouth as if she’s trying to push her laughter back in. “You’re running laps the moment we get back.” He moves towards Hange, yanking her hand off of her hold on Kid’s wrists. “And you—fuck off. No one’s marrying anybody. Now go call the horses, before I kick you off this tree. We still have a long way to go.”

“What a killjoy.” Hange murmurs, but obeys the orders anyway.

“Have you ever been around these parts, Kid?” Gunther asks, eyes locked on the horizon. The sky always looks different when you look at it from outside a cage. More vivid. Like you’re seeing everything for the first time.

“Yes. But it has been long time. I go to different parts of forest. Safe place before, not safe place forever.”

“We were pretty deep in the forest, weren’t we? The cave we were staying at?” Levi asks. Kid lets out a small hum in confirmation. “Have you tried going deeper? Are there no traces that another human civilization could be living out there somewhere?

Kid bites his lip in thought. Eyebrows reaching for each other. Like there’s so much within him buried deep, it takes a while to dig up the right thing. Like he doesn’t know which answer to pick apart first. “Not so sure. Not know much about inside your walls. Do not know how to compare which is yours, and which is others.”

“C’mon, brat. Think harder.” Oluo pushes, “The only ones who ever come out from our walls is the Scout Regiment. Take a good look at us. Our clothes, our weapons—this is basically it.”

“Uhm. I—“ He looks at Levi for help. 

Levi waves a dismissive hand, ending the conversation. “It’s fine. Let’s save all these questions when we’re not out here in the goddamn forest surrounded by flesh-eating bastards.” 

“I’m sorry,” Kid looks down when Oluo clicks his tongue at him. Levi has half a mind to rip it out of his mouth. He can already hear the gears of the brunet’s mind whirring. A balance tipping. One where he thinks the emptiness of the things he doesn’t know outweighs everything else he does.

“You have no reason to be.” Levi says to Kid before turning to scowl at Oluo. He stiffens at the glare, while Petra snickers in the background. “The next time you decide to be a fucking asshole, I’m going to shove my fist so far down your throat, you won’t be able to suck a dick without tasting the dirt under my nails, you hear me?”

Oluo flounders. Fist thumping into a hasty salute. “Y-yes, Captain!”

“Yow, Levi!” Hange calls from down below. Their arms waving up the air, like a doll being pulled on through strings by its puppeteer. “Quit talking about dicks, and get down here, you thirsty motherfucker! The horses are coming!”

Levi ignores everything. Hange bellowing, arms still waving in the air, swaying with the wind. Petra spilling more laughter. Her leaky faucet of a mouth. Eld and Gunther spilling along with her. The grit of Oluo’s teeth that sounds like he’s chewing on rubber. Because Kid’s ears are red. Redder than anything he’s ever seen. The tips glowing as if they’ve been dipped on fire. Levi wants to touch—to know if they feel just as hot. His teeth is back on his lips. Like he’s trying to crack the skin open. And Levi wants to touch that too. With all the curiousity of a child who’s been told to not touch anything made of glass. Like if he doesn’t move now, he’ll never be able to touch him in time. 

But Levi keeps his hands limp on his sides. Keeps them to himself. Twitching, and wanting, and curling, and wanting again. Afraid that what he’ll touch, he’d want to take. Afraid that what he’ll take, he’d want to keep.

* * *

“There’s a ten-meter Titan ahead, approaching from the left!” Gunther shouts. The Titan wafts through the trees, an Abnormal running on all fours. Levi grimaces in disgust at the drool pooling on the corner of its mouth. It spots them. Denting the earth as it speeds in their direction. Mouth wide open in anticipation. 

“Keep moving! I’ll take care of it.” Levi barks as he whips the reins of his horse, leading it to meet the Titan halfway. 

“Be careful, Levi!” Kid cries out from behind him. Levi doesn’t need to look back to know that his teeth is clenched. Eyes burning. Like he could take out the world bare handed. 

“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” Levi calls back. A smirk gracing his lips as the Titan takes a desperate dive forward, teeth snapping frantically. “C’mon then, ugly.”

Levi jumps back from his saddle, firing a hook that latches on a tree behind the rampaging monster. He whips through the air. Takes advantage of the weak neck muscles unabling Titans from looking up. One of the very first things they teach soldiers in training, particularly when dealing with Titans who function in all fours. Whirling from behind, he drives down his blade, slashing deep until half of its neck falls open. The blood from the gash spraying on his cheek.

His feet doesn’t land on the ground long until his horse is sprinting back to him, carrying him away from the carnage. 

“Amazing as always, Captain! We all missed seeing you in action!” Petra gushes, the others grunting in approval.

“Focus, everyone. You’re not here to watch a fucking circus!”

Another Titan comes into view. Hange laughs hysterically when it steps on a broken tree trunk, and slips. Kid cringes at the second-hand embarrassment. “What are you talking about, Levi? There’s a whole clown right there!”

Fighting on ground level always puts them at a disadvantage. Titans like this never fail to balance that out. Steam curls around its forehead, as it lies there paralyzed. What a step for humanity it could be if all Titans were as stupid as this. 

They refrain from engaging in direct combat as much as circumstances allow, abusing the benefit of riding in a small number. Having no spotters is obviously a handicap, but given that this team is as elite as it goes, they avoid what they can, and kill what they have to. It goes to say that aside from Kid, they each have quite the addition in the number of their kills list.

The sound of massive, stomping strides rattles the earth as two fifteen-meters chase after them from behind. Grins splitting their mouths like they’re having all the fun in the world, engaging in this grotesque game of cat-and-mouse. The length of their limbs quickly eating through the distance between them and Levi’s squad. 

“Captain, should we engage?” Gunther asks, riding beside him.

“No, it’s too risky. We’ll try to lose them on that grove of trees over there.”

“Yes, Captain. Understood!”

There are things that happen that make you feel like you’ve slowed against time. As if you can lift a hand, and touch a second. Put a pin through a moment, and see with vivid clarity where things went wrong. Like looking through a magnifying glass where everything is so much bigger, and so much worse. 

Levi hears the shriek of Oluo’s horse as it pitches forward, stumbling over a pulled out root, and throwing him on the ground. Dirt swirls around him as he rolls, crashing against a boulder. Grunting in pain as he clutches his ribs. Face pale white. 

“Oluo, are you okay?!”

“Captain, Oluo—!”

“Fuck, fuck!” Levi curses, pulling on his horse to turn back. He catches sight of the two titans, arms poised to grab. Drool flowing like they have a storm hidden in their mouths. At the speed he’s riding, and how fast the Titans are running, it only comes down to who can grab Oluo quicker. Levi isn’t willing to bet on chances. “Oluo, try to get up! Run if you can! Go help him, Eld while I distract these bastards. When I get my hands on that fucking horse, I swear to God!” 

When Levi gets close enough, he releases a hook, its claws latching on one of the Titans’ forehead. Pulled through the air until he lands on top of its head. The second Titan tries to make a grab for him. He jumps away from its grasp, using the momentum to spin and slash the nape of the Titan he had been standing on. It falls with a loud thud. The crash emphasized by the clouds of dust swimming in the air like thick fog taking over. Levi lands on its back, blades at the ready. The dirt swirling around him too concentrated for him to immediately realize that he no longer held the other Titan’s attention. He watches as Eld leaps across air, cutting off the hand making a grab for Oluo, and releasing a hook on its neck using it as leverage to be able to swing at it from behind. 

Perhaps living outside the walls have made him grow complacent. Rusted his senses that he’s already familiar with the unknown. Life always proves you wrong in the worst possible time. With the worst possible consequene. In a moment stretched too long, he can only see which second meant a second too late. A Titan. Five-meters. Bursting from within the trees. Reaching for Oluo. A flash of brown. Hands colliding against a body, pushing it out of the way. Another sacrifice.

And then there’s screaming. A gunshot fired from inside a throat. Levi almost covers his ears until he realizes that the sound was coming from him. So loud he thinks he’ll hear it even hours later. He doesn’t know when his feet began moving. When the scene playing out in front of him pulls him forward like everything inside of him is trying to break free. Reaching. 

Levi watches as fingers curl around Kid’s body, lifting him up. And he thinks there’s more screaming, but the rest of the world falls in monochrome silence. Like he’s suddenly been pulled under water. His limbs are heavy, and his lungs are functioning on leftover air. And Levi hates himself because now is not the time to drown. Not the time to just let things happen. 

Because it’s them. Climbing on trees. Trying to see every inch of the world that Kid promises will someday belong to them. Talking about everything and nothing. Why you can’t sneeze with your eyes open. The crooked jut of bone beneath Levi’s left thumb. The color of air. The taste of water. (‘ _How are babies made, Levi?’ ‘We are not fucking having this conversation.’_ ) The rooftop in HQ that made all it overlooked seem like a painting. Where looking at the sunset, legs dangling precariously on the ledge, makes you feel like you’re feeling everything twice. _I’ll take you there one day._ Watching fireflies flicker in the dark. The closest thing they’d ever get to catching a star. Carving their names on the tree outside their cave. Kid + Levi. Levi + Kid. _So the world remembers we were here._

All these things they had together. All these things Levi thought he could only want from a distance. All these things the world was not supposed to touch, because it’s theirs. 

And it’s thinking about all of it swallowed into emptiness; How easily everything that ever mattered could turn into everything that is no longer there, which slaps Levi back into reality. Like the first breath you take when you just came back from the dead.

The Titan already has its mouth opened, but Levi knows he can still make it. He has to. Levi shouts his name, fires his hook, hoping the years of carving his body into a weapon do not fail him now. And Kid looks at him, a soft smile on his mouth. As if all this time he’s just been waiting for Levi to come. Like he has the luxury of waiting in the first place. He drives his blade on the Titan’s neck, and Levi wants to shake him open because what the hell was that going to do?

Buy him time, apparently. 

It still has Kid in his grip, teeth bared, ready to clamp down. But for some reason, it remained exactly just that. Unmoving, until Levi circles around it, whipping against air as he swipes his blades, slashing its nape clean. 

Hange crouches down beside Levi, helping him pry Kid off of the Titan’s hold. The brunet coughing at the particles of dust he inhaled during the impact of its fall. 

“Kid—Oi, talk to me. Are you okay?!” Levi pats him on the arms, his torso. Takes his chin between his fingers, turning his face right then left, checking for any injuries. Levi turns to Hange snarling. “What the fuck happened, Hange?! I told you to watch him!”

“I’m so sorry, Levi—He just jumped!” 

“Levi,” Kid calls, leaning on him as he sits up, “Oluo is okay?” Levi stares at him in disbelief. Of course. Expect Kid to worry about someone else even when he was the one with one foot on the grave. 

“Yes—yes, he’s okay, you son of a bitch. What the hell were you doing?!”

“Trying to help!”

“By getting yourself eaten? Gee, that would have helped a whole fucking lot. Why did I never think of that? Next time I see a Titan, I’m going to feed you to it myself!” 

They glare at each other, Hange trying to calm both of them down, until the rest of Levi’s squad makes their way towards them. Kid breaks off the duel they’ve been having with their eyes to look at Oluo. He looks at Levi like a child about to be chastised, then at Kid who was frowning at the hand still clutching his ribs. 

“Hey, Kid. You, uhm—you okay? Thanks for back there. Sorry you almost..” Oluo trails off, his other hand scratching the back of his neck like he doesn’t know where else to put it. 

“It is okay. Not hurt. Happy you are not hurt too.” Kid flashes him a comforting smile. The one where he tilts his head, and makes you feel like you’re sleepwalking. And Oluo—fucking Oluo—actually has the audacity to blush. Splutters. Like his words are shoving each other against his tongue. Levi feels a nerve in his forehead twitch.

Petra pushes everyone away, and pulls Kid into a hug. She makes it look so easy. “Don’t go giving everyone a heart attack like that! God, I was so worried!” 

“You’ve got guts, Kid. Didn’t know you had it in you.” Eld says, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

“But I do have a question, though. How exactly did you not get eaten? I mean, don’t get me wrong I’m glad you’re okay.” Gunther waves his arms defensively when Levi throws him a look. “It’s just that, one second it was about to eat you, and then suddenly it’s just—not.”

Kid presses two fingers on the pulse point on Levi’s neck, just below his jaw line. He hopes no one notices his breath hitch. Pushing out of his lungs, only to run back in. “Over here. Hard to explain why, just know that this is connected to Titan’s mouth. If you push blade here—Just push, okay? Keep it inside. No slice. You will know if you hit right spot because it will not bleed. Titans have many s-sensitive places. Not just nape. This not kill them, but stops mouth from moving. Gives time to escape. I’m sorry I not know the exact of how long. But when there is steam, it means about to move again.”

Hange begins squealing, holding on to Kid’s arm, and rubbing their face on his sleeve. Their goggles pushing up the slope of their nose, “Ah, screw it! You can stick our friendship up your perky, little ass, Levi! I’m keeping this boy forever!”

Levi glowers, kicking dirt in their direction, “Are we all just going to stand here, and wait for another Titan to pluck us one by one? Get back to your fucking horses!”

Hange sticks their tongue out at him before they walk away with the rest of his squad. 

“Oi, Kid,” Levi calls, stepping closer, “You sure you’re okay?” He asks. Because with Kid, there are things that you have to ask twice. Thrice. Until he blinks enough for you to see the leftover fear lingering in the corner of his eye. The downturn in his mouth. He’s always walking around, puffing his chest. Shoulders squared, like there’s always something he has to prove. Bares his teeth, like he eats bruises for breakfast. Sometimes it’s easy to miss the way he shakes when he clenches his fist. That there are times he does it, not because he’s getting ready for a fight. But because he feels like he’s losing one.

“I—thinking. Keep thinking. What if I was late? Got to Oluo late,” He clutches the collar of Levi’s shirt, “What if it was you?” 

Levi doesn’t know how a body can sprawl apart standing up. How a gust of wind can blow someone to pieces. He feels everything inside him reaching out, stretching against the confines of his skin. Kid bows his head. Something cracking in the air softly.

Levi sighs, knocking a knuckle on Kid’s forehead, “Look, I still think what you did was pretty fucking stupid. You can’t go running off, and sacrificing yourself at every chance you get. You’re not bait. No one here is treating you like one. So you sure as hell shouldn’t treat yourself like one, too. Thank you for Oluo, really—sometimes he’s too stupid for his own good. But you gotta learn to trust the people around you, too. I know you have this—Titan whisperer shit you got going on for you, but we’re all here, alright? No need to take on the world on your own.”

Kid nods, slowly bringing his hand back to his side.

“You good now?”

“Mm.” He hums. Still staring at Levi like he’s trying to memorize every inch of him at once.

“Great. Now, quit looking at me like that.”

“Don’t look at me like that, too”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m about to go away,” He squeezes Levi’s hand. Once. Again, like he’s feeling for something, “I won’t.”

Levi blinks. The world passes by around him backwards.  


* * *

The air is always heavy in Shinganshina, like your lungs are refusing to breathe in respect for the dead. Levi knows they never really left the fallen district. Still looking from behind shattered windows. The dried blood smeared on the pavement. Floating in between the cracks in the walls. Wondering why you deserved to live, and they didn’t. It doesn’t matter how many years pass—Shinganshina is still in the middle of dying. 

The loss had been tremendous during the Fall of Wall Maria. Erwin, mourning their direct access to the outside world most of all. He had been relentless at searching for another way to allow them passage for expeditions without having to tear through the hordes scattered around the ruined districts. How Levi’s squad had to be deployed night, and day that it all began looking the same. Waking up to the thought of ‘Will this be it?’ Levi had never felt more of a weapon than during those days. Like his humanity was decaying along with the dead. 

In the end, it had been Hange who discovered the cave. A cavern past Shinganshina that stretches far up North, one that they had modified as an underground path leading to the outskirts of Trost. It was hot, and cramped, especially when you have to squeeze yourselves in with horses, but it got the job done. Hange found it while trying to chase after a Titan that they thought looked like Moblit. They wanted to bring it back home as a gift. Levi could only look in disgust at their strange mating rituals.

Levi pulls them to a stop at an alley, grinding his teeth when he feels a tremor in the ground. “Alright, listen up. Everyone switch back to your gears—I wanna get the fuck out of this place as fast as possible. Only engage in combat when absolutely necessary, and try not to die while you’re at it.” He dismounts from his horse, marching over to Hange in quick strides, pulling on Kid’s arm as he gets off Antoinette, “Hurry up, Kid. Same as in the forest. Hang on tight to me, and for fuck’s sake, don’t jump off in midair whenever you feel like it, understood?”

“Uhm, Levi. I don’t think he’s feeling well?” Hange says reluctanly, rubbing their hand soothingly on the brunet’s back.

“What? Kid, are you sick?” Levi asks, eyebrows knotted. But Kid doesn’t respond. Right now he’s looking at Levi like he’s looking with his eyes closed. Unseeing. Looking at Levi like he’s about to wrench him open, crawl in, and hide. He takes a small step forward, then back. Feet in debate whether he should run. Face pallid, like he’s been drinking on an empty stomach. Breath tiptoeing out of his lungs, like he’s afraid to breathe too loud.

“Four-eyes, what the fuck did you do to him?” Levi scowls at Hange who only seems just as confused. Levi takes Kid’s chin between his fingers, turning his face left and right, as if the reason for his fear would be visible under better lighting. “Oi, Kid. What’s going on?”

“Captain, is he okay?” 

“Levi—S-something is wrong. I don’t—“ Kid shakes his head, reducing him to a blur. And Levi misses the way his lips snag on his teeth when he smiles. How it stretches like it’s conquering territories until it’s too big for his face. Too big for the world. A mouth that was made for conquest. “Please—please get me out of here.” His words wave like a white flag. Someone’s surrender shouldn’t feel so physical that you fall down on your knees along with it. 

“Okay—Okay, fuck. Let’s go. I’ll get you out. I swear I’ll get you out.”

And Levi was never the kind of person who promises anything, because promises were addictive, especially when you think you can keep them. It’s never just a bad habit. Never just one last cigarette. One last bottle of alcohol. 

Because ‘ _I’ll get you out_ ’ will turn to ‘ _I’ll always keep you safe_ ’ until it becomes ‘ _I’ll never let the world hurt you again’_

I swear.

I promise. 

A nail to the cross.

* * *

“Good afternoon! Lovely weather we’re having today, isn’t it?” Hange shouts at the seven-meter prowling around the cave that will lead to their escape, before turning to Levi, gesturing to Kid, who has his face buried on Hange’s back, with a pointed look. “I’ll distract it. You guys go ahead.” 

Hange pats Kid’s arms lightly, signalling him to loosen the lock he has on their waist. “We’re almost there, Kid. But I’m gonna need you to let me go, so I can nicely ask that seven-meter blondie to let us through, okay? Don’t worry, Levi will be holding on to the reins for you. Just sit tight, hm?” 

“B-be careful,” Kid whispers, still not looking anyone in the eye. 

“Always am, my sweet! But don’t let anyone snitch on me to Moblit though, okay?” Hange plants a quick kiss on Kid’s forehead before shooting off, cackling like they’ve secretly been smoking something they shouldn’t. 

“How about you take a little walk with me?” Hange yells at the Titan, landing on a nearby tree to catch its attention. It swipes a hand down, flailing its arms when Hange dodges, circling around it in midair. “I suppose that’s a no, then? Oh, well.” Hange shrugs, releasing their hook, and firing it on the Titan’s shoulder mere seconds before hitting the ground, simultaneously slashing two blades across its nape. 

“Quit fucking around, Hange! Let’s go!” Levi snarls, holding the iron gate open, eyes scouring the woods for any other Titans. 

“Alright, alright. Geez.” Hange lands the way a fruit falls from a tree. Never with grace. Levi locks up the gate securely, then marches off to Kid who was slumped against the wall, slowly sipping water from a tin container. The others hovering around him, like he just gained four new shadows. 

“Everyone buzz off. Give the brat some space.” Levi waves them away, crouching down in front of the brunet, and placing a hand on the side of his neck. “Talk to me, Kid. What happened back there?”

“I—I don’t know. Picture in my head—so many. But not good. And bodies—Levi. Levi, so many bodies not moving. So much blood. W-where are we? Where am I—“ And there he was again. Fading. Drifting away like an afterthought. The lights in his eyes going out, words gushing from his mouth like he’s bleeding. Sometimes Levi doesn’t know how to touch him when he gets like this. Like pulling a finger will pull him apart, and Levi will put him back together with the pieces all wrong. Or worse—with pieces missing.

But then he slots his head on the space between Levi’s shoulder and neck. Sighs his sadness on Levi’s skin. Tattooes his breath on the valley of Levi’s collar bones. The warm puff of breath sinking down his pulse. Levi smooths a hand across his back. Keeps the quaking of his bones from shattering his spine. “Hey, you’re here with me. It’s just me—see? Just Levi. You can do it, Kid. Breathe for me, c’mon.”

Kid takes a deep breath, sucks it from the side of Levi’s throat like he has a lung tucked in there. Was that how it felt to have your breath stolen? “F-feel like been here before.”

“What does that mean, Captain?” Petra asks, anxiously squeezing her left thumb. 

“He doesn’t remember much, but sometimes he gets these—flashes. Dreams about them, mostly. We have reason to believe that he may have been here when the Wall fell. Fuck knows how he got all the way outside, but this is the first time he’s had them while awake. Seeing the aftermath of the breach may have triggered it, but—“ Levi sighs, running a hand on his locks, tugging lightly on his scalp. “I don’t know. Shit.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Hange pats him on the shoulder, a reassuring smile on their face. “I think we have a few cadets who survived Maria? We can ask around. And Erwin has, like, access to the secrets of the Universe, he’ll help us find out more about Kid. Just play nice with him for a bit, and stop smuggling bleach into your room, god, you’d think you were drinking all that shit!”

“Fuck you all, you have no proof,” Levi scoffs before nudging Kid slightly. “Hear that, Kid? We’ll get you all the help we can. And even if we never end up figuring shit out, that’s fine, too. That just means you get to be whoever the fuck you wanna be. You understand?” Kid nods, his hair brushing on Levi’s cheek, “Good. Now get the hell off. You’re getting snot all over my shirt, brat. You’re washing this when we get back.”

Levi helps him stand up, and his squad is back to fussing over him. Ruffling his hair, and clapping him on the back. Someone’s shoving more water to his lips, followed by a series of ‘ _It’s okay’_ and ‘ _We’ll help’_ and ‘ _Commander Erwin will know what to do’_ and ‘ _We’ll get you a new name. How does Petro sound?’ – ‘Petra, how are you worse than Levi?!’_ And Kid actually laughs that Levi only glares at Gunther when he accidentally steps on his foot. Lets him get away with thinking he’s so discreet when he pulls Kid in between him and Levi.

“Uhm. T-thank you, everyone.” He says shyly, peering up at them through his lashes. And he’s so close Levi could measure the curve, the dip of each one. Eyes a mix of glassy green and blue. The way the Earth would look if you were viewing it on the other side of a window. 

Hange coos at him, latching on his arm, “You’re the most adorable, little thing—I’m so glad Levi didn’t rub off on you!”

“Tch. The hell are you talking about? I’m an absolute delight to have around.” Levi smirks, smacking Hange on the arm. “Stop getting your germs all over him. When did you even last shower, four-eyes?” 

“I just knew you’d be bitching about that, so you’d be proud to know that I did before we left for this mission. I even snuck in your room to use your tub. You were right—your essential oils really are a godsend,” Hange grins at him smugly. Yelps when Levi swings a fist in their direction, missing only by a hair’s breath. Knuckle jabbing on air. 

“I am going to fucking break all your test tubes, feed you the broken shards, and then have you shit them right back,” Levi growls, but Hange only cackles. Laughter slapping against the walls. Hange would hand it around like fliers if they could. Their body always thrumming with too much of everything not to share. “Let’s just go before I return you to Erwin inside a body bag.” 

“At the rate we’re going, I’m assuming we’ll be able to reach Trost by midnight, Captain,” Eld pipes up beside him, handing him the reins of his horse. 

“Thank fuck,” Levi looks at Kid who has the hem of his sleeve pinched in between his fingers. The nail of his thumb grazing the loose thread of the fabric, flicking it back and forth. “Just a couple more hours, Kid. One more straight ride, and then we’re there.”

“W-will people there really be okay I am coming?” He says in that small, pocket-sized voice. Levi thinks he could swirl the sound in his palm. Fit it in his own mouth. Poke it with his tongue until it unfurls so Levi could swallow Kid’s fear for him. Levi thinks his stomach can handle it. 

“I can’t say they won’t be surprised—I bet they aren’t even really expecting me to be alive, let alone to have been rescued by someone who’s managed to survive years outside the walls. But whatever people think is their own damn problem. And if you hear any of them talking shit, you punch them in the face.” Levi pauses for a moment. Brows scrunching in thought. “Okay—maybe no. Maybe don’t punch anyone in the face just yet. At least not on your first day. Tell you what, if anyone gives you shit, you tell me, and I’ll punch them in the face. Sound good?”

Kid only narrows his eyes at him skeptically, but a hint of a smile is already tugging the corner of his mouth, “Levi should stop punching people.”

“Yeah, well, tough luck. Sometimes you gotta knock a couple of teeth out to get a point across.” Levi curls a finger, tapping the protruding bone on the brunet’s cheek. He swats it away with a flimsy hand, clicking his tongue at Levi. 

Levi knows people will treat him like some kind of urban legend. An image. The boy who saved Humanity’s Strongest. The boy outside the walls. Weaving the idea of him into a more comfortable version of the truth. A story to put children to sleep at night. Everyone’s a sucker for those who defy the impossible.

They’ll never get to see his hair spilled in the dark. The rest of him scattered on Levi’s chest. Listening to a heartbeat, trying to get his own heart to follow. Eyes bolted like he’s not even in there. Where everything he says sounds like the last thing he’d ever say. The impossible silence of nights like those. 

“But I think it’s okay,” Kid says thoughtfully. His fingers back to playing with another loose thread, pulling, and stretching it to a full inch. 

“What is?”

“People talking.”

“Oh? How so?”

Kid grins. The one Levi could never say no to, “Because when Levi is mad, always say I never listen. So I just continue to not listen to anyone, then Levi won’t need to punch people.”  
  
Levi snorts. Drags back a laugh before it leaves his mouth completely. He hits the back of Kid’s head lightly. The brunet pouting at him, as he rubs the spot. “And have you use that as an excuse to be more of a stubborn, little shit than you already are? No, thanks.”   
  
“Mm, but really. Will be okay.”

“How so?”

“Because wherever is okay. If Levi is there. Will always be okay.” Kid says. And they’re just words. They shouldn’t feel like the world is spinning in just this one moment. A second stretching until it snaps. Ruins time. And it takes Levi ten years to realize that Kid’s fingers have let go of that stray thread on his shirt. Another year to feel the pinch of his index and his thumb on Levi’s pinky. Again, out of nowhere. Again, because it just had to be held. And it takes another span of his entire exisence to notice, that his heart is starting to beat inside a body that isn’t his. 

* * *

When Levi sees the familiar outline of the Survey Corps’ Headquarters—the Wings of Freedom waving in the wind like a beacon—Levi almost slumps down the mane of his horse in relief. A month’s worth of exhaustion hitting him all at once. Bones too tired to keep him upright. 

“Thank Maria, we’re here!”

“Ugh. My back hurts. You think we can all get a day off tomorrow?”

“If they don’t at least let us eat meat, I’m going to set something on fire. Nobody snitch.”

Hange cheers alongside him. Fist pumping in the air like they’re ready to strike down anything that gets in the way of them taking the last few steps to get inside the castle, “Hell, yeah! We made it! Screw getting court-martialed—I am so going to rub this in all the higher up’s faces! I can’t wait to see them shit their pants when they see you, Levi!”

“Shut up, Hange. You’re going to wake up all of Rose with your goddamn shouting!” 

“Oh, chill out, grumpy. Look at Kid—you’re excited aren’t you, my little gumdrop?” 

Kid doesn’t respond. Only traces the shape of the sight before him with wide eyes. Gaze flickering at every corner, every shift in the shadows. Mouth parted, releasing nothing but silence. Like there are words that should be coming out, but they all fade as soon as they meet the midnight air.

Kid tries to pull on the reins, reaching past Hange. Tugging desperately to get the horse to stop. 

“Uhm, Kid, what are you—“

“Stop—please. Stop.”

Hange scrunches their eyebrows in confusion, but does so, anyway. Kid immediately jumps down, then yanks on Levi’s wrist wordlessly until he follows suit. 

“Oi, Kid. Are you okay? The fuck is going on—“ He wraps his arms around Levi. The flutter of his eyelashes brushing inside the hollow on Levi’s neck. Their heartbeats knocking against each other. Chasing one pulse after another. Locks clicking. Knobs turning. Breaking, and entering. How does it feel to never leave this?

“Thank you, Levi,” He whispers. A feather on Levi’s skin. An explosion in his chest. And this is what makes everything worth it. What overthrows all the bad things in the world. Levi’s hands meet, arms curled around Kid’s waist. And he’s holding on like he’s hanging from the sky. He doesn’t mind the drop. Not when he gets to taste the air from a thousand feet up. To carve this feeling into a star where he can look up, and still feel it lifetimes later. 

Kid goes out of hiding, turning his head, opening his eyes. And Levi forgets why you shouldn’t look at the sun up close. Not because it burns. Not because it’s blinding. But because nothing else is worth looking at ever again. Being in the face of something so much bigger than everything you know, you’d beg to be conquered. And Levi wants to tell Hange that they’re wrong— about air rising, and pressure dropping, and the cold wrapping around high places, because Levi is warm. Levi is so warm here.   
  
“This is home?” He murmurs on Levi’s shoulder. 

“Mmhm.” _You are._

“Can Levi still teach me to play chess?” 

“Yeah.” _Anything you want._

“Can I have tea? Did I say it correct? The one you said is good?”

“Mm.” _Everything. You can have everything._

“Can I—“

“Can you ever shut up?”

…

_Can I keep you?_

* * *

  
“Petra!” Hange hisses. “I’m gonna die. I can’t believe this is how I’m gonna go—watching Levi get constipated over a boy. Tell Moblit I love him, and I’m sorry I stole his wallet that one time. And my children! My poor Sawney, and Bean—“

“Uhm, I don’t think they count as children, Squad Leader—“

“Don’t interrupt my dying wish, goddammit!”

* * *

  
The soldiers stationed to man the gates scramble into a hasty salute at the sight of Levi. Knocking over a small wooden table, playing cards fluttering to the ground. One of them makes an undignified squeak, uselessly dragging the the cards out of view with an obvious scrape of a boot. “C-captain Levi!”

The blond—Uriel, if Levi remembers correctly—stares at him, lips wobbling. “Y-you’re alive—Sir. Captain Levi, sir!”

Hange jabs him on the ribs with an elbow, eyebrows wagging. “Looks like we aren’t the only ones happy that you didn’t kick the bucket, grumpy!” Hange begins cooing at the glassy sheen pooling in their eyes. Their knuckles trembling against their chest. “Look at them they’re about to cry—How adorable!”

“We all missed you, Captain. The Corps wasn’t the same without you,” Petra says. Her eyes soft.

Levi feels like he’s been strung by the feet, upside down. All his blood gathering in his skull, he thinks he’s about to start bleeding from his eyes. His squad gives him this strange, knowing look. Smiling at him, like they’re in on some kind of joke, and they’re all waiting for Levi to understand the punch line. 

“Tch. Of course, it wasn’t. Everything’s probably covered in filth by now.” Levi scoffs, swatting away Hange who was still poking him on the side. He turns to the two soldiers who goes ramrod straight at the sharpness of his eyes, “You planning on letting us in, or what?”

“Y-yes, Captain!” They say in unison, before scurrying to open the gates. Hange stretches their arms beside him. Bones popping in an obscene crack that rivals the creak of the rusty bars of iron opening before them. 

“Uhm, s-shall I go and inform Commander Smith of your arrival now, Sir? Perhaps he’s still awake?” Uriel fidgets, eyes darting around Levi’s face like he doesn’t know where to look—or if he’s even allowed to. 

“Fuck, no. The last thing I need is Erwin hounding my ass with a million questions in the middle of the goddamn night. Until the sun rises, I am still dead to the world, got it?”

“Yes, Sir!”

“Erwin’s not gonna be happy about that,” Hange singsongs, slumping an arm around his shoulders. Levi permits it for the time being. He knows they’re all tired. His rescue team has barely stopped moving since setting off to find him. 

“See if I give a shit,” Levi rolls his eyes.

He takes a deep breath. The rush of air makes his insides ache. Pounds around his lungs to crack him wide open, and reveal the parts of him still swollen. His leg is one more step away from dislocating from the rest of him, like its bones have turned to sticks, and the muscles around it, cotton. He’s going to strap himself into his bed for at least a week.

“Levi,” Hange says quietly. And that’s how you know something is wrong, because Hange is never quiet. 

“What?”

“Have you change your mind?”

They both watch as Kid bounces around on the heels of his feet, like he’s about to shoot off the ground, ready to float across the sky where he belongs, pointing and asking about every little thing. And Gunther is dragging him by the collar when he tries to follow a cat he saw jumping on the roof. Laughing when Oluo trips on a rock, and bites his tongue. He look so young like this, it’s painful. Nose crinkled, head thrown back. And it’s too much. Too big. His laughter doesn’t fit his body. It’s larger than this life, and everything else that follows. 

It’s so easy to forget that Levi’s not allowed to want more.

Levi thinks of nights they spent tucked away beneath moonbeams. The quiet warmth of shoulders pressed together. Like it was so much quieter there than anywhere else. Existing in a separate corner of the world. A place that was only theirs. 

And he thinks it’s enough. It’s good like this. To look at the Sun, and at least remember that they happened. 

“No,” Levi says. Kid calls his name. So alive he feels the hum of it in his bones. “Nothing changes.”

* * *

  
Levi feels like an intruder in his own room. Like a single breath would disrupt a month’s worth of stillness. He frowns at the dust sprinkled across his bedside tables. The grime build-up on top of his cabinets. The dirt mocking him on every corner. There’s a stack of documents perched on his desk. An unopened envelope. The box of tea he had just bought prior to their mission. His bed is still crisply made—not one crease on his sheets, though the pillows look sad and deflated. Aside from that, everything else looks undisturbed. Not one thing out of place. He catches his reflection in the mirror—cheeks hollow, night hanging under his eyes, he thinks it could swallow if he tries to dip a finger—and realizes that the only one in this room that’s no longer the same is him.

Kid pushes past him. Poking, and running his fingers over everything. The spine of his books. The chipped wood of his drawers. The curtains. The small chest on the foot of his bed. Turning over paperwork. He accidentally knocks over a bottle of ink, and thank goodness it’s still sealed. When he opens the door to Levi’s bathroom, he looks like he just discovered the center of the Earth, even though Levi reels in disgust when he spots the telltale signs of mold growing on the sink. Then he’s back to bouncing around the room, leaving his fingerprints on every surface. Levi’s stomach stirs at the thought of how much he could belong here.

“Calm the fuck down, brat. You’re going to break something.” Levi is leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed in front of his chest. Staring at Kid as he pulls open his desk drawers. 

“What is this?” He asks, zooming in on the glass marble he’s twisting around in his hands.

“That’s called a paperweight. And I’m going to smack you on the face with it if you don’t stop messing around with my things,” Levi walks over, plucking the object from his hands, and setting it on top of a random folder. 

“Why Levi is always so angry?”

“I don’t know—why are you always so fucking annoying?”

Kid only scowls at him before pushing up against his chair, and sauntering over to the bed. He lies back, half his body still dangling over the edge. He widens his eyes at Levi when he tries to bounce down experimentally. “Levi! It’s so soft!” 

“Oi, get the hell off! You smell like a Titan’s asshole, and you’re getting your filth all over my sheets!” Levi growls, pushing on his knee with a foot. Kid whines, then pulls Levi’s blanket, rubbing it all over his face. 

“But I’m tired.”

“And so am I, you little shit. I told you you’re sleeping in the next room. Gunther already left you some spare clothes to change into. Now stand the fuck up.”

“No,” Kid shakes his head, dragging himself further up the bed to bury himself under the pillows, “Stay with Levi.” The brunet opens one eye to peek at him, then goes back into hiding beneath all the soft, white fluff. 

And it’s so cruel. How it only takes one step for Levi to reach out, and have the tips of his fingers scrape the sky. But he knows that he shouldn’t. One touch could tip the world upside down. He doesn’t want to be the reason the Sun crashes to the ground. 

“I’m serious, Kid. Get up.”

They stare at each other so long, he has Kid’s face burned underneath his eyelids. If he closes his eyes, Levi can still see the shadow of his lips turned down as he rises unhappily. His hair sticking up, the sleeves of his shirt crumpled. Then he sighs in defeat. Hugs Levi, and murmurs his goodnight on the side of his head before leaving, and closing the door with a heavy click. 

It makes Levi feel like he’s been stripped bare. Chest too tight to fit into his own skin. It makes him want to turn into someone who can reopen the door, and follow. 

* * *

  
Levi doesn’t know how long he stares at his ceiling until it morphs, and he can make out shapes and faces crawling in the dark. He thinks he can see the shadow of Erwin’s eyebrows wiggling across the night. They look like blond leeches. He should really get some sleep—the exhaustion is turning him into a lunatic. Or worse—it’s turning him into Hange. 

Levi tosses to the side, and the empty space of his bed feels more like a hole. Any minute now, and a hand would shoot up, drag him down, and everyone would know he’s alive because he announced it by crashing down the floorboards. He doesn’t let himself wonder too much why the cave grounds back in the forest had rearranged his spine, but they had never felt this hollow. 

His vision is starting to blur. Limbs heavy. Every movement is like tripping on air. He touches the teeth-shaped scar marring his leg, runs his thumb on the sharp edges. Levi thinks it’s ugly, but Kid insists on calling it his half-moon. The lost skin gaining him a piece of the sky. He began naming Levi’s scars after that. Meteor on his ribs. Apple on his knee. Ladybug on his thigh. Hopper on his back. Daisy on his chest. It was a time when it felt like it would take the whole world to pull them apart. Thinking about it makes his body throb into one giant bruise. 

He hears the door open, and a string of curses automatically line up inside his throat, thinking that it’s Hange, because Hange is the only one brave and stupid enough to actually break into his room at three in the morning. 

He swallows. Saliva clumping on the base of his throat when a familiar mop of tousled brown hair comes into view as Levi’s eyes adjust in the dark. 

“The fuck are you doing here?” Levi hisses. Kid moves closer, sitting on the side of his bed. The one that felt like a hole. It doesn’t seem so hollow now. 

“Can’t sleep.”

“Not my problem.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Levi.”

“Fuck. Fine.” Levi relents. One more night. One last night of the most he’s ever going to have. “Petra showed you how the bathroom works, didn’t she? Did you take a bath? You’re not sleeping on this bed until you’re so fucking clean your ass is glowing in the dark.”

Kid shakes his head shyly. Chin dipped down his neck. And Levi hates how he feels like he’s crashing down the floorboards anyway. “Uhm, it is hard. I forgot. Levi said not to break things.”

Levi pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes closed, sighing. “Fine, fine. Get up. You can use my tub, but this is a one time thing, you got that?” 

Kid bobs his head excitedly, yanking Levi’s arm, and dragging him into the bathroom. He runs his finger on the dip of Levi’s tub, crouched down, swirling patterns on the wood. 

“Hot water only runs from eight to ten in the morning, so you’ve got no choice but to deal with the cold. But it’s not so bad, I still think the river’s worse. At least here, you won’t have to worry about a Titan suddenly coming and eating you butt naked.” Levi says, along with the rush of water filling the tub.

Kid places the clothes he got from Gunther on a counter top, then stares at Levi, waiting for instructions on what to do next. 

“Once it’s full, you turn the faucet off by twisting this to the left,” Levi taps on the small lever, “Then strip, and get inside. Think you can manage that while I get you a towel?”

“Mm,” Kid says, not looking at him. Busy poking the water with a fingertip. 

Levi leaves him, and rummages on the bottom of his drawer for an extra towel. When he gets back, Kid is already sitting inside the tub, cupping water into his palms. Hair dripping wet, he must have dunk it under. 

“Cold?” Levi asks, hanging the towel on an iron bar, then grabbing a small stool to sit behind the brunet. 

“No, it’s okay.” He shakes his head. Water sliding down his neck in lazy drops. They look like rain dew against his skin. 

“Good,” Levi grabs a bar of soap, and hands it to him, “Now, that is a soap. Just rub it all over yourself, and make sure you clean every inch. If I see one speck of dirt on you, I’m going to drown you in your own bathwater, understood? I’ll take care of shampooing your hair. You look like you stuck your head inside a fucking tornado.”

And for a moment, it’s just them and the quiet sound of water splashing gently along skin. Bubbles popping in Kid’s hair, like fuzzy white noise, as Levi treads through the strands with nimble fingers. Untangling where his nail snags. The smell of vanilla milk tickling his nose. Levi wonders if he can unravel him open if he pulls on the right knots. A ribbon on his palm. 

Kid cranes his head back, lips pulled back against his teeth. The green of his eyes catching the flame flickering from an oil lamp, and Levi is back in the woods, burning in a forest fire.

Levi raises an eyebrow, “What’s wrong with your face?”

Kid slides further down, the water rising to his chest. His nape resting on the inner rim of the tub, “Feel funny. It tickles,” He pulls one of Levi’s hands away from his hair. Lets Levi’s forearm hang limply on his shoulder as he swipes the foam on Levi’s fingers with a thumb, “Smells good,” He murmurs, cheek pressed against the back of Levi’s pulse. 

“Tch,” Levi tugs on his hair. Kid turns his head to look at him again, and smiles. Mouth summer-lit in Levi’s small, sad bathroom. A drop of water caught in between his lashes. He blinks, and it falls down the curve of his cheek, on to the corner of his lips. It shouldn’t look so monumental that Levi’s eyes sting. Like he’s unearthing hidden pieces of the planet. Levi can feel Kid’s breath settle between the space in his knuckles. And it is much easier to forgive the world this way. To grant pardon to the Universe, simply because this boy is breathing in it. “Your hair’s getting longer.”

Kid twists the end of a lock plastered wet on his collarbone, “You not like it?”

“I’m just saying. We can have it cut tomorrow, if you want.”

“Why not you do it?”

Levi snorts, “Unless you want me to cut off an ear as well, then I suggest you only trust me with a blade when there’s a Titan involved.”

“Keep it like this, then.” He hums, softly paddling his feet, creating ripples in the water. 

“Hey, brat. Wanna see something cool?” Levi asks. When Kid nods, he takes the bar of soap from him, scrubbing it on his hands until he’s satisfied with the suds coating his skin. Levi rubs his index on his thumb, slowly opening his fingers to shape a small circle until a thin film of soap is formed. He holds it a couple of inches away from his mouth, then begins to blow gently, careful not to pop the bubble before he can transfer it on the palm he has cupped underneath. When it settles on his hand, Levi blows on it again, moving the bubble forward, pushing it off the tips of his fingers. It floats for a few seconds until it lands on the side of the tub, and bursts. 

Kid blinks at the wet patch it left behind, before splashing around as he turns to Levi. Water sloshing, drops sliding down the tub, dripping on the floor.

“Oi, you’re getting water on my floor, shithead—“

“Levi, me too! Want to do it too!”

“Settle down—fuck! Alright, alright!” Kid stares at him eagerly, Levi can almost see a tail wagging, like he’s some kind of mutant 170cm puppy dog that Levi has somehow hauled into his bathtub. This looks like something that should belong in one of Hange’s experiments. Not in Levi’s cramped bathroom that still has a hint of bleach lingering in the air even after a month of vacancy. “Here, rub the soap in your hands, then—not too much! Be careful, this shit is expensive, god!”

“Hurry, Levi. What next?” 

Levi clicks his tongue, then proceeds to show him how to make his own bubble. Kid blows on it too much, shooting a bit of spit in the hole he has shaped between his fingers. Levi would have yelled at him for being disgusting, but he has that crinkle in his eye where he’s either about to cry and flood the whole world, or flip the earth over and burn it to the ground. Sometimes Levi thinks he can do both at the same time. 

“I told you, do it slowly. Like you’re blowing on a wound. Don’t spit on it, you’re gonna get your germs all over my tub.”

He manages to make a small one. And it’s only the size of an eyeball. Hues of blues and greens swirling on the surface, bumping in and out of each other. Kid blows it off his palm. Both of them watching as it floats, wobbling on air, bobbing up and down, like it’s not sure where it’s supposed to go. Levi goes crosseyed when it pops on the tip of his nose. 

They stare at each other for a moment. And he doesn’t know who laughs first. Just that they are. Laughing. And it’s spilling all over, slotting through each gap in the room. He could splay a hand on the walls much later, and still feel it throb. Quiver. A pulse carved on concrete. This space—this glitch in time—it could never make another sound. It could never die.

And it’s that smile on his face, the soft dip on his cheeks, the stray lash under his eyes, that makes Levi’s chest constrict in a permanent hiccup. He feels it kicking all the way up his throat, colliding against the words he wants to say, and crashing on the little he can. He tries to swallow it all like water down the drain.

“Levi.”

“What?”

“If we make it big enough, can we go inside and fly?” Kid asks, back to blowing air on his hands, even though it’s mostly just him spitting at this point. 

“That’s not how it works,” Levi says, scooping water on his palms, rinsing off the suds still fizzing on his hair. Strands pliant, and soft in his hold, like a cloud trail.

“Why not?”

“Because if it pops, you’ll fall down the ground, and die,” He deadpans. Kid frowns at him, droplets hanging on his eyebrows “Where do you even plan to fly off to, anyway?”

“Everywhere.”

“Everywhere?”

“Mm. With Levi.”

And Levi had never been warned of this. This warmth that could take you apart. Split you into pieces. Separate you into different directions all at once. His hand moves before he could stop it. Combing away the hair covering a part of Kid’s eye. Catching the glimmer of forever-spring hiding beneath it. Levi tells himself that once is enough. If this is as far as he goes, let him have this at least once to last him throughout every season in the years to come, no matter how few he might have left. That he’ll have this once, then never again. 

“There are things—lots of things, and places I want to show Levi. Hard to go there. But not flying is okay, too. Walking is okay, too. Or if just stay here, it’s okay, too. I think—I think I just want…to always be with Levi.”

He takes Levi’s hand. Holds it in his. Runs a thumb on his fingertips. A touch speaking in morse code. Dots and dashes on skin. A language only they could understand. And it’s so silent that it’s loud. Everything else mute in the face of the only person who can hold him right. 

And he glows. Knees tucked to his chest in Levi’s bathtub. Water cascading from his forehead down to his chin. In this unimportant side of the world. Where everything that happens can’t stop happening. Even here, he glows.

Levi’s heart is a bubble. He watches it float. Wobble on air. Bob up and down.

Like it’s not sure where it’s supposed to go.

* * *

They were summoned in Erwin’s office, come morning. Kid fidgets beside him, wrinkling the hem of Levi’s shirt as his hand scrunches around it. Eyes darting around the room, attention sticking on the map pinned on the wall behind Erwin who’s currently looking at him, chin pressed behind clasped hands, “I never once doubted that you were alive, Levi. It’s good to have you back. And I believe you’ve brought me a…guest.”

“Of course, I’m alive. You fuckers would be living in a pig sty, if I wasn’t,” Levi scoffs. He pulls Kid forward, tipping his chin in the blond’s direction, “Go on, introduce yourself. Erwin doesn’t bite. Much.” He smirks. Hange snickers, slapping him on the arm..

“Uhm, hello. I am Kid,” He tries for a smile, though it only looks like someone’s holding him at gunpoint. Erwin has that effect on people. Like there’s a bag over your head when you speak to him, and it tightens every time you talk. 

Erwin lifts an eyebrow, “Kid?”

“It’s Levi—he came up with it. He’s the culprit. He’s the one who subjected this poor boy to such a cruel fate,” Hange sighs, the back of their hand pressed dramatically to their forehead.

“Oh, fuck you all! It’s a good name!” Levi snarls. 

Erwin chuckles, untangling his hands, and lifting a palm in surrender, “It was merely a question. Calm down.” He turns his attention back to the brunet. mouth curled, voice smooth, like he’s trying to sell you something. Levi calls it his business mouth. Erwin only shakes his head at him when he does. Tells him that it’s rude to name other people’s body parts. It’s a running thing around the Corps that Levi has named his left eyebrow ‘mother,’ and the right one ‘fucker,’ “My name is Erwin Smith. Thirteenth Commander of the Survey Corps. It’s a pleasure to have you here.”

“T-thank you,” Kid says quietly, like he has cotton stuffed inside his cheeks.

“According to what I’ve heard, you’ve been living all these years outside the Wall, correct?” Kid nods, “I hope you don’t take offense when I say that when I first heard your situation, I found it quite difficult to believe. I’m sure you’d agree with me that outside the Wall is not the most—ideal location for us humans.”

“I don’t know, Erwin, the food is fresh. You get a pretty good view when you wake up in the morning. It’s not so bad when you get past the fact that there are giant monsters lurking around to fucking bend you over—and not the fun kind. The rabbits are pretty damn adorable, too. At least, before you eat them. Ain’t that right, Kid?” Levi drawls. He watches the tension leave Kid’s shoulders. His teeth biting down his lip as he tries to hold back a laugh. Good, Levi thinks. His smiles should be so big it refuses to fit the room.  
  
Erwin sighs. Too proper to actually roll his eyes, “As always, your input is appreciated, Levi. But I believe I was speaking to our guest,” He says. Erwin’s own subtle way of telling Levi to fuck off. 

“Hiding is uhm, more easy when alone. I live in cave that is in part of forest that has not many Titans. But not always. I change places when they are many again. Outside wall is—when get used to it, it is not so bad,” He shrugs. 

“You may be the first person I’ve spoken to who has been outside the Wall, and still refer to it as ‘not so bad,’” Erwin says, amused. Levi will never not be miffed at his nonchalance with the world outside. 

“That’s because he has this weird Titan voodoo.”

“Titan voodoo?”

Hange comes barreling forward, latching an arm around Kid. Grip, vice-like, “Oh, Erwin he’s amazing! You have to see him out on the field—or no, wait, actually, just him in general. He knows so much about Titans—their reaction to smell, and their dormant state, and—Oh! He saved Oluo from getting eaten on our way here! He stuck a blade in the Titan’s neck, and it just stopped moving! Sweet Maria, that was a sight! I would have married him then and there, but Levi’s a selfish, old bastard. Keeping this wonderful boy all to himself.”

“That Titan should have come for you instead, fucking four-eyes,” Levi glowers at Hange, wrenching Kid out of their clutches. 

“Is that so? How interesting. I expect a detailed report submitted on my desk from each of you by tomorrow morning,” Erwin looks at Kid, and Levi bristles with the urge to hide him behind his back. Or stuff him inside his pocket where Erwin can’t look at him like a predator about to sink its fangs on a cornered prey. He narrows his eyes dangerously at Erwin. Issuing a warning. 

“We still don’t know how he got outside. He doesn’t remember much, just gets flashes from time to time. We think he’s from Maria, because he has dreams that seem related to the Fall. Now, I need you to go do whatever the hell it is you do, and find his family, if he has any left. Fuck. Even just his real name would be good.”

“There are so many missing people still unaccounted for during the Fall of Maria. Most records, destroyed along with the districts. This is quite the task, Levi.”

“You think I don’t fucking know that?!” He roars. Thundering like he’s spitting bullets instead of words. Kid flinches beside him. He tugs on Levi’s finger, scraping a nail on his skin. It sinks him back down to earth. Keeps his feet planted on the floor, instead of on Erwin’s desk, kicking around all the papers, and pens, and flipping off the ceiling. 

“Let me finish. It is difficult, however, it is not impossible. I will see what I can do.” Kid sighs in relief. Levi only squints at Erwin, awaiting the final blow. Nothing with the Scout Commander ever comes without a price. “In exchange,” Levi knew it. He fucking knew it. “Kid, I would like to ask you to join us as a soldier of the Survey Corps. Hange is our lead scientist, and if your Titan knowledge is as valuable as they say it is, then I trust that you will be able to aid us in our ongoing battle against these monsters for the sake of humanity. And I am positive that your familiarity with the world outside would be quite useful for our future expeditions, as well.”

Kid drops Levi’s hand, mouth parted in surprise. Then he nods. Frantically. Like Erwin would change his mind if he doesn’t nod with his whole body, “Fight with Levi?”

“Why, yes. Actually, I’d like you to train under him, along with the rest of his squad. Usually, it would take a soldier three years of training before they’re officially allowed to enter the military, but since you would be in the care of our regiment’s topmost elites, I’m certain that you’d do well, regardless of the time constraint.”

“O-okay! Yes—“

“No,” Levi growls. Feels the word boiling hot between his teeth. Kid looks at him, confused, like he’s not sure if he heard Levi right. Erwin regards him silently. Levi knows he’s been expecting it. Hange shifts uncomfortably from one foot to another, aware that the room is about to witness a crossfire. 

“No?” Erwin repeats. A challenge. 

“Have you fucking gone deaf, eyebrows? What about a two-letter word is so damn hard to understand?” Levi turns to Kid, breathing heavily through his nose as a poor attempt to calm himself, clamping his hands down on both the brunet’s arms, “Listen to me, Kid. The Survey Corps—it’s not for you. It’s too dangerous. And we did not haul your ass all the way here, just for you to go back out there, and die. You’re not—you’re not staying, you got it?”

Kid frowns, ”Then where do I go?”

“Levi—“ Hange tries. Levi cuts them off. Teeth bared.

“You stay the fuck out of this!” He hisses. Feels the hackles on his neck rising under Erwin’s watchful gaze. Kid says his name through a tiny whimper, and it snaps him back. Levi closes his eyes, trying to steady the swell of his lungs before he speaks again, “There’s an orphanage near a farm South of here. I’ll arrange something so you can work there. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? You’d be surrounded by brats like yourself everyday. There’s this big ass field, and fuck—you can even milk cows. Maybe the horses there won’t hate you. And you can plant—I don’t know—potatoes, or something.” 

“Levi is coming, too?” He says it so hopeful, that it’s deafening. That blind trust still tilting everything. Jostling this world that only ever knows how to ruin things.

“N-no. No, I’m not. I have to stay here.” 

“Staying too, then!” And he’s looking at Levi, like he’s still trying to understand. Fingers curled around Levi’s wrist, nails digging crescent moons on his skin. And Levi lets him. If this is the last piece of the sky he’s ever going to have, then let it sink until he pries Levi open with his bare hands. 

“Kid—listen, okay? I’m staying because I have a responsibility to the Corps. You, on the other hand, do not. You don’t fucking owe anyone anything. We’ll still help you find out who you are, if that’s what you’re worried about. What you need to do is keep yourself alive, and that’s not going to happen if you keep going out the walls like you’re out on a damn stroll! One mistake, and that’s it. That’s all it takes. So leave the fighting to us. You’ve done enough, Kid. Just—”

“No,” He shakes his head. Blinking rapidly. Lids opening and closing around those eyes. On all that Levi’s trying to outrun. And it’s too much. But Levi’s still looking, and he still can’t look away, “No, I—I fight with you. Protect you! And Hange, and Petra, and Oluo, and Gunther, and Eld! Protect everyone!”

“And I’m saying, you can’t! I know you don’t want to hear this, but what can you do? Do you not see yourself? You’re just one fucking person—it’s not going to make a difference! You think you can take on the whole world, but you just can’t!”

“I can—just—! Trust me. Levi, please—”

And it’s the thought of mornings talking about places far away. Bigger, and better ones. Their backs pressed on an oak tree that’s still bigger, and better than anywhere else. Drawing on soil with twigs, getting the damp earth on their skin. Creating their own version of a world where the Sun and the Moon can rise together. A world where they’d never set. Where the two of them can sit, backs pressed on an oak tree, and have that space be the center of all things. Where you can hit pause at a moment. Preserve time along with all the things you never thought could happen, until they happen to you. 

Or maybe it’s just selfishness. The paralyzing fear of all that crunched in between a Titan’s teeth—their makeshift world swallowed into a permanent dawn that pushes the words past his lips, “Don’t you get it? I don’t fucking want you here!”

And then his hand is fisted on Levi’s collar, tugging, and yanking, and he doesn’t know what Kid is trying to unearth there. If he’s trying to pull out Levi’s heart through his shirt. He wants to say it’s not there.That it’s out in the woods. Lying on the riverbed. Tucked in a corner of their cave. Up in Levi’s bedroom. Sitting next to a bubble patch on the bottom of his tub. Sleeping beneath his sheets. Because it’s no longer his. 

But Levi says none of that. And Kid is still tugging, and yanking. Still trying to shake out something that hasn’t belonged to Levi in a long time. Eyes blown wide open. Chipped and cracking on the edges, and he should never look like this. Like his vision is made of broken glass. But he does. And it’s Levi’s fault that he does. 

He shakes when he speaks. Speaks even when he shakes, “Am I not Levi’s friend? Not Levi’s family?” A sob breaks through his chest. Shoots past the ceiling and splits the sky open, “Can you not believe in me—even just a little bit?”

His hand falls limp to his side. Head bowed down. It takes everything in Levi not to touch him. A dot for ‘I’m.’ A dash for ‘Sorry.’

Erwin clears his throat, clearing the dead air, “I propose a compromise,” Levi looks at him. So does Hange. Kid remains unmoving, “We won’t have him deployed outside, but let him at least work with Hange. I understand that you want to keep him safe, but you also have to consider how useful he can be—“ 

“He’s not a thing—“

“—And I never said he was,” Erwin sighs, like he’s aged ten years just from this conversation alone, “Please try to look at the situation in a perspective other than your own. The things he knows, the ways he used to survive—can you really tell me that they won’t take humanity even a small step forward? We need all the help we can get. We need him, Levi.” And so do you. Erwin doesn’t say, but it rings unspoken. 

“Just with Hange?” Levi grits his teeth.

Erwin nods once, “Just with Hange.”

“..Tch.”

“Then I suppose that settles it—“ Kid slams a hand on Erwin’s desk, so hard the wood rattles. Papers fly off to the side. A pen holder rolls forward, spilling its contents on the floor. He raises his head. And a shiver turns the knobs on Levi’s spine. It’s a Kid he doesn’t know. A Kid he’s never met. Eyes sharp. Hard. Face bolted. Impenetrable the way the walls used to be. He turns to Erwin, and there’s no longer one predator, but two. The corner of Erwin’s mouth quirks up, “I suppose not, then.”

“I won’t help.”

“Oi, Kid. What the fuck—“ Kid glares at him, and it roots him on the spot. Was this what he made other people suffer under?

“Let him talk, Levi. This compromise should be fair on both of your ends, don’t you think?” Erwin gestures Kid to continue with a small wave of a hand, “Please, do carry on.”

“Let me be a full soldier. Or I won’t help.” He says, voice clipped. And Levi’s squinting his eyes, but he still can’t see him. 

“No,” Levi’s teeth grind against each other, “Erwin, don’t you dare.”

“Both of you really are quite the pair,” Erwin chuckles, leaning back on his chair, “What do you think I should do, Hange?”

“Oh, no. Uh-uh. You don’t get to drag me into this. No, sir.” Hange shakes their head, sprawling uselessly down on the couch.

“You know what you should do? Ship him all the way to the pigs in fucking Sina, for all I care. But he’s not joining the Corps. Deal’s off,” The words scrape his throat like they had to claw their way out. Levi looks at Kid. Still different. Distant. 

He places Erwin’s pen holder back up. Moves like he’s underwater. Like each finger carries the weight of the world. None of Kid’s firecracker jitters. How he could never stay still. This one looks like he’s in the middle of a funeral. 

“Commander Erwin,” He says. Ominous. The way the sky sounds before a storm.

“Yes?”

“Did you know that a slice to the nape is not the only thing that can bring them down?” He drawls, taking a pen, and twirling it with his thumb. Hange straightens in their seat. Erwin’s eyebrows shoot up in interest. Levi’s going to fucking shave them off tonight, “That’s right,” He puts the pen back down. Looks Erwin straight in the eyes. There’s only one predator now, “There is more than one way to kill a Titan.”

Hange gasps, jumping back up their feet. Erwin breathes deeply through his nose. 

And this time it’s Levi’s hands slamming on the desk. The sting of it razoring through his palms, reaching his bones, “ _Erwin_ ,” He snarls, and he can’t bring himself to care that he sounds like a rabid dog, because he’s so tempted to tear through everything—with his teeth, if he has to. If things would play out differently, if he did. But Erwin’s only looking at him, sympathetic. And Kid’s not looking at him at all, and he can’t decide which is worse.

“I hope you find it in your self to forgive me someday, Levi,” Erwin says, And it’s the finality in his voice that makes it sound like a death sentence. The click of a closed casket. 

Kid is standing next to him, and Levi wants to reach out. Wipe off the blur in his face, until Levi can wipe the image of him bloody, and broken in half off of his mind. Didn’t they have more places to be? It’s suddenly so long ago—the Sun and the Moon rising together. The way the sky would look if they never set. An oak tree bigger, and better than anywhere else. All of that miles, and a different life away. 

A knock interrupts his inner turmoil, he barely hears Erwin allow them to come in. Petra comes into view, thumping a fist on her chest in salute, “Pardon the intrusion, Commander.”

“It’s no intrusion at all. You may state your business, Petra.”

She turns to Hange, “I have the soldiers you sent for, Squad Leader.”

“That’s perfect! Let them in!”

“Yes, Squad Leader,” She says, dipping her chin in respect, before turning back to whoever’s outside the door. 

“What soldiers?” Levi asks, brows knotted in suspicion.

“Don’t look at me like that! I told you, didn’t I? We have soldiers that survived Maria. I asked Petra to go and find them before we met up. I figured since we’re all gathered here, might as well see if they can be of any help,” They shrug.

“Come in, then,” Petra says, widening the door open. “Everyone, these are—“

Petra doesn’t get to finish her sentence. Levi doesn’t know why none of them reprimand the two newcomers as they push past her. Why they can only step back as they stride through the room. Why Armin Arlert is clamping a hand on his mouth, choking on a sob, like he’s taking more air than he’s allowed to breathe. Why the only time any of them has seen Mikasa Ackerman tremble is right this moment while she’s lifting her shaking fingers up on Kid’s face. Tears welling up in her eyes when her touch meets skin, like she wasn’t expecting it to connect. 

She whispers, and it sets everything off into chaos.

“ _Eren_?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so tempted to cut this chapter into two parts because it was getting long but I really wanted that cliff hanger and now we’re here GOODBYE KID HELLO EREN MOTHERFUCKIN JAEGER! God, it is so good to type Eren’s name and have it be an actual part of the story!! 
> 
> Anyway, let’s talk about Levi! I know he’s a bit all over the place, like one second he’s all ‘omg kid u so fuckin cute let me wash u in my bathtub’ and then the next he’s all ‘lmao just kidding imma have Erwin ship u on the other side of the planet,’ but the way I see Levi, he’d only ever acknowledge his feelings by denying them. At this point, I don’t think he even knows what he’s feeling. Just knows that he’s fond of Eren, and he’s become someone really important. I mean, c’mon, this is like 19 thousand words of him being angsty, but not once has he mentioned the word love. 
> 
> I really wanted to get this chapter up much sooner but when I was editing I had accidentally deleted a couple thousand words and ended up pterodactyl screaming into the void for a couple of hours before I got my shit together again.
> 
> Well, I hope you enjoy! Talk to me in the comments, I’d love to hear from everyone. Also, ever noticed how eren talks normally when he’s upset? Is that important? Idk. Maybe lmao


	6. Nudiustertian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so if you all thought Levi was bad last chapter, y’all better get yourselves ready for how angsty he is here lmao get your sad playlists on repeat, I personally recommend ‘This Is Me Trying’ during the first parts, then go switch to ‘Cardigan’ on the last scene. Both by Taylor Swift. Stream folklore, children.

It is three a.m in broad daylight. In the middle of Erwin’s office. Levi standing in between something starting, and something ending. 

Three a.m. while the Sun filters bright against the windows. The breeze knocking on the glass, asking for permission before the wind blows away everything until nothing is the same. 

Three a.m. as Mikasa wraps herself around Kid. Her chest pressed on his, like she’s introducing herself through a heartbeat. She’s always been sharp. Levi wonders if she’ll feel traces of his own touch on the body she’s holding. And then, there’s Armin. Clutching Kid’s hand, as he guides it on a tear-streaked cheek. His hand trembling, like he could slam them on the ground, and shake the world awake. The tremors dissipating when Kid’s palm meets his skin. Squeezing himself in the gaps between the brunet’s fingers, as if he’s found a home there. And Levi understands. With Kid, one touch was all it ever took.   
  
Three a.m. The hour where you either sell your soul to the devil, or stay awake long enough to feel yourself become one. 

Three a.m where the past month feels nothing more than a trick Levi’s mind played in the dark. 

Three a.m. where Kid is no longer Kid, because he is “Eren.” 

And Levi doesn’t know who Eren is. 

“I-I knew it, Eren. I always knew you’d come back,” Mikasa says, looking up. Marvelling at the eyes staring back, “Armin and I—We—we never stopped believing that you would.”

“Holy shit! Honestly, I was just taking a chance—I didn’t think you guys would actually know him!” Hange exclaims, excitedly hovering over the three of them, “But this is so great, isn’t it, Levi—?” Hange turns to him. The splitting smile on their mouth disappearing at the sight of him. And Levi doesn’t know what they’re seeing. Perhaps the devil’s hour is still ticking on his face. Perhaps it was beginning to look permanent. 

Hange throws a pointed look at Erwin, clearly asking for help. Erwin spares one glance at him, then sighs. Looking at him like he’s an angry child about to furiously draw on the wall of his time-out corner. Seconds away from doing something he knows he shouldn’t.

Erwin clears his throat, and it jolts Armin awake somewhat. Going rigid as he slowly remembers where he is, and who he’s with. Spine snapping straight when his eyes dart towards Erwin. Mikasa, on the other hand—Levi is positive has never forgotten. Just doesn’t give enough shit to care. Not with how she only curls further into her hold, like Kid’s body is enough to fit both of them. 

“Well, this certainly is quite the turn of events. Everyone, please do take a seat. I believe it’s best we all get acquainted in comfort,” Erwin says, gesturing to the small loveseat situated in the room, before shifting his attention to Petra who was still hovering awkwardly by the door, “Thank you, Petra. You may take your leave. We’ll take it from here.”

“Y-yes, Commander!” She squeaks, thumps her chest in a quick salute, then leaves. No doubt on her way to the rest of their squad to relay what just happened. 

“Cadets Armin Arlert and Mikasa Ackerman,” Erwin says, fingers folded together. Nodding once in acknowledgement, “Both belonging to the top ten graduates of the 104th training division, and currently under Squad Leader Mike Zacharius, am I correct? Given our current predicament, I must say we are very fortunate for you to have chosen the Corps, even with the option to join the Military Police to have been opened. To think we’d find people who can recognize him so quickly. I don’t put much faith in it myself, but it is nice to think that luck might be on our side.” 

Armin fidgets under Erwin’s scrutiny, head dipped down, like he only knows how to see people if they’re viewed beneath the curve of his lashes, “Y-yes, Commander. Uhm, Eren. He—“ Armin looks at the boy sitting beside him. Tension seeping out of his shoulders just at the sight of him already staring back. Armin smiles softly at him, giving his hand a gentle pat. And it’s those little strokes of familiarity. Those knowing looks occupying the whole room that pushes Levi out the door. Out of place. All the space around Kid suddenly taken.

“The three of us grew up together. At least until the breach. When we were kids, Eren always talked about joining the Survey Corps. It was his dream. He was always first in line to see the soldiers go out the Wall, and the first to welcome them back in. When Shinganshina fell, we managed to make it to Wall Rose. There was a shelter set-up for refugees but—I don’t know—during our first night there, he must have snuck out somehow, and gotten lost. When he disappeared, we didn’t know where we were supposed to look for him. We were only children, there wasn’t much we could do. So we figured, our best chance was to join the Scouts. Because he dreamed of it so much, we thought he’d eventually find his way here.”

“And now he has, and you’re all here, and you’re all together!” Hange cries out, pulling the three of them into a tight hug, “Gosh, you kids! It should be a criminal offense to make a Squad Leader cry!” 

Erwin chuckles, shaking his head in amusement as Hange tries to rub their face against all the three she has trapped in their hold, “Enough, Hange. I don’t think such a heart-warming story warrants being court-martialed.”

“Well, my heart is absolutely not equipped for this! Anyway,” Hange claps their hands excitedly, “I asked Petra to give you a short briefing before she sent you up, but I’m not sure how much she actually told you.”

Armin nods, biting his lip,“Yes, but she only said you all found Captain Levi alive,” He sneaks one look at Levi, startling, and immediately directing his eyes away from the heavy gaze already directed at him. Hange frowns at him disapprovingly, and Levi still doesn’t know what they’re seeing. Doesn’t even feel like he’s still physically present. Stuck in the silent ache of being reduced to a bystander, “A-and that he was, uhm, saved by someone he found living outside the walls. That we were being summoned because he doesn’t remember anything, just that he might be from Maria. We—we never could have expected this,” He says, a little breathless. 

“At the very least, it’s so nice to finally have a name! Eren,” Hange repeats, swirling the name in their mouth, testing the way it fits,“I like it! He got a last name?”

“Jaeger. His full name is Eren Jaeger.”

“Ooooh, sounds fancy! Doesn’t it, Erwin?” 

“Well, it certainly sounds better than having to refer to him as ‘Kid,’” Erwin smiles at him wryly, “No offense, Levi.”

Levi narrows his eyes, pushing a tongue against the inside of his cheek in irritation, choosing to keep silent. 

Eren. 

The name claws on the back of his throat. He keeps it clamped in between teeth. Because Kid is still not looking at him, and Levi is still seeing him through the curtain of a rainstorm. Can barely even see if Kid is still there at all. And so he swallows, afraid that letting the name through would drown him out completely. 

“How about his family?”

“Gone,” Mikasa says quietly. Eyes set firmly on the ground. Her hand reaching for Kid’s, their fingers tangling. Her thumb rubbing smooth circles on a knuckle, exploring his skin. And Levi hates it because it’s wrong. She’s not holding him right. Completely missing the soft flesh beneath his thumb. The secret spot on his wrist. The lone freckle north of his pulse. The delicate core of his palm. The first arch of his lifeline. Levi feels it ripping through his chest. This big, brutal, ugly feeling that if she can’t hold him right, then she shouldn’t be holding him at all.

“Their family—they took me in when mine was killed. Eren saved me,” Her fingers curl on the red scarf wrapped around her neck, holding it reverently. Mouth lightly pressing on the fabric. “His mother, Carla, was..killed during the breach.”

Hange grimaces, “And his father?”

Mikasa shakes her head, “We don’t know where he is. If he made it back to Shinganshina. If he’s even alive. He had a patient out of town on the day of the Fall. He was a well-known doctor, even around the neighboring districts—maybe you’ve heard of him. His name was Grisha Jaeger.”

“Grisha Jaeger,” Hange repeats, eyebrows furrowing in thought, “That sounds familiar. Erwin, why does that sound familiar?”

“If I remember correctly, Instructor Shadis might have mentioned him once? A friend, I think? But I could be wrong, that was when he was still the Commander, and quite some time has passed since then. It might not be best to give our full trust to my memory.”

“Think you can get them to meet, anyway?”

“I’ll send him a letter as soon as we’re done here. If we’re correct, we can arrange a meeting.”

“Hear that? We’re already getting so close to the truth, and it’s only our first day!” Hange grins widely at Kid, ruffling his hair, “By the way, how about siblings? He doesn’t have any?”

“No. Armin and I—We’re the only ones he has now. The three of us—this is his family.” She says firmly, like she’s cocking a gun. Declaring a war. Ready to open fire at anyone who dares to drive them apart. 

Kid fumbles with the ends of his shirt, twisting it around. And then he looks up. The grey clouds in his eyes slowly parting. Making way for midsummer warmth, “I—There is lots I still not remember. I’m sorry. But t-thank you. The two of you—you uhm, you feel right,” He smiles. The corner of his lips warmer than the rest of him, like the first ray of sunlight when morning breaks. 

He smiles.

For Armin. 

For Mikasa. 

And they smile back. 

Levi feels it like an open wound. Three a.m. in broad daylight.

And it blows him so out of order, it releases that big, brutal, ugly selfishness. Spreading, sharp and awful in his mouth before he can reign it back in, ”Can we really trust these brats? He doesn’t remember shit—what if they’re mistaking him for someone else?”

Mikasa grits her teeth, her face growing dark, “We aren’t.” 

“And how are you so fucking sure—“

“ _Because I know him better than anyone!_ ” She snarls. Words scalding. Blood rushing to her cheeks, like warpaint. 

And if this were any other time before now, Levi would have flung her words back like a blade. Yell until his throat is swollen that she’s wrong. That she’ll never know him outside the walls. Sun drenched in the woods. The feel of their naked feet against the grass in afternoon heat. Footprints pressed on dirt, like a trail, asking the earth to follow. She’ll never know him small, and tucked inside Levi’s ribs. Hidden from the world, like a secret you would never tell a soul. She’ll never know him as the first man on the Moon, glowing on that riverbed. Skin alight with stardust, like a flare for the extraterrestrial. How holding his hand felt like the Universe responding. 

Levi wants to say she’ll never know Kid the way he does. None of them ever will. 

But the person he was, the people they were—they don’t belong here.

Because Levi doesn’t know—if Kid had a swing in his backyard. If he even had a backyard. If his mother sang him to sleep. If his father had ever taught him how to fight. If he had fought, and lost. If he had fought, and won. If he had once tripped, and hit his head as a child so hard the pavement still has pieces of him until now. If he used to sneak out in the middle of the night. If he had dreamt of being so big he reached the sky. Of being so big he _was_ the sky. 

And Levi will never know. 

Because Kid is three steps away, but it’s still the farthest side of the room. The farthest he’s ever been. And Levi doesn’t know what to do with all this void. This cold, calculated distance hanging thick in the air. 

“Both of you, stop it!” Hange says, eyes closed, fingers massaging her temples, “I think—I think we’ve had enough for today.” They sigh, tipping their head towards Erwin, signalling him to do something before there’s bloodshed. 

Erwin clears his throat, “Right. It’s better we not overwhelm each other with all this new information, and I believe you two would like to spend some well-deserved quality time with Eren. However, I only ask that you spend it discreetly. I suggest you stay at the room assigned to him for the mean time. I’d rather rumors not be stirred, if we can help it, before he is properly introduced to the others.” 

“Y-yes, Commander,” Armin says, pulling the two others beside him to stand up.

“Very well, then. Dismissed.”

Mikasa follows Armin in his salute. Levi doesn’t miss the glare she throws at him. He returns it tenfold. 

When Kid walks past him, Levi’s hand moves before he allows it. Clamping down hard on his forearm. Finally, Kid looks at him, but now that he has, a part of Levi wishes he hadn’t. 

Kid stares, face so blank that it’s empty. Looks at Levi like he could have been anyone.

And Levi can’t see him. He can’t find him. Levi’s heart clenches like a fist. 

He isn’t even sure what he wants to say, but his words retreat back into his mouth before they take form, settling heavily on the pit of his stomach.

They used to never have to say anything. Speaking a language between two people who understood each other’s silence. Both of them open inside-out.

And Levi just wants Kid to be Kid. The Kid who always had his hand curled on Levi’s cloak. The Kid whose eyes would introduce a god to a non-believer. The Kid who showed him how a touch could stretch a second so long that it’s infinite. 

But there’s none of him here right now. 

Levi looks. Kid looks away, “If you don’t want me here, that’s your problem. Where I go next is not up to you.” He says in a voice Levi doesn’t recognize. 

Because Kid is no longer Kid, he is “Eren.”

And Eren doesn’t know who Levi is.

* * *

The soft tinkle of his silver spoon clinking against the smooth china of his cup flutters from one wall to another. The tea infusion spreading a rich, toasty scent in the air with steam. He blows it off with a sigh. Perhaps it was the acidity of his reflection swirling in the amber liquid as he stirs it that’s been leaving his tongue burned with a bitter aftertaste.   
  
His office continues to ring with the kiss of metal and porcelain, aggravating its silence. 

People always say silence is loud. It isn’t. It’s just so, so empty as it throbs with the vacancy of what used to be there.

It’s almost painful to think that just last night there had been lips pressing whispers into his hair. Levi’s own voice careful not to disturb the stillness of the night. Reminders of tea and chess. Attempts to explain the taste of chocolate. Discussions about how to tame a horse. Plans to visit an antique store in town owned by a lady who liked to cut her hair according to the first cloud she sees on the last day of the month. Bubbles of laughter popping in throats. The nice sound a laugh makes when it’s not laced with the guilt of just letting yourself slip away.

Two mouths full of dreams imagined together. Dreams that were now swallowed before they were real.

Levi sighs again. His lungs have been sighing more than it breathes lately. 

He glares at a piece of blank parchment, and it glares right back. His pen hovering uselessly on air, and the most he’s gotten done was an ink drop, as he tries to piece together a detailed recount of the last month. He wrestles with the temptation to just hand over a random doodle, when all he can come up with was the time they saw a fly getting eaten by a spider, the time Kid hit his head on a branch while chasing after a deer, the time Levi almost punched him because Kid was convinced a bug had flown up his nose, and the brunet had followed him around all day asking him to look up his nostrils every other minute. 

Or the first time Kid had fallen asleep on his lap, his head heavy, and warm on Levi’s thigh, because he was afraid of the shadows that would chase him even in the suspension of his consciousness. Afraid that they might keep him there. And Levi had let him, because he feared the same thing. He remembers the intricate way their fingers had locked. The spread of his hand pale against the backdrop of Kid’s sun-loved skin. The faint brush of his breath against Levi’s hip. The feel of him alive, and beating. 

The way his body not only permits that boy’s touch, but also allows it to linger. And why he lets it is still a question Levi doesn’t dare ask.

He continues to scowl at the blank piece of paper in front of him, as if he could intimidate his work into writing itself. Eventually he gives up, crumples the offending empty sheet, and throws it carelessly on the ground with a huff at the same time Hange barges in, nearly ripping off his door in the process, the wood creaking pitifully.  
  
“Hello, grumpy. Heard you made someone cry today,” They say, plopping down the seat in front of his desk, “And now you’re littering, too! Wow, something must have really crawled up your ass this morning, huh?” Hange smirks, waving a pen in front of his face, before poking him on the nose with its tip. 

Levi glares at Hange, snatching the pen away, and wills off the need to stab them in the neck with it. He figures Erwin wouldn’t be pleased, and blood is always such a bitch to clean. “If they can’t handle being reprimanded for their incompetence, then they best leave the military. I don’t know why Erwin keeps recruiting idiots,” He grumbles.

Hange laughs, leaning an elbow on his desk, and resting their chin on a curled hand, “Takes one to know one. Didn’t Erwin personally recruit you?”

Levi stares at them blankly. Screw it, he’s never letting Hange leave this room alive, “Ha ha. Very funny,” He says dryly, “What the fuck are you even doing here?”

“Well, I wanted to give you a progress report on Eren, since, you know, you’re being such a baby about the whole thing,” Hange shrugs. Shrieking when Levi throws a pen in their direction, and it bounces off their forehead, leaving a smudge of ink. Levi folds his arms across his chest smugly, “You are such an asshole! Really, this is what I get for being a good friend, and wanting to keep you updated on your little boy crush, even though you’re the one who ruined things because you have the emotional capacity of a toilet bowl.”

Levi feels his eyebrow twitch. He imagines wrestling Hange out the walls until one of them dies, “Hange, you seem to have no trouble fitting through the door, so why don’t you go ahead and use it to get the hell out of my office? Go be annoying somewhere else, fucking four eyes.”

“I’ll have you know, I was ordered to be here. Erwin sent me to find out why you’ve been terrorizing everyone, so if you got a problem with me, take it to him,” Hange says, “But honestly? We’re worried, Levi,” At some point in his life, Hange and Erwin had developed an unspoken pact of coparenting him. One night, during the early days of Erwin’s appointment as Commander, the three of them had gotten so drunk, Hange wrote down an impromptu adoption document on a piece of napkin, consisting of his name illegibly scrawled as ‘ _Levi Zoe-Smith_ ,’and a bunch of made up signatures with questionable stains on the side, which was now dutifully framed in Hange’s laboratory. It even has Erwin’s dry seal on it. Levi tried to throw it away once. Hange stabbed him in the stomach with a spoon.

“I’m fine. Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“You’re as busy as a fork in a bowl of soup,” Hange snorts, and it sounds like a fart that got lost on the wrong hole, “I’m assuming that all this aura of doom swirling around you has everything to do with Eren? Or that angry-chicken-clucking you got going on with Mikasa, perhaps?

“The hell are you saying? I just got done taking a shit, and I’m pretty sure sunshine came out.” Levi smirks.

“Levi I saw you sneeze, and all signs of life around you turned into decay.” Hange deadpans. They push their glasses further up their nose, the light from the window glinting on the frame, highlighting the scrutiny in their eyes even more,“You miss him, don’t you?” Hange says, voice soft. A statement, not a question. 

Levi feels the denial ricochet from the back of his throat, because it was ridiculous. Ridiculous to miss someone who is only a flight of stairs away. Ridiculous to see him, and not be sure who’s there. Ridiculous to keep refusing to say a name, because it doesn’t taste like him. Ridiculous to feel like knowing him now feels more like never have knowing him at all.

And it’s all so strange, how everything else could still seem so normal. The Sun is out. There are soldiers jogging around camp. He can hear the buzzing whir of maneuver gears flinging bodies up in the air. There are still Titans prowling outside the Wall. The world is steadily moving, and no one still knows if it’s to somewhere greater, or somewhere worse. 

While Levi sits here, halted. Thumbtacked on the memory of him opening his arms to Kid, and how he soared right into Levi’s touch, like he could never fit anywhere else. How Kid had looked into his eyes, and said he could see the whole world in them. The regret of never saying Levi has always seen the same in his. 

“…I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Levi says quietly, like his words got stuck halfway out. He opens up a folder, scanning over its contents, pretending to rifle through paperwork. Hange only looks at him unimpressed.

“Levi, you can’t avoid him forever,” Hange sighs.

“Fucking watch me,” Levi mumbles under his breath, aggressivlely flipping through pages, like the excessive crinkling of paper would somehow drive Hange and their knowing looks away.

Hange rolls their eyes, throwing their hands up in frustration, “You know what, fine. Maybe you can. Because in case you’ve forgotten, it’s illegal for civilians to be outside the walls. And you know what that means?” Hange nods their head when they see the realization dawning on his face, “Yeah, that’s right. If Erwin doesn’t manage to pull his strings, the central government will have him arrested.”

“They can try,” Levi snarls, papers crumpling in his hold, the edges unsalvageable. 

Hange lifts a condesending eyebrow, tipping their chair back in nonchalance, “Oh? So you care after all, huh?”

“Quit fucking with me, Hange. I’m not in the mood,” He warns, the pinch on his forehead knotting deeper by the second. 

“Okay, okay, I may be exaggerating on that one. Of course, it is illegal, and the higher-ups won’t exactly be thrilled, but I doubt Erwin would let Eren be taken away—which brings us right back to why you should quit moping around like some bitchass maiden who’s been forced to see their lover off to war, when said lover is literally just in his room upstairs,” Hange huffs. 

“He’s not my lover,” Levi grunts, waving away Hange’s line of thought before they take root, and grow into something Levi knows he’s not emotionally equipped to handle. He pinches his stomach subtly, trying to distract the strange churning in his gut with pain, “He’s just some stupid brat who doesn’t know what’s good for him even if it cannon-blows him in the face . He wants to be a soldier, fine. If he’s so goddamn desperate to die, fine. He saved me outside, and I got him here. We’re even now. Whatever the hell he does next is no longer my business. He made that perfectly clear,” Levi seethes, his pride roaring.

Hange’s eyes narrow, raking over every inch of him, like they’re about to unzip him from the top of his head, down the tips of his toes. Like they’re about to reach in and squeeze his pride out of him, “Levi, I know you want to protect him, but you can’t hide him away from the world. Wanna know why? Because that boy would rip the world in half just to protect you, too.”

“But he shouldn’t have to!” He hisses, fist banging on the desk, rattling the hardwood. Hange continues to look at him, unperturbed. He breathes deeply through his nose, closing his eyes, as he wipes a hand across his face, “He shouldn’t have to, Hange.”

Hange smiles at him wistfully, “You don’t get to control how much you mean to people, Levi. You don’t get to say how much of their love you do or don’t deserve.”

Levi groans, a lazy grin tugging on his mouth, even though his breath still stirs heavy on his chest. Each intake weighing him down, “I feel like you should have atleast gotten me drunk before starting this conversation.”

Hange laughs, the grey of the room slowly fading with the sound. They reach across the desk, smoothing a thumb on the knot on his eyebrows, “I thought you’ve denounced alcohol? But I can drop by again later, if you want. I heard Erwin got hold of wine older than Pixis—It’s been so long since the three of us got drunk together! Ahh, I miss the days we burned our livers like firewood. Good times!”

Levi leans back on his chair, eyes tracing patterns on the ceiling, “So,” He licks his lips. Swallows. Saliva clumps thick in his throat, “How is he?” 

Hange snorts, “I have half a mind to tell you to go ask him yourself, but I think you adjusting that stick up your ass, and managing to ask at all should be considered as some kind of progress, so I’ll indulge you this time.” 

“Just answer the fucking question,” Levi clicks his tongue impatiently.

“Alright. Geez,” Hange says, scratching their head with the top of a pen,“Well, right now he’s holed up in his room with Mikasa and Armin. I had them excused from training for the day, but honestly even if I didn’t, I doubt anyone could keep those two away from Eren. The three of them, they’re just—I don’t know—it’s like they’re untouchable when they’re together.”

Levi feels his chest crack. His heart flinging itself across the room. Levi watches it flounder on the floor, like it doesn’t know how to find its way back to his body. Like it’s not even his body that it wants to return to in the first place. 

He thinks of the three of them huddled up in blankets, trading memories. Trying to unearth those that were lost, and sharing all the new ones. Pieces of themselves split among each other to fill the rest of their missing parts. 

Levi wonders how much of himself Kid would give. 

If Kid would think of Levi and remember to save some for him. 

He jolts, fingers itching to pull out his brain, and scrawl all over his thoughts until he runs out of ink. 

“We’re planning on introducing him to the others at the mess hall during dinner later. We figured it might be best to get him acquainted with the rest of the soldiers when everyone’s more relaxed, but the squad leaders have already been informed, though.”

“And his training?”

“I really wanted to give him at least a week to rest, and adjust, because I don’t want him to be overwhelmed, but you know how Erwin is. Mr. Titans-wait-for-no-one, and all that shit. So Eren will be having his standard check-up tomorrow, and if everything turns out okay, we’ll get him strapped to the 3DMG simulator, then start with some basic muscle training. I think his physique is quite good, but he’s still a bit too lanky, in my opinion.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t dragged him to dissect Titans with you yet.”

“Oh, trust me, I’m dying to!” Hange whails dramatically, their lips extending forward in a pout, “But some squads are scheduled for Titan training tomorrow, so I guess I’ll just have Eren observe the whole thing with us. See if Sawney and Bean at least look more domesticated than the rest of the Titans he’s been living with outside.”

Levi smirks, “They don’t. They look just as ugly.”

“Levi, you know how sometimes you just go, and open your mouth? Don’t you ever just take five seconds to yourself, and think that maybe, I don’t know, you shouldn’t?” Hange huffs, crumpling a piece of paper, and throwing it at him. He catches it swiftly in one hand, and throws it right back, smiling smugly when it bounces off Hange’s forehead. 

“One of these days, I really am just going to wipe my ass with your cravat, or maybe I should just wipe it on your face, because they’re basically the same thing,” Hange stands up, sloppily disaligning the chair away from the desk on purpose. It tips over, and Hange only sticks their tongue out at him when he scowls, making no move to pick it back up,”Anyway, I have to go. As much as I adore watching you stew in your rather late prepubescent angst, I have Titans to take care of. Maybe if I try and give them a bath, you’d stop calling them ugly, and realize that Sawney’s eyes are as blue as the sky, and Bean’s smile can resurrect the dead.”

“You’re fucking crazy,” Levi shakes his head in disbelief. 

Hange walks over to his side, swiping his fringe off his eye, “Yes, I am. And you know what? You really should be, too. Be crazy enough to get your shit straight. Be crazy enough to apologize. Just go—“ Hange bends down, and presses a chaste kiss on top of his head, breathing the words into his hair,

“—Go be crazy enough to be crazy in love, Levi.” 

* * *

  
They’re walking on the way to the mess hall after a short briefing in Erwin’s office, where Kid had looked like he was in physical pain just by existing alongside him, and all Levi wanted to do was slam the door just to have something to say. The way you want to scream inside when people make small talk about the weather.  
  
And now it’s so quiet, a pin could drop, and Levi would think someone was dying. The kind of quiet that breathes down your neck, and sticks like dried sweat on your skin. The corridor cramped with air running thick with so much tension, Levi could stick his tongue out and choke before he tastes it. He’s not used to this—having to tread so carefully in a way that he’s never had to be careful before. His motions strained with distance he doesn’t know how to breach. 

Erwin walks in between him and Kid. All unnecessary height and muscle mass. Posture firm, and straight like he can’t be anything but a million feet tall, “There is no need to be nervous, Eren. As I’ve said, I’m certain everyone would be thrilled to have someone like you among us,” Erwin says, giving Kid a gentle pat on the back, “Your friends have already went ahead of us, yes? If I am to be honest, I’m surprised they agreed to leave you alone. Hange said you three have been inseparable all day.”

Kid pulls on his bottom lip with his teeth, nodding, “Yes, uhm, Mikasa was not—“ Levi twitches at the name. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Erwin who lifts an eyebrow at him. Levi turns his head away, glaring at the wind. He hears Erwin let out a small sigh, “—not happy, but Armin said Commander’s office is not okay to go to if not invited, so they wait for me at the—“ Kid scrunches his nose, hard in thought, “…dinner place.”

Erwin chuckles, “We call it the mess hall. That’s where everyone has their meals together. I’m sure you’d find it to be a very lively place. I doubt you’d have any trouble making friends—you managed to befriend Levi, after all,” Erwin smirks at the both of them going stiff, and it takes everything in Levi not to charge, and tackle him onto the ground, until they’re both rolling down the floor in a tangled pile of limbs, where he can pull out Erwin’s spine through his mouth, and hang it around his neck the way the old folk from forbidden books had worn their tokens of war. Levi thinks he could get away with it. Put all the bleach he’s been hoarding into good use to clean up the evidence. 

And it’s not like he’d have problems regarding witnesses, because Kid is both miles behind, and miles ahead. This Kid who Levi can’t keep up with no matter how still he stands, like he’s everywhere else but the place Levi needs him to be so he can reach him. Blowing apart Levi’s perception of time and space, so now his heart can’t measure speed the same way as his body. And now Kid is shifting too fast—shifting into one big blur, Levi can hardly remember how he felt hours, days, weeks ago, when Levi could swear he had felt so much of him last night.

Because Levi swears he knows those eyes. Swears he knows those lips. Swears he knows those hands. But in this moment, with too much of everything in between, that’s all there is to it. Pieces that he swears he knows, making up a whole that he doesn’t. 

* * *

  
The mess hall goes shock-still when the three of them enter the room, like their presence is a hand suddenly clamping down on a mouth, lodging back all the buzzing of stories shared over poorly-seasoned meals, the scraping clatter of spoons and forks against plates, kneecaps banging on tables, someone arguing over the last piece of bread—the sound of another day with limbs intact and lived through. 

They all stare at Levi like a stray breath would blow the sight of him away. Hange had told him how much his assumed demise had affected morale, so when the news of his return had spread, it had been done so rather quickly. Throughout the day he’s had people pacing in front of his office, their curious shadows leaking through the gaps on the door. None of them brave enough to open it. Levi doesn’t know which scared them more—to find him there, or to find it empty. 

Erwin clears his throat, jolting everyone into attention, “Though the news has been circulating all day, and even if it may be something not many had anticipated, I know I speak for everyone when I say how glad I am for your Captain’s safe return. I remember how silent these walls had been when Squad Levi came back missing their leader, and how severely missed he was during the time of his absence—an absence that was deeply felt—“

“Oi, eyebrows. Quit talking about me like I’m still dead. Tch,” Levi clicks his tongue, folding his arms across his chest. His face lining into the knots of his signature scowl, “Listen up, you fuckers. I know I’ve neglected a lot of duties during the month I was gone. So starting tomorrow, we’re all cleaning this place inside out until everything is so fucking shiny I can see my non-existent soul reflected on every surface. Is that clear?”

For a good minute, no one moves. They continue to stare at him, like they’re all underwater trying to see who can hold their breath the longest. Someone’s cup clatters on the table, ripping through the silence. A chair falls over when his squad stands up. Everyone else follows suit. The room shudders with their salute, like they’ve all punched a hole through the ceiling when their fists pounded on their chests. The walls clenching into a permanent heart attack from too many hearts trying to outbeat the other. 

“Yes, Captain!” 

Levi feels the roof cave in. But he thinks it’s alright. They’re much closer to the sky like this.

Erwin laughs, shaking his head, “It seems your popularity has not dwindled down even with so much time away.”

“Piss off,” Levi rolls his eyes. The corner of his mouth twitches. Quick and small, but everyone’s still rubbing their eyeballs on every inch of space he’s occupying, so they all caught it. Someone squeals, someone again bangs their bones on a leg table, someone looks like they’re about to make a grab for his mouth and run away with it. And the rest of them cracks open, like he just won them the war. There’s so much noise the night wakes from it. Levi wishes they could keep all that they have here tonight, because time runs here differently. Like there’s so much more of it.

“Now, now. Everyone please settle down. Levi’s smile, while a sight to behold, is not tonight’s main surprise. I’m sure you’re all wondering about the new face we have here among us,” Erwin gestures to Kid. He fidgets. Levi feels the urge to use his hands to physically tear his eyes away, “Go on, Eren. You may introduce yourself.”

Kid nods, albeit uncertain, “H-hello. I am, uhm—“ He looks over at Armin who was giving him an encouraging thumbs up, and Mikasa who’s eyes are glinting like she’s listening to a saint speak. And it immediately puts him at ease, straightens his spine back into place. A smile on his face, the way he does when he means it. Levi bites down on the inside of his cheek at the way his chest constricts, remembering how that very smile used to feel on his skin. He breathes. Trying to numb down the feeling it had left there, “I am Eren Jaeger. I am happy to meet everyone.” He says, with a small bow.

Levi wishes he could turn a light on a name. Create a lamp on each letter. See what it looks like—read, and speak it some place that isn’t dark. Maybe then they’d meet in the middle, where they can introduce themselves right this time. 

“This young man here has played a big factor on how Levi survived life outside of our walls. After all, he had spent most of his life living out of it,” Erwin lifts a hand, settling down the woken buzz of murmurs slipping past the barricade of everyone’s teeth. Question marked on their faces.

“I—“ Kid hesitates, then takes a deep breath to try again, “I am from outside of walls, but was not born there. I do not have many memories about being inside here, but now I know I am from Shin—“ He frowns, “Shigasi—“

“Shinganshina,” Levi says absentmindedly, correcting him on instinct.

“—Shinganshina,” Kid repeats.

Levi’s eyes widen at their slip-up, and they both freeze. This was the most interaction they’ve had since their spat this morning. The longest they’ve gone without speaking. Levi clears his throat. And it’s only one word. Barely a conversation. It’s pathetic how much he goes dizzy with it, like his feet is planted on the ceiling, and he’s suddenly living in the world upside down. He sees Hange smirking at him from their seat. Levi pretends to scratch his forehead with a middle finger. 

Levi could almost hear how hard Kid swallows before he continues, “A-and, uhm I hope with everyone—I hope we can all work together. I will try my best to teach what I know about Titans, and also about outside.” 

“That’s very kind of you, Eren,” Erwin smiles,“Even myself found it difficult to believe at first. As we all know, even a second out there cannot be guaranteed, what more of years? However, his survival is proof that humanity _can_ and _will_ move forward. Not only has he helped return Humanity’s Strongest, but he came bearing new hope, as well. Living within the constant vicinity of Titans has provided him with the knowledge, not just to survive, but to eventually persevere against them. Hange, and the whole of Squad Levi—even Levi, himself—have all testified on how remarkable his skills are.” Erwin says, and a part of Levi wants to puff his chest proudly. 

“ _No way—him?”_

_“Doesn’t he look a bit young?”_

_“He looks like he can’t even throw a punch, let alone kill a Titan.”_

_“Maybe there’s been some mistake? Maybe he just got lucky?_

_“Why does he talk like that—is he simple?”_

They shoot their whispers, like pointed arrows. Doubt scatters in the air, and something in Levi boils over. He wants to throw his cloak over Kid. Pull him close. Keep him from inhaling all this tainted air. Have him breathe from Levi’s lungs instead, where he doesn’t have to push his way through, just so he can take in air that isn’t exhaled from people who are trying to take him for themselves, like he was theirs to pick apart. Poking on the next available flaw. Levi doesn’t understand how anyone can look at him, and see a body that doesn’t work. You don’t look at the Sun and question why it never walks on the ground. You look at the Sun, and feel thankful that you get to look at it at all. 

Levi isn’t aware of how much he’s seething, until he tastes blood in his mouth, seeing the way Kid closes in on himself. His locks turned shut. When he looks like this, Levi swears it will rain, “If you all don’t shut the fuck up, you’ll be eating your own tongue for dinner tonight!” He growls. Everyone stills. They know this anger. The kind that feels like something’s been set on fire, and you either watch Levi burn the world, or burn you, “Don’t you dare diminish him with your distrust, just because he’s something you’re too fucking stupid to understand. He’s been out there alone—surviving by himself for years. How many of you can even say you’d last a day living the way he did—with no gear, no help. Relying solely on his instincts. On all he’s managed to learn by himself,” Levi walks over to a table, the soldiers behind it shaking on their feet, heads cowered down. He plants both his palms on the rough surface, teeth bared, like he’s about to pounce, “This boy that you just called simple knows more than all of humanity combined. So if you have nothing useful to say, I suggest you _sit.the fuck.down_ ,” He spits.

“Y-yes, Captain.”

Levi scans the crowd, and sees the bob of blond, and black he’s looking for. Armin is standing like he’s about to snap his bones straight. Mikasa has her eyes narrowed at him, although more from apprehension, rather than hostility, “Ackerman, Arlert. Take your meals with his, and escort him back to his room. As for the rest of you—” Levi crosses his arms, trying to contain his anger in a single spot inside him, before he triggers the end of the world by detonating himself, “None of you deserve to even breathe the same air as him, until you look at him, and see that you’re not just looking at anyone.”

Erwin clears his throat, although it does nothing to relieve the tension. He nods his head once to Armin, and Mikasa—a silent instruction to do as Levi said. They both step forward to where Kid is, plates in hand. Armin runs a soothing palm on his back. Mikasa on his side, glaring at everyone. They tug on his arm to pull him out of the room. 

Levi prepares to move and stomp over the seat next to Hange, his eyes still dark, like he hasn’t slept in ten years. Legs throbbing to kick all the doors down. But before he could take a step further, he feels the pinch of familiar fingers on his pinky. And it goes as fast as it came. But his skin rewinds, and speeds, and plays back through the feeling, because it went as fast as it came, but it meant something. So Levi looks, and he sees Kid, and for a second Kid sees him, too. And Levi thinks he really should be saying something. Anything. Pick up a sledgehammer, and finally break this silence. Because Kid is right there, looking so warm when today has been so cold, and Levi—he wants to just— 

Levi tries to speak.

Then he doesn’t.

And Kid is being dragged away before Levi could catch the rest of him. 

Erwin begins talking. Something about his disappointment, and the importance of camaraderie. Somehow, he makes his way beside Hange, slumping down on a chair, and scowling at a stain on the table. 

“So,” Hange nudges him on the shoulder, “Have you gone crazy yet?”

_Crazy enough to get his shit straight._

_Crazy enough to apologize._

_Crazy enough to—_

Levi answers with silence. Hange smiles. 

He doesn’t want to know what answer they heard.

* * *

Levi roams the night. His body pulling him back and forth, like it doesn’t know that it’s the Earth spinning, and not him. Exhaustion doesn’t pull him under. Just gets so big he can’t even fit on the bed, so he leaves his room to take a walk outside, where he can look at the Moon, and see if it has enough space for him to slot into.

He goes through the halls, shadowed, and twisted, shapes curled in the dark. And you don’t know whether you’re seeing ghosts, or if someone thinks they’re seeing ghosts, when they’re really just seeing you. Levi supposes it’s all the same. Everyone here is haunted by the people they’d be, the places they’d go to, the worlds they’d run over, if none of them were bounded by walls.

Levi rounds a corner, greeted by three backs sitting on the small flight of stairs leading down to the library. Their voices hushed, like they’re putting the night to sleep. Levi stops dead on his feet. Hides behind the wall, too stiff to even blink, like the drop of an eyelash could give him away. Levi takes a careful peek, sees Kid with his head on Mikasa’s shoulders. Armin’s wrist looped on his. 

And Levi is stuck.

His stomach caves in like rotten wood at the thought that this may be what his future looks like. Kid’s back turned to him. Kid beside someone else. 

Levi is torn between wanting Kid to turn his way, and wanting to find contentment in being just another observer. At least Kid has people he could still fly wherever to. He never did belong here in the ground, and Levi was always meant to disappoint him, anyway. 

“That reminds me,” Armin says, “Shouldn’t we at least tell Hannes about this?”

“Who is Hannes?” Kid asks, yawning. Nuzzling his nose on Mikasa’s sleeve. She shifts to the side, and leans back on the railing. Kid bends half his body down to lie his head on her lap. Mikasa gently pulls on the strands of his hair. Levi’s fingers grow numb with knowing the feel of someone so well, it leaves you empty-handed when it’s gone.

“He was a…friend?” Armin says hesitantly, chuckling when Mikasa rolls her eyes.

“He’s a drunk,” Mikasa scoffs, though her face is soft, “He’s a unit captain now in the Garrison, but he used to be a stationed guard in the gates of Shinganshina. He was close to your family—kept us out of trouble when he could.”

“You say us, Mikasa, but wasn’t it really just Eren?” Armin smirks. Kid tries to jab him on the ribs with a knee. Armin swats his leg away, laughing.

“Why me? Was I not good?” 

Mikasa shakes her head, “You were.”

“You—you chased a lot of neighborhood bullies for me, Eren. You weren’t any bigger than me, and you weren’t even all that good at fighting. By the time help shows up, you would have already been beaten up. Hannes used to call you grape, because you were always covered in bruises,” Armin looks at him fondly, stroking circles on the dip of his knee, like he’s trying to dig a way back to those simpler times. Back when their wars were fought with wooden swords, and the worst that could get hurt was someone’s ego.

And this was the Kid he never met, but Levi can imagine him, nonetheless. Small, and gangly, and purple. A tooth, or two missing. Beaten to a pulp, but brave. Always brave. The one who could be brave for everyone else. The one who opens the earth with his footsteps. The one who charges ahead, regardless if he’s up against two, or ten. Regardless if they were two, or ten times bigger. He’s probably the type who cried, and insisted that his eyes were just sweating, even though when you’re a child, you were allowed to feel more. 

The memory doesn’t even belong to him—but it rips Levi apart all the same.  
  
“I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you win a fight, but I never saw you run from one, either,” Armin leans his head back on the wall, and it’s quiet as he looks at Kid half-lidded, “I liked those days,” Armin whispers. Cries, “You were gone before I got to thank you properly for them.”

Armin stuffs himself on Kid’s chest, before he could sit up properly, so now they were just piled on Mikasa’s thighs, a tangled heap on the stairs, where one pulls, and the other pulls back harder.

“Eren,” Mikasa calls gently, her eyes glinting in the dark. Levi was supposed to go out to see the Moon. He didn’t expect to see it here, “Don’t—Don’t go anywhere we can’t reach you again. The three of us—we stay together, no matter what.” She says, words soaking into her scarf, dampening the red. 

“Okay,” Kid’s hand travels up and down Armin’s back, like he’s stitching his spine back together. Then to his nape, up to his hair. Armin falls into him further, “Okay.” 

“And the sea—we promised back then we’d go to the sea,” Armin sniffs, nose as red as the fabric around Mikasa’s neck. 

“The sea?”

“Mm! A salt lake so big that merchants could spend their whole lives, and still not get all the salt,” Armin explains, his eyes are still wet when he pulls back, but they’re bright against the shadows, “There’s more than just Titans outside the walls, isn’t there, Eren? Fiery water, lands of ice, sandy snowfields—promise me that once all this is over, we’d go, and see all that!”

Kid laughs, and it sounds like hope. Like it could carry him over to all the places Armin was talking about—places much further. Higher. Miles above the entire world, he’d forget he was ever born under ground, “I promise. Together. All of that—us, together.”

And this is how Levi realizes Hange was right. How untouchable the three of them are like this. Tangled, and crooked, and inside-out. How they can never fit anywhere else, except within each other.

Levi feels like he’s intruding just by existing in the same space, and it hits him just how much he hates himself for every selfish part of him that ever wanted to keep this for his own. How was there ever a version of him that wouldn’t do things twice over—Do everything. The good, the bad, the worst. All that snapped him into pieces. All that reached, and pulled out everything inside him that was ever worth keeping, just to punch them back in the wrong order. 

How was there ever a shred in Levi that wouldn’t do all that for him, if it meant leading him home. Even if it wasn’t the home Levi expected. Even if all he could be was a guest, a visitor. Even if all he was allowed to do was pass by, because that home could only permanently fit three people. 

Levi knows it isn’t possible to go back to the way things were. And he’ll miss it. He’ll always miss it. The way their cave was never clean, and how Kid always acted like it’s such a mystery where all the mess came from, even when he was the one soaked with mud. How bad his hair stuck out in the morning. Eating things that made their stomach hurt, just because Kid liked the color. Pressing his cold feet on Kid’s toasty ones. Drawing shapes on each other’s backs, and guessing what they were. How whole he felt in those moments. To have someone and just be…had in return. 

But it’s okay, he thinks. As long as Levi got him here, and that’s all that should matter, because he promised. 

And so, he leaves. He’s trespassed long enough. Leaves them still tangled, and crooked, and inside-out. As they should. 

For once, the sight doesn’t leave him empty, because how could he be? 

He found someone he’d surrender himself to with his hands tied. Someone so big he tipped Levi’s whole world over. 

Levi goes back to his room feeling full.

He’s no longer exhausted, but he still doesn’t fit on the bed.

* * *

Levi knows he’s awake, but he’s not quite sure if he’s still dreaming. Kid is standing on his doorway, hair dripping wet, as it clings on the side of his neck. His face is wearing the night, but it’s a different kind of evening. The kind where the spread of darkness only makes the Moon, and the stars, glow brighter, and you’re seeing everything with clarity—you don’t see how much is missing, just how much is there. And there’s suddenly so much, he wants to break down the walls just to make room for all of it. 

“Any reason why you’re getting water on my floor at—who-the-fuck-knows-what-hour in the morning?” Levi rasps, his voice thick with sleep. Kid only blinks at him in response. Levi sighs, scratching on his undercut, “Go get a towel on the drawer—second one on the left, then come here.” 

Kid quietly does as he’s told. Levi’s eyebrow twitches at the sloppy way he pulls the towel out. He doesn’t even close the drawer all the way in, leaving an inch of it open. Kid is already dipping his weight on the side of his bed, before Levi could properly scold him.

“No, not here on the bed. Get on the floor. You’re too fucking tall—who allowed you to be so fucking tall?” Levi grumbles. Kid’s mouth quirks at him in amusement, as he settles down between his kneecaps. Levi wants that mouth painted on his ceiling. He shakes his head. He really shouldn’t be awake at this hour. 

“So,” He says. Waits. A second, then another. Kid presses his cheek on his thigh, leaning his head, as Levi slowly rubs the towel on his hair, “you gonna talk, or did you really just want me to dry you like a dog?”

“Mikasa says when mom was not looking—the food I don’t like, she eats it for me,” Kid mumbles, tugging absentmindedly on the end of his sweatpants. 

Levi snorts,”I think she would have eaten the entire table if you asked her to.”

He feels Kid smile. The heat of it burns through his knee. The pad of his thumb, flicking Levi’s ankle. And then, they’re back to existing somewhere else. A place you’d only find if you look hard enough. _Feel_ hard enough. Because it’s the one place that feels right in a way a world that’s ending doesn’t have the right to be.

“And Armin he—he likes books. He has lots. Big ones—“Kid turns his head, and smirks up at him, “—Bigger than Levi.”

Levi’s jaw drops,”Oh, you did not just— _how dare you_?” Levi whips him on the back with the towel. Kid squirms around, like the time Hange poured vinegar on a worm.

“Ow—kidding! I’m kidding!” Kid whines, slouching back down on his leg, and pinching his flesh in retaliation. It shoots straight down to the sole of his foot. Levi thinks he’d feel it everytime he walks, “I will know to read and write tomorrow. Armin will teach me. He taught me lots of words today.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“Nu—needius,” Kid wrinkles his nose, “Nudiustertian.”

“What?” Levi scrunches his eyebrows.

“Nudiustertian.”

“ _What?”_

_“Nudiustertian.”_

“What the hell is that? It sounds like some kind of foot disease,” Levi shudders at the thought of fungus, and rotten nails. 

“I dunno. Took me so long to memo—memorize?” Kid looks at him for confirmation. Levi nods, squeezing the ends of his hair dry, his fingers dampening through the towel, “Took me so long to memorize, I forgot to ask,” He shrugs.

“Maybe you should stop hanging around, Arlert. It seems like he’s more of a bad influence than me,” Levi huffs, “What else did you learn?”

Something in the air shifts. Kid shuffles closer, the back of his skull digging on the inside of his thigh. He stares up, but he’s not looking at Levi. Eyes skirting around, like they’re afraid of getting caught. Levi lets the quiet take over. Allows Kid’s thoughts to line up, and straighten themselves back into place. Levi continues to towel through his hair. From his scalp, down to the curling tips, then back again. As if he could catch everything else that was spilling this way. 

Kid pulls down on the towel to cover his eyes, his nails digging through the fiber fuzz in the threads. Levi follows the small movement of his throat as he swallows. Something’s stuck in there. Hange once told him that up to 60% of the human body is water. Levi wonders how much of their weight really is just heavy with things left unsaid. Maybe that’s all that’s tying them to the ground. Maybe telling the truth was all people needed to reach the sky. 

“Levi.”

“Mm?” He asks, tracing the outline of his eyes through the fabric. Mapping out the corners. The soft arch of each lash. The press of a different universe beneath those lids. Levi can feel the clouds in them swollen with the threat of rain. 

“I—“ He swallows. One more. Then, again. Levi mourns what he doesn’t say, “I killed two men—” He breathes, “When I was nine.”

Levi’s fingers stiffen. 

“They—they killed Mikasa’s family. Wanted to take her away. And I—I was there, so—I did. Killed them.“

Levi looks down at his hands. Tries to imagine them stained with blood from lifetimes ago. Red clumped underneath his nails. The web of lifelines on his palms tainted with another life taken. Tries to imagine _then_ cramped into _now_ , until it’s part of this moment. 

Kid still has his eyes covered. Like there’s something there he doesn’t want Levi to see, but Levi knows they’re chipping into the dark. The greens and blues of them scattered, trying to outrun each other. But they shouldn’t have to. Because they’re here. It’s them. Sitting in their somewhere-else. In their place-you’d-only-find-if-you-look-hard-enough. Where they don’t have each to outrun each other, because they both have blood on their hands, but this place _still_ feels right. 

“—And I did it to save her! Mikasa said I did—She said—I don’t know—I don’t know what I did.“ 

Kid still has his eyes covered. Like there’s something there he’s afraid Levi wouldn’t want to see. And Levi was never the type of person who wants things. Was never the type of person who was _allowed_ to want things. So he tries not to crave anything at all. The foggy mornings. The sleep-deprived nights. Waking up next to the same body you slept with. Being still in the wild. Lungfuls of forest air, like you’re breathing while dangling over the edge of the earth. The _so much_ —the _too much_ of it all. The terrifying moment of having every one of your doors opened. The windows smashed down. The walls blown apart. Leaving you right out in the open with this one person stripping you bare, and you letting them.

All these things that were always bound to happen. Never to Levi, but to some other part of the world. Things that never happen enough, until they happen to you. He wasn’t supposed to be the type of person who wants things. But he wants them now. He wants them all.   
  
“—Why do I not know? Levi, I killed two men. To save Mikasa. But why do I not know? Why do I not remember?”

Kid still has his eyes covered. Like there’s something there he’s afraid Levi wouldn’t be able to see. And Levi knows it’s his fault. For looking at him then, and looking at him now, and thinking that they aren’t the same person, because he’s here. He’s still here. Still so full of beautiful, unimaginable things. Still feels like the Sun in Levi’s open hand. He’s still the center of it all. And if Levi has to, he’ll relearn him again. His head tipping back when he laughs. The wind ruffling his hair loose. Him looking at the world like there’s something more out there, and he wants everyone to know. The sight of him golden against everything else. Levi swears he’s brighter everytime he sees him. Like he’s more alive. 

And if Levi has to, he’ll meet him again. Find out all he never knew the first time. Unzip him, and see what will spill out. The swallowed words left unsaid. Where he keeps his breath when he holds it. The stories waiting to be uncovered. Levi’s gaze drops down to his lips. The heartbeat in his mouth. _All those hidden, untouched places_. Places where time stands still. Because this is him. Still him. All of him. Then, or now, Levi knows him. Will know him, always. 

“Her scarf. That day—I gave it to her. Ever since—she’s been wearing it ever since. Until now. But I don’t remember that, too. Why do I not know what matters?”

Kid still has his eyes covered. Like there’s something there he’s afraid only Levi could see. So Levi reaches out. Feels all the indents. The cracks. Each fracture—one by one. Makes sure that he feels Levi, too, until an inch apart is an inch too far, and Levi wants him to understand that he doesn’t have to hide. Not here. Not from him. That Levi sees him. He’s still looking. And he can’t stand to look away again, even if it strains his eyes, the way it does when he tries to look at the Sun, because the burn is worth it. The towel drops loud on the ground. And the Sun is finally looking at him, too. 

“Levi, I—“

“ _Eren_ ,” Levi says. His breath heavy around it. Because it’s the only thing good enough to say. Because it’s the only name worth saying ever again, “No matter what you did,” Levi takes his face in his hands. _This is Eren. This has always been just Eren_ , “No matter what you do, I’ll forgive it.”

Levi doesn’t know if it’s him who pulls, or if it’s Eren who reaches. The bed dips with the soft, perfect ache of the world being so quiet, you can hear it pass by. 

“Say it. My name—say it again,” He demands, shaking. His arms wapped around Levi tight. Face on the hollow of his shoulders. 

“Eren,” Levi repeats. And it’s like he’s setting his soul on fire. 

“That’s me,” He says. Like a revelation. 

“Mm. That’s you.”

“Levi?”

“What?”

“Can I stay?” He asks. Levi understands he doesn’t mean just for the night.

“…Yes,” Levi answers. He doesn’t mean just for the night, either.

Levi doesn’t know how long they remain there. In this place of having and being had in return.

Eren presses his lips on the side of Levi’s throat. 

Levi swears his heart starts beating there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I have such a love-hate relationship with this chapter because writing it made me SO DAMN MISERABLE holy shit!! Levi was so angsty, which in turn, made ME angsty. And it’s all a mess, and suddenly I’m ugly crying on my keyboard at three a.m.
> 
> I was so excited last chapter because I finally got Eren’s name in there, but while writing this one, it just didn’t feel right for Levi to use it immediately, unless he’s fully accepted the changes in their relationship. I mean, aside from his inner thoughts, not once did he mention Eren’s/Kid’s name when he was talking about him. He only finally said it in the last scene, which just shows how much he was in denial at first, I guess. 
> 
> I was so deprived of fluff while writing this, so watch me indulge myself next chapter! Spoiler alert: If you all have seen Hercules, just imagine the scene where Meg was singing ‘I won’t say I’m in love’ except Levi is Meg, and Hange+Squad Levi are the background singers. I WANT FLUFF AND I WILL HAVE IT.
> 
> To those who noticed Eren talking normally last time, good job! Though, that won’t be explained til we get his POV. But eventually, he will start talking normally again, because he’s interacting with more people, and also because ARMIN.
> 
> Anyway, Leave me your favorite moment down below! I personally liked that bit in the first part when Mikasa was like ‘I know him better than u old man’ THAT FELT LIKE SUCH A SLAP IN THE FACE lmaaooo
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! See you on the next one!


	7. I’m Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, this was late! Anyway, go play Falling For You by The 1975 for the first scene coming up, and for the last one, the scene that comes up after the training part, please, please, listen to Peace by Taylor Swift, and imagine it in Eren’s pov. Fuck that destroyed me. 
> 
> Enjoy!

There’s something different in the way the world wakes this morning. Like it spun too fast, and accidentally tilted overnight, and so it must be why Levi wakes up upside-down. The Sun half-asleep on his bed. Golden on his sheets, and still burning bright with things that Levi can’t hope to understand, especially not at five in the morning. 

Eren’s lids flutter, blinking away the last traces of sleep, like his eyes are playing hide-and-seek, until they settle on Levi. Whatever the weather, whatever the pattern of time, catching those eyes always feels like catching summer. Levi doesn’t know if anyone ever bothered to keep track, but the day Eren was born must have been the warmest day in history.

“Good morning, Levi,” Eren says, voice thick, and rough from hours without use. He shifts, pressing his cheek further into the pillow. His hand inching closer to Levi’s, and something in his stomach twists, and doesn’t stop twisting, as Eren smiles at him softly, tracing a finger on the inside of his wrist. And it’s enough to knock the world over, and whatever tilted overnight is tilting all over again, when his pulse spikes, and he feels the kiss Eren left on his skin still alive. Still beating. Pushing, and rearranging his insides at a slightly different angle, leaving him feeling misplaced in his own body. Like everything is still there, but they’re not where they should be. He has to take a few seconds to remember where anything goes, how anything works. 

Eren laughs, and his mouth is so close to Levi’s ear, he thinks the sound may have set home in his brain, “It is still early. Why are you already angry?” He asks, pressing a thumb on the knot of the scowl Levi didn’t know was marring his forehead. His finger glides down the slope of Levi’s nose, onto the dip of his chin. His chest kicks open when Eren’s nail brushes over his bottom lip, and he isn’t sure what comes out, but he knows he’s not getting it back anytime soon. Not with Eren—all of him—so much of him right here. So open, and unburdened without the weight of everything else, he looks like he’s about to float up the ceiling, but nevertheless, it’s Levi who’ll suffer the fall. 

“Levi?” Eren frowns in concern when he remains quiet. Levi doesn’t know if he’s doing it on purpose, but he swears his name didn’t sound that...smooth coming from Eren’s lips the day before. 

Levi shakes his head, refusing to follow that line of thought before it treads somewhere dangerous. A place he might never be strong enough to return from. He breathes deeply through his nose, dragging a hand down his face, “Shut up, brat. You’re fucking noisy. Why can’t you stay dead at this hour like a normal person?” He grumbles, sitting up. The blanket pooling on his hips. 

Eren gathers the sheets, wraps them tightly around his body like a makeshift cocoon, with only his head peeking out. He rolls around, bumps his forehead on the side of Levi’s thigh. His bones pop as he arches his spine, stretching like a cat. Arms falling limp on Levi’s lap, moving his feet to lock their ankles together. 

“Don’t go yet,” Eren says, wrapping an arm around Levi’s middle, burying a yawn on the sharp jut of bone on his hip, “Stay here.” 

Levi doesn’t know how to feel about the Sun gravitating towards him for warmth. Flushed with sleep under the soft hue of the early hour. Sometimes Levi is afraid of touching him. Afraid of how much he has to try not to touch him, so he tries, and tries, until it’s Eren who reaches. And all it does is make him try harder not to think about Eren’s hands on him, roaming like he’s mapping out all the places that Levi’s body has been. All the bodies that Levi has been with. He doesn’t have anything to hide, so why does it feel like he’s about to get caught?

  
Eren’s index finger continues to trace lazy circles on Levi’s leg, with his eyes closed, so he doesn’t see the trail of blisters that he’s leaving on his wake, while Levi sits there biting blasphemy on the inside of his cheek, because the Universe is out to get him. 

“Tch. How are you supposed to be a soldier if you’re this lazy? Get up. Your training starts today. Might as well warm up with a jog,” Levi says, rolling his shoulders, and kneading the stiff knots on his neck. 

“No,” Eren whines, squeezing himself further into his nest of blankets, moving away from Levi, and sticking his head beneath a pillow, “If Levi makes me leave this bed, I will cry.”

Levi rolls his eyes, “Less than a week inside the walls, and you’re already this dramatic,” Eren lets out an undignified yelp when Levi flicks him hard on the nape. He lifts a questioning eyebrow, but the brunet only kicks him on the shin in retaliation, “And another thing—you can’t keep sleeping here. Get Arlert to help you move your things down to the barracks. Not that you brought much shit with you, anyway.” 

“Why not?” Eren frowns, peeking from under his pillow.

“What do you mean ‘why not’? You’re officially a part of the Survey Corps now, and it should go without saying how inappropriate it is to sleep in your superior officer’s quarters. The past two nights are an exception, just to help you settle, but you have to stay with the other soldiers from now on. That’s just how it is.”

Eren stays silent. Deep in thought, until he sits up, blanket still pulled around his shoulders. Stray hairs sticking at the back of his head. Eren stares at him, so hard Levi can feel those forest eyes digging around his skull.

“But it’s hard,” Eren mumbles, breaking eye contact as he scoots closer. Wedging his lips within his teeth, like he’s about to tell a secret he’s not supposed to say. But Eren has always been generous with his affection. His words. His touch. Levi is always stuck in between begging him to stop, and begging him for more, “Sleeping without Levi—I don’t like it.”

Levi swallows. His tongue numb in his mouth. He doesn’t have anything to say that’s good enough to be said out loud. Doesn’t understand why Eren can’t just punch him in the face, instead of hitting him with words that keep punching the breath out of him.   
  
“The nightmares are always there,” Eren continues, and it’s both beautiful, and awful, how easily he tangles their fingers together. Levi gets sick with the feeling that yesterday this hand had been too far away for him to reach. Gets sicker at the thought of how wrapped he is within this palm, “But I never said—never told Levi that I—I only started dreaming of good things…when I met you.”

Levi loses track of where they are. Feels the world shift so fast the walls begin to blur. The bed sinks down the floor, his stomach spiraling along with it, and he is drowning. Breathing just enough to know that he’s dying. Levi wonders if this throbbing ache in his chest is some sort of divine punishment. If he’s sentenced with the religious guilt of daring to take something from the gods for his own.

But he finds he doesn’t care much about any Higher Power. Only how empty his hand looks like without Eren’s. Eren who feels like daylight on his crooked bones, and scarred knuckles. Eren who wakes him up by dangling the earth on his head, and planting his feet on the sky. Levi doesn’t know much about the good in this world, only that there’s more of it with Eren here. 

Levi draws a ragged breath, “Don’t do this to me, Eren. You’re not playing fair,” As he found out yesterday, Eren can be quite manipulative if he wants to. Levi tries not to think too hard about the last time he tried to deny Eren anything. All that sudden, and cold distance. 

“What am I doing?” Eren nudges his head to the side, blinking at him innocently, even though Levi’s come to realize that he’s anything but.

“Being a little shit, is what,” Levi huffs, “Look, we’ll compromise, okay? You go stay with the others, but if you start getting nightmares, you can come here. Sound good?”

Eren looks at him unhappily, but gives him a nod regardless.

“And you have to quit calling me by name. You can’t be so casual with me anymore. The second we walk out of this room, it’s Captain Levi to you.”

Eren looks at him affronted, like Levi just asked him to offer up his firstborn, “No,” He says, shaking his head in defiance, “Levi is Levi.”

“Listen to me. You’re the one who put up a huge fuss about joining the military, and this is what it entails. We have rules here for a reason—you can’t say no, just because you don’t like them. I don’t particularly give a fuck about what anyone says, but it’s going to be more trouble than it’s worth if people think I’m giving you special treatment.” Levi sighs, running his free hand through his hair, “We’re not outside anymore, Eren.” 

Eren unwraps himself out of the sheets, slides his back down the headboard so he can lean his head on Levi’s shoulder. Their hands still tangled. Eren squeezes. Levi feels it like a fist to his gut, “I miss our cave,” He says quietly, “No rules there.”

“There is also no bed. No bathtub.”

“But we’re free there—”

“—And you’re safe here,” Levi argues, “It’s not even that big of a deal—it’s just adding a title to a name. You can call me whatever the hell you want when we’re alone, but I can’t have Erwin hounding my ass, because I, of all people, got accused of playing favorites when I hardly even like anyone to begin with. And besides, it’s not—it’s not right to be—“ Levi grimaces, “—so close like this.”

Eren stiffens, “What?”

“This,” Levi looks pointedly at their joined fingers, “This isn’t something we should be doing in front of everyone. Hell, we shouldn’t even be doing this at all. You’re my subordinate now, it’s not—“

Eren rips away from him so fast Levi has to check if he took a limb with him. He gets off the bed, pacing, “Why do you—“ He bites his lip, “Why do you do that?”

“The fuck are you talking about?” Levi kicks his feet off the bed, moving in front of Eren to stop him from walking around, like he’s about to split the ground open with every step. Eren doesn’t answer. Only bites from his lip onto the inside of his cheek. Levi is tempted to pry his mouth open, and rip off the anger he has stuck in his teeth.

“You’re just so—I don’t—I don’t know!”

“Why are you—can you stop walking around like you have an anthill up your ass, for god’s sake?! What’s the matter with you?” 

“I hate it!”

“Hate what? You’re not making any sense—“

“When you say things like that—like there’s something wrong with us—I hate it—” His hands curl, like he’s about to go to war with just his fists, “And you—you just—” He shakes his head, ”you make it so easy…to hate you, sometimes.” He whispers, eyes downcast on the floor. 

Levi hears the crack of his stomach when it drops, and free falls on the ground. How loud it tears through the silence. And Levi knows he’s staring. Knows that Eren knows he’s staring. His jaw unlocks, opening his mouth, but his tongue is still full with things he regrets saying, so he closes it right back. 

He feels yesterday’s dread seeping with the light filtering through the window. Didn’t they just fix things? Just a few moments ago, they had been curled on the bed, wrists touching, pulses pressed, holding their own conversation. The shape of Eren’s lips on his throat, beating along with the memory of how warm it felt last night. How had he already messed things up so bad that Eren would rather look at the dust swirl, and shatter apart on his old, worn out carpet than look at him?

“Armin and Mikasa—they love me. They do. I feel they do. But I—the Eren they know—I don’t know him yet. I’m still trying to fit into him, but _this_ —“ Eren swallows. His own words eating him up. Eating him empty, “Us—I know this, because it’s mine. Something that I found. Something for this Eren alone. But you—you treat it like it’s wrong. Keep wanting to change it for other people.”

“Eren—“

“And you don’t get it! This body, it doesn’t—doesn’t even belong to just me. And—so long—it took so long to find something for my own,” Eren wipes the hair out of his face, the sky falling from his eyes one storm at a time. The spaces in between his words filling with hiccups, “This is the only thing I have that I’m sure of. So I—I don’t understand. Why are you trying to take it away?” He asks. Barely a whisper. Hardly a breath. 

But Eren never really did have to do much to break Levi’s heart. And he could do it a million times over. Burn it. Throw it off the walls. Dig his fingers through until his knuckles meet the flesh. Pluck it into pieces like flower petals, and play a morbid game of ‘ _He loves me,’ ‘He loves me not._ ’ Watch it wither in his hands like dried blooms. Bury it in his mouth. Chew it between his teeth. Taste the many ways a heart could break.

And it would still follow—carve its way out of Levi’s chest, just to run after him.

Levi stays quiet, because he doesn’t know how to be anything else. Can only stare at Eren’s damp cheeks, his damp mouth. Those long, trembling fingers. That smooth hand. Layers upon layers of skin that Levi wants to leave the memory of his own mouth on. So at times like these, when he only has the wrong thing to say, Eren would remember how much he’s ruined Levi for other people. That he can never sleep in his bed with the weight of a different body wrinkling the sheets next to him. That his are the only lips Levi could breathe from ever again. That he’d rather suffocate than try to breathe from anyone else’s. 

Levi takes a step forward, a hand hovering in the air, “Can I touch you, Eren?”

Eren nods, “Please.”

Levi pulls down on his neck. Eren closes his eyes when he leans in.

“What do you want? Tell me, Eren. What do you want?” Levi rasps. Eren’s forehead buried on the hollow of his neck. 

“No more changing. Just want this. With you. Want you—always.” 

…

Fuck. 

“What does—“ Levi swallows. Tries not to choke. Tries not to die, “What does that even mean?”

“Where you go, I go, too.”

“There’s no peace where I am. I can’t—“

Eren tugs on the hem of his nightshirt, the ends of it wrinkling in his fist, “Don’t. You said—you said last night I can stay.”

“I’m not sending you away. I’m just saying—“

“Then don’t say it. Don’t want to hear it.”

“Let me finish for god’s sake!” Levi groans, licks his lips. Blinks away the strands of Eren’s hair that’s getting into his eye, “I’m sorry, alright? For earlier. I just thought we’d need boundaries because—“ Because Levi is selfish. Because when he wants, he wants too much, and now he is too far gone. _Because even when I have you, I always wish I could have you more_. “—people talk a lot of shit, Eren.”

“Let them talk. Don’t care,” Eren mumbles petulantly. 

“That’s a lie, and you know it. When they start to say you’re using me to gain favors, or that you’re cozying up to your superior so you can jump up the ranks, then what? I don’t trust that you’re going to just sit back, and ignore it. Sometimes, people can be worse than Titans. You can’t just slice them on the nape to shut them up.”

“I know that. I do. I just—In front of everyone, I won’t touch you like—like this. But I—I want the option that I can,” Eren sighs, his arms slinking loosely around Levi’s waist. Again, Levi is trying very hard not to die, “Because yesterday, it was like—felt like I couldn’t touch you at all. And I was scared. So when you said that we can’t be like this—that it’s wrong—I just. I got scared again. I told you before I want to stay with you, and I—I mean it,” He says, lips moving against Levi’s hair, “I mean it so much.” 

Levi goes still. Dumbstruck for a moment. He spent all of yesterday hating himself for being selfish that it never occurred to him how this would feel—Eren wanting. Eren being selfish with him, too. And it’s warm. Like the breath trailing on Levi’s neck. Like the restless hum in his stomach when Eren’s fingers press on the small dip of his back when the hem of his shirt lifts. The way his hand traces the soft curve. But it’s not enough. Hands aren’t enough. He briefly wonders how so much warmer it would be, if Eren decides to learn Levi’s selfishness with his mouth. 

“I—okay, Eren. Fuck. Okay,” Levi nods. Once. Twice. Pulls back to look at Eren’s face, swiping the strand of hair on the edge of his lips, “Whatever you want.”

“Really?” Levi doesn’t know how he has the audacity to be surprised. As if Levi wouldn’t hold the world at gunpoint if he asked for it. 

“Yeah. Fuck it. If shit goes to hell, we’ll blame it on Hange.”

Eren laughs, and Levi’s feet itches from the fuzz of the carpet thread. His bad leg throbbing. His head a bit hazy from the lack of sleep. But Levi will remember this. Eren’s smile on the top of his head. Levi’s thoughts tracing the outline of his teeth. All this closeness getting closer. Wherever they end up, he will remember this: Meaning something, and meaning it so much. 

“Do you still hate me, Eren?” Levi asks. Voice quiet. 

“What? No—I,” Eren shakes his head so hard it looks like it’s about to fall off, “I don’t. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—“

“Hey, it’s fine. Just wanted to make sure.“

“No, no. I’m sorry. Really. I can’t—will never hate Levi. Because I—to you, I—“

Levi runs his hands soothingly on Eren’s arms, shushing his panic, “I know. It’s okay. It was just a question.” 

“No, it’s not. Not okay. I’m sorry,” Something in the way Eren’s eyes dim tells him that maybe he’s sorry for more than that. Levi understands. Everyone here is sorry for a lot of things. All of them fluent in the language of atonement. 

But this—them. Just like Eren, Levi found this, too. And he’s so tired of apologizing for wanting it, because he wants to keep holding this hand. Wants to be the reason the Sun walks out of the sky. Feel him laugh, and cry, and scream onto Levi’s skin, and everywhere else. Wants him selfish. Wants him wanting this just as much.

“Okay, okay. Fine. I forgive you. There. Happy?” 

“Really? You promise?”

“Yes, yes, I promise. Are we okay now? I want a fucking shower. All this dramatic shit in the morning is making me itchy,” Levi grumbles, scratching his neck. 

“Me too! Can we make bubbles again? Go in bathtub together?” Eren asks eagerly. If Levi squints, he can almost see the brunet’s imaginary puppy tail wagging through the air. 

“What? Are you fucking crazy? No!” Levi says, indignant. His insides lurch around, something swishing in his stomach at the words ‘bathtub,’ and ‘together’ used in one sentence, which is ridiculous considering how much he’s had to bathe with Eren sticking closely to his side, fussing over his injury, like he’d somehow find a way to drown himself, even when he’s on the side of the river, with the water ankle-deep.

“Why not?” Eren frowns, then lights back up again when he reaches to pinch Levi’s earlobe, making him jerk back, “Levi, your ears—they’re red! How cute!”

“They are not! And don’t just touch other people’s ears, you stupid brat. That’s just rude,” Levi huffs, slapping the offending hand away, clicking his tongue in annoyance, “And if you ever call me cute again, so help me, I will castrate the shit out of you.”

Eren blinks at him, “Castrate? What’s that?”

Levi fights the urge to groan into his hand, “No. Absolutely not. I did not get this far in life, just to end up here, and discuss testicles with you. You can’t make me,” He growls. 

“What?“ Eren quirks an eyebrow, “Levi is weird in the morning,” He mumbles.

“And you’re a dumbass,” Levi scowls, arms crossed, “Now go brush your teeth. Erwin’s not going to be happy if you kill Humanity’s Strongest with your morning breath,” He smirks.

Eren rolls his eyes, and in retaliation, licks his lips, his pink tongue swirling around until they’re wet enough that Levi can see them glisten even in the dim-lit room, then swoops down to plant a quick, damp kiss on Levi’s left cheek, before running off, snickering, the door creaking when it slams as he locks himself in the bathroom. 

Leaving Levi wide-eyed, gaping after the trail of Eren’s laugh. A hand trembling on his cheek, sweeping on to his mouth, while mindlessly thinking ‘ _Come back, you missed a spot.’_

* * *

Levi always lives by the saying that if anything goes wrong, blame it on Hange. So he does exactly that when he runs into them on his way to get breakfast, chirping beside Erwin, probably begging to get more funding for another experiment that Levi, for the life of him, will never understand what for. 

“You,” He snarls, frustration leaking down his face as he jabs a finger on Hange’s forehead, “This is all your fault.”

Hange blinks down at him, startled, their eyebrows scrunching, “Uhh, usually, I’d pat myself on the back for a job well done, considering how pissed you are on this fine morning, but I literally have no idea what I did this time.”

Levi clicks his tongue in annoyance. His eye twitching from how crumpled his face is as he scowls. 

“Honesty, I’m surprised that you aren’t in a good mood. I ran into Eren earlier, said you suddenly kicked him out your room, but he seemed happy. No longer squirming around like a cute, little worm at the mention of your name, so I figured you guys talked everything out,” Hange shrugs, “Whatever it is, just get Eren to kiss it better—if he hasn’t already.” They snort.

Levi stares at Hange dryly. Then at Erwin. Then at the floor. His neck itches, so does his cheek. He wonders if they can see it—the patch of Eren’s mouth still wandering there. 

“Levi,” Hange gasps, nails hooking on the flesh of his arm, “Levi, _shut the fuck up!_ You guys kissed?! Who kissed who?! Wait, wait—don’t answer. It was Eren, wasn’t it?”

“Calm down, you fucking shit stain,” Levi says, swatting their hands away, “Nothing happened.”

“Oh, I get it,” Hange grins slyly, canines baring sharp, and dangerous, “That’s why you’re mad? Because nothing happened?” They smirk, nose high up, sniffing around, ”What’s this, Levi? Is this sexual frustration I smell in the air? I don’t see how that’s my fault, though?” 

Erwin makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat, like he’s caught in between choking, and laughing, but he doesn’t know what to do first, so he does both at the same time.

“You know what, fuck you both,“ Levi growls. His dramatic storm-off hindered by Hange locking his neck in their arms, dangling on his back, seemingly determined to dislocate his spine, and drag it down to his feet. 

“Erwin, our son! Our baby bird is finally growing up!” Hange wails.

“Will you stop?!”

“Is this your way of asking for help? No shame in that. I mean, no offense, Levi, Eren adores you, but come on, your idea of romance is talking about diarrhea— _Stop with the shit jokes, god._ And don’t even try to deny this, we all know the most action you’ve been getting lately is your ass rubbing on the toilet seat. Sorry, hun, but you need all the help you can get. When’s the last time you got something stretching that hole other than your own shit?”

Levi breathes deeply, chest puffing from the swell of his lungs. His eyes closed, fingers digging circles on his temples. He swallows, mouth dry, and hot from the death he’s about to threaten Hange with, “Hange, if you do not shut that piece of Titan shit you call a mouth, I swear on all the devils in every level of hell, I will kill you, then everyone, and then myself.”

“Now, now Levi,” Erwin cuts in, voice placating, slowly disentangling the choke-hold Hange’s ams has on his windpipe, “It’s bad omen for the rest of the day to practice violence so early in the morning. And also,” He sighs, “You must be aware that I want nothing for you but your happiness, however, there are still rules about fraternizing with subordinates. Considering the Corps’ high death rate, policies about romance is quite lax, but although it’s not exactly prohibited, it is still frowned upon. Especially if it involves someone so highly revered, like you. I doubt your legion of admirers would take the news well, so I hope you’re at least exercising discretion in you and Eren’s…affair.”

“Oh my fucking god. Three heads here, and I’m the only one who has a brain. I told you nothing’s going on, I’m just—“

“—Pining?”

“Hange!” Levi snaps. Erwin gets in between them before he could reach out, and rip off a limb.

“Fine, fine!”Hange concedes, throwing their hands up in the air, pulling him and Erwin all the way to the mess hall, dragging the Survey Corps’ two highest ranking officers firm in their grip, like a couple of baby ducks. 

The air noticeably drops a couple degrees colder the second Levi steps in the room. Everyone still on edge after his little outburst the night before. He glares at them all, before setting his sight on Eren, watching his miserable attempt at trying to steal a slice of egg off of Armin’s plate. Levi tries not to roll his eyes at Mikasa who offers Eren her own, along with the half of her bread. 

“Eren!” Hange calls out, waving their hand wildly for the brunet’s attention. They pull Levi along, the bones in his feet cracking with every step, when Eren looks up, a smile stretching across his face. Warm, like it’s been dipped on the peak of Summer. 

“Hello, Hange!” 

“Eren,” Armin hisses under his breath, “I told you, that’s not how you greet your superior officers!”

Erwin chuckles, the sound making Armin squeak, and fidget in his seat, “That’s quite alright, Armin. Hange is quite fond of him, so I don’t think they mind at all,” He says, “And good morning to you, Eren. Your training with Squad Levi begins today. I hope your sleep was restful, you’ll need all your energy, after all.”

“Yes, last night’s sleep was good,” Eren nods. Two bobs of his head. Two seconds before disaster, “Because me and Levi slept together.”

Levi closes his eyes. So hard he feels his lids pushing them into the back of his skull. Beside him, Erwin snorts. Which is how you know it’s the end of the world, because Erwin never snorts. Always the professional. Even his fart comes out prim and proper. Like a kettle whistle. 

Hange laughs, loud, and booming, slapping their hand on the table, like they were born specifically to laugh at this particular moment. The wood whining pitifully beneath their palm, drowning out Armin’s cries as he tries to wrestle a knife out of Mikasa’s hand, who’s probably smearing Levi’s blood on the walls as she butchers him inside her head, “Levi—!” Hange wheezes, “Levi, you sly dog! How dare you corrupt this poor child’s innocence! You told us nothing happened!”

“And you know nothing did, so fuck you!” Levi fumes, before turning to Eren, shoving him on the forehead with the tip of a finger, “And you—shitty brat. Stop saying things that people will misunderstand!” 

“Ha? But it’s true!” Eren huffs, eyebrows scrunching in confusion.

Hange laughs harder, “Maybe you won’t be needing help, after all, shortstack. You work faster than I thought! Refresh my memory a bit, was that a limp I saw in your walk earlier?” They say, eyebrows wiggling. 

“Erwin,” Levi grits between his teeth, “If you do not get Hange out of my sight right now, I will commit mass murder. Do not test me.” 

Erwin shakes his head, the corner of his mouth twitching, “Come now, Hange. I would very much rather enjoy my breakfast without anyone’s head flying onto my plate. Go dig your grave another time.”

“No—no, wait, I’m not done—Erwin—“ Hange’s ponytail whips him in the face, squirming as Erwin maneuvers them to a farther table. Thankfully, Moblit chooses this time to appear, a tray of food in hand, keeping Hange seated on their spot, even though their shoulders were still trembling with laughter. 

Levi feels a tug on his hand, green eyes blinking up at him, asking him to sit. It doesn’t escape his notice how Mikasa inches closer to Eren, her arm rubbing against his. Frost smattering the corner of her eyes as she stares Levi down. He hears Armin sigh, looking defeatedly at his fork, like he’s ready to stab himself with it just to have an excuse to get away from all the tension. 

“Still don’t understand, Hange,” Eren says in between chews, “Why all the laugh?”

“For the record, nobody understands Hange. I don’t think anyone’s ever meant to. So whatever they say, it’s best to just block it all out,” Levi shrugs, ”Take it from me, that’s what I’ve been doing since we met.”

“That’s mean.”

“Yeah, well, _I’m_ mean.”

Eren laughs, shoulders bumping into his. Lips shiny with oil from his meal. Levi’s eyes transfixed, looking for a reason to have it touch him again. Find out what laughter could taste like when consumed directly from that mouth.

“S-so, Captain,” Armin clears his throat, trying for a smile, but all it does is make him look like he’s getting ready to die, “I was just wondering about Eren’s training, because Mikasa and I, we, uhm—if there’s anything we can do, please let us know. We’d really like to help out as best as we can. ”

“It’s going to be hell, that’s for sure. We’re fitting three years of mandatory training in two months. Erwin’s already planning for the next expedition, and he wants Eren to come with. Honestly, I’d prefer to wait a bit, but his familiarity with the Titans, and the terrain outside the walls is crucial, so it’s not like Eyebrows is going to prioritize what I want over that,” Levi frowns.

He thinks about the world, and its fucked up ways. All that unknown waiting to swallow them whole. He doesn’t want it anywhere near Eren—this boy who walks, like he’s always getting ready to leap. Shine down on them all. Levi behind him, always ready to follow. Wants him hidden from the bloodshed, the gore. Lungs picking their last breath. Bodies bitten in half, whole only in memory. Because Levi knows Eren, and how Eren knows death. The way he talks about it like he can make it kneel. Levi doesn’t want to find out the consequences if he can’t. 

“I can help Eren draw us a map, if you want? And Mikasa, she’s really strong! I bet Eren can learn a thing or two from her as well,” Armin says, making Eren perk up in his seat.

“Oh? Really? How strong?” Eren asks, eyes glinting, looking at Mikasa like a crow circling around a shiny object.

“Very,” Armin smirks, “Try not to piss her off too much. She can probably kick the two of us all the way to Wall Sina with the flick of a toe.” 

“Wow! Mikasa can do that?”

“I can,” Mikasa says, gaze flicking over to Levi, her chin raised in a silent challenge. He resists the urge to rip off his shirt, and start doing a thousand one-armed push-ups then and there like a fucking moron, just to wipe the condescension off her face, and show her that he’s called Humanity’s Strongest for a reason,“But I’d never do that to you, Eren. Only to people who don’t know their boundaries.”

Levi’s eyebrows shoot up, his shoulders squaring, his temper roaring in response. Armin splutters, all blurry movement, as he flaps his hands around, trying to reach for something to diffuse the surging pressure in the air. 

“Uhm, ah—Eren!” Armin yells, cringing at the panic in his voice, pushing over his cup across the table, “Do you, uh, my coffee? Do you want a taste of my coffee? You’ve never had it before, right? Or, well, you probably did when we were kids, but I don’t suppose you remember the taste?” He chuckles, sounding out of breath, like his words had to run to get here. 

Eren nods, taking a small sip. Oblivious to the two beasts snarling at each other on both of his sides, “Mm. I like it,” He turns to Levi, offering the cup, the steam swirling up his face, “Tastes good. Want it?”

“Hell no,” Levi wrinkles his nose in disgust, “Of course, you’d end up being a coffee person. I hope you know how hard I’m judging you. Tea will always be the supreme caffeine.”

“Oh, right! Tea! That’s what Levi likes—Armin where is it?”

“There’s some in the pantry, but—“

“Okay. Levi, you wait here,” Eren stands up, his chair screeching as its legs drag on the floor, ”Armin, come. We go make some for Levi,” He says, before marching off, determined, like he’s been deployed to the frontlines of war. 

“Eren, wait—you’re going the wrong way!” Armin cries. He scrambles after Eren, but not without leaving Levi, and Mikasa a pleading look, one that’s begging them to behave. The silence he leaves in his wake rivals the stillness of a funeral. With Levi scowling at a dark patch on the table, and Mikasa digging her clenched fist on her lap. 

After a moment, she speaks. Mouth moving against the fabric of her red scarf. Eyes taut, like an arrow about to shoot, “I’ll never hand Eren over to you.”

“That so?” Levi sneers, “Is that really how you should speak to your superior? Top of your class, and yet no one taught you a fucking thing about respect?” 

“When it comes to him, you have no superiority over me,” Mikasa scoffs, back tensed, like she’s ready to start smashing windows, and kick every door in this place down. 

Levi licks his lips in thought, tries to keep his blood from rising to the point he starts bleeding through his ears. He wonders how much trouble he’d get into, and how mad Eren would be, if he grabs her legs right now, and hurl her off onto the ceiling. Maybe if he threatens everyone hard enough not to look up, nobody will notice.

“Alright, then,” He says. Mikasa looks at him in apprehension, surprise evident on her face to hear him concede, “Calm down, Ackerman. You don’t have to worry about handing him over to me. And you wanna know why?” Levi stands, feeling ten-feet tall. Like he has the neck of the world crushed beneath the sole of his shoe, “Because Eren comes to me on his own,” He smirks. Walks away with victory swollen in his chest, a fresh target carved on his back, and the cry of Mikasa’s wounded pride smacking gloriously on the floor.

There’s never been a more gratifying sound.

* * *

  
“Are you kidding me, Eren?! We do not have time for all this shit, so quit fucking around, before it’s your neck I start strapping on those goddamn cables!” Levi growls, arms crossed, tapping his feet impatiently, while Eren groans face down on the ground, his leg bent awkwardly from how it’s hooked on the steel wire. The 3DMG simulator looming over them, taunting in its height. 

“It’s okay, Eren. You can do it,” Petra says sympathetically, rubbing his back, as she helps him stand back up. 

“Yeah, brat. Don’t overthink it, just—you just have to feel it, you know what I’m saying?” Oluo quips, readjusting the lever. 

“That is the most useless advice I’ve ever heard!” Petra scoffs, wiping some of the dirt on Eren’s cheeks with the back of her sleeve. 

“It just takes some time getting used to, don’t it, Eld?” Gunther bumps him on the shoulder, “Remember your first try? Ended up licking a whole lot of the ground, too! Probably kissed the dirt, more than you kissed girls,” He snickers. 

“Gunther, you fuck, I don’t think that’s going to make Eren feel any better, and now all you’ve done is just made me feel bad, the same.” Eld grumbles, kicking Gunther on the back of the knee. 

Levi sighs, stepping closer. Eren doesn’t look up, his brows furrowed, reaching for each other. The muscles in his hand flexing against the bone, clenched, shaking, like he has an earthquake hidden in his palm. The heat in his eyes, searing. Beautiful in a way that could split you apart, and Levi hates how much it feels like he’s staring at him in the dark. Would rather have Eren screaming, and crying, rather than looking like he has knives sticking in his lungs for every failure. Each breath, the heaviest thing in the world, but because it’s Eren, he keeps them all in, anyway.

Because it’s Eren in tangles. It’s him, twisted. Looped in pieces he doesn’t know how to fit in his body right. It’s him with a finger curled on the trigger of a pistol, shooting at a mirror. His reflection bleeding on the broken glass.

And Levi wants to grab him, tell him to stop shooting, because Levi sees him, hears him, even when his fear of not being good enough wants to remain unspoken. Crawling down on the back of his throat, trying not to make too much noise. 

“Try it again,” Levi says, “Keep focus on your front, and back balance, then slowly place your weight to the belts on your waist, and feet.”

Eren nods, jaw tensed, “Oluo, lift me up.”

Eren grits his teeth, arms hanging in the air for balance, as Oluo rotates the lever, lifting him off the ground. Each whine of the harness pushing them all on edge. Petra claps her hands in excitement at the sight of him wobbling, back rigid, but managing to keep himself upright. 

That is until Eren tilts, surges forward to correct his balance, only to pitch too much, too soon, ending with his face planted where his feet should be. 

Levi rubs a frustrated hand across his face, while his squad tries to keep a sigh from leaving their mouth. 

“Get him down, Oluo.”

Eren sinks to his knees, staring blankly at his fists. Levi crouches down in front of him, placing a hand on the back of his neck. The touch jolting him awake, fingers grappling desperately at Levi’s shirt, “Levi, I—I can do it. I can. Don’t—please, don’t make me go away, I—“

“I won’t. No one will. So breathe for me, Eren. C’mon,” Levi says, his thumb rubbing circles soothingly on Eren’s skin. Trying to stop him from curling in on himself. And it’s dreadful. The sweat plastering wisps of hair on his forehead. The smudge of dirt on his cheek. Arms wrapped around his stomach, like he’s trying to keep something from slipping out. Levi is so used to watching Eren float, and fly away, that it feels sacrilegious to look at the Sun while it kneels. 

“Goodness, Levi. You tryin’ to crack his skull open or something?” Levi hears Hange speak behind him. He turns his head to look at them, standing up when he sees Mike, and Nanaba walking along their side, their respective squads following behind.

“Eren!” Mikasa calls out, rushing towards Eren, with Armin close to her heels, pulling the brunet back up his feet, “Are you okay? Does your head hurt?” She asks, turning over his face side to side, checking for injuries. Levi sees the hint of a bruise blossoming on the corner of his eye. 

“I’m fine, Mikasa,” Eren mumbles. Armin pats him awkwardly on the back, like he doesn’t know where else to put his hands. 

“Is that how you repay the person who saved you, Levi?” Nanaba asks, amused, “By breaking him like an egg? ‘Cause he’s so cute you could eat him up?” She smirks. 

“Fuck off,” Levi huffs, which only serves to make her laugh.

Mike walks over to Eren, hovering with his eyebrows pinched, before leaning closer, taking a good whiff off the top of the brunet’s head, “You smell like a Titan.”

Eren stiffens, looks up at Mike wide-eyed, mouth hung open, taking a step back, like he’s getting ready to run. Mikasa moves protectively in front of him, glaring at her own squad leader. Levi doesn’t know whether to call her stupid or brave with the way she treats authority like dirt on the bottom of her shoe.

“Of course, he smells like a Titan!” Hange cuts in, “He’s been living with them for years. Although, I doubt Levi smells the same thing you do, considering how they slept—ow!“ They yelp when Levi tugs them hard on the ponytail they’ve got swinging on their shoulders. 

“And you’ll be taking his place living outside, if you don’t shut your damn mouth,” Levi levels them all with a frown, “The hell are you even here for, anyway?”

“I told you yesterday that we have Titan training! But I guess you were too busy being lovesick to pay attention,” Hange snickers, squeaking as they hide behind Mike when Levi cracks his knuckles threateningly, “Anyway, I thought it’d be good to have Eren observe Sawney, and Bean. Let him see how they are unrestrained, before we get him helping with the experiments. Moblit, and the others already have them ready in the forest, and it looks like Eren here could use a bit of a break. So, what do you say?”

Levi looks over at Eren. The hunch crunching his shoulders. The strain of his body trying to set itself straight, only to tear at the corners. Sometimes Levi forgets that with the size of the Sun, its shadow can be twice as big, ripping its own light apart. How it makes the sky look like a crime scene, “Oi, Eren,” Levi clears his throat, “You up for it?”

Eren nods, bottom lip trapped between his teeth. 

“That settles it, then! Oh, I’m so excited! You’re gonna love them, Eren, I’m sure of it!” Hange says, jumping around. 

Levi’s attention flickers to two of Mike’s members, overhears his and Eren’s name ricocheted between their hissing, as they elbow each other in the ribs. 

“—Be quiet, Jean! If the Captain hears you, he’s gonna hang you on the wall with your fucking balls! I’m not kidding, you should have been there last night. Oh, Sina, I thought he was going to murder everyone for talking bull!”

“Piss off, Connie. No way Captain Levi would lose his shit over someone so—ordinary. I mean, look at the guy. How’s he supposed to kill Titans if he can’t even use the 3DMG? Bet you, I can take him on.”

“Screw the 3DMG, he probably doesn’t even need it. Dude’s been living outside the Walls since Maria, for crying out loud.”

“So what? That’s probably some sort of fluke, or whatever. Did you see him hit his head earlier? Fucking hell, man, I’ve never seen someone so terrible—ow, Sasha! Why are you hitting me—?!”

Both of them freeze when the girl looks pointedly at Levi, and they catch sight of him, fumbling like they suddenly don’t know which way is up, and which way is down. The scowl on his face must have hinted that he’s about to paint the walls red with murder. 

“Mike,” Levi snarls, “Has no one in your goddamn squad been taught that if you’ve got nothing nice to say, then you best not say anything at all, or am I going to have to step in, and shut these fuckers up permanently?”

Mike sighs, “Jean, Connie. Apologize.”

“Fuck you, Jean, you’ve done it now. Even dragging me down with you—not cool, man,” Connie whines.

“You idiots deaf, too? He said, _apologize_ ,” Levi says, feeling the words rumble in his chest. 

“It’s okay, Levi,” Eren speaks up, wrapping a hand on his wrist.

“It’s not—“

“It is,” Eren insists, “Horses don’t like me, remember?”

Levi blinks at him. And it’s all silence, until Connie splutters,“Did he just—Jean, did he just call you a horse?!” He asks in between his laughter. Everyone else follows suit. The girl from earlier, Sasha Braus, infamous for her attempt to sneak out meat from the officer’s storehouse on her first day in the Corps, neighs, and paws her foot on the ground, imitating the barn animal.

“I always thought you smelled a little funny, Jean!”

“Do you think the horses see you, and think, ‘Brother!’?”

“Shut up,” Jean snaps, fist curled on his side. That fist would probably have made its way on Eren’s chin by now, if only Levi hadn’t been standing next to him, arms crossed, looking like he’s about to start a war, if Jean so much as breathes at Eren wrong.

Levi throws Eren a smirk, “You cheeky, little brat.”

Eren smiles at him innocently, then blurts out a laugh, seeing Connie running around Jean, his wrist pressed on the bottom of his spine, hand swishing left, and right like a tail. And Levi likes it—is absolutely weak for it. The way those lips curve, when his smile isn’t hiding away in corners. Levi would do anything to keep him like this. Sometimes he feels like it’s the only thing stopping the sky from falling. 

“Alright, alright, break it off, you noisy lot,” Nanaba says, clapping her hands for attention, “C’mon, then. Gather your limbs, children, you may not have them anymore later,” She grins darkly.

“I hate Titan training,” Connie sighs.

“Thank you for your input, Connie, and because of that, you’re helping with the clean up later.”

They set off for the forest with Connie’s wailing in the background. 

* * *

  
“One of the reasons for the high death rate in new recruits is because they’ve never seen a Titan before, so even though they spend three years training for it, it’s understandable for them to get overwhelmed seeing one for the first time, especially with all the chaos going on when you’re out there on the field,” Hange says, “So when Erwin approved my proposal to capture Titans for my experiments, I figured, why not go all the way, right? And having the soldiers train with them, it’s really helped. Gives them more of a realistic view of what to expect.”

Eren stares at the Titans strained in front of them. Their chains rattling, hissing like snakes. Jaws snapping, saliva dripping thick at the sight of human flesh. Levi’s hand twitch, hovering over his blade box, as they thrash against their shackles, roaring, trying to claw at them desperately. 

“We had this part of the forest closed off, but of course, even with a controlled environment, it’s still not exactly the safest thing, but the basis of the training is pretty simple. Knowing when to attack, and honing their reflexes with Titans that have to be avoided. Later, we’ll be setting these babies free,” Sawney growls when Hange takes a step closer, “Shadowed by the Squad Leaders, of course. We have dummies spread all over, so it’s basically a competition on who can slice off the fakes the most, and who can outrun the real ones the fastest.”

“It’s a pain, really. These brats showing off, only to turn with their tails tucked in their asses when these drooling fuckers get set free. But I suppose it’s all fine as long as no idiot loses a leg. Imagine explaining that to Erwin,” Levi grimaces in disgust at the two monsters gurgling as they continue to flail around, the metal links binding them clacking against each other, spit spraying in the air with each snarl. 

Eren moves forward. Levi’s hand almost lurches, something in him surging to pull Eren back. And it’s ridiculous, because he is only one step away, but Levi knows more than anyone how quickly one step away can turn into one second too late. How a snap of a mouth can turn into the end of the world. How easy a body can break in half. 

But there’s something in Eren’s eyes that roots him in place. Like one look could make the trees shake. One look, and these Titans baring their teeth, would bow down. It’s moments like these Levi swears Eren is the only person who can shake Death’s hand, say ‘ _Nice to meet you_ ,’ and actually mean it. This person is always gone too soon, before Levi can get to know him. 

“Where are the others?” Eren asks, craning his neck up to meet the Titans eye to eye.

“What do you mean?” Hange’s eyebrows scrunch, “There are no ‘others,’ Eren. There’s only Sawney, and Bean.”

This time it’s Eren who frowns, “…Are you sure?”

Levi snorts, “I think we’d know if there’s an extra Titan lurking around, they’re not exactly the most subtle sons of bitches, brat.”

Eren tilts his head to the side, looking genuinely confused, “Huh.”

“Why? Did you see anything strange on the way here?”

“No, I just—I thought,“ Eren pulls his lip back with his teeth, eyes darting on the Titans bound before him, “Nothing. Nevermind.”

“Eren,” Levi warns, “If there’s something wrong, you have to tell me.”

Eren only looks at him, and Levi wants to press closer. Knock their foreheads together, until he can learn the shape of Eren’s skull, and read all the thoughts swimming in it. But then he smiles, a quick tug of the mouth. The smile he does when he thinks it’s what Levi wants to see, but all it does is lock his face shut. Brick after brick, as his walls stand back up, higher than ever, leaving Levi hopeless on the other side, “It’s okay, I’m—I’m okay. It’s nothing. Really.”

Eren knows Levi doesn’t believe him. The smile stays on, anyway. 

* * *

  
“Thanks for your help, Jean!” Connie whips through the air, hopping from one branch down to another, making Jean falter seconds before his blade meets the nape of the wooden Titan, “Following you was a good idea!” He lifts both of his swords, poised to go for the kill, until Sasha swings through the trees, the whir of her metal cables cutting through Jean’s profanities, just as she takes the two boys’ target for her own.

“Oh, yes!” She yells, arms up in victory, dangling dangerously on the ground, before she fires off a hook, pivoting her sharply against the wind. Wracking the forest, like a deranged bullet. Connie, and Jean hot on her heels, promising their retaliation.

Levi has Eren wrapped around his back, as he takes off, following Mike’s charges as close as he can without disrupting the competition. He and Hange were set in charge of trailing after the rookies, while Mike and Nanaba shadowed each of the Titans prowling around. No limbs lost, so far.

“That is Jean, and that is—Connie? Right?” Eren asks as Levi changes direction, spotting the familiar heads of blond, and black near a clearing, their figures darting off into blurs.

“Mm,” Levi nods, “Jean Kirschtein, the asshole you called horse-face. Top-class omnidirectional mobility, but too much of a prick for my taste. The bald, noisy one, Connie Springer, excels at executing quick turns. Quite a bit of an idiot, though. Whines like a bitch, too.” 

Levi feels the brush of Eren’s hair on the back of his neck, when the brunet shakes his head, “That’s not nice,” Eren laughs, the warm prickle of it on his skin making the world turn faster, “The girl?” 

“Sasha Braus. Brat’s got unconventionally good intuition, but demonstrates poor teamwork, as a result. Try not to touch anything on her plate. She’ll eat you alive. Literally.” Hearing himself talk, it’s hard to believe that all these misfits really came from the top graduates of their class. 

Eren’s grip tightens, extending his neck, trying to peer better over Levi’s shoulders, “Look, Levi! Mikasa, and Armin!”

Levi looks just in time to see Mikasa swiftly slicing through two makeshift napes in succession, the mere force of it shaking the leaves. Raven hair whipping dark against the canopy, like she brought the night with her. 

“Mikasa’s great! Isn’t she, Levi?” Eren says, awestruck, tapping his arm in excitement. He only grunts in response, has half a mind to leave the boy stuck at a tree branch somewhere. He surveys the cut she left on the false nape. Levi rolls his eyes. He’s definitely done better. 

In the middle of trying to keep track of everyone, they run into Hange. Wisps of their hair gone loose from all the flying around, their goggles crooked on the slope of their nose. They land by a wooden platform attached against a tree, near another one of the faux targets. 

“It’s really hopeless to try, and turn this into a team activity,” Hange sighs, “Everyone just blasts off on their own, and all Ymir ever does is try to fend off anyone who tries to steal a kill from Krista. Almost lopped off Reiner’s head earlier, when he got too close.”

“I keep telling you to just toss them all off the wall, but do you listen?” 

“I will, if you stop suggesting murder, you spiteful, little man.”

Levi glares at Eren who’s muffling his laughter with the back of his hand, the corner of his eyes scrunched. The sunlight coming home on his skin. This moment feels like a loose thread. Something he can pull when he misses Summer. 

“Aren’t we done yet?”

“We got at least five dummies still left standing. Mikasa’s in the lead, no surprise there,” Hange snorts, “Annie’s in close second, though,” They pause. A flash of yellow, and the furious whir of a metal cable grinding through the gear signaling company, “Oh, and speaking of Annie.” 

Levi watches as her lithe body spins, a golden blur in the air, her blades glinting with thrill, before carving her mark on the goal. 

“Look at her go!” Hange squeals. “Her slice attacks are absolutely flawless, goddamn!”

“Levi,” Eren whispers, eyes transfixed on Annie, the fast pull of her frame issuing a challenge for the wind to chase, disappearing into the trees “Who,” He swallows, “Who was that?”

“That’s Annie Leonheart. One of Nanaba’s,” Levi answers in apprehension, “Why?”

Eren doesn’t speak. Only stares at Annie, then back at Levi. His eyes wide, and there’s something dark there, like he’s been forced to see the bottom of the earth, and something almost made him stay there. Levi will never know how Eren can be in so many places at once. Here, with his hand fisted on Levi’s shirt. But also somewhere else, some place far. A prison he keeps coming back to. It’s a terrible thing. Not knowing what to save him from. 

“I—“ Eren breathes. Deep, and unsteady. Swaying on his feet, like his bones have given up on keeping him upright. Levi wraps an arm around him to stop him from falling over. 

“Eren, sweetie, are you okay?” Hange stands on his other side, hovering protectively. 

“Look at me, Eren. Look at me,” Levi grits his teeth, something in his gut wrenching open, “Fuck—what’s going on?”

“I’m—Levi, there’s something wrong. I don’t—“ Eren shakes his head, fingers grappling around, dazed. 

“Tell me, what is it? Eren—“ Both him, and Hange stare at Eren horrified when blood begins to trickle out of his nose, “Oi, what the hell, quit fucking with me—your nose is bleeding! Fuck, why are you bleeding?!”

“Is it because he hit his head earlier?”

“I don’t know—shit. Fire a flare. Let’s go. I can’t have him like this with those goddamn Titans around,” Levi says, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. Eren’s face is hidden on his neck, mumbling. Mouth scrawling secrets on his throat, like Eren doesn’t know where else to put them. Levi strains to hear what he’s saying, can only make out a vague jumble of words, overlapping, kicking each other out of the way. 

“Levi,” Eren rasps, panting in his ear. And he’s so close. He’s so, so close, but Levi still doesn’t know where he is. How to bring him back. How to keep him here, “I need to go.”

“What are you talking about? Where the fuck do you need to go, when you can barely stand up on your own?!” Levi growls, and he’s gripping Eren so hard his wrist is shaking its bone apart. Eren beating, and breaking in his palm. And it’s that look on his face. The lack of him there. The Sun pitch dark, overtaken by nightfall, rattling Levi awake to chase after time he didn’t know he was already running out of. 

“ _The basement_ ,” Eren says. Like it’s the answer to everything in the world. And the way it leaves his lips, Levi almost believes that it is. 

Before he can question what it means, a shot rings through the forest. A smoke flare making the sky bleed red. Levi’s stomach sinks even further. 

Grabbing Eren, he nods wordlessly at Hange. The three of them rushing towards the direction of the signal, and Levi could only hope this day ends with the same number of people it started with. 

They see Nanaba. Levi does a headcount of the scouts trailing behind her. _Krista, Ymir, Bertholdt, Reiner, Annie, Mikasa, and Armin._ Levi clicks his tongue. Of course, it’d be the three idiots who end up missing. 

“Nanaba, Explain,” Levi grits, when they reach her, leaping on branches, following the direction she’s taking.

“Shit, Levi, it was insane! The Titans, they just suddenly went batshit crazy! Moblit, and his team managed to subdue Sawney, but Bean is still out there. Mike, and the rest of the subjugation squad went off to find it, while I gather the kids up. I still have Jean, Connie, and Sasha left.”

“Oh, no, no, no, no,” Hange wails, “My babies, what could possibly have happened?”

“Forget about those bug-eyed fuckers, shitty glasses! Erwin’s gonna have our heads served for dinner, if we come back with eight kids, and bitten off limbs in place of the missing ones,” Levi sighs, exasperated. 

“It’s so weird. It’s like they suddenly went Abberant, or something. Remember how the Titans were a month ago? When you left for your last mission?” Levi nods, “That’s how it was. Last time I checked, didn’t they return to normal? I haven’t read any reports that they’ve gone back to losing their shit.”

“And Sawney, and Bean,” Hange cuts in, “Whatever was making the Titans go crazy that time, for some reason, they weren’t affected. So why—why now? And so sudden?”

Levi feels Eren’s arm tighten around his torso, catching Mikasa’s attention. 

“Eren,” She calls out. She tries again when he doesn’t respond, “Eren, what’s wrong?”

Mikasa pushes off a tree attempting to move closer, when a scream pierces through the air, the forest swallowed up. The ground rattling with heavy footsteps. A roar pulling at the sky, dragging down thunder slumbering in the clouds.

“That’s Sasha!” Armin says in alarm.

“Everyone, stay on your guard!” Levi barks, “Immobilize it, if you can, but if it proves too much of a threat, you have permission to kill it,” He looks at Hange. Jaw locked in tension. Their face contorted, like Levi’s order just raised a fist, and cracked a rib. They remain silent, nonetheless. Hange’s good at that. Gritting their way through pain.

They reach the scene just in time to see Sasha dodging a hand almost smacking her flat against a tree. Bean, flailing its arms with no direction, almost like it’s trying to see if it can sever its limbs by shaking it off. It rams its head on a thick branch, flattening its skull grotesquely on the side, a part of the wood sticking through. It continues to slam itself against the trunk, trying to use its body to dig through, steam curling through all its damaged flesh. 

“What the hell…?” Hange whispers in shock, palm on their mouth.

“Sasha!” Armin yells, getting her attention, the shadow of an open palm overlapping with the short-lived relief on her face, “Watch out!” 

Sasha swiftly fires a hook at a nearby tree, barely avoiding the Titan determined to swat her away, like a bug, “Guys, I’m so glad you’re here!” She cries. “It’s moving too much, I can’t kill it! I’ve been trying to distract it from Connie, and Jean, god, those idiots!” She points at the two of them, hanging from a couple of trees across, wires tangled. Connie, with his gear busted, wrapped desperately around Jean’s legs, who’s trying to swing to hoist them up a branch. 

“Nanaba, go get those fuckers. I need them alive, they’re going to be mucking the stables for a month,” Levi growls, pulling out his blades, “The rest of you, move back. Someone fire a flare to alert Mike. I’ll handle this,” He turns his head to look at Eren, “Oi, I’m putting you down with Hange. Don’t—“ 

“Captain!”

Levi spins on reflex just as a set of jagged teeth snaps where his legs had been, hook firing off, whipping him away from its jaws, “Fuck,” He curses, landing on a branch.

Levi’s body stiffens at the missing weight on his back, and the thud in the ground that follows. His heart crashing along with it.

“Eren!” Mikasa cries out, surging forward, gas pumping out furiously from its canister. Knuckles bulging against her skin, fist tight on the hilt of her swords. Bean continues to swing its limbs around, mouth aimlessly cracking open, and closed, a finger catching on her cable, knocking her off midair. The titan’s other hand moves to capture her. Futile, when a hook pierces through its wrist, Mikasa already shooting back up, blades crossed. 

Levi sees an opening to go for its nape, was just about to fire off, his chest banging loudly at the sick crunch of Eren’s fall, his brain screaming to damn the world, and go to the boy’s side this instant.

It was neither him, nor Mikasa who makes the Titan fall. 

Levi had once read about the Angel of Death. An angel whose wings stretched as big as the sky. Throwing sinners into an endless, open flame, burning in their own crimes. The one who does the holy’s dirty work. The grim reaper bathed in sunlight. Eren, with heaven, and hell, bowing before him.

Levi would burn in hell, if it meant dying for this. 

Steam rises off the Titan’s feet, the ones that Eren just cut with the blade Levi had dropped. Blood trickling down the hilt, each scarlet bead feeding the earth like an offering. He circles around the fallen body, stopping in front of its head. Bean’s fingers twitch, arm bent, bone popping out of an elbow. Gone was its frantic rampage. Hardly even groans. It almost looks pitiful. Subdued.

Afraid. 

Eren sneers at it in disgust, lips pulled back, like he’s about to rip the Titan apart with his teeth, “How dare you try, and hurt my sister,” He growls, pointing the tip of the sword, hovering above its nape, the fury in his voice making everyone flinch.   
  
“Eren,” Hange says his name, like a plea. Feet dropping on the ground. Eren shows no indication that he heard them, his blade still raised. “Don’t—don’t kill him, please—!”

Levi barely catches it. Something flashing in those eyes, dark, and hungry, he almost braces himself, waiting for the world to be swallowed whole. The Angel of Death passing its judgment. All the gods, and the devils still on their knees. Levi, helpless among them.

“ _Know your place_ ,” Eren spits. The Titan closes its eyes. The blade buried on its nape, sentencing his verdict, like a gavel. 

“Noooo!” Hange cries, running over. The rest of them, landing on their feet. Watching the scene warily. 

Levi can’t keep his eyes off of Eren. He wonders if the boy can feel it. The way Levi is trying to learn this side of him by sight alone, in whatever way he can. That he won’t run from this. From whoever he chooses to be. He doesn’t know how this is the same person wrapped in blankets, sleep-soft in his bed this morning, crying not to be deprived of Levi’s touch, but it doesn’t matter. The Sun is still the Sun, even if it chooses to rise at night. 

“Bean, my poor baby, you’re—“ Hange blinks. They raise a tentative hand, pulling it back, then extending it again over the Titan’s mouth. Its eyes still closed, “Breathing…? He’s breathing,” They look at the blade wedged on the back of its head, then at Eren, their chest heaving, “Eren—How? Bean, he’s—he’s alive?”  
  
Murmurs of shock, and confusion erupt through everyone’s tongues. Eren doesn’t give Hange an answer, only looks at the faces gaping at him. He walks over the center of them all, fingers working through the harness strapped to his chest, slowly releasing the buckles. 

“Do you want to know why none of you are free?” Eren asks, “It’s not because you are caged by your walls,” The leather straps loosens on his shoulder, falling over his arms. Everyone stands rigid, breath held at each flick of his hand. No one moves, no one dares, “But because you cower in fear when faced with the ones keeping you trapped in them.”

They all look at him like children being chastised. Levi only stares harder, thinking how someone can bend the laws of nature so easily they made the world stand still. He remembers the nights Eren got so lost within himself, Levi wasn’t sure who would come back. And now with him, spilling himself out here in the open, Levi can almost understand why Eren would choose to keep parts of him hidden, no matter how much Levi wishes he didn’t have to. Because here, vicious, and merciless, how could any one of them have stood a chance? Eren could sink his teeth in his heart right now, and Levi would let him. It’s terrifying how much Levi would let him. How he’d apologize, even with his blood in Eren’s mouth, for only having one heart to offer.

“You can’t kill an enemy you don’t know, you can’t know what you run away from!” He growls, tossing the harness on the ground. Flushed with anger, red like wine, like something Levi could get drunk on. He turns his head, eyes falling on Jean, who goes stiff at the attention, “You can keep your wings,” Eren smirks, kicking the tangled straps in his direction, “Unlike you, I can survive on the ground,” Jean gapes at him, like he’s been shot. 

“Hange,” 

“Y-yes, Eren?”

“It’s going to wake up soon,” He warns, eyes drifting over to where Mike, and the rest of Moblit’s team have just landed on, “Kill it, before it kills you.” 

And then, he looks at Levi. That’s all it takes. One look, and his world is back to shifting. One look saving, and ending it at the same time. He wonders how he slept through this last night. All the tilting, and the rearranging, and spending the day thinking he’s permanently upside-down.   
  
Eren smiles. Comes to him. And he’s leaning so close, he triggers the kiss on Levi’s neck, trying to tear through his skin, demanding for more. Levi clenches his jaw so hard, he can’t feel his face. 

“Did I do good, Levi?” Eren asks, whispers, before his lids flutter close, collapsing in Levi’s arms. 

The last wall he has left standing, breached. 

* * *

Eren wakes up, groaning miserably, burying his face in his pillow, until he notices that he isn’t alone, Levi staring at him with his eyebrows raised, “Am I dying?” He croaks.

Levi snorts, “If you feel as shitty as you look, then you might be,” He leans over, scooting the chair he’s been sitting on the past hour closer, brushing the messy tangles of fringe away from Eren’s eyes. He pulls back. Crosses his arms, keeping them locked over his chest, fingers digging on each bicep, before they do anything stupid, like hold Eren’s hands. See how something so soft can make the earth tremble. See how his heart looks beating at the center of it.

Eren pouts, pushing on the heels of his hand to sit up, “Feel like my head will explode.” 

Levi grimaces, “Sorry, that—a part of that may be my fault. Fuck, I dropped you pretty high, didn’t I? I already got someone to look you over, they said you may just be sore here, and there. Nothing too serious, which is fucking weird. I could have sworn I heard you break a bone, but,” He shakes his head, pushing the guilt seeping along with the wobbly breath he draws, “Shit, I don’t know.”

Eren sneaks his fingers onto his knee, tracing careful patterns, stitching a wound that isn’t there. This must be what an apology would feel, if you could touch it, though Levi isn’t quite sure what he’s sorry for, “Not your fault. I’m okay. Promise.”

“Guess you better be awake to tell that to your friends when they come back. They didn’t want to leave, but Mike called for them,” 

Eren peeks up at Levi, smile soft, the kind that melts in your tongue. He tries to picture it. That smile in contrast to the shadow that had taken over earlier. The one that made him look like he’s seen it all. Where a soul goes when it decides to die. When time began. Like the world has told him all its secrets before it ends. The look on his face when he said ‘ _The basement_.’

“He needed their report on the…incident earlier,” Levi licks his lips, “Eren, is there something you want to tell me?”

Eren falters. A finger jerking so hard Levi has to check if he accidentally hurled it on the floor. He wonders how many times Eren has had to do it. Tossing away pieces of himself so it doesn’t belong in the wrong hands. He stays quiet, and all Levi can do is stare, thinking that maybe he can read Eren’s mind if he just looked hard enough. 

Eren opens his mouth. Levi’s stomach flips. Something in him changes. And Levi is never fast enough to catch it in between, “..No. Nothing. Sorry.”  
  
Levi almost sags in disbelief. There’s already too much of him spilled out for it to just be ‘nothing.’ For it to just be an apology. There’s the kid he once pinned on the ground. The one he shared a shower of stars with. The boy with the summer-lit smile blowing bubbles in his small, sad bathroom. The first Sun on the Moon. Eren, who killed two men when he was nine. Eren, who makes death crawl. Eren, who should never be sorry for anything, because when Levi said he’ll forgive it all, he meant it. 

And Levi wants to talk about him. All of him. All of Levi, too. All these things that they never talk about, because talking about it means tearing yourself apart, fingers hurling on floors, holding hearts like a gun, and shooting yourself with it, where choosing your poison means choosing each other. Saying the only name worth saying ever again. Because talking about it, means talking about the things you’ve only dreamt of saying. The whispers you can only breathe into the night. The ‘ _I want to feel like this for the rest of my life ,’_ The ‘ _Can I keep you?_ ’ The ‘ _I’m always yours, even if you leave._ ’

It means talking about the things they’re afraid to talk about, because it would kill them not to. 

Levi clears his throat. He tries again, “Is it something you don’t want to tell me, or something that you can’t?

He hears a chip. A crack in Eren’s mouth, “Levi..” 

“I never told you this enough. Or more like, I don’t think I’ve told you this, ever. But I,” He swallows, “I’m here, Eren. For whatever. And I should have told you this from the beginning. Fuck. I should have—should have told you this everyday.

“Levi, please,”

“No, let me finish. Because I need to say this, and you need to hear it. I don’t know what your demons are, Eren. I don’t know the faces you see when you look at them. Maybe sometimes you even see your own,” Levi says, his throat burning, “But I—I see you. And you’re everything, Eren. You’re all the good I’ve ever known. And whoever you think you are now, whoever you end up being. I’m here. You have me. If the world ends, we’ll watch it end together.”

Eren launches himself at Levi. And Levi catches him. From now on. Always, “That’s not fair. You’re not fair,” He cries. All the things he’s running from spilling on Levi’s skin. 

“Never said I was,” Levi laughs weakly, the sound ruffling Eren’s hair.

“I’d die for you.”

Levi pulls back a little, eyebrows back in knots, “Eren—“

“I would,” He smiles, brushing a knuckle on Levi’s cheek. And his lips are so close, Levi still wants to find out what breathing from them feels like, “But a life with you, Levi. A life with you. That’s what I’ll fight for.”

Levi’s chest stutters. Choking on this nameless feeling, that isn’t quite love.

But it feels close enough.

“Come,” Eren says, standing, pulling Levi up with him.

“Where the hell are we going?”

“To Commander Erwin, and Hange.”

“Why?”

“You want your walls broken. And the Titans gone,” Eren says, Levi in one hand, a golden key in the other, “I’ll show you how.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Eren’s dual personality. Lmao, I know, right?
> 
> I wanted this chapter to be pure fluff, but I couldn’t resist a tiny bit of angst! But, finally, Levi’s making his moves omg fucking finally, even though he’s still being a little bitch wtf do u mean it’s still not love old man what more do u want
> 
> And a lot of you probably noticed I get Levi to compare Eren to the Sun a lot. That's on purpose, it's a mini challenge I'm doing, using a cliche, and twisting the hell out of it. When we get to Eren's pov, watch me abuse using the Moon, too hahaha So when Levi says Eren is the first sun on the moon, like he did somewhere on the angsty parts up there, that's just him saying Eren is his first love. Even if he doesn't know it yet. *rolls eyes*
> 
> Also, I notice in most of the comments, how people say that this fic sort of reminds them of poetry and WHAT THE HELL GUYS THAT’S SO NICE. Honestly, writing is hard. So hard that sometimes I can only write one paragraph a day, because there are days when nothing I write feels right, but reading all your nice words, it really keeps me motivated, you know? So thank you, everyone, really. 
> 
> And, I know you have a lot of questions, but meh, we’ll get to them when Eren feels like it, and regarding the cliff hanger, whatever you’re thinking, you’re probably wrong lmaaaooo
> 
> Feed this author with your feedback, if you liked this chapter! See you on the next one!


	8. Orange Belly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the end scene, please play Eyes on You by Ed Patrick.
> 
> And just a reminder, I adjusted their age. Eren is 18, and Levi is 28.
> 
> Enjoy;)

Levi’s hand hesitates when it wraps around the knob on the door of Erwin’s office. And it’s the hard edge on Eren’s jaw. His teeth biting down against each other, the flex of it chiseled on the bone beneath his mouth that fuels that hesitation. The flecks of green in his eyes, rubble. Every blink, a wreckage. Filled with all the truth Levi had once been too afraid to ask. His insides latch on to guilt, playing tug-of-war with it in his stomach, thinking about Eren picking himself apart, just so he can reintroduce himself to Levi, whole. Secrets always come at a price, and the world doesn’t negotiate. 

Eren catches his stare. Smiles. Gives him the kind of look that leaves a mark, as Eren’s fingers cover his own, opening the door, the twist of the metal making his ears ring. 

It reveals Hange sitting by Erwin’s desk, jabbing the air with a piece of paper, its edges crumpling pitifully, as they continue to wave it around, “I don’t even know what we don’t know, anymore, Erwin,” They sigh, “You should have been there. It really is unbelievable, unless you see it with your own eyes, but—“ 

Levi clears his throat, signaling his, and Eren’s presence, “Oh, good. You’re both here.” 

Hange stops speaking midway, then barrels towards them, locking Eren in their arms, cheek digging against his, “Eren, I’m so glad you’re okay! You scared the hell out of us back there, young man,” They scold, pulling back, trapping his face in their hands, shifting it side to side, “I’m glad you’re not as injured as I thought you were, but shouldn’t you still be resting in bed? Honestly, I’m surprised Levi let you out of that room,“ They smirk. 

“Don’t fucking start with me, shitty four-eyes,” Levi huffs, “Eren has,” He pauses, not sure how to proceed, “He has something to say.” 

“Oh?” Hange tilts their head to the side, in question, before dragging Eren over to Erwin. Pushing him to sit down where they had been earlier, “What’s up, pumpkin? Levi giving you any trouble?” 

Levi clicks his tongue, annoyed, “If there’s anyone here that’s giving people trouble, it’s you.” 

“Grump,” Hange snarks. 

“Jackass,” Levi bites back.

“ _Children_ , are you done?” Erwin sighs, the pad of his thumb rubbing on the center of his forehead, the way he gets when Hange, and Levi are one clash away from scraping his patience clean, “If you both would be so kind to let Eren speak. I do believe he wouldn’t seek us out so soon after the straining day he’s had, if what he had to say wasn’t important, so I would very much like to hear it, before one of you flips my desk over again.”

Levi crosses his arms, lips pursed, keeping the sarcasm from dripping out. But because Hange’s a little shit, they stick their tongue at him, flicking Levi’s nose with their finger, before crossing over to Erwin’s side, squealing. Erwin throws him a look, leaving him unable to retaliate. He bristles, face scrunched into a scowl, thinking about the many ways he can rearrange Hange’s bones later. 

“Now, then,” Erwin begins, hands folded beneath his chin, “You may state your business, Eren.”

“Uhm, yes. I—“ Eren swallows, eyes darting from Erwin, then to Hange. Down to the finger he has scratching anxiously on a tiny hole gaping on the fabric of the pants covering his knee, like he’s trying to dig a way out. Tongue, restlessly poking inside his cheek, ready to run away with all his secrets, if he opened his mouth wrong. But then, he looks at Levi. And the digging stops. His lips unlock, but only his breath escapes. Something in his eyes, flashing. The way lightning braves a storm to shed light to questions bound in the dark, “When we first met, I said there was…”

“Another way to kill Titans,” Erwin supplies. His face schooled into impenetrable neutrality. When he looks like this, it leaves no room for wondering why Erwin is Commander. With how the Walls could have been built on the solid air of his authority alone. Hange perks up beside him, when Eren nods.

“Yes,” Eren agrees.

“I must admit, I’ve been eagerly waiting for you to bring this subject up again,” Erwin says, shoulders rolling, straightening his back. He smiles, but it’s too controlled to reach his eyes. A smile that’s only there for decoration. There out of necessity, “Would you care to put me out of my misery, Eren?”

“Of course,” Eren nods again, “But I have conditions.” 

“Wasn’t the condition for you to offer your help was to be allowed in the military?” Erwin stares pointedly at Levi, “Has that condition not already been met?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I think wrong about you, Commander?” 

“I’m afraid you’d have to elaborate.”

“Nothing, it’s just..” Eren shrugs, “I thought there wouldn’t be a limit—for what you’d pay to save humanity.” 

Listening to them talk was like overseeing a chess match. Watching the words moving in calculated tiptoes, like pawns across the board. Speaking with Erwin tends to make people feel, like they have their tongue nailed on the roof of their mouth, with how he commands their silence. Rules their compliance. Of course, it’d be Eren who would dare challenge Erwin in his own game. Not just to win, but to demolish it completely.

Erwin barks out a laugh, shoulders quaking, “Ah, yes. Forgive me. The future of humanity does require quite a hefty price. How could I have thought otherwise?” He shakes his head, “May I ask how much exactly?”

“That—that’s the thing,” Eren sighs, “You can’t ask.”

Erwin frowns, so does Levi, “I can’t say I’m sure what you mean, Eren.”

“Just,” Eren bites his lip, “Better to show you,” He looks at Hange, who brightens eagerly at the attention, “Hange, your Titans. Which one can you sacrifice?”

“Uhm, I’m sorry, what?” Hange blinks, confused.

“Your Titans,” Eren repeats, as if saying it twice would make them understand him better, “I need one. But it will die.”

“Ha? You can’t have them, Eren! Bean barely made it today alive!” Hange screeches.

“Hange—“

“No, Erwin. I won’t let you,” Hange slams their hands on the desk. This is Hange that neither Levi, nor Erwin could budge. Hange who would smash a skull, just to hear the sound of it when it breaks. Hange rarely ever wears their anger, but when they do, they wear it skin-tight, “You know how hard we worked to get those Titans here. And they’re important to me, I’m not even halfway done with my research—Erwin, come on. Don’t do this,” They turn to Eren, “Whatever it is, there—there has to be another way. If there’s none, you find one, anyway.”

Eren is silent for a moment, regards Hange, and the quiver of their fist, like they’re trying to see if they can crack their fingers if they balled them hard enough. 

“Alright,” Eren lets out a breath, standing up, “We’re going to the Wall, then.”

“Are you fucking insane? You want to go outside?” Levi moves in front of him, stopping him from walking any further. Levi takes his wrist. His pulse beating warm, and heavy in his palm. And Eren would have to grow wheels to run him over. Take a machete, and pound his knees inside out with it. Snap his bones, and scatter it across the floor, like coins that have broken loose from pockets. Because if he expects Levi to even twitch a single inch, and let him pass with the intent to go outside, baiting his life, like he’s always done, then Eren would have to carve his way through Levi’s body. Eren would have to kill him, “No, Eren. Over my dead body. No—not even then.”

Eren smiles. And Levi has to squint, while his chest flips backwards, everything inside him, dropping down to his feet, because when Eren smiles like he means it, he makes every other light in the room go out, and now Levi has to walk around with his lungs on his ankles, a kidney on his calf, and his heart on his heel. Why do feelings have to be so inconvenient? Levi wants a fucking refund. 

Eren thumps his forehead softly against Levi’s, disturbing the knot forming there, “Not outside. Just on top of the Wall.”

“Oh,” Levi blinks. He clears his throat awkwardly. Eren’s smile grows softer, “That could be arranged.”

“Best we be on our way, then,” Erwin says, pushing his seat back to stand, “I feel like I’m about to see something spectacular—wouldn’t want to lose sunlight, before we get to the good part.”

“Yes, and, before we go,” Eren bites down on his lip, “I need a bow and arrow.”

* * *

Death slaps them in the face, windblown, stinging their eyes, as they watch the Titans prowl around what’s left of Maria. The stench of blood still strong, even so high up, that Levi has to lift a hand to his nose to make sure it’s not his nostrils bleeding. The sky soaked orange, offering what’s leftover of the day. It never gets easier, and Levi thinks it never will. Overlooking all the life lost beneath them. This infinite graveyard. The names they never got to carve on stone, carved bloody on a Titan’s teeth, instead. 

He looks at Eren. And when Levi sees him like this, it’s like he’s barely awake. When Eren trades faces with the night, and Levi, wanting to wedge that body in his hands, make sure that everything’s in place, his limbs still intact, that his heart is beating where it should be. Pat him over like a contraption that would only work if you smacked it right. Because Eren is the type who’ll say it’s just a scratch, even with half of him missing. Sometimes Levi holds his hand just to make sure he doesn’t wrap it around his throat. It’s easy to get distracted by the colors of the Sun setting, the light getting lower, and lower, meeting you eye to eye, that no one ever bothers to ask if the Sun is still breathing, even when they watched it fall. No one ever worries how much of itself it loses just to make way for the Moon.

“So,” Levi starts, “Are we here to sightsee or some other shit, because this is the worst view you could have chosen.”

Eren smiles at him wryly. A smile that looks like it got caught in a crash. Smiles like he’s bleeding everywhere, but because he’s smiling, blood is just liquid, and red is just a color. Eren makes pain look so sweet, you’d want to stuff it in your own mouth, but all it does to Levi is make him want to throw up, because he’s sorry. And he is. He really is. But you can’t save someone with an apology.

“Can I borrow a knife?”

Levi lifts an eyebrow, “What for?”

“Please?”

Levi sighs, reaching down to retrieve the knife strapped on his boot, handing it to Eren with his fingers wrapped around the tip, “Knock yourself out.”

“Thank you,” Eren says, twisting it, his reflection catching on the blade. Levi watches, tries to follow what he sees, but it’s gone, dangling on his hand, the breeze swinging it near his hip, before Levi could understand why Eren looks at his face like he’s never seen it before.

“Are you going to show us another trick, Eren?” Hange asks, bouncing around, as if they weren’t perched fifty meters above ground, “Can’t say Erwin won’t drag you out there on the field first thing in the morning, once he sees what you got in store for us now, but he means well!” Hange pauses. “Eh, most of the time. Sort of.” They shrug. 

Erwin laughs, “Don’t listen to them, Eren. Though I admit I have been feeling quite left behind, being the only who hasn’t seen your abilities firsthand yet, I will not send you back out there, unless your training has been completed,” He throws Levi a smirk, “I hardly doubt Levi wouldn’t throw me off these walls, if I dared.” 

“We gonna stand here gossiping like old ladies, or are we going to actually get shit done?” He throws Erwin a glare, trying not to salute him with a middle finger. 

“I hope I don’t come across as impatient as Levi, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t share Hange’s excitement.”

Eren licks his lips. Nods once to himself, before letting out a determined puff of breath, “Okay,” He nods again, “Okay, but, like I said—don’t ask me how. Don’t ask me why, just—“

“Calm down, Eren,” Erwin says, giving him a soft pat on the back, “We won’t ask you anything you wouldn’t want to answer.”

Silence consumes them for a moment. The kind of quiet you could feel tugging on your bones, trying to break you loose, because when Eren is quiet, it feels like you have no choice but to be quiet, too. Like a stray breath would breathe him apart.   
  
“Commander,” Eren says after a while. Fingers locked on the key he has hanging around his neck. There were nights when Levi woke up to Eren staring off into the dark, holding onto it like a heartbeat. Like there’s a whole other life beating there. Eren never took it out under daylight, until now. Levi found the courage to ask about it once. Eren only held his hand. Levi always wondered what he meant by it, but he was never good at asking these things, so he never did. 

“Yes?”

“Why do you want to leave these walls?” Eren asks, looking at the hell below them.

It takes a couple of seconds before Erwin responds, “We’ve always wanted to build a base outside—that’s always been one of the Corps’ main goals ever since—“

“No,” Eren shakes his head, “No, not that. Not for the Corps, not for humanity. Just—Erwin Smith,” His eyes shift over to the blond, “Why does Erwin Smith want to leave these walls?” And this time it’s not a challenge. Not some sort of mind game. Just a question asked out of genuine curiosity. Innocent in a way that makes even Erwin smile. Levi doesn’t think he’s been asked that before. Something for Erwin, the person. Not Erwin, the Commander. 

“Well,” Erwin says, “When I was young, every afternoon of every Saturday, my father and I would go for a walk out in the woods near my childhood home. We never went there to hunt. Just to talk about how our days went, surrounded by nature—he was a teacher, so he’d share how his classes had gone, which students were promising, and which ones made him want to tear his hair out,” He laughs softly. “And usually I’d trade him those stories by telling him about the games I played with my friends, titles of the new books I had read, or another family recipe my mother taught me. But there was one Saturday that stood out.” 

And it’s that sudden exhaustion in Erwin’s tone, like the churn in your stomach when it plummets, or the thing that triggers you to chew on your nails, or tap your feet in hurried, mismatched rhythms, the gloom in days that feel like the end was the only thing left to happen, that makes him seem small in a way that Levi didn’t know Erwin could ever be. Erwin who was always twice the size of everything. And now, this. A sadness twice the size of him. Empty with everything he used to have.

“You see, my father taught history, and that day, I asked him how they found out that there aren’t any humans outside the Walls. And so, he told me his theories—the mysteries, and contradictions of the world. He believed that it was impossible for humanity to not have passed down an oral history that differed from the books distributed by the central government. I suppose he regrets never cautioning me to keep these theories from reaching the wrong ears, the way I may someday regret sharing them to you. That was the last Saturday I spent with my father. He never made it through the next week alive.

But you know what pains me the most, Eren? That day, before we went home, there was this bird I saw—and it was the strangest little thing. Its feathers were mostly yellow, a patch of orange on the underside. Its wings a mixture of blue, and green, it was the most color I’ve ever seen on anything. But my legs were aching, and my stomach was starving for dinner, so I didn’t point it out. My father tried to give me the world, and everything outside of it. I regret not showing him something so beautiful before he died. 

I never saw that bird again, or any other of its kind. Sometimes, I think perhaps I’ve dreamt it. So now, every time I leave these walls, I leave hoping that maybe it’s out there. Hoping to see it just once more—just once before I die. So when I meet my father again, I can tell him that it was real. He believed in the beauty of life that could exist outside. I want to tell him he was right.”

For the longest second, no one said anything. The way you never know what to say to someone when you’ve been allowed to meet them again for the first time, because this was the closest Levi would get to something like it. He doesn’t know how much time they spent there. Just breathing, and breathing, like the Universe was sucking breath alongside them, too.

It was Eren who finally moved, taking Levi’s knife to his skin, his palm rushing open. Blood deep, and dark, drops of it rolling like rain. 

“Oi, Eren!” Levi jerks.

“I call it orange belly,” Eren says, red still gushing from his hand, as he takes a single arrow from the quiver he has slung on his shoulder. Pressing on the tip, spreading blood on the metal, squeezing more out, “One of those ate my berries once. Hate it since then,” He huffs out a small laugh.

He offers it to Erwin in all its bloody glory. The arrowhead still leaking. Erwin looks at it with his eyebrows creased, but takes it nonetheless, careful fingers wrapping on the flimsy shaft. 

“But they’re real, and they’re out there,” Eren smiles, and Levi wishes he could hate him for it. How it makes his pulse spike strong enough to shatter a chest. This heart attack he’s constantly in, counting the beats spelling Eren’s name per minute. How easy Eren shatters the rest of him, “Beautiful, like you say.”

And Erwin laughs. Honest-to-God laughs. And it’s one of those things you’re not sure you’re permitted to look at, like childbirth, or a priest inside a confession room. But it’s one of those things that fight for attention, too, so you look anyway. 

“Is that so?” Erwin asks, a little breathless, “I’m glad,” He raises the arrow, inspecting it with his eye. Eren hands him the bow, “Shall I go for the nape?” 

“No. Anywhere.”

Erwin’s breath hitches a bit at that, “Anywhere?”

“Anywhere,” Eren repeats, “Now, shoot.”

Erwin doesn’t hesitate when he pulls the drawstring back, but the tension makes the three seconds in between the arrow shooting, and the sharp metal piercing center, burying itself deep on a random Titan’s forehead, feel like three years had gone by. 

Nothing happens, at first. Levi turns to Eren, the question audible in the lift of his eyebrow. But Eren doesn’t speak, doesn’t explain anything. Just continues to stare, composed, and calm, looking at the Titan warble around, bumping on others, that eternal, mocking grin, stretching the bottom of its face. Hange gives him a sideway glance, which he answers with a tiny shrug. 

And then the Titan jerks. A small twitch of a limb, that turned into a full-on seizure, until it’s screeching, and growling, and screeching again, like it’s trying to get away from its own skin. Its fingers clamp down on its teeth, prying its jaw wide open, until it breaks the bone, ripping its own mouth into a permanent scream. 

“The fuck?” Levi whispers in disbelief.

“Is it—is it killing itself?” Hange asks.

Eren steps forward, feet on the edge of the wall. Red still trickling down to his wrist. Levi opens his mouth, only to close it back again. The way you always get stuck with wanting to say more, when you can’t. He’s seen Eren outside, and inside the Walls. And now, here. Together in the middle of it. 

“The clearest memory I have,“ Eren says, “Is my mom getting eaten in front of me. When it…snapped her in half. And it’s—I hear it. Her bones breaking. The—the exact second she died. I still hear it. Like I’m still there. Like it’s still happening,” The Titan rams itself into a tree, smashing its head on the trunk, hands clawed, peeling off chunks of flesh. Open wounds, opening further, “Sometimes, it feels like it won’t ever stop happening,” He whispers, making his face look darker than it is.

“I only remembered it not so long ago but—“ Eren breathes the same time another howl pierces, pulling the air apart. The last outcry of the Titan, before it collapses on the ground, blood pooling beneath it. Steam rises, white smoke curling around the body gradually being charred black. An arm twitches. Then, nothing,“that kind of hate. It stays with you—no matter how much you forget. It’s the one thing—the only thing that stays.” 

“Holy shit,” Hange wheezes, like they had to strangle the words out. Pauses, “It’s not healing?” Realizes, “It’s not healing.” They gape at Eren wide-eyed, “Why is it not healing?”

“Because they’re not as…invincible as you think.”

“And it’s your blood?” Erwin clarifies, “It’s—some sort of poison to them?” Eren nods, “How?”

“You’re not supposed to ask,” Eren reminds him, eyebrows knitted. 

“Right. Forgive me. Of course,” Levi can already the hear the gears in Erwin’s mind whirring, his mental chessboard flipped over.

Hange squeals latching on to Eren’s arm, fingers digging, shaking to crack him open for more secrets, “Oh, my god! Is this real? I’m not dreaming, am I? My walls, this is amazing!” They turn to Levi, their hold on Eren growing tighter by the second, “Did you know about this, Levi?” They ask in a tone, like he’s supposed to.

“No,” Levi clears his throat, “No, I didn’t.”

Eren gently loosens the grip Hange has on him, steps closer to Levi. A hand finding its way around his wrist. A thumb on his pulse. Touching him in a way no one’s ever been allowed to. Feeling him through the beat, “Wanted to tell you, but—“ Eren grimaces, “Didn’t want you to look at me different,” He murmurs. 

Levi flicks him on the forehead, clicking his tongue. Eren flinches, rubbing on the spot he hit, “Tch. You could say you take a shit out of your nose, and I’d still think you’re the same fucking brat.”

Eren’s face softens. And it’s so hard not to get pulled in when Eren looks at him like that, like he’d cause a rift in time, just to look at Levi as long as he could. Like there’s nothing more important in the world than right now, with his eyes sweeping over him, like hands smoothing creases of an origami piece. A look that can fold him whole.

“So, like, what does this mean, Eren? Do we just—spray them with your blood, and they die just like that? Can you give me some samples? I know you said not to ask questions, but it’s not really asking, if I find out the answer myself, right? And, oh—is it just your blood? How about—“

“Back the hell off, you noisy fuck,” Levi grumbles, batting Hange away. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Hange says sarcastically, “But I believe I was speaking to Eren. Unless your name is Eren, too? That’s odd. I could have sworn it was _Pining Mcgrumpyass_. My bad, I guess.”

“Levi, Hange,” Erwin scolds, looking like he’s about to kick both of them off the Wall, only refraining, because he’s too polite to do so, “I think it would be in his best interest, if the two of you give him some space. However, I would appreciate it, Eren, if you allow us a sample of your blood. If there’s any chance we can weaponize this, it’ll be quite the leap for humanity.”

“Just imagine the possibilities,” Hange sighs happily, “We have a way to kill them long-range now! Think of the difference it’ll make on our survival rate! I can’t wait to get you in my lab. You’ll give me my samples, won’t you, Eren?” They say, batting their eyelashes.

“Mm,” Eren nods, “Take as much as you’d like.”

Levi pulls Eren behind his back, teeth bared at Hange, jostling the weight the kid keeps piling on his shoulders, “And just so we’re clear, that’s not a fucking invitation for you to bleed him dry,” He growls, “You’re not sticking him with any of your grubby needles, unless I’m there to supervise.” 

Hange rolls their eyes, before Eren reaches, fingers fluttering soft on his chin, making Levi look up at him, “I’ll be okay,” He says, like he always does. Because he always has to be. Because this was the price of his secrets. Because the world doesn’t negotiate. Because this has to paid in the currency of being nothing but okay. 

“You’re not a goddamn experiment! Fuck this, you’re just a—“ Levi shakes his head, “You’re just a kid,” He sags, defeated.

“But I’m not, Levi. You know I’m not,” Eren pats his cheek gently, talking to him in that tone adults use to try and convince children to eat their vegetables. The corner of his mouth caged in that warm palm, Levi has to bite his tongue, not to melt into it. If Eren kept touching him like this, he might just be coaxed to believe that carrots do taste like chocolate.

“Still—“

“I free you from these Walls,” Eren says, sinking his teeth on every word, and Levi breathing every puff of air that leaves him,“Or I die trying.” 

Levi stares at the red smeared on Eren’s palm, wondering when it stopped bleeding. He looks closer. Down at the cut the length of a lifeline. Levi frowns. He swears it had been longer. 

* * *

  
When they return to the castle, they’re instantly met with an ambush. Mikasa glaring at him with steel that only seems reserved for Levi nowadays, as she fusses over Eren, looking for any signs of injury he could have gotten from the incident earlier, and Armin with his head ducked sheepishly, shrinking himself as small as he possibly can. Eren was reluctant to leave with them, but Levi had reassured him, they’d be meeting again later for dinner. 

Of course, that turned out to be a whole fucking lie, what with Hange stuffing him, and Erwin into their lab, practically wrestling them down the filthy couch looking pitiful in a corner. Levi tries not to think about the last time Hange had it cleaned, or if it’s ever been. 

Hange leaves them for a moment, only to return with three glasses cradled dangerously between their chest, and an arm, with two wine bottle necks struggling to fit in one hand. They wedge themselves between him, and Erwin, wiggling, while pouring down the alcohol on each glass, almost reaching the brim.

“Hange,” Erwin sighs, “I have a nine a.m. meeting tomorrow.”

“Aww, Erwin,” Hange coos, passing the blond his share of poison, “It’s adorable that you think I care, but thank you for sharing,” Erwin lets out another sigh, before he concedes with a sip.

“As for you, my little love munchkin,” Hange turns to Levi shoving a glass on his hand. He hisses when a stray drop lands on his trousers, “I know you’re in some sort of drinking hiatus, or whatever you call it, but fuck that. My head is about to explode, because of your boyfriend, but since he’s as cute as an apple pie, you’re taking responsibility. Now, drink up.”

“He is not my boyfriend,” Levi grumbles, taking a tentative gulp, wincing at the acrid taste. Soon, he wouldn’t be sober enough to care.

“Of course,” Hange throws their hands up, “Of course, after everything, _that’s_ what you’d choose to fixate on.”

“Piss off, four-eyes,” He sticks a middle finger up, taking another swig.

“On a more serious note, Levi,” Erwin intervenes, stabling Hange’s drink from tipping over their hand, “You really had no idea?”

“How many times do I gotta say that I didn’t? You think I wouldn’t have said something if I knew?” Levi runs a hand through his hair, avoiding the scrutiny in Erwin’s gaze. Those blue eye trapping words unspoken, _If it had meant putting Eren in danger, then perhaps you might not have._

“But, like, what now? Do we just—start doing laundry with Eren’s blood, bathe in it, or…?”

“How are you the head of the science department, when half the shit that goes out of your mouth sounds so fucking stupid?” Levi sneers, mouth dangling on the glass. Hange elbows him on the ribs, then dives down, mushing their face on Levi’s shoulder, a cheek pressed on the bone.

“Hey, it could work! Think of how funny it’d be, if we actually kill a Titan by feeding it a sock. Or an underwear,” Hange snorts, swishing the wine, before finishing it off in three big gulps, Levi could hear each ripple gushing down their throat, “You think people would write it down in history, if we do?”

“You’re disgusting,” Levi wrinkles his nose, “Erwin, do something about this idiot.”

Erwin chuckles, reaching for the bottle, tipping it over Hange’s glass for a refill, “As promising as that idea sounds Hange, for the mean time, I suggest we settle for testing some samples first. Figure out how Eren’s blood differs from us, each variation on how it can affect Titans. Then once we do, phase two is how we can efficiently utilize it as a weapon. We can’t possibly bleed the poor boy dry each time we go out in battle, without causing irreversible damage in the long run.”

“Right,” Hange nods, “Can you imagine the hissy fit Levi will throw? Ugh,” They poke Levi on the side of his nose, and he swats them away, trying not to bend their wrist backwards. It ends up in them shoving each other, limbs flying, Erwin squished on the arm rest, profanities crowding what limited space they had compressed here on the crumbling couch Hange drools on when they’re too lazy to retire to their room at night.

“The only thing I’ll be throwing is you—preferably off the roof, you damn shit stain.”

“Speaking of stains, wine is quite the devil to wash off, so if we could all go back to acting like proper adults again, it would be very much appreciated,” Erwin says. Hange cackles, accidentally nudging the blond’s arm, apologizing with an ‘ _Ooops,’_ when a drop free falls on his sleeve. They try to wipe it off. Levi smirks when it smears worse. 

“Okay, before you get mad, I want you to remember that I am the other half of your child,“ Levi grunts when Hange locks an arm around his neck, jostling him into a chokehold, “…and I also, maybe, sort of stole the key to your personal wine storage that’s why this stuff tastes so good. So if you’d like it back, you may want to think twice, in case you’re planning on returning me to Moblit in a coffin.” 

“If Erwin doesn’t murder you, then I will. Get the hell off me!” Levi protests, smacking Hange away. They giggle, all loose, and flush, because when Hange gets drunk, they do so from their fingers down to every tip of their toe. Each part of their body, its own level of tipsy. Always caught in between laughing like watching paint dry is the funniest thing, and crying, which makes Erwin and him go stupid. Like that one time they stepped on an ant, and Hange threatened that they’d spit on them both while they were sleeping, if they didn’t hold a funeral. Moblit found the three of them—Levi and Hange, trying to light candles under the rain, with Erwin giving a speech, thanking the ant for its service. He can’t imagine this night won’t end in anything but the same mess, not with how they’re drinking wine like shots.

“Oi, Eyebrows.” 

“Mm?”

“About Eren, are you—“ Levi tosses his glass back, drinking it clean, licking the red off his lips, “Are you going to report his…condition to those pigs up in Sina?”

“I’ve thought about it,” Erwin pours him another round, “But I think it would be better to keep this between us, at least until we’re sure of what we’re actually dealing with. You know they have a tendency to frown upon things they don’t immediately understand, and I’d rather not expose Eren to unnecessary danger,” He shoots Levi a knowing smile, “I’ll protect him to the best of my abilities, you have my word. Though, I’m certain you will strive to surpass that.”

“Oh, hell. Leave me alone,” Levi groans, tipping his head over the back of the couch, trying to melt with the cushion, an arm thrown over his eyes. Hange pulls it off, grinning, punching him on the chest so hard, he started coughing.

“But you admit it, though?” Hange wiggles a finger in front of his face, “Eren—you like him?”

Levi swipes a tongue over his teeth, “…I neither confirm, nor deny.”

Hange squeals, pumping a fist up the air, “That’s practically the equivalent of you admitting that you plan to ask Eren’s hand in marriage. I suggest a summer wedding. Eren seems like a summery kind of person, don’t you think?”

“Need I remind you again that I named him ‘Kid,’ because he literally is one?”

“He’s eighteen!”

“That’s still almost a decade younger,” Levi mumbles, taking a big swig off his drink. 

“Quit being such a sourpuss, this is a good thing! Do everyone a favor, and don’t deny yourself this. Love is the best feeling in the world,” Hange says, pressing their glass closer to their chest,“It’s like being in midair, then out of nowhere your 3DMG breaks, you can’t go left without going right, and you’re being flung everywhere, so it feels like your stomach is in your head, and you’re vomiting in your brain—“

“How the fuck is that the best feeling in the world?”

“Because it’s worth that few seconds you get closer to the sky,” Hange smiles. Whispers over the wine. None of the death defying force that usually comes out when they open their mouth. Erwin hums beside them. And it sounds like permission. Like he’s being let in on life’s biggest secret. 

“So you go again, even with broken gear,” Erwin chuckles, emptying a bottle on his glass, “Even if it meant flying with not enough gas to land. Because how could you stay on ground with something so beautiful up there, correct?” He says. Hange swoons beside him. 

“Really, Erwin?” Levi raises an eyebrow, “You? _You’d_ do something that stupid?”

Erwin shrugs, eyes softening, “People think it’s stupid to leave the Walls, but I still lead a whole military division out of it, don’t I?”

“Hm. Fair point,” Levi raises his glass, clinking it with the blond’s. 

Hange shifts, tucking their legs up beneath them, cramping their small space even more, limbs constantly needing to be adjusted to stay comfortable, “This is a nice day,” They sigh happily, “This is the nicest day we’ve had in a long time. I feel like we’re on the brink of something really big, you know?” They say, head up, staring at a wet spot on the ceiling, “Your boyfriend is still giving me a whiplash, but it’s nice—being this hopeful again. It’s been a while since, I don’t know, since it really felt like we have this huge fighting chance. When I look at Eren, especially now, the first thing that comes in my brain is, ‘ _Finally_.’ You get what I’m saying?”

And Levi does. More than anything. 

Once, there had been an old lady who read futures on palms near an alley in the Underground. Her hair was gray, and she had more wrinkles than she had skin. For some reason, she swallows every time she’s done speaking, like she’s eating the period at the end of every sentence—Levi never knew why, the way you never know what your last thought is before you sleep. It was just something that happens. Something that just is. 

The day Levi met her, she was knitting a glove that had enough space for six fingers. Her yarn dropped, rolling, bumping on his boot. When he came over to return it, she frowned, eyebrows meeting at the sight of a scar that began at the end of his thumb, and ended where his wrist began. 

“Be more careful with yourself, boy,” She chastised, “One day, you’ll hold the Sun with those hands.” 

She didn’t offer an explanation, so Levi never asked for one.

When you’re young, everything was always reserved for you to understand ‘ _one day,_ ’ like taxes, or virginity, but now here, it’s as if he’s finally allowed in on those strange, sacred adult things, because this, getting piss drunk with Hange, and Erwin, explaining love through misplaced body parts, and brain vomits, trying to figure out how the world can shrink into one person, and how holding their hand can make you feel like you’re everywhere at once—this was Levi crossing off ‘ _one day_ ’ on his calendar. Crossing off the things he never thought he’d understand, until one day he did.

Until one day came, finally.

Until he reached for the Sun, and it reached back. 

Finally. 

_Finally_.

* * *

  
Levi is draped over his bed, face trying to become one with his pillow—the urge to murder Hange for getting him shitfaced, as strong as the wine shooting across his stomach, spinning everything else inside him along with it. The door opens, his head turns the same time the wood clicks back onto the frame. 

Eren comes into view, stands there with his hair twisted into a loose bun, hands behind his back. Levi is convinced that something has died inside his head when he sits up, a headache pounding so hard he thinks it may be trying to reshape his skull into a bowl, “What are you doing here?” He slurs, sounding as drunk as he felt. He curls a finger, beckoning the boy closer.

Eren gives Levi a small, hesitant smile, “You, uhm, you didn’t come for dinner, “ He says, hovering, until he decides to sit on the edge of the bed, “I came to—wanted to say goodnight.”

“Yeah, we, uh,” Levi frowns, “We had a meeting about the…situation. It took a bit longer than expected. S’fine, though.”

“Am I in trouble?” Eren bites his lip. 

Levi shakes his head, which he immediately regrets, as he feels his brain throb, and crumble, “No, no. You’re fine,” He groans a bit, “Hange wants to borrow you tomorrow, though. We’ll give your 3DMG test another try, then we’ll go right after.”

“Okay,” Eren nods, “Levi?” He says, quiet, “You’re—you’re really okay with this, right? With me?” He looks down, fingers tugging on his sleeve. Peers at Levi through his lashes, blue and green peeking, giving Levi heart constrictions, because giving-Levi-heart-constrictions was the only way Eren ever knew how to do things. 

“Yes,” Levi breathes, a finger bumping against Eren’s, silence crawling on their skin, “You can tell me right now that you can shoot bullets out of your eyes, or that you have an extra toe hidden there somewhere, and I’d be okay with it, because,” He swallows, “Because it’s you.” Because there’s plenty of things he still doesn’t know, and Levi isn’t the right shape to fit into the pieces in him that’s missing, but he’ll try, anyway. 

“Yeah?” Eren lights up, lips curled sweetly, like the shape his mother’s mouth used to take, when she’d sigh onto his head, petting his hair, on the rare days their bellies were full. On the rare nights it was him sharing her bed, instead of a stranger. On the rare chances he made her laugh. Levi doesn’t want Eren’s happiness to be just on occasion. 

He once heard in passing that salt was so precious, because it can drive ghosts, and demons away. A sign for them to keep out. The night his mother died, her last breath was Levi’s name wrapped in an apology. Her body was only across the room, but she had already been too far away for him to follow. He remembers sleeping with the whole world toppled over. Sleeping with salt dusted across his chest, hoping to ward off a haunting. 

Levi owes it to her to do better this time. It’s a shame, he thinks. She would have loved Eren. 

Levi’s hand moves before his brain could approve, liquid courage in control, his fingers sliding onto Eren’s wrist, the entire room shifting around them, “Yeah,” he repeats, “I made you a promise, didn’t I?”

“Mm. You did,” Eren hums. Palm flexing to fill the space in between their knuckles. Levi wants to snap himself in two just so he could feel this twice over, “I—I also wanted to show you this,” He says, reaching into his pocket, fishing out a small piece of paper, “Armin teached—“ He pauses, catching his mistake, “Taught me. Armin taught me.”

 _Eren Jaeger_ , the paper says. Letters scrawled in awkward alignment. Ink thick in some, not enough on the others.

“It’s my name!” He beams, proud, “I can write it now. Well, uhm, not without Armin. But still!”

Levi ruffles his hair, mouth twitching up, “Good job, brat.”

Eren grins. He stuffs his hand back into his pocket, cheeks flushed, a flock of red blooming on his skin, when he places another piece of paper on Levi’s lap. He stammers a bit. ‘ _This,’ ‘I,’ ‘Uhm,’_ all garbled. Racing the other, competing to see which of them can be spoken first, until they tumble, all tangled when they come out. 

“That’s, uhm, for you,” Eren says, cheeks still glowing.

Levi picks the paper up, unfolding it with one hand, revealing one word. One name. His.

 _Levi_ , written with an apparent effort to be neat. No ink smudge, unlike the first one. Each letter traced with careful attention. It makes Levi’s chest ache just by looking at it. Something in him unlocks. 

“D-do you like it?” Eren asks hesitantly, back to worrying his lip between his teeth, “Armin still helped, but I tried to make it look good!” His shoulders sag, “At least, I—I think it looks good? Does it look good? Armin said so. Well. not really. He said it was okay. Considering,” He grumbles, anxiety spilling out.

“It’s perfect, Eren. Thank you,” Levi takes both both papers, placing it on the bedside table to avoid getting it crumpled. 

“Really?” Eren says in relief, “That’s—that’s good! I’ll tell Armin. Armin is scary when he teaches, like Mikasa-scary. Sometimes even more-than-Mikasa-scary. He made me sing the alphabet, before it was okay to eat dinner. And then he took my bread when I skipped a letter,” He grimaces, “Okay. I skipped five,” He looks at Levi, averts his eyes, then looks at him again, sighing, “Fine, it was eight.”

Levi stares at him fondly. Listening as he rants about why letters had to be big, and small, and how he almost faked being sick when Armin tried to move on to teaching him numbers, said the tiny blond would have made him do math even with his head flushed down the toilet. And that he got mad when he asked Eren what 6+5 was, and he answered ‘ _It’s a secret._ ’

And this is all Levi’s ever wanted to give him. All these painfully normal things. Eren arguing with Jean why he was eating with them, when the grass was outside. Trading his leftover stew for half of Connie’s corn, only to have both of it be eaten by Sasha. Doing dishwashing duty with Armin that ended up being done by Mikasa, because all he did was blew bubbles over the sink. 

Times like these, Levi wishes he can make Eren a normal kid. Living in a normal world. Where Levi can hide him away from all the things that hurt.   
  
“I will help with laundry tomorrow, I think? But Armin said he doesn’t trust me with bubbles anymore so—“

The alcohol pulls on Levi’s arms, tugging, and grabbing, until his hands meet around Eren’s waist, his back melted against Levi’s chest. Eren yelps in surprise, as the wine continues to gush all over his body, soaking his thoughts, his face dropping on the brunet’s shoulder. Levi is tempted to tip his throat back, and take a bite. He settles for the feel of Eren on his hands. The hands he was told were meant to hold the Sun. Levi regrets never asking if he could keep it, as well. 

“L-Levi!” Eren squeaks, “Is—Is there something wrong?”

“Nothing,” He mumbles, lips catching on Eren’s shirt. Levi decides that he hates it, ”Just—just keep talking. Tell me more about your day.”

“Uhm, are you sure? Are you feeling okay?” Eren squirms, knee digging on Levi’s lap, trying to turn around. Levi keeps him in place, holding on tighter, the way his lungs feel tight clenching around his breath. 

Levi runs a thumb on Eren’s arm, “You don’t like this?”

“I—“ Levi hears him swallow, “It’s not that I don’t, but..”

“But..?”

“I just—I’m—“

“Is it too much?” Eren buries his face in his hands. Levi pries them away, “Tell me,” He whispers, “I want to know.”

Eren opens his mouth. Clears his throat, then tries again, “It’s just..you’re not usually…like this…”

Levi hums, his body beating against all this skin, the selfishness of wanting to keep it beating here forever, “Should I stop?”

“No!” Eren almost shouts, “It’s—It’s nice,” His voice tunes down into a murmur, “You feel warm.”

“Can I ask you a favor, Eren?”

Eren nods, head turned to look at him better. 

“Please,” Levi breathes, “Don’t let anyone else have you like this.” _Because there’s not a single piece of me I wouldn’t let you have._

“Okay,” Eren smiles, “Only you.” 

And that’s it. Levi is done for. He will never sleep on this bed again without feeling the weight of wanting to touch someone so much you’d die for it. Because Levi is not the person he was an hour, a minute, three seconds ago, and now all he can think of is how much time he’s wasted, as he looks at Eren, wondering why he hasn’t spend everyday kissing that mouth, Because Eren deserves to be kissed. Deserves to be kissed like a life depended on it. Deserves to be kissed, like it’s a crime not to. 

_Just once_ , he thinks. Levi leans in. And it’s devastating. His lips on Eren’s neck. Still. Kept there like a promise. 

_Just one more_ , he pleads. Eren’s breath hovers against his, facing him fully now. A knee bent, pressing on his stomach. Levi’s fingers hooked on his hips, because they fit there. They do. He does. He counts the light in Eren’s eyes burning at the edges, setting him on fire.

“Levi,” He watches Eren’s mouth move in slow motion, tastes his name before he tastes that tongue. He wants all the space between them gone, he has no choice but to dig his teeth in.

“Mm?”

“You’re drunk.”

And he laughs, because he is. Levi is drunk, and Eren is beautiful, and Levi wants him now. Wants him more each second he spends wanting him.

“I am, aren’t I?” He mumbles, words muffled, as he digs his face back on Eren’s neck. His eyes droop when he feels fingers weaving softly on his hair. Tucking his wine-soaked brain back in, “Sleep here.”

“You said that wasn’t allowed anymore,” 

“Fuck it,” Levi waves a hand, “Fuck them. What’s one more night?”

“You won’t get in trouble breaking all these rules?” 

“What can I say, you shitty brat.” Levi cups his cheek, thumb rubbing along the curve. His eyes drift on the corner of Eren’s mouth. He touches that spot. It’s a nice place to die. “You really are worth those few seconds closer to the sky.”

Eren nibbles on his bottom lip. Levi gets ready for his funeral. 

“Don’t bite your lips, Eren.”

The bed sinks.

“ _Let me do it for you._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...you hear that? That’s the sound of Levi’s restraint breaking. Music to your ears, right? HAHAHA of course, whether or not they actually kiss, imma leave that for the next chapter because I’m a sucker for cliff hangers, and I’m evil like that.
> 
> I know you have a lot of questions. Everyone else aside from Eren has a whole fucking lot of them, too, but patience, guys. We’ll get there full circle. Eventually. After ten years idk depends on my mood.
> 
> AND ALSO GUYS PLEASE HAVE YOU READ CHAPTER 132 OF THE MANGA??  
> BITCH?? WHAT?? THE?? FUCK?? THAT CHAPTER FUCKING DESTROYED ME OH MY GOD I HAVE NEVER HAD A CHAPTER WRECK ME THAT BAD. LIKE, LET’S BE RESPECTFUL IN THR COMMENTS WE WOULDN’T WANT TO SPOIL PEOPLE WHO DON’T KEEP UP WITH THE MANGA BUT JESUS CHRIST SOMEONE PLEASE HOLD MY HAND I AM DEVASTATED


	9. Scar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know that you say I get mean when I’m drinking, but then again, sometimes I get really sweet, so, what does it mean if I tell you to go fuck yourself, or if I say that you’re beautiful to me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NONE OF Y’ALL THOUGHT I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU A KISS I AM HURT
> 
> Go play Affection by Cigarettes After Sex as you read the first scene, listen to the first verse, and tell me that isn’t something Levi would say

Kissing Eren was like trying to catch a storm with your tongue. The way it leaves Levi drenched—soaked to the bone, his chest wide open as he drowns in the flood of bated breath in Eren’s mouth. Levi has to sink his teeth further in just to stay afloat. He lifts a hand, cupping the side of Eren’s neck, drawing him closer, and closer, until their lungs meet, breathing each other’s air. His hand crawls further up, tugging Eren’s hair loose, fingers trailing, digging, curling on soft, brown locks. Levi pulls. Eren’s head tips back as he sighs Levi’s name, like gratitude to an answered prayer, all soft, and sweet, it licks its way down between his legs. Levi cradles his waist, with Eren’s arms thrown around his shoulders. It was almost like they were slow dancing, swaying along the sound of time passing, bodies fitting against the other like no one, and nothing else ever could. 

Levi can’t feel a single sober thought, but he’s not sober enough to care, because Eren is a saint with lips that could turn you into a sinner, and Levi was never a holy man to begin with. 

Levi moves down to Eren’s jaw, his chin, tastes more of him on the pulse in his neck, swallowing every beat, skimming along all the skin available to him, like there’s a trail there specifically meant for his mouth to follow.

Eren opens his eyes, glazed, like he’s in the middle of a dream. Debauched. The red bite of Levi’s mark on his lips glowing like a burn. He smiles. Levi leans back in, ready to die by arson. He snakes a hand under Eren’s shirt, thumb rubbing circles on the smooth plane of his back, as Levi watches him unfurl. Breath hitching in his throat, when Eren’s tongue glides against his. He thinks Eren’s mouth deserves its own place in a map—a place he’d visit over, and over again. A place he’d never leave. And fuck, _he’s wanted this for so long_ — 

“—Levi?” 

He frowns, wondering how Eren can still speak with Levi’s teeth clacking against his. 

“—Levi, are you okay?” 

He frowns harder. 

“Sh-should I go get Hange?” 

At the mention of Hange’s name, Levi’s spine snaps back up. He groans when he jostles his head from the sudden movement, whatever the alcohol killed in his brain got back up, just to die again. He presses a finger on his temple as a futile attempt to chase the headache away, while Eren stares at him helplessly. 

“What happened?” He asks, groggy. His mind, still foggy, unraveling uselessly like thread.

“You, uhm, leaned in, and just—stared at me for a few seconds, and then—“ Eren says, making an awkward gesture with his hands, “You fell asleep. On my shoulder,” He grimaces, “It was—been—already been a few minutes, and I got worried, because you were making…sounds.”

_Oh, god_. Levi cringes, mortified. He looks longingly at the potted succulent on his windowsill, wishing it was close enough for him to reach, so he could smash it over his head. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out how awful an idea it is to have him and Eren locked in a room with a bed when he’s so fucking drunk he can barely feel his own skull.  
  
Levi wipes a miserable hand across his face, “Right. Fuck. Sorry, I was…” 

“Are you alright?” Eren asks softly, the mattress dipping as he shifts closer. Levi bites his cheek so hard it stings when he realizes he still has Eren on his lap. Dizzy from the leftover wine he’s got stuck on his gums, and Eren’s weight pressing on his thighs, warm, and full, he’s burning holes on Levi’s clothes, leaving indents on his skin. If this keeps up, he may not make it alive until morning.

“Yeah, it’s—it’s just a headache, don’t worry about it.”

Eren looks at him, wide-eyed, so innocent that it hurts, it flips his stomach over. Levi wishes he could tuck that innocence somewhere far for safekeeping. Keep it away from the filth tainting his thoughts. Eren deserves better than Levi hiding behind the excuse of alcohol. Really, what the fuck was he thinking?

“Look, Eren. Maybe—“ Levi hesitates, then shakes his head, steeling his resolve, “Maybe it’s better if you sleep with the others, after all. You should,” He sighs, swallows when his eyes shift over the curve of Eren’s neck, “Yeah, you should probably go.”

Levi catches the flash of hurt that crosses over Eren’s face, making him scramble after his poor choice of words, because with Eren, misinterpretations can turn into full-scale wars, and with the downturn pinch of his lips, Levi knows he has no hope of claiming victory anytime soon.

“You’re the one who said..” Eren mumbles.

“I know, I know,” Levi squeezes the bridge of his nose, “I just don’t think I’d be good company when I’m this wasted.”

Eren stares at him dryly, “I can handle you angry, then I can handle you drunk.”

Levi doesn’t get to add in another word. Not when Eren pushes him down, his head slamming hard on the pillow, triggering another onslaught of nausea, his brain pounding, he suspects it’s going to actually start bruising. Eren throws the covers over them in a haste, plastering himself on Levi’s side, chestnut hair shoved underneath his nose. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Levi grunts.

“You don’t want me here?” Eren tilts his head, looking up, lashes casting shadows on the high of his cheeks when his eyes fan open and close. He curls into Levi further. In the dark, it’s hard to tell that there are versions of them that exist apart. Easy to hope that time won’t come where there has to be. 

“Stop. Stop doing that. Why do you do that? Why do you have to play so fucking dirty, asking such a stupid question when you know—“ _the only thing I’ve done is want you these days_. Levi snaps his jaw shut, swallowing back his tongue, “Nevermind.”

“When I know..?” Eren tries to push, blinking at him inquisitively. Cheek pressed on his shoulder. The warmth of his skin—the warmth of his _everything everywhere_. Levi feels him, like a pulse. Like a sucker punch. He tries to supress a groan, his inebriated resolve only good enough to keep his hands to himself, the rest of him screaming to break free, and run wild. 

Eren shifts, lying down on his stomach. His chest balanced on bent arms, face hovering over Levi’s, replacing his view of the ceiling with the sky. Just a small tilt of his head, and his lips would reach heaven. 

Levi holds his breath, hoping it will hold his crumbling restraint together. 

He’ll never survive waking up to Eren regretting this night the morning after. 

“Did you dream something bad?” Eren asks, eyebrows furrowed, “Was I there? Is—is that why you don’t want me here again? I did something not good?”

“No, no. You were good,” Too good. Fuck. Abort, _abort_ , “I mean,” Levi clears his throat, “I don’t know. I don’t even remember it much anymore, so don’t worry about it.”

“Then why are you looking at me weird?” 

“Because,” Levi sighs. Because even like this, Levi hazy, and drunk, and locked out of his mind, Eren is still clear, still looks like the sweetest fucking thing, and Levi has been starving, “You’re a damn menace. The biggest pain in my fucking ass,” Levi reaches out a hand, takes Eren’s chin, eyes locked on the dampness of his bottom lip, “and you’re getting too brave for your own good, going all up on my face like this.”

“Uhm, what—“

“Do you even have any idea what you’re doing to me? About what you’re getting yourself into?” Levi takes Eren’s face between his hands, “You—you drive me fucking insane,” His words come out in whispers, silent enough to keep even the walls from listening in.

“I—I don’t understand.”

“Of course, you don’t,” They both flinch at how spiteful it sounds, “Of course, you don’t,” Levi repeats. A little softer. A little sadder. 

Levi shakes his head, “Let’s just sleep. It’s getting late. Forget I said anything,” Levi gives him a gentle pat on the cheek, before turning on his side, leaving Eren faced with his back. He can still feel him hovering, the ends of his hair prickling Levi’s nape, breathing down his neck. Levi tries to ignore the sound of his chest while it’s in the middle of collapsing. 

“You’re upset,” Levi feels the half of his pillow dip when Eren’s head hits it.

“Eren,” He warns when an arm wraps over his waist, rattling everything inside him loose. Eren huffs, the hold tightens, a body latching on his spine. And he can’t take it. When Eren holds him like this, like Eren can be all his, if he just holds him back.

“You hug me when I’m upset,” Eren points out.

“Because it’s the only way to calm you down when you get nightmares, and as of the moment, neither of us are having one.”

Eren’s palm curves over his hip, fingers firm. Levi sucks in a breath, heat settling in his stomach, praying for strength to whichever god was willing to listen, because he’s so close to tipping over the edge, wants Eren to hold on to him tighter, wants to see parts of him linger on that hand, make Eren never hold anything else again without feeling Levi on his skin. 

“Eren, please,” And he doesn’t know what he’s begging for, but the plea yanks his mouth open before he could stop it. He doesn’t want to find out how far his own hands can wander into the night. Not under these circumstances. 

“I’m not—I can’t—“ Eren swallows, speaks, voice small, “I won’t know what you want if—if you don’t tell me.” 

Levi lets out a lone, dry chuckle, “What I want isn’t something I’m allowed to have now.”

“Then tomorrow?”

“I’m still ten years older than you tomorrow,” Levi sighs. The wine keeps talking, his words wobbling, coming out in slurs.

“Huh—?”

“And I’m still your Commanding Officer tomorrow. Fuck. I should just quit the military. That’s a good idea, don’t you think? About time, too. I should just—grow bananas or some other shit. I dunno. Do you like bananas, Eren? You should. Bananas are superior. They’re good for you.”

“What.”

“Just tell them I’m quitting. I’m done. Fuck the Walls. Fuck the Titans. Fuck Erwin, and his fucking eyebrows.”

“Levi, are you sure you’re feeling okay—“

“You should—“ A hiccup pumps his chest up, ”You should come with me.”

“T-to grow bananas?”

“Mm, I could build you a house, too. Yeah, I could do it. I will. You know, like our cave, except cleaner, and with a working shower. We could go somewhere far. Just us. Somewhere quiet. Would you like that? ‘Cause I do, Eren. Fuck. I do. And nothing—nothing that hurts will ever get us there. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Levi..”

“Ah, shit. It’s nothing. Nevermind. Forget it, I don’t—I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying,” Levi waves a limp hand, “Go to sleep. Forget I’m here,” He grumbles.

“Is that it?” Eren shakes his arm, determined, “You want a house? Does it make you sad because it’s expensive?” He falters, “I—I don’t have money, but—Armin does! And Mikasa. Maybe. I don’t know. I’ll ask.”

Levi just grunts in response, thinking maybe if he kept quiet, then so will Eren. And he does for a while. The two of them bathing in silence, listening to the night crawl into early morning. 

He hears the rustle of Eren’s clothes when he scoots up, feels him nosing through his undercut. Levi wishes he could shrug him off like a cardigan. Go back to a time when he didn’t choke on words that used to never fit into his mouth until he met Eren. He should have walked away when he still knew how. 

Well. Too late for that now.

“I don’t really…understand what you just said, but I—I want you to be happy,” Eren leans forward, rubs his forehead on Levi’s shoulder. He moves again, his lips grazing, catching on the skin on Levi’s nape. And he dies. He’s been doing a lot of dying around Eren lately. Every touch, a shovel digging his early grave. He realizes how easy it is. To offer up whatever’s left of his life. If Eren asks. If Eren wants. It’d be the easiest of them all. “And if it’s something I can give—it’s yours. Just tell me what. Because you—you make me happy. So happy. Do you even—do you even have any idea, too, huh? That I—“ Eren stiffens. Levi hears him breathe. Then not breathe. Carefully pulling back the words he’s got lined up on his tongue, tying them around his teeth like ribbons. The end of the sentence Levi didn’t get to hear, fluttering, calling for attention, like a tap on the back.

Levi turns around, the room spinning along with him, his head lolling a bit at the movement. He sees Eren’s face pinched, red flush smeared over his cheeks, like he’s just as drunk as he is. They do nothing but exchange gazes for a moment. Every blink busy with its own conversation, like notes being traded in secrecy. Eren’s eyes float in the dark. Bright, like candles against the black stretch of everything.

“Levi?”

“Mm?”

“Do I make you happy?” He asks, hesitant.

Levi watches the bob of Eren’s throat as he swallows. His pink tongue darting out to lick his lips. Levi wants to touch it. Wants to touch him.

 _He wants to feel the steady pulse in Eren’s neck beat against his cheek,_ “You kill me, Eren,” _Bite the bone peeking beneath the collar of his shirt_ , “That’s what you do,” _Leave traces of his teeth on Eren’s throat._ “You kill me.” 

And because he’s hazy, and drunk, and locked out of his mind. Because his limbs are clumsy with alcohol. Because he’s got his brain on backwards. Because he’s drenched all over, head singing, humming, spinning, while he tries catching storms with his tongue. Because his whole life has been split into two—before Eren, and after him. Because Levi’s a disaster, and this isn’t the way it’s supposed to go. And he shouldn’t be selfish. He hasn’t figured this out yet. He doesn’t know what this is. He doesn’t know what they are. He doesn’t know what’s okay, what’s allowed, and what isn’t. How close, how far, how deep. He doesn’t know the how’s of anything.

But because Eren’s here. He’s here, and he’s still so unreal, so full of the world, and all Levi can think of is his hands—how he can feel the Universe through them. And his breath on Levi’s face, on his lips like a resuscitation. The expanse of his skin—the way it goes on for miles. Every inch of it beating, because Eren’s here, and he’s close, and all Levi can think of is his mouth on places no one else has ever been welcomed before, how he’d die if he doesn’t touch him now. Doesn’t touch him all over.

So he does. With his chest torn open, blown apart for the rest of his life. 

He does. 

* * *

  
Levi wakes up to the cold vacancy on the other side of the bed. He shoots up, body bent, and released, like a slingshot. Pain pounding with a vengeance on his head, throat dry, panic seizing him tight, with Eren nowhere to be found, the sheets still wrinkled, shaped where his body had been, because they had a rule. You don’t leave the premises without waking up the other. A rule that stemmed from Levi leaving the cave one morning with his still very injured leg when he thought he heard something strange. He left Eren still sleeping, going by himself to investigate, thinking that the boy would carelessly charge on headfirst, like he always does—baiting himself at the first sign of danger, like Levi wasn’t a grown man who could hold his own in battle. 

Of course, it ended up being nothing. Just a deer that got too close, running off in a hurry at the first sight of him. Once he made sure that their part of the forest was still Titan-free, he made his way back to the cave, only to run into Eren raging into a full-blown panic at his absence. The relief in his eyes when he saw Levi safe was short-lived, quickly morphing into fury. 

Eren yelled at him for being careless. Yelled at him for going alone with one leg wounded. Yelled like his lungs have enough anger to last him yelling for three straight days, so Levi did what he does best when someone yells at him—he yelled back. Eren’s broken babble versus his long string of curses, screeching at each other until their ears popped. Until their words turned into shoves, shoves turned into fists, fists turned into wars. Until Eren choked on a sob, tears prickling his eyes, and Levi’s white flag waved before he could even reach for it. 

Levi knows things are different now, but that rule has carried even within the Walls, proven by the past few times Eren has spent in his bed. Eren wouldn’t have left without warning unless—

‘ _Don’t bite your lips, Eren. Let me do it for you.’_

_‘Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?’_

_‘You drive me fucking insane.’_

_‘You kill me, Eren. That’s what you do. You kill me’_

‘ _Promise me, Eren. Promise me that this,’ He whispers, lips pressed on the hollow of Eren’s throat, a purple kiss blooming, ‘is still mine tomorrow.’_

Fuck.

Fuck shit fuck fuck fuck SHIT.

Levi throws off the blankets, bile lurching up his throat both from the hangover, and the flashbacks. He scrambles up his feet, the same time the bathroom door opens, revealing Eren. His face split in a yawn, hair all over the place, a hand beneath his shirt scratching absentmindedly at his stomach. Levi’s heart skids to a stop when their eyes lock.

“Good morning, Levi!” Eren says, a lazy smile on his face. Levi’s chest restarts, hammering, pumping blood twice as fast, making his ears ring, as Eren walks over to him, another yawn escaping out of his mouth, “Can we eat breakfast first before we shower? I’m hungry—“ Eren yelps when Levi grabs him on the chin, tilting his head up, his neck stretching. Levi’s fingers are numb with guilt as they dig through skin, searching for marks, expecting to be met with purple bruises. His eyebrows furrow when he sees Eren’s throat unblemished, “Ow, ow! Levi, stop. What are you doing?”

Levi tugs down the collar of Eren’s shirt, so hard the fabric almost rips, bracing himself for the memory of last night’s mistake that might leak out, “Levi, this is Gunther’s!” Eren squirms, trying to bat his hand away. Levi swallows. Staring hard at the tiny mole on Eren’s collarbone. No visible stain of Levi’s lips coming into view.

No, this can’t be right. He’s positive. He’s sure that he—

“Eren,” He says, voice still a bit shaky, “Last night—what did I do last night?”

Levi’s breath refuses to come out, fingers curling into a fist, as he waits for Eren to say something. Tell Levi that he hates him. That he didn’t just cross a boundary, he’s completely obliterated it. That because of his lack of restraint, he now has to live with the lack of Eren’s trust. The pressure in his chest rises with the weight of the apology hanging on his tongue, growing heavier with regret. It makes him sick. Levi wanted so much, but he never wanted it like this. 

“Uhm,” Eren scratches his head, “You drank a lot.”

“You think I don’t fucking know that?” Levi growls. He closes his eyes, trying to calm himself down. He can’t stand to look Eren in the face. Levi doesn’t even deserve that much now, “Shit. I’m sorry—fuck—I—“

“Levi?” Eren places a worried hand on his arm. Levi feels it like a burn, “What’s wrong?”

“What else?” Levi swallows, “What else did I do? Everything I did last night—tell me.”

Eren stares at him in thought, eyebrows scrunched, “Well, you kicked me off the bed,” He holds up two fingers, “Twice.”

“And?”

“Mm,” Eren wrinkles his nose, pausing to think. He lights up with a grin when he remembers, “You were talking about bananas.”

“What.”

“That’s what I said!” Eren laughs when he speaks, the back of his hand pressed against his mouth trying to push it back, crease wrinkling the corner of his eyes. But all Levi can hear is the sound of Eren’s chest as it heaved. His hands, and Eren’s skin burning beneath them. The hum of Eren’s throat on his lips. 

And Levi thinks, is this it? The consequence of aiming for the Sun when you were born to be earthbound?

Getting your tongue twisted by liquid courage, confessing your sins just to make room for more, because you finally dared to care about someone so much, and wanted to have them so badly that you ended up having them in the worst way possible? Because they’re beautiful, and terrible, and they’re the one good thing you’ve begged to deserve, the one thing that meant everything, but you’re so out of order, you slam your chest against theirs until it cracks just to see if everything inside of there is beating your name, because everything inside of you is beating theirs. So you break them open just to see how the two of you could possibly fit, the sound you’d make beating together. But there shouldn’t have been a crack. You shouldn’t have broken them open. Because you were supposed to keep them whole. 

Levi should have known better. He should have known his place.

“Levi,” Eren sighs, “You have that look again. I don’t like it. You’re worrying me.”

Levi says nothing. Only steps back when Eren steps forward. He keeps his eyes blank, gaze steady on the floor. He doesn’t want to see the look on Eren’s face when Levi pushes him away. It makes him feel like a coward. Levi knows that he is one, because in this moment, he doesn’t know how not to be. 

“Talk to me,” Eren pleads, “Why won’t you say something?”

“You should hate me right now, Eren,” Levi says, voice dead, “The best thing you can do for yourself is tell me to fuck off.”

Eren lets out a frustated cry, “What are you—what are you talking about?!”

“Are you seriously going to play dumb?” Levi scoffs, “I—“ He pauses. Disgust brewing in his stomach again, “I took advantage of you last night. To what extent, I don’t have much memory about. But I…touched you in a way I shouldn’t have, said a lot of things that aren’t appropriate, and I’m sorry. I was drunk, but that’s a shitass excuse,” He runs a hand through his hair, still lacking the strength to look Eren in the eye, “I’ll report this to Erwin, and have you trained under a different squad leader. I’ll take whatever punishment I deserve. For now, you should—“

“Levi, listen to me,” Eren’s breath hitches, hands clamped on both his arms, face levelled with his, looking like he’s trying not to scream, “I honestly do not know what you’re saying.” 

“For fuck’s sake, Eren! Things got so out of hand last night, I even gave you a goddamn hickey!” Levi growls, “I don’t know how the hell it’s gone now, but I know I did, and even you should know that that’s not normal—”

“But you didn’t!” Eren’s fingers dig further down his flesh, wrists trembling, “I don’t know why you think you did, but last night, I came here, and we talked. I showed you I can write my name now, and I wrote yours, and you were happy. You were happy, and you hugged me, and that—that’s normal. Touching is—being together— _that’s our normal_ , so why is everything being messy again, why are you—“ Eren shakes his head in disbelief, cutting himself off when his voice begins to rise in panic, “You passed out. You keep passing out a lot. But when you wake up again, we just..talked. About growing bananas, and quitting the military, and going far away. You also told me stories about Hange’s experiments. About the tea you like. And you—you mentioned something about your…first mission outside the Walls?” 

Levi’s head snaps up at that.

“That’s the last thing we talked about, but not for very long. Not much. Just that it was…bad. But talking about it—it made you sad. You didn’t say, but I know it did. Maybe that’s why you think you got too close last night? Because after that, you hugged me tight, like, really really tight,” Eren tries to smile. It looks strange on him. Like he’s trying on someone else’s mouth, “But you—you didn’t give me a…” The tips of his ears glow red as he stammers, “A hickey, or—I dunno. Whatever.”

“The point is,” Eren takes Levi’s hand, pressing it to his face, “There’s nothing we did that we haven’t already done. And there’s nothing you did that I didn’t want you to do,” He kisses Levi’s palm, “Whatever else you’re thinking, Levi, it was just a dream.”

Levi looks at him in apprehension, though the storm in his conscience settles a bit, “Are you sure?”

Eren rolls his eyes, huffing in exasperation, “I’m the one who didn’t drink. Between us, whose story do you think is correct?”

“Well, you don’t look like you’re traumatized, but…” Levi mumbles, before piercing Eren with a scowl, “Do you swear, Eren? I didn’t do anything? I really didn’t? You’re sure? You’re absolutely sure? If I find out you’re lying to me, you fucking—”

“I swear,” Eren says, tugging Levi closer, pulling him into a hug. Eren’s chin tucked on his shoulder, a hand rubbing soothingly on his back. Levi tries not to melt, “I trust you, Levi. You won’t hurt me. I know you won’t.“

Levi feels himself ache. Eren’s words heavy in his hands, like a loaded gun.

“Are you okay now? Are we okay?”

“…If nothing really happened, then,” Levi gives a small nod, “I suppose.”

“That’s good, then,” Eren says. And he doesn’t let go. Levi doesn’t know what to do next, where to put his hands. The morning passing with just their breathing, “I’m glad.”

Levi closes his eyes. He doesn’t want this to end. 

* * *

  
“Levi,” Eren says, a bit breathless, limbs stiff, trying not to break his balance as he remains suspended on air, has been for the last minute, “Levi, look, I—I did it.“ He stares at Levi wide-eyes, mouth parted open in delighted surprise, “I actually did it! Everyone, look!” He yells, both arms raised, hands curled in excited fists.

“So you did,” Levi hums in approval. Oluo lowers him back down, engulfed by Petra the moment his feet hit the ground, swaying him side by side within her tight hold. 

“I’m so proud of you, Eren! I knew you could do it, stubborn little thing that you are!” Petra squeezes him one more time, before letting go, smiling like a proud mother witnessing her son walk for the first time.

“Don’t go bouncing off the walls just yet, you brat,” Oluo says with his arms crossed, “This is only the beginning, and you’ve barely gotten through the easiest part—ow!” He yelps when Petra stomps down on his foot, a smile still plastered on her face. 

“Don’t ruin the moment, you asshole,” She says through closed teeth. Oluo opens his mouth to protest, then cowers back when she fixes him with a glare. Levi feels proud. He’s taught her well.

“Good job, kid!” Gunther claps him hard on the back, “I knew you had it in ya!”

“I’m a bit curious, though,” Eld says, removing the hooks fastened on the loops of Eren’s belt, “I’m glad you’ve finally gotten the hang of it, don’t get me wrong, but with how many times you’ve face planted on the ground yesterday, it’s a bit strange that you succeeded on your first try today, don’t you think? We didn’t do anything different, did we?”

“That’s because Eren’s equipment was defective,” Levi answers, “The belt he was using had a broken clasp. I picked it up when he chucked it at Kirschtein yesterday.”

“Huh,” Eld tilts his head, “I’ve never heard of that part breaking before.”

“Me neither. We’ll have to add it to the maintenance checklist. An incident like this will be fatal out on the field,” Levi says, Eld nodding in agreement.

“So,” Eren moves to stand in front of him, head held high, his triumphant grin still pinned on his face, “Am I fit to be a soldier now?”

Levi looks at him from head to toe. He allows a small curl to tug his lips up at the way Eren beams, a smile that can drive the night out. Levi wishes he can always stay like this. Eyes covered in daylight, blinking away the dark.

“Getting cocky now, are we?” Levi scoffs with an eyebrow raised, “This is only the aptitude test. Once I’m done with you, you’re going to wish you left me dead on that goddamn river,” He smirks.

Eren rolls his eyes, huffing at his answer. Gunther laughs when his bottom lip juts out in a pout. He slings an arm over Eren’s shoulders, jostling him around, “Don’t look like that, Eren. You don’t just clip on wings, and expect to soar after all,” He says, ruffling Eren’s hair, the strands tangling into a mess. Eren whines, trying to slap away his hands. 

“Ahh,” Gunther sighs fondly, “Looking at you now makes me think back on our early days as recruits. You guys,” He calls, “You remember Emma? That redhead nurse from training camp?”

Petra throws her head back, body shaking with the sudden burst of laughter. Eld flings a hand to cover his mouth, the other hitting Oluo in the arm, “How can I forget? That woman was my fucking hero. Wasn’t she the greatest thing the walls have ever seen, Oluo?

“You, fuckers. How dare you mention that name in my presence—“ Oluo yelps when his growl turns into another assault on his tongue. Levi grimaces in disgust when he spits out the blood.

“What? What happened? Tell me!” Eren asks eagerly, wiggling his way into the conversation. 

“Okay, so,” Gunther begins, letting out a few puffs of laughter, before finally calming himself down, “Back when we were recruits, after an exam, the four of us, as well as a whole bunch of others from our class—the lot of us would meet up at this lake out in the woods surrounding the camp, we’d sneak a bit of alcohol, so we had to do it really late at night to make sure the instructors didn’t catch on.

Now, to get to that part of the woods, there was this metal fence that you had to go over. No big deal, we’re trained soldiers, after all. Metal fences were for infants at that point. So us four, we set off for the lake, and you know, it was a normal night. Nice breeze. Perfect to unwind. And then Oluo—“ Gunther wheezes, Eld and Petra wheezing along with him. Oluo picks up stones, pelting the three of them with it, “—this fucking idiot—he jumps, and maybe it’s just his karma for being the arrogant turd that he is, but he jumps over, and the dumbass fucking slips. But that’s not the worst part. Oh, no, no,no,” Gunther shakes his head, smirking. Eld has Oluo in a chokehold, trying to stop him from picking up a particularly huge rock.

“So, he slips, right? We gave him hell for it, of course. I mean, we’re getting trained to fight Titans, who the hell slips over a metal fence? Like I said, that’s child’s play. But he insisted he was fine to keep going, so we did. Anyway, we were getting closer to the lake, when out of nowhere Petra just shrieks bloody murder, startling the shit out of us. Then when I looked at what she’s screaming at, I see Oluo, this stupid ass shit who’s got a hole in his pants, leaking a whole lot of blood everywhere. So Petra started freaking out, which made Eld start freaking out, which in turn made _me_ start freaking out. And basically, we never made it to the lake, just ended up freaking out together while we carried Oluo back to camp, trying to get him to the nurse.”

“That’s where Emma comes in,” Gunther’s lips stretch into a wolfish grin, all teeth, while Oluo gnashes his, cursing all of Gunther’s ancestors, “Emma, during the day was nothing short of an angel. Eld used to fake injuries just to get a bit of her attention, the pathetic lump that he is.”

“This isn’t about me, you dick!” Eld says, kicking him on the leg.

Gunther lets out another laugh before continuing, “You see, Eren, no matter how good a person is, if you wake them up the same hour we woke up Emma, any saint’s bound to turn into a devil, and that’s exactly what happened. So we knocked on her door, explained the situation, and she—tells Oluo to pull down his pants. Which he did. And then she just goes, ‘ _Congratulations on your new asshole,_ ’ and she says this in the deadest voice I’ve ever heard, gives us a fucking bandaid, then slams the door right in our face.

Of course, she apologized the day after, saying she thought that she dreamt the entire thing, which none of us could really blame her for, because, yeah, it was definitely weird as fuck. But damn the Walls, that still doesn’t change the fact that we had to stitch up Oluo’s stinky ass at, like, two in the fucking morning!” Oluo tries to tackle him to the ground, but Gunther just cracks another grin, all big, and hearty, while Petra tries to pry them apart. A futile attempt, given how she can barely keep a straight face, let alone a firm hold. Eren pulls on the back of Oluo’s shirt, earning him an elbow on the ribs. Levi takes that as his cue to cut in. 

“Oi, you noisy fucks,” Levi says, his standard scowl present, arms crossed, “Did you forget that we still have strength training to do, or do I need to remind you by making you all run around camp until sundown?”

“Sorry, Captain,” They all murmur in apology, straightening themselves up, except Eren who only makes a face at him, scrunching his nose. He subtly sticks his tongue out at Levi, and he gets so caught up staring at Eren’s ridiculous face that it makes Eld clear his throat to break him out of his trance, throwing Levi a knowing smile. He clicks his tongue in annoyance, marching off, before Eren does anything more that will end up with him permanently comatosed.

“What’s this?” Levi turns his head in time so see Eren picking up a piece of paper. He can faintly view a chracoal drawing from the way Eren has it tilted. Gunther gently plucks it off his fingers, a wistful smile on his lips. He swipes a careful thumb on the parchment, staring at it, like he could look at it for hours.

“This,” Gunther says, drawing a heavy breath “is Lana.” The name makes Levi’s ears feel congested. Makes him stop on his tracks. Him and the rest of his squad stiffening, the jovial air blown away, as soon as the name was mentioned, “The sixth member of Squad Levi. The only person I know who doesn’t like chocolate, and,” Levi can feel the yearning on Gunther’s tongue, his face softening as he speaks, “My fiance.”

“Fiance? That’s someone you marry, right?” Eren asks innocently, leaning closer to Gunther, taking another look at the portrait.

“Mmhm,” Gunther nods, “Beautiful, ain’t she?” It comes out as a whisper, “Oh, Eren, I aways thought it was a load of bull, you know? Love at first sight? But, god, I was down on my knees the moment I met her. Because Lana, she’s—” He laughs. Shakes his head. Stops, then laughs again, so much of him spilling, “She’s a spitfire, that girl. The bravest. She was born to fight. She was born to be free. She used to hate my guts. Said she wasn’t a hen, so why was she being chased by a fucking cock. But, boy, was I persistent. Because I loved her at first sight, loved her at the second, the third—everytime I looked at her, I loved her even more. So you know what I did?”

Eren blinks at him, waiting for him to continue, “I asked her to marry me, everyday. Everyday, without fail.”

Levi remembers that. Gunther serenading her in the mess hall. Cooking her dinner that almost burned down the entire building. Picking wildflowers for her. Writing her poetry. Drawing her pictures. The Sun would never set without Gunther asking ‘ _Will you marry me?_ ’ Levi thought he was ridiculous. _Lana_ thought he was ridiculous. Levi used to play chess with her, and half the game she’d complain, asking if he could have Gunther tried in court. 

Until she began humming the songs Gunther sang for her. Until she ate every meal he burnt. Until the wildflowers ended up home in vases on the side of her bed. Until she slept with the poetry he wrote tucked beneath her pillow. Until her room was littered with his drawings framed.

“Until one day, she finally answered,” Gunther says, smile pensive. Dread pools in the pit of Levi’s stomach. Because he remembers that day, too. They all do. They remember it clearly. Gunther sniffs, eyes turning a bit glassy, “It was during the 50th expedition of the Survery Corps. We were on the front ranks of the formation, Titans incoming left and right. And I—I got careless. I got caught by a fifteen-meter, and I was literally in its mouth. But like I said,” Gunther wipes a hand across his eyes, “There’s no one braver than Lana. I was a second away from being swallowed whole, and she—pulled me out. Literally pried that Titan’s mouth open, and flung me away like a ragdoll. She ended up taking my place.”

It takes Gunther a few moments before he speaks again. No one dares to break the silence. No one can. 

“Before that Titan’s jaw closed in on her, before I hit the ground, I caught her eye, and maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was the fear, maybe it was feeling like my chest was being blown to pieces when I realized what was happening, but I caught her eye. And the world just played in slow motion. In her last moments, Lana wasn’t afraid. No. She had the most beautiful smile on her face, and when she smiled like that, it makes you believe that something like Heaven exists, because there’s just no way she didn’t come from some place holy. She’s always been too big for this world. And you know what her last words were? You know what she said?

She said yes.”

Eren throws himself at Gunther, face buried in his chest, his shoulders shaking, “I’m sorry,” He cries, the words covered in regret, soaked, and clumped, because when Eren is sad, he’s the saddest thing in the world, “I’m sorry.”

Gunther pats him gently on the back, still sniffing, the corner of his eyes stained red, “Ain’t got nothing you gotta be sorry for, Eren. Took me a while to accept that she wasn’t coming back, but we all have choices we gotta make. And Lana did the one she’d regret the least,” Eren only holds him tighter, “What I’ve learned is that grief is a funny thing. I’ve loved her everyday I’ve known her. But I loved her even more, everyday I have to live without her. 

Living in the world we do, none of us have the luxury of a guaranteed tomorrow. No money, no rank, no power can give you that. So when you find that person—the one your heart feels safest around—you tell them. You tell them you love them every single second that you can,” Gunthers eyes flick over at Levi, “because when the time comes that you can’t, you’re going to wish every single second after, that you did. Lana was the love of my life. And the best thing I ever did was living everyday making sure she knew that.”

Gunther gives Eren a final pat, before letting go. 

The seconds beat in silence. Even the wind, quiet as it brushes past trees. All of them, unhinged. And Levi thinks they’re so unbearably human like this, speaking in their native language of loss. He doesn’t know if he wants to scream, or cry, or laugh, or do all three at the same time. He looks at Eren. Levi wonders why he’s never thanked him for existing. For finding him. For getting to know him without the idea of anything else. For seeing something still alive there. For not averting his eyes even with Levi’s scars laid bare. For staying on nights when masks break, and faces fall. For turning the what-would-it-feel-likes to the ah-so-it-feels-like-this. A jumpstart in the chest. A revival. A second chance. 

Levi wonders why he’s never thanked Eren for bringing him back to life.

Oluo nudges Gunther with a shoulder, sniffling, “How the hell am I supposed to get mad at you for bringing up Emma when you pull shit like this?”

Gunther laughs, all breath, and heart, arms up in mock surrender. Eld punches him on the arm. Petra, fluttering around, threatening to rip off a limb in exchange for getting her eyes swollen. 

Eren stands by Levi’s side. He’s still silent. Levi waits. Eren’s fingers curl around his wrist. A thumb on his pulse, on the indents of his bones. His fingers slide down. 

Eren holds his hand. And Levi lets him. 

* * *

  
Levi doesn’t bother to knock, an eyebrow raised in suspicion when he sees Hange by Erwin’s desk, their lips pressed in a straight line. A rare sight. He plops down on a chair, legs crossed, an arm slung on the back of it. 

“You called?” He asks, turning to Erwin.

Erwin gives him a nod, fingers laced under his chin, “Yes. Hange has some…concerns they’d like to raise.”

“And this isn’t something you could have asked me while you were taking Eren’s blood earlier?”

“No,” Hange shakes their head, “I’d rather this be discussed between the three of us for the mean time.”

Something in the seriousness of Hange’s tone strikes him wrong. The deep pinch of their forehead. Mouth pulled down. The restless thrumming of their nails on hardwood. It makes Levi’s gut clench, stirring his stomach with unease. He feels like an animal digging for shelter, sensing a storm before it comes

“Stop with all the cryptic shit,” Levi clicks his tongue, “Spit it out.”

“You’ve seen Eren’s medical reports, yes?”

“Of course, I have.” Twice, “Everything checks out. I wouldn’t have let him start training, otherwise.”

“Exactly.” Hange says, “Blood pressure, breathing rate, pulse rate, temperature, height, weight, vision,” They uncurl a finger for every test they start listing, “Everything, normal.”

“Would you rather have met him with a disease, and a fucking third nipple?” Levi rolls his eyes. Erwin throws him a look, unimpressed with his sarcasm. Levi cocks a brow at him in a silent challenge.

“Levi, think about it. You’ve only been out there a month, and do you know what you looked like when I saw you again?” Hange smirks, “You looked like shit. You had a torn up leg. You were malnourished. You looked like you went up Satan’s asshole, got stuck, tried to go out through his dick, then got stuck again. Basically, you didn’t look very nice.”

“You’re disgusting,” Levi’s lips pull back in a grimace, “You kiss Moblit with that mouth?”

“Oh, Levi, you know I do more than kiss Moblit with this mouth,” Hange says, wiggling their eyebrows. Levi barks out a laugh, while Erwin sighs into his hands miserably, papers crinkling, pierced by his elbows.

“Can we move forward to the point now, please?” Erwin says, voice strained. 

“What a prude,” Hange mumbles, “Anyway, back to Eren. What I’m getting to is, don’t you find it strange how he’s gone through all the things he did, and yet he came out of it unscathed? Remember, Levi. He didn’t get stuck out there as an adult, he was a child.”

“Everything we know about Titans is founded on blood, and sweat, and the countless deaths of our fallen comrades, but somehow we’ve still barely scratched the surface of the unknown,” Erwin’s eyes narrow, “Then here comes Eren, with all this knowledge that we could have only dreamt about. Surviving out there for years, when a trained soldier can hardly survive there for an hour.”

“He has the blood thing,” Levi offers, though it sounds weak even to his ears.

“And speaking of the blood thing,” Hange sighs, pushing the glasses tilting off the slope of their nose, “Levi, Eren has no scars. No sign of any major injury anywhere. But how much do you think he’s had to bleed before he realized his blood can kill Titans? None of us thought that life outside the Walls was possible until Eren. But how is it possible to survive there absolutely unharmed?”

Levi’s nails dig deep into his palm, clamped into a fist. A snarl brewing on the back of his throat. Levi wants to tell them that they’re wrong. That Eren never came out of there unharmed. That he has more scars than there are drops of rain in a storm. That sometimes he’s the Sun against the loneliest shade of blue. That sometimes he’s more grief, than he is human. That sometimes he looks like he’s dying with his eyes open, shouting with his mouth closed. 

They call Eren unharmed. But they’ve never felt the terror of looking in those green eyes, and seeing nobody home. 

“What the fuck do you want me to say?” Levi says through gritted teeth. Hange’s face softens. It doesn’t make him feel any better.

“Calm down, Levi. This is not to be taken the wrong way. Speculation is not necessarily a form of attack, and it does not mean we see Eren as anything less than an ally.”

“Then why do you make it sound like his survival is a crime!”

“Because he has yet to offer the entire truth behind it.”

Levi’s hands twitch. It’s been a while since Erwin’s had his table flipped. Now seems as good a time as any to have a go at it again. 

“Levi,” _Levi_ , like he’s a goddamn child. Like he can’t tell left, and right apart. Like they have to spoon-feed him their words, because he can’t possibly understand them on his own, “I love Eren, you know I do,” Hange brushes a hand on his knuckle, “But you also know there’s more to it than what he’s telling us. He’s even warned us not to ask. It may not necessarily be a bad thing, maybe he just doesn’t know how to tell us. It took him a while to tell us about his blood, but we got there eventually, didn’t we?”

“Fine,” He sighs, “What would you have me do?”

“Well, nothing drastic. It’s not like we want you to torture the poor boy, for all we know he really could have just been extremely lucky. Just—observe him a bit more. See if he does anything strange.”

Levi snorts, “Eren’s always been a fucking weirdo. How strange are we talking about?”

“I don’t know, figure it out. Go see if his pee can cure arthritis, or whatever.” 

“That was a serious question, you shit.”

Levi grabs a nearby pen, and hurls it at Hange. They retaliate by throwing a book. Erwin kicks the two of them out when Levi reaches for the edge of the desk, trying to knock it over. 

* * *

  
Eren has his head cushioned on the arms he’s got folded on Levi’s desk, face tilted to the side, staring blankly at the wall. Levi dutifully thumbs through his paperwork. He rolls his wrist, the veins in his hand throbbing, going from one signature to another. 

Eren’s been awfully quiet ever since he found out about Lana, and although it’s making anxiety prickle on the back of Levi’s neck, he’s known from experience that sometimes it’s best to leave Eren like this. Allow him time to feel everything he’s feeling. Let his mind go where it needs to be, but not so far that it can’t come back. Let him look at his pieces, and see what they mean together, so he can remember what he looks like whole. 

Levi reminds of him of his presence with a gentle scrape of fingers on his hair. A glass of water, making sure he drinks every drop. A small squeeze on his hand. 

Eren returns to him by plucking the pen he’s got tucked in his palm, trailing a finger on the inside of his wrist, tapping on his pulse, like he’s counting the beats per minute. Levi waits patiently for him to speak.

“I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“About?”

“Gunther. Lana,” Eren swallows, “Everyone else that was lost. I feel like—like maybe if I got here sooner? Maybe that could have made something different. If I just asked for help when I saw the people coming out of the Walls, told someone about my blood earlier, maybe—” He shakes his head, the fire flickering in the lamp bending the lines of his face into something ready to snap, “I don’t—I don’t know.”

Levi reaches to swipe away the hair bunched around his forehead. Eren closes his eyes, leaning into the touch. It makes his heart stir. He fits right into Levi’s palm.

“And neither do I, Eren. There’s no way you, or me, or anyone else could know what the outcome might have been, should you have chosen to do things differently,” Levi tips his chin up, “I don’t know which option you should have chosen, or what option you should choose from here on out. I could never advise you on that. No matter what kind of wisdom dictates you the option, _you_ should pick. No one will be able to tell you if it’s right, or wrong, until you arrive at some sort of outcome resulting from your choice,” Eren burrows himself into Levi’s skin, pressing as deep as he can go. Eren is warm. As he always is. He looks at Levi like he’s the first solid thing he’s laid his eyes on since this morning,“The only thing we are allowed to do is to believe that we won’t regret the choice we made.”

“Like Lana,” He whispers.

“Mm. Like Lana,” Levi agrees.

Silence sways back and forth between them, rocking the night to sleep. Levi strokes his thumb on Eren’s jaw, roaming his face, trying to find secrets his touch can unlock. A knob that can crack his doors open.

“But Eren, if I may ask?”

“Mm?” 

“Now that you’ve mentioned it, why did you never tell me about your blood much earlier? Was there something I did that made you feel like you couldn’t trust me with it?”

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you,” Eren sighs, “I was afraid you wouldn’t trust _me_. Because it’s—it’s strange, right?”

“A lot of things about you are strange. I’ve grown fairly used to them,” Levi murmurs, “Is there… anything else you’d like me to know about?”

Something heavy flashes into Eren’s eyes. He doesn’t say anything for a while. Just watches Levi watching him. His face going back in tangles, looped tight, putting itself together in ways that make him feel like they’re looking at each other from opposite sides of the Earth. 

“No,” The word pierces right into Levi’s skin, leaves his muscles ripped, his bones split apart, “At least, not now.”

“Of course,” Levi nods, swallows, feels himself choke, “Whenever you’re ready.”

Levi takes his hands. Pulls them into his mouth. Breathes into his knuckles.

Breathes into his palm.

Breathes into yesterday’s scar—which should have been there—that Eren no longer has. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...OKAY SO the worst thing about drunk Levi is that he’s an unreliable narrator. The things he thinks are true may have been dreams. And the dreams he thinks aren’t true may have been real. AND ALSO the worst thing about Eren is that we don’t know if half the shit he says are true, or if the things he say are the only things that are true. AND the worst thing about me, is that I’m not gonna write the answers until like chapter 556 lmao. So did they kiss? Were hickeys actually given? Who knows.
> 
> Let’s talk about Eren for a bit. Half of you thinks he’s a ray of sunshine. The other half thinks he’s shady as fuck. But I’m glad you like this version of him hehe I really like badass Eren. One of the things that irked me the most in canon was how dependent it made him of his Titan powers, which he barely even had proper control over. Imagine if people just left him the fuck alone for a minute. I mean, he had the MP constantly breathing down his neck. He was getting kidnapped left, and right. SERIOUSLY GIVE THE BOY SOME SPACE. Which is why my Eren is so in tuned with himself as a Titan, and why he knows all the things he knows, it’s because he’s had years to himself figuring shit out.
> 
> AND THE BLOOD THING. I am so excited about that, I have this big backstory prepared which involves a major character I wonder if you can guess who. But the biggest thing you might want to ask me is how his Titan will get transferred if he’s poisonous. Throw me your theories if you have some, I’d love to hear it.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Leave me your thoughts on the comments down below because I seriously love reading each one. And I noticed we’ve gone past five hundred kudos??? WHAT?? WHERE ARE YOU ALL COMING FROM AAAAHHH
> 
> EDIT 10/05/2020: GUYS I have a new Ereri fic posted, called Love, Eren, which, you guessed right, is based on the movie Love, Rosie. I figured we could all use a bit of a break from all the slow burn and mutual pining and move to....more slow burn and mutual pining. Huh. ANYWAY please give that fic a chance as well, and tell me what you think!


	10. This Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the last scene, please play The Only Exception by Paramore. DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. IF YOU’RE EVER GONNA TRUST ME WITH ANYTHING THEN TRUST ME WITH THIS ONE THING PLEASE OH MY GOD

“So,” Hange drawls out. They pull their lips back against their teeth, then releases them with an obnoxious pop. Hange litters Erwin’s office with their pacing, leaving trails of their back and forth in each corner of the room, “It’s just, you know, gone? Any chance you could have just been looking at the wrong hand?” They pause, staring at Levi hard, waiting for him to say something. Erwin does the same, his face empty, but his eyes cluttered with scheme, and speculation — the pawns, and the bishops, and the rooks in his mental chessboard rearranging, making room for what is turning out to be the most powerful piece in the board. The Queen has entered the game. 

“Do you think I’m so fucking stupid that I can’t tell left from right?” Levi growls, the pit of his stomach clenching, and all he can think of is Eren’s hands in his. The unbroken skin of both palms. No tissue out of place. No trace of the self-inflicted gash he made that day on top of the Wall, like it was never there to begin with. Just the spiderweb of lifelines carrying the weight of Eren, and his secrets, “And I checked both. Not even a scar left.” 

“Alright, then Eren, he’s—“ Hange’s face scrunches up, looking for the right word, then surrenders, deflating down next to Levi, slinging an arm over his shoulders, “Okay. So. He’s got..magic blood, and if what you’re saying is true, then he also heals fast like…a Titan, and—“ They pause, “Wow. This all sounded so much more normal in my head, but now that I’m saying it out loud, it’s just…” Hange stares at him, amused, “You sure know how to pick ‘em, Levi.” 

Levi shoves them away, but Hange only cackles in response, cheeks puffed up, and bunching. It does little to cut through the tension that Erwin has coiled around his windpipe, forcing him to submit. Levi chances another look at the man—his face carved into utter stillness—at the hardened pair of eyes trying to crawl, and peer into his skull. Looking for weak spots. For the careless flash of information withheld.

Levi’s hands ball into fists. 

This is no longer the Erwin who gets drunk on stolen wine, who has to smell a book before he reads them, who laughs at a joke an hour after it’s been told. This is the Erwin who picked him by the scruff, bruised, wrists chained, off the Underground; who can detach a life from its own body, shuffling both like sacrificial cards ready to be discarded as a means to an end. Cold, and ruthless, and a stranger to mercy. Levi supposes that’s what it does to the best of them, living everyday paying for the souls you’ve sold to the cause.

It raises his hackles, thinking about the role that Erwin will have him play this time. After all, the Queen cannot checkmate the enemy by itself, but Levi knows the question Erwin is asking: What if the Queen is playing on both sides? 

Levi hates it. All of it. This fog of poisonous doubt gripping his chest. There was a time when Eren used to be an open book who read his own pages aloud to Levi. He would smile, he would cry, and Levi would know everything that it meant. Eren used to play with his fingers when he was lying. A nervous tick. But those fingers have long gone still since he entered the Walls. And Levi would be a fool to believe that he’s never bended the truth while being here. 

But more than anything, he fears the consequences of Eren’s secrets. Ever since he admitted the power within his blood, it’s like an hourglass flipped over. Each grain of sand that falls, is one more second that he loses Eren to the ghosts that keep his tongue tied. One more second before he chooses to follow what he outruns. 

The dread of losing Eren to all the things he couldn’t say — it shadows Levi everywhere.

“Oh, and another thing,” Hange says, “I don’t think this one’s too much of a big deal, but Eren’s speech — it’s gotten a lot better, no?”

“Mm,” Levi hums in agreement. During the early days of their companionship, talking to Eren had been like playing a game of charades, “Arlert’s teaching him now. Eren says the kid is pretty strict with him, but even when we were out there I taught him what I could.”

“And yet, Eren doesn’t cuss,” Hange smirks, “What a miracle.”

“Is there a point in you bringing this up?”

“It’s just — he’s fine during nomal conversations. Still a bit slow, and clumsy with his words, though that’s understandable. But remember that incident with Bean — when he made that speech that scared the shit out of everyone? Or your fight here in Erwin’s office? It’s like the kid’s vocabulary runs on a switch.”

“It happens when he’s upset,“ Levi confirms, nodding. “Maybe anger triggers his memory? It’s not like he doesn’t know how to talk — he just forgot.”

“Yeah, but still…” Hange trails off, biting their thumb in thought.

“Hange,” Erwin says, after a moment, mouth still set in a grim line, “Have you made any progress with your research?”

“Well, nothing too concrete yet. I mean, it has only been a day since I’ve had my samples,” Hange grumbles, throwing a grimace over at Erwin, “I’m planning on collecting other blood types to see if Eren’s will react to them differently. Things would be so much easier if Eren still had a living kin left, you know? That way, we could figure out if this…blood thing is exclusively his, or if it ran in the family, or something that developed during his time out the Walls. And now we have another factor to consider — the healing. I think whatever’s going on with Eren’s blood, that’s what’s fueling it,” Hange stands up, a manic grin stretching the corners of their mouth, as their hands swoop down, slamming on the documents scattered over Erwin’s desk, “Imagine if we could duplicate that. Erwin, that—it—“

“It changes everything,” Erwin finishes. He shifts over at Levi, blue gaze thrown at him like rocks pelting on his skin. It makes him straighten up his seat, makes him square his shoulders. One of his eyebrows lift in defiance. Erwin doesn’t bite at the silent challenge. Instead, he gives Levi another once over, taking him apart like an equation, deciding where such a jagged piece could fit in his many, many plans.

“The hell are you staring at? Stop being so fucking creepy, Erwin. Whatever it is you’re thinking, just spit it out,” Levi snaps. He keeps his arms folded, and his hands tucked, lest he accidentally offers his middle finger in place of a salute. 

“I’d like to believe that this is something I shouldn’t have to remind you, of all people, but nevertheless,” Erwin sighs, “It is unfortunate, but before I am your friend, I am the Commander of the Survey Corp. And before you are a lover—” Levi opens his mouth to protest, but Erwin silences him with the raise of a hand, “—or however you wish to call your relationship with Eren—you, first and foremost, are a soldier. Can I trust you to carry on with your duties without your feelings clouding your judgment?” 

“What,” Levi sneers, “You think just because Eren doesn’t annoy me as much as everyone else, then I can’t do my goddamn job right?”

“I have said nothing of the sort — it was merely a reminder.”

“Well, that’s what you’re implying,” Levi growls, his blood boiling over, “I reported this, didn’t I?”

“You’re getting emotional,” Erwin shakes his head at him, and it twists something dark, and awful in his gut, “Love is a good look on you, Levi. But do not let it blind you.” 

“You’re unbelievable,” Levi scoffs in disbelief. He pushes off his feet, storming over to Erwin, his anger hot and heavy, it feels like a bushfire has been set off in his throat, ready to burn everything down along with it, “I am not the enemy here. And neither is Eren. That boy will cut himself to pieces, if you asked him to—if it meant that there would be enough of him to go around, so his blood could get rid of those Titans once and for all. And if you still can’t see that, then _shame on you_ , “ He spits, “Your convictions are a good look on you, Erwin. But they have already blinded _you_.”  
  
Silence washes over the room, the walls numb with tension. His eyes remain locked with Erwin’s, razor-sharp. Both of them entangled in a mental spar. His fist aching to join the conversation.

Levi thinks of Eren. Thinks of his eyes. Eren’s eyes that have become Levi’s window to the sun rising. How Levi knows that morning has come only when he opens them. And Levi thinks of his hands. The tenderness, the sweetness of them. The hands that nursed him back to life. Hands that tucked flowers behind Levi’s ear, saying they looked like stars against his hair. Hands that can hold a memory. Everytime Levi touches them he’s reminded of the first time he’s held them, leaves him wondering why he didn’t hold them sooner. He can’t imagine those hands doing things that would hurt. Nothing that Levi can’t forgive.   
  
Hange gets in between him and Erwin, placing a palm over his chest, the other held up against the blond. They look at the two of them blandly, lips twisted in annoyance. Usually, it’s Hange annoying _them_. It’s always a bit disconcerting when it’s the other way around, “You know, for a second there, I thought I was seeing Titans. Turns out, it was just you two, and your big ass egos. You,” Hange wags a finger at Erwin, like a mother threatening to twist the ear of a disobedient child, “Play nice. All the things Eren’s keeping from us, we’ll get to the bottom of, eventually. We’ll be cautious, but what we’re not gonna do, is breathe down the poor boy’s neck, and start treating him like he’s some sort of monster in disguise. He’s done nothing but help, and for now, let’s just let him, okay? And also, he’s Levi’s first love, of course Grumpy here is being more of a dumbass than usual. Don’t be such an old man about it, Erwin. Geez.” 

Levi’s chest puffs up, ready to argue, but Hange jabs their finger on his forehead before he could get a word out, “And you. Eren is sweet as pie, I adore him to bits, and I am so happy that you found each other. But at the end of the day, one person can’t outweigh the rest of humanity. I really hope the time won’t come where you have to choose—that Eren really is just a boy, more than he is anything else—because being a member of the Corps, that choice has long been made for us. But you already know that, don’t you?” Hange gives him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. Then, grimaces when they add, “And, maybe try not to fall on your knees everytime Eren so much as blinks. It was cute at first, but lately, Levi, it’s just sad. You planning on confessing this century or…?”  
  
Levi clicks his tongue, yanking Hange’s goggles, then letting it go with a snap. They yelp, hitting him with a random folder they grabbed from Erwin’s desk, in retaliation. After calling him an asshole, and shouting the many ways they wish he’d go bald, Hange crosses their arms, giving him, and Erwin a look, reaching the finale of their lecture, “Now, are you two going to make up, or am I going to have to spit in someone’s drink to further emphasize my point?”

Levi scowls at Erwin, and Erwin scowls right back, but both their teeth are no longer bared, and Hange’s voice is booming in the background, threatening to make them wear matching friendship bracelets, if neither one of them backs down. And knowing Hange, that wasn’t a bluff. Hange managed to convince them to get matching haircuts, once. Another one of their many drunken escapades. They were summoned to the Capital the week after, because people thought they were trying to start a rebellion. 

Erwin shakes his head, sighing in defeat when Hange begins to count in warning, “Alright, Hange, as you wish. What do you say, Levi? Shall we end this meeting with a truce?”

“Fine,” Levi swipes his tongue over his teeth, “But I want a raise.”

“No.”

“Tch. Cheapskate,” He grumbles, “Give me an extra dayoff next week, then.”

“And where will you be going, if I may ask?”

“I’m going to none.”

“None?”

Levi nods, then smirks, “Of your fucking business.”

Hange slaps him on the back, barking out a laughter, then sloppily chokes on their saliva, while Erwin stares at him with dead eyes, looking like he’s about to end the world, and everyone in it. Sometimes, Levi thinks the only way to win this war is to piss Erwin off hard enough until he snaps, and commits genocide. And he’s not above testing that theory on a daily basis. 

“There’s just no winning with you, is there?” Erwin mutters, waving a hand in compliance, “Fine, then. Have all your pending reports submitted to me at seven a.m. sharp tomorrow, and you have yourself a deal.”   
  
“Now, you’re talking,“ Levi reaches over the same time as Erwin. They shake on it. 

Levi thinks back on the time he and Erwin had a fight that lasted three days without the two of them speaking, leaving Hange as their go-between. They only stopped when Hange dragged them into their lab, handing the two of them a pair of knives, urging them to just ‘ _stab the testosterones out of each other,_ ’ and get it over with. 

That was the cycle of their friendship. Levi threatening he’d wear Erwin’s eyebrows like a belt. Erwin refusing to sign a reorder of Levi’s favorite brand of bleach — the one that comes in a spray bottle. Hange trying to knit a sweater that can fit all three of them at the same time.

Levi looks at them now, compressed here in this tiny office ready to burst from trying to fit all of their chaos within four walls. Him, and Hange a second away from flinging each other out the window. The hollow look on Erwin’s face when they accidentally knocked over a bottle of ink.  
  
In a world that orbits around death, he’s thankful for some things staying the same.

* * *

  
It was five days after, that Eren finds himself with another injury. Nothing too bad, just a scrape on the arm from when they were teaching him the basics of combat training. The Sun isn’t going to fall from a bit of torn skin, but Levi — he eyes it like a hawk, like it was going to dissipate into nothing if he doesn’t look at it hard enough. But it remains just as it was a minute, ten—three seconds ago. Levi isn’t aware of the extent of how much he’s staring until Eren bends down to his eye-level, lines of worry across his forehead. He snaps out of his reverie with a scowl.

“What?” He snaps.

Eren pouts, before standing back to his original height, “Are you okay, Levi? You look—“

“—like I’m tired of the shit you call defense? That’s because I am, you stupid brat,” Levi barks with too much bite. Eren flinches, and so does the rest of his squad. They avert their eyes respectfully, but Petra, the saint that she is, tries to subtly rub a soothing hand on Eren’s back. 

Levi kicks himself internally, seeing the small quiver in Eren’s mouth. 

The heated discussion he had with Erwin — it’s leaving him distracted; planted a seed that Levi has no idea what will become of. And it’s not because he sees Eren differently now, nor does he doubt who he is, and who Levi has known him to be. Eren is still bright. Still makes everything inside of him shake. And Levi, he still stands by everything he’s said. Everyone is entitled to their secrets, strange as they may be. That doesn’t make them an enemy.

But sometimes, there’s a certain wariness that creeps in. Locks the air in his lungs tight, setting his fears loose. And it rattles him. Knowing, but not knowing enough. Levi sees the shadows trailing after Eren’s light, he just doesn’t know how to keep them from reaching him.

Levi clears his throat awkwardly, “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”

“No, no,” Eren shakes his head. He tries for a smile too small to reach his eyes. Levi’s stomach feeds on guilt, “It’s okay. You’re right, I should, uhm — I’ll do better.” 

“It’s alright, Eren,” Petra says, linking her arm with his. Levi doesn’t miss the reprimanding glare she shoots at him, “Give it a bit of time, we’ll drill you with all the techniques we’ve got, and all the work will eventually correct your body mechanics.”

“Want us to show you again?” Gunther asks, patting dirt off his pants. When Eren nods, he claps Oluo on the back, signaling another round.

“You’re gonna have to learn how to move your hips on the bottom for all types of escapes,” Eld begins explaining, as Gunther, and Oluo move to position. Gunther lying on his back, Oluo above him, his arms caging beneath Gunther’s right shoulder, hands linked, “And this move should be the first one you learn, because it teaches you the two most important hip movements for escaping from the bottom: bridging, and hip escape,” Gunther begins rocking both of them from side to side multiple times, his arms up to showcase how they can be used as leverage. He sneaks his right hand in the small opening between their torsos, putting pressure on Oluo’s shoulder, his left one, moving in, as well, pushing, and forming a frame, “Observe how Gunther bridges his hips away. He’ll shoot back,” Gunther does as Eld says, his legs now hooked on Oluo’s waist, “and he can either get back to the regular guard, or he can go in for a half guard.”

After their demonstration, Oluo helps Gunther stand up. He rolls his shoulders, clicking his tongue at Gunther. Levi is almost surprised he doesn’t bite it off, “Did you have to go so hard, you fucking brute!”

Gunther chuckles, “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m really not,” He walks over to Eren, still smiling, “One of the most common mistakes you can make with that move is trying to bench press your opponent off of you instead of using your arms to create frames. So be careful with that, okay?” He finishes with a messy ruffle of Eren’s hair.

“Eren,” Levi calls, keeping his voice blank, “Did you get most of that?”

Eren gives him a hesitant nod, “Uh, I think so?”

“Come. Pair up with me. I’ll—“

“Uhm,” Someone squeaks behind him. Levi turns to see a blond cadet—one of Gelgar’s, if he wasn’t mistaken—trembling in their sloppy salute, “E-excuse me. C-captain Levi, sir.”

“What?” Levi grunts sharply, annoyed at the interruption. The boy squeaks some more, before his tongue finds its way back into his mouth.

“The, uhm, Commander Erwin. Commander Erwin wishes to speak with you in his office, sir…Captain Levi, sir.” 

“Tch. Tell him to eat my fucking ass,” Petra hides her laugh with a snort, while Eren looks at the boy with pity. Hange’s right. Levi has no idea how Eren never ended up learning how to cuss, cooped up with the filth in his vocabulary for a month. The blond looks like he’d rather sleep in the mouth of a Titan rather than stay within a feet of his presence, so he huffs a sigh, deciding to put the kid out of his misery, “Fine, fine. I’m coming,” Levi turns his attention to his squad, “You’re allowed a ten-minute break. Eld, take charge while I’m gone. Make sure these fuckers don’t blow up anything. This won’t take too long.”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Well, lead the way then, blondie,” He grumbles, rolling his eyes when he hears another squeak. He really should speak to Erwin about the recruits these days. _Pathetic_. 

* * *

  
Petra waits after the Captain is out of earshot before bumping shoulders with Eren, a soft smile on her face, “You okay, Eren?” She asks. For some reason, she sees Captain Levi scowling, and hissing at air, more, and more, lately, and if he’s lashing out even at Eren, then something weird is definitely up. 

Eren’s brows scrunch up in confusion for a second, before understanding dawns on him. He gives her a small nod, his features softening. Not that Eren wasn’t already a puff of cloud to begin with. How Captain Levi can ever raise his voice at this boy, without melting into a goo of guilt, she’ll never know,“Ah, yes. Levi is—He’s more…tired lately. But it’s okay. He says sorry after, and lets me hug him as long as I want, before he makes me go to sleep.”

Petra feels her heart race all the way to Sina. Her legs, jelly beneath her, “Eld,” She wheezes. Eld comes to her side, an eyebrow lifted. She squeezes his arm hard enough for him to wince, “Hold me, Eld. I can’t. That was the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. If Captain Levi doesn’t put a ring on it, then I will.”

Gunther laughs, shaking his head at her antics. Squad Leader Hange should have been here. They would have understood the crisis she’s in right now, “Careful, Petra. You know the Captain doesn’t like to share,” He smirks.  
  
“Then he should stake his claim,” She scoffs, then looks at Eren, cooing internally at how innocently he’s batting his lashes, “Sooner, rather than later, preferably.”  
  
“Tch. As if the Captain would want to be tied down to some stinky brat,” Oluo grumbles. He shrinks back behind Gunther when she throws daggers at him with her eyes.

“I hope you choke on your tongue, and die,” She spits at Oluo darkly, then quickly bats away the gray thunder clouds looming over her, the moment she turns back to Eren, “Listen to me, Eren. Sometimes the people we love, they’re a bit slow,“ She grimaces as she remembers the other day when Eren folded a rose origami for Captain Levi, leaving it on his desk as a gift, and he thought it was garbage that Squad Leader Hange left, so he threw it in the trash, “and maybe they’re also a bit stupid. But,” Eren found it, because he, and Connie were on garbage duty. He sulked for hours, refusing to even look at the Captain in the eye. He remained stoic, of course, even when Eren rejected her offer to join them for dinner, not wanting to share the table with him. And Petra thought that was that. Until she found Captain Levi later that night, picking a fight with flowers in the garden. Until she found Eren the next day, a pink rose tucked carefully in his hand. A smile bright on his face. The Captain walking by his side, “you just have to be patient, okay? They can be rough around the edges, but that doesn’t mean they fit you wrong — they fit exactly how they should. The way only a soul who matches yours can.”

Petra thinks fondly of their Captain, and the soft heart he’s got beneath his battle-hardened exterior. She doesn’t know everything that he’s been through, just that he’s been through enough. She hopes desperately that he finds the peace he deserves in Eren. God knows, he’s earned it. 

“If the Captain hears you, Petra, he’ll skin you alive,” Eld snickers.

“Well, he can try,” She mouths back, “What he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him. Or _me_ , for the matter. And you’ll protect me from mean, old Captain Levi, won’t you, Eren?”

Eren coughs a laugh, nodding, “Levi is,” He bites his lip, “is not always..so good with words. Sometimes, not very good with actions, too, but—he’s good to me, and,” The tips of his ears glow apple-red,”He makes my heart feel funny. But it’s a good funny. Like, if I’m with him, I can—laugh for the rest of my life, you know?”

Petra’s palm sinks down her chest, “And isn’t that what we’re all really just looking for?” She kicks dirt over at Oluo who was pointing a finger on the inside of his mouth, pretending to gag. She brushes a knuckle over Eren’s cheek, “I’m glad you have each other.” 

And she is. She’s glad the Captain’s allowed his heart to start beating again. She hasn’t seen him do that for the longest time.

* * *

  
He’s stretched beneath the water, his arms spread over the edge of the tub. The light fluttering in the oil lamp making shadows dance across his skin. He looks at the ceiling — the dark looking back. And for a moment, it’s just him, and the night, and the thought of simpler times. 

Eren loved stories, whether they were born from inside or outside the Walls, he would insist on them, regardless, as if he were trying to experience the world through the life Levi lived. Nothing puts him to sleep faster than memories recalled after sundown. So back in their cave, when the day was settled, the Sun tucked away, and the Moon reigned over them quietly, Levi would light up a fire, and Eren would light up the night. He’d be curled by Levi’s side, slotting there perfectly, like he could turn a knob, and crawl right in; pressing his questions on Levi’s chest, wondering about anything, and everything.

_“Levi,” Eren yawns, his arm dangling over Levi’s stomach, “Tell me—the, uh— the house. Uhm, no. Home. The home. Your home is—what is it like?” His tired murmurs ghosts over Levi’s throat, warm breath squeezing in the crook below._

_“Didn’t we have that conversation already?”_

_“Again.”_

_“Alright,” Levi sighs, and Eren is staring at him half-lidded, waiting. And they’re so close, like he could look at Eren, and see inside of him from here, “My home is the military, or technically, Trost, because that’s where the primary headquarters of the Corps is located. We have this huge castle — lots of open space for training, a field for riding horses. The surrounding woods, for the maneuver gear. Stuff like that.”_

_“That’s nice.”  
  
“Try staying there during the peak of Summer,” Levi snorts, “The whole place smells like someone’s sweaty ass balls. Ugh,” He shivers at the thought, but it makes Eren laugh, so he thinks it was worth the nasty image. _

“ _I—I don’t have a…home,” Levi’s chest kicks painfully at that, “Only this forest, so I—the smell of it. Smell of home—I don’t know that.”_

_They don’t say anything for a while, allowing the night to silently wash over them. Quiet. Just the sound of the wind gently playing with the trees._  


_“But if I had one,” Eren says, words hushed. He smiles, mouth soft. Soft, but hard enough for Levi to feel—enough to split Levi apart. And somehow, he can’t breathe._

_“If I had one, Levi, I think home would smell like you.”_

  
The replay of the memory was disrupted by the door creaking open, Eren’s head poking in. He blinks at Levi wordlessly before spinning back to the bedroom, but he doesn’t close the door, so Levi knows he has plans of returning, further supported by the sound of drawers being rummaged open. The wood must have gotten stuck, because he hears it being pounded back into place. Levi sighs. He won’t be surprised if he finds it later broken in half.

Eren comes back with a triumphant grin, a washcloth in hand, held like a trophy. He grabs the stool planted on the corner of the bathroom, perching himself on it behind Levi. Levi hears him hum in satisfaction.

“Came to say goodnight again,” Eren murmurs, his breath ghosting over Levi’s nape. He tries not to shudder at that. Eren dips the cloth in the water, ripples shaking around Levi’s body, as he squeezes off the excess liquid. He pads it gently over Levi’s skin; on his neck, his back — gentle dips through every hard line of muscle. He scoots to Levi’s side, doing the same to his arm. The way Eren used to do for him back then, when they bathed on late nights, the moon’s reflection blurred as it scattered over the river. Eren’s hands brushing over him, like he’s trying to learn every way in which Levi was built. And even now, his touch is everywhere, except where Levi needs it to be.

Eren cradles his head, slowly tipping it back. Careful, like he’s holding a beating heart. Levi closes his eyes, as Eren pats the cloth in shallow presses throughout his face. The bridge of his nose, his lids, the high of his cheeks, leaving his mouth last. Catching his breath with a hand. Levi feels him move closer. Levi lets him. A second beats, and Eren’s lips skim over his forehead — a kiss left fluttering there. 

And for a moment, it’s just the fire tinting the walls orange. The lazy rolls of water dropping, like rain falling in slow-motion. Eren is speaking now, telling him about the rest of his day that Levi wasn’t there to witness. It’s like they’re tucked in a separate pocket of time, too far away for life to catch up, and a part of Levi hopes that it never does — that he could stretch this night, stitch it into a world of their own where he could stop time from marching straight off a cliff, and dragging everything he believes in along with it. 

But sometimes — it feels like this is it. Like this is the most they’re going to get. Because a Sun this bright, could cast a shadow just as dark. And how do you fight against that?

Levi can still hear Eren speaking, but his mind is too numb for him to actually listen. So he nods, and hums in places he thinks are appropriate. An obligatory ‘ _Oh_?’ here and there. There are things he catches on to at some point: Another fight with Jean. Another stolen food by Sasha. Another prank by Connie. Another word exercise by Armin. Another childhood memory from Mikasa. But it’s all just a blur of context. Like waddling through a dream where everything is just an echo — where you have no idea what happened next, or how you got there.

It comes out of nowhere, the sudden violent splash of the cloth hurled into the water. Levi watches it sink before his eyes shift over to Eren. His hands are fisted, the corner of his mouth falling, and falling, until the floor caves from the downpour. There’s nothing heavier than Eren’s disappointment. Levi knows. He’s been carrying a lot of it, lately. 

“Where does your mind go,” Eren says, eyes blank over the water, “when you’re here, but not with me?” Levi doesn’t offer an answer. At least, nothing that’s good enough to count as one. He doesn’t know what Eren reads from his silence, but it couldn’t have been good. Not with Eren looking up at him, those eyes shrouded, like the haunted words of a ghost story told at midnight coming to life, “Off to your…many questions, then?” Eren asks, voice shaky. He swallows, “I knew it,” A fist to the gut, his disbelief, “I shouldn’t have—I knew you’d look at me different.”

“Eren, it’s not—“

“Is that all I am to you now? Just a question?” He feels Eren tucking himself away. Taking back pieces of him that he’d entrusted to Levi, crushing them in his body all at once. Torn away through clenched teeth. But those pieces, they’re too loud. Too bright. Too alive to just be gone. And Levi had kept them so deep within himself, that Eren can’t possibly have them back without wrenching a part of Levi along with them.

“Listen to me—“

“No, _you_ listen,” Eren’s anger, a tremor. An earthquake. Big enough to reach the sky, and make it fall, “I knew this would happen. But because it was you, I believed that it wouldn’t. Because _you_ said— _you_ promised: ‘ _I’m here_.’ That’s what you told me, wasn’t it? You’re here. For whoever I am now. For whoever I end up being,” He returns Levi’s words back into his mouth so hard he chokes on it, “Is that still true now?”

Eren shakes his head. Shakes it again. Like if he did it hard enough, he could shake Levi out of his system, “Your eyes. I feel like they’re not even seeing me anymore. They’re just asking,” Levi hears it. A click. “So what happens, when you get your answers, and they’re not the ones you’re looking for? If they’re something you can’t forgive?” Something in Eren, locks, “Are you going to kill me?” The adrenaline is one pump away from pushing Levi into a heartattack. His head, screaming, that if Eren doesn’t return to him now, then he never will, “Because you just might have to.”

They stand at the same time, water sloshing everywhere. Somehow, in his haste, Levi manages to grab a towel, tying it in a flimsy knot around his waist, as he runs after Eren who almost rips off the door he walks out off. The knob slamming, leaving a wound on the wall. 

Levi catches his wrist, feels the pulse thrashing there. Hard, and relentless. Eren tries to twist it away, so Levi pulls, and holds, and pulls, and holds, harder. And when that wasn’t enough, he pins Eren on the nearest wall, arms caging him on both sides. Eren glares at him, and it catches Levi off guard for a second, because he’s never felt Eren’s anger this raw. Eyes so dark, they could have been someone else’s. 

“Let me go,” Eren grits his teeth, trying to claw his way out of his prison.

“Not unless you stop being such a little shit,” Levi grits back. He hates the way his words come out. That wasn’t what he wanted to say.

“If you’re so curious, why don’t you just cut me open, then!” Eren is half shouting at this point, “It’s what you’re good at, isn’t it, Levi?” He swallows. Breathes. Stuttering out his exhales, “Cutting up monsters?”

“Eren,” Levi whispers. A bit sad. A bit tired. A bit like he’s been ripped down to the very bottom of himself from the way Eren said his name. Like a eulogy. _Levi_. Not a name. Just a parting word for something he was about to bury. Something he was about to say goodbye to. The inches between them—hard, and cold—makes him feel like they’re lifetimes apart, “Whatever questions I have, they’re not the ones you think I’m asking.” 

“Tell me, then,” Eren tips his head up in a challenge. Levi knows this is a test — a severely booby-trapped one. One wrong move, and he’d blow his chance to pieces.

“Maybe it hasn’t sunk in to you,” Levi runs a hand through his hair, trying to steady his voice, “but we are at war, Eren. And in this war, all the worst possible shit that you can imagine _will_ happen, and they can happen all at once.”

“I know that—“

“ _Then why_ ,” Levi growls, “Why would you volunteer yourself as some sort of—weapon? Why, for the life of you, would you place yourself in the middle of this fucking shitstorm?” He pulls back. Pacing. Meets Eren’s eyes, with his teeth half-buried in his lip. His heart lurking around the back of his throat. Dying to come out. Dying to be everywhere. Dying to beat in every inch of the room, if that’s what it takes to make Eren understand, “You wanna know why your goddamn secrets bother me so much? It’s because all the space around you are so—cramped with them. And when the world fucking ends, what do you expect me to do when you’ve left no room for me to get to you in time?”

“I expect you to save yourself,” Eren says, bite no longer as vicious.

“Bullshit,” Levi spits, “You know, I never asked for this. I was perfectly fine on my own, Eren,” And he was. Levi has long since accepted his fate — the heaviest burden you can carry in this world is love, and his hands are already full of the dead. There was no space to want so much. There was no space to want so much _more_ , “But then, you came,” _With your warmth, and your mess, and when I’m with you, I can’t speak right, and I’m usually more bearable with my mouth shut, but you make me want to keep trying, anyway, because it makes you smile, makes you happy, and everything of me that you touch turns into holy ground, because you’re perfect—_ “and you were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. _And I think about you_ —the twitch in your brow when you’re annoyed, the face you make when you’re dreaming. And your eyes. And your mouth. Fuck, Eren. _Your mouth_. I think about your mouth all the goddamn time.”

Eren is shaking. They both are. Levi steps closer, and closer, until they’re nothing but a hearbeat apart. Levi slowly lifts a hand, fingers grazing over Eren’s jaw. A thumb to his lip, “And everyday, it’s a constant loop in my head: ‘ _How do I keep him safe,’ ‘How do I get him out of all this alive,’ ‘How do I make him understand, that if he dies, I die with him._ ’”

Eren’s eyes are wet, but Levi sees the storm starting to pass. Leaving a drizzle on its wake, rolling gently down his cheeks. Levi catches a stray tear, a finger pressed on the corner of Eren’s eye. So green, so golden up close. Like the drag of a cigarette, and the burn of alcohol, somewhere along the way, Levi’s made it a vice—the habit of relenting helplessly to those eyes. They remind him that he is just a man, and he is weak. A flame hanging onto a wick, being dragged by the wind. Levi never knows what those eyes might pull out of him.

Levi pulls Eren down, their foreheads pressed together, “You terrify me, because you—you gave me something to lose. So learn to take responsibility.”

Eren parts his lips, but nothing comes out. Levi brushes his thumb back over them. And there’s something unfurling there. Something blooming. Eren wraps a hand over his, and Levi wonders when this — the constant need to hold each other, became as casual, as necessary as breathing.

“Hey,” Levi whispers.

“Y-yeah?”

“The night I got drunk. Whatever I did, or didn’t do — I didn’t want _this_ to happen like that, so..” Levi swallows, “If it makes you uncomfortable, tell me to stop, and I will, okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean — I’m tired of fighting,” Levi breathes. The tip of their noses brush. Skin against skin. Feather-light, “I mean that..whatever I am, whatever I have — it’s yours. You can have all of it. Because I—” The breath between them starts to lace. Levi feels Eren all the way down to his core, “I meant it. And I still mean it now,” And they’re so close. _They’re so close_ , “I’m here, Eren,” He promises again. 

And this time,

Levi seals it with a kiss.

And this time,

_it wasn’t a dream._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL YOU FUCKING HEARD THE MAN THIS TIME IT WASN’T A FUCKING DREAM AND EVEN I CAN’T MESS WITH THAT CAN I 
> 
> I’M NOT EVEN GONNA TALK LONG JUST COMMENT DOWN BELOW IF YOU’RE STILL ALIVE I REALLY HOPE YOU PLAYED THE ONLY EXCEPTION WHILE READING LEVI’S CONFESSION BECAUSE I DID AND I WAS BAWLING MY EYES OUT WHILE WRITING HOLY SHIT LEVI WHAT THE FUCK


	11. Closer, Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO YOU KNOW THE DRILL for the first scene it’s Work Song, and for the last one it’s Like Real People Do. Both by Hozier. Trust me and play them go go go

Everything Levi ever dreamt of saying, he breathes into Eren’s lips. The only way he could put his heart into words, pressing it—letting it beat into that sweet, beautiful mouth. It wasn’t violent. It wasn’t wild. It wasn’t desperate. It didn’t feel like a tug-of-war on who could get more of the other, because there was plenty enough of this feeling for both of them. This feeling that defied all he knew of gravity, because kissing Eren was like flying for the first time; this was the closest he’d ever get to something like it. The rush of air into his lungs. The sky, a stretch of a hand away. The world, wide, and big, and open, and his for the taking. And the Sun. A whole different Universe of its own. Looking like you could have it, the way it already had you. 

Kissing Eren was like tasting freedom, because Eren was everywhere. Eren was everything. And Levi felt nothing but him. 

The night is as still as it was a minute ago. The outside, still an endless charcoal black. Time, still running off to lead them to their impending doom. But here he was. Here they were. A body built to be on its own being molded against a body Levi had always thought he shouldn’t— _couldn’t_ —would never fit into. No matter how this ends, Levi knows he will not come out of this the same. He imagines this is how it must be like to be granted a second chance at life. To have your body working the way it should, in the only way that feels right, for the one person who taught you how. 

And he can’t help himself. He nips, gently pries Eren’s mouth open, and it’s like opening a window and letting the rest of the world pour in. Jumping from one lifetime to the next. There’s a strange thrill, knowing that he’s the only one in the world who knows what the Sun tastes like. And if it were up to him, it would remain that way. That he’d be the last one to. He wants to take Eren, and run away. Run away with him forever. 

Levi cups Eren’s face between his hands, kissing him one more time. Twice more. Then another. Until he finally finds the strength to pull back, a temporary pause in the conversation between their bodies, though his forehead hasn’t left Eren’s, and one of his hands had slid down, hooked on the side of Eren’s throat, stroking the smooth skin there. In spite of the distance between their mouths, gravity hasn’t caught up yet. They were still in midair. The ground, still miles, and miles below. Was it too much to ask to never come back down from this? Maybe. But for Eren, Levi knows he’d end up begging, anyway.

Levi tucks a stubborn strand of hair behind Eren’s ear, and that seems to jolt him awake, somewhat. His eyes turning restless in their sockets, searching over Levi’s face. Lips, opening, and closing, and opening again, until he settles on huffing out a disbelieving sigh. He surges forward, slumping on the crook of Levi’s neck, burying his face there. Levi can’t help the fond twitch of his mouth, seeing Eren’s ears so red, like all his blood has collectively decided to pool there.

“Good?” Levi whispers.

“Cheating,” Eren whines, though it comes more like a strained gasp, “That’s cheating.”

Levi chuckles, petting his hair in apology, leaving a trail of light scratches, “It’s not cheating, because I’m not playing a game with you, Eren,” He murmurs, “I’m serious. I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

Eren lets out a strangled noise at that, holding on to him tighter, fighting back for control over his lungs. Levi tries to help in keeping him steady, even though his chest is just as unstable. The urge to just kiss him, and kiss him, and keep kissing him without worrying about the what-comes-next’s and the what-comes-after’s, stirring warm, and heavy in Levi’s gut. But he tucks it away for now. Plenty of time to revisit it later, when Eren’s legs aren’t crumbling beneath him.

“I think—Levi, I think there’s something wrong,” Eren stammers, “It’s like—my heart is going so fast. Like it’s running away from me,” Levi feels his pout forming, “What did you do?”

“Welcome to my world, brat,” Levi smirks. He has no idea how many times he’s had the same things run over everything else in his mind; Eren, constantly in his train of thoughts, living there like a stake flag. Levi softens up his next words, hoping he could find the right ones to say everything he’s never been able to, “If you,” He sucks in a breath, “feel half as much as I do then, that’s normal, I suppose.”

“I feel like I’m gonna die,” Eren whispers. 

“Yeah,” Levi sighs, looking up at the ceiling, “Yeah, me too.”

Eren lets go after a while, cheeks still a bit red, worrying his lip between teeth. Levi tries not to mourn the loss too much. Eren opens his mouth to speak, then quickly snaps them back shut, his eyes widening a fraction before slapping his hands over them. The splash of red returns full-force, spreading from his face down to his neck. 

Levi frowns when Eren makes an incomprehensible squeak, “What’s wrong?”

“Levi,” Eren says, sounding like he’s in pain, “Do something for me?”

“Anything.”

“Please,” Eren digs his face further down his palms, “Put on some pants,” He hisses.

Oh. 

Levi looks down at the towel hanging loosely around his waist. 

_Right_.

He clears his throat awkwardly, fisting the flimsy knot of fabric, suddenly so aware of the air sneaking inside his bare legs. 

Of course. Hours, and hours of sleep lost, tormenting himself—tormented by Hange—about the how’s and the when’s of a proper confession, and in the end he does it with him and Eren in the middle of a screaming contest, while he’s prancing around buck naked. 

Of course. It was him. How else would it have fucking gone. 

It’s not like either of them has ever had a problem with nudity; they’ve bathed enough times together for that to never have been an issue. But then again, that was before he word-vomitted all over the place. He can’t say he wouldn’t go into coma if Eren exposed the full of his skin now. 

Levi shakes his head, trying to steer his thoughts away from sin. The last thing he needs right now is for hell to pass its final jugdment, and burn down his soul by lighting a flame between his legs. That’s a problem for another time. 

“Right. I’ll, uh, get dressed. Go sit on the bed,” Levi says. Eren does as he’s told, eyes never leaving the floor as he plops down the mattress. Levi trudges over to his closet, putting on the first pair of shirt, and pants he gets his hands on. Once he’s decent, he pads to where Eren is, hovering hesitantly over the space by his side. Levi sits down next to him carefully, leaving a couple of inches between them, not wanting to spook the boy. He lets out a small sigh in relief when Eren doesn’t move away, just continues to fidget with his hands. Levi wants those hands back on him as soon as possible, so he clears his throat, preparing to speak, hoping he doesn’t dig his grave with his own words.

“Eren,” Levi starts, cotton in his mouth, “You know I’m shit with words, and fuck if I know how conversations like this are supposed to go,” He runs a hand over his hair, tongue darting out, wetting his lips, “Do you know what it means—that I kissed you?”

Eren nods, peering at him shyly, “I remember…my mom doing it with my dad,” His voice slow, and small, “When he goes out of our house, she’d do it, and she said,“ The soft curl on his mouth. The way Levi is so pathetically weak to it, “That you only do it with someone that you…want to always come home to you,” Eren looks down. Swallows. Fiddles with his thumbs, “I—with Levi, I—“ A deep breath, “I wanted to..do it with you for a long time now,” Pause. A lip bite. And Eren is real. Eren is here. And Levi is dying, “But I...didn’t know if it was okay to…do that,” He murmurs, and it takes everything in Levi not to say, _Go ahead. Do anything you want with me. There isn’t a single bone in me that wouldn’t let you._

Levi crosses the remaining space between them, fingers fleeting under Eren’s chin. His breath hitches, and Levi has to try not to follow it into that mouth. He thinks this must be how it feels to be catapaulted off of a cannon, his chest flying a thousand miles per minute, his brain clawing at air, trying to keep up, because he doesn’t understand how the sky hasn’t torn itself open yet, how they’re both still here, how he could possibly be allowed to have this. Because this is it. The core of the Earth. The spine of the Universe. Everything they wanted to be, and needed to find. It’s here. A place of meeting in the middle. A hidden pocket in the world made just for two.

“And how would you feel if,” Levi trails, “I were to do it with someone else?”

Eren narrows his eyes dangerously at him, and Levi doesn’t know if he should be worried or amused at the sudden hostility behind them, “You wouldn’t,” He says, voice hard. 

“You’re right” Levi chuckles, “I wouldn’t,” _If not you, then no one at all_ , “So, what do you think of—this,” He swallows, “Just being between the two of us?” Levi feels like he’s falling, “Do you understand what I’m asking you?” 

“We’re gonna be together like my mom and dad?”

“Well, not quite at that level yet, but,” Levi averts his eyes, his face fever-flushed. Throat, too dry to talk, “Who knows?” A whisper. Hopeful. It sounds like something hopeful, “Someday, maybe,” He leans closer, a few inches more, and they’d be back to sinking into each other, “Just you and me. Like this. Everyday. Is that something you’d want, Eren?”

Something in Levi shakes, and shudders, and rattles. The whole room is swaying, and if he were a lesser man, he would have already crumbled, and scattered all over the floor during the seconds Eren keeps his answer tucked. So he waits. Waits for that mouth to open. The mouth he was just kissing minutes ago. The mouth he’d kiss forever, if it were up to him.

“Everyday,” Eren smiles. And he’s beautiful, “Everyday sounds good.”

“Yeah?” Levi breathes. He tries to understand how, when he already feels so breathless his lungs are just extra weight at this point. 

“Yeah,” And Eren is still smiling. Nodding. Then, laughing now. Levi can trace that laugh with his eyes closed.

“Okay,” Levi bumps their foreheads together, and it’s dark, and it’s quiet, and he’s close enough to see his reflection on Eren’s eyes. Levi wonders what Eren sees in his. He hopes his eyes show Eren that he’s the center of everything. The focal point of where all the world’s magic meets. That for Levi, it’s always him. Only him.

“Okay,” Eren repeats, and all Levi can do is stare at him like a fucking idiot. All Levi can do is give in.

“Hey, Eren?”

“Mm?” Eren hums. Levi presses his lips on the corner of Eren’s mouth. Tastes the sound of it there. 

  
“Can I…?” Levi’s thumb hooks down on Eren’s bottom lip, then to his chin. Anywhere it can reach. Anywhere it can go.

Eren nods. 

And they both come home, meeting in the middle. 

Because there’s no other place they should be. 

* * *

  
“Leviiiii,” Hange booms, running, their entire presence echoing chaos in the hallway, paying no mind as they bang against other soldiers who weren’t lucky enough to move out of the way, shoving them aside. Levi sees someone getting slammed in the wall; another, a mess of spluttering heap on the floor. He doesn’t blame them. He can even symphatize, in fact. Part of their training was to avoid Titans, after all. No one’s ever been trained on how to avoid Hange. And if neither Erwin nor Levi could do it, then certainly, there’s no one alive who can. 

“And how is my favorite grump this morning?” Hange asks, grinning, an arm slung over his shoulders, “I feel like we haven’t seen each other in ages!”

“You saw me yesterday,” Levi deadpans, pushing off Hange’s head that’s been trying to rub against his. He clicks his tongue, annoyed, wiping the grease their scalp transferred over his fingers on the sleeve of their jacket. 

“Yeah, yeah, but you were too busy running Eren ragged in training to give me my proper dose of your snarky ass,” Hange says, waving a hand, “Well, if you were running him ragged in other ways, then I might be more inclined to understand. But as it stands, Pixis is more likely to grow hair, Erwin’s eyebrow cocoons are more likely to turn into butterflies, and I’m more likely to accidentally turn myself into a Titan, than for you to actually make a move.” They say, sarcasm dripping all over the floor. 

The mention of Eren’s name brings him back to the night before. A part of him mourns; he’d rather have just stayed there. Levi’s lips had spent the night spelling heartbeats on Eren’s skin, surrendering to every bit of him that demanded to be kissed, and there wasn’t a single curve, crook, bend, or spot left on his face that Levi’s mouth hadn’t taken its sweet time meeting. He didn’t quite have the strength to venture further down yet, but that was alright; he didn’t want Eren too overwhelmed. Levi’s just glad to have him the way he’s allowed to now. 

The biggest challenge had been letting Eren leave the room, most of which consisted of Levi pinning him on the doorframe. Hands on waists, and tangled legs, and don’t-go’s, and one-more’s, and stay-here’s, buzzing in the afterglow of tasting each other for the first time. But then Eren kept squeaking that Mikasa’s going to shed blood if she finds out that he’s been sleeping with Levi again. ‘ _Let her try then. I’ll protect you.’ ‘Oh no, not me. You. Mikasa will kill you. She doesn’t like you very much.’_ And that’s how Levi ended up slumped in a chair, because his bed is suddently too big for just one body, waiting for morning, and thinking of how much he hates the sound of Eren’s footsteps when he leaves. 

Levi doesn’t respond to Hange prattling on, mind floating off to when Eren licked his lips like a kitten, and instead of being disgusted, he was so fucking endeared he thought he was going to die. The straight line of his mouth gets disturbed by an involuntary twitch that he wasn’t fast enough to stop, but Hange was, unfortunately, close enough to catch.

Within the span of a breath, Levi watches Hange’s face morph from confusion, to suspicion, then to full on understanding, their hands clamping on like metal cuffs to both of his wrists. 

“Oh my god,” Hange gasps, eyes bulging, “Levi, you had sex last night, didn’t you?!”

“What? No!” Levi wrenches his wrists off, swatting away at Hange who looked like they were in the middle of a heart attack, “It wasn’t,” He clears his throat, thinks of Eren’s mouth, clears it again, “It wasn’t like that.” 

“Then what _was_ it like?” Hange demands, squealing. Hands, flailing. 

“We’re,” Levi shrugs, “Well, we’re together now. If that’s what you’re asking.”

The second the words leave Levi’s tongue, Hange doesn’t scream—they explode. Levi tries to shut them up when they start turning a couple of curious heads from the noise, but even he can only cover his ears when Hange begins shrieking like a dying animal, bouncing around, only to accidentally elbow someone in the face. 

“ _Ohmygodohmygodohmygod_ ,” Hange flaps a hand, drying off non-existent tears, “You’re together—fuck—you’re together. What does that—so. Wait. Okay. Okay,” They take a deep breath, but Levi can still see them on the edge of vibrating a hole through the ground, “How did it happen? Who confessed first? Did you guys kiss? Oh, Levi, please tell me you kissed. I swear I will spit on everything you hold dear if you guys didn’t.”

“Calm your shit down, or do you want to announce this all the way to fucking Sina?” Levi grumbles.

“Yes,” Hange blinks at him, “I would very much like that, yes.”

“You’re hopeless,” Levi sighs, shaking his head, “Anyway, I—we got into a fight, okay? It got pretty heated, and then he was screaming, and I was screaming, and he was crying, and a fuckton of feelings got involved, and before I knew it, I was sticking my tongue down his throat,” He drawls on dryly, “You happy now?”

“Extremely. Erwin’s probably gonna cry—I can’t wait to tell him,” Hange squeals, “I knew there was a reason I wanted to see your grumpy face this morning! I can’t believe it! Finally. Levi’s got a boyfriiieeend,” They singsong, poking him on the ribs, “Who would have thought, huh? When you’re as charming as a toe fungus.”

“Will you ever shut up?”

“About this? Not a chance! I’ve waited too damn long for you to tell Eren that you love him. Goodness, Levi, let me breathe!”

Levi stiffens at that, making Hange pause, their eyebrows knitting into a frown at his silence.

“You—you did tell Eren that you love him, right?” Something in Hange’s face cracks when Levi looks away, “Levi, _please_ tell me you told Eren that you love him,” Seconds pass. More silence, “Seriously?” Hange screeches, “So let me get this straight—You confessed, and you kissed, but somehow, it didn’t occur to you say I love you?” A palm slaps on their forehead, “Levi, are you an idiot? Were you dropped on your head as a fucking baby?”

 _Probably_ , Levi thinks morbidly.

“It’s not—I don’t—“

“Oh no, no, no. No. No. Levi—just—No. Okay? You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to pull all that shit just to tell me you aren’t in love! Do you have a denial kink? Is that it? Because I’m pretty sure this isn’t how that works—Denying your feelings will not give you the same pleasure as a denied orgasm, goddammit, Levi!”

Levi’s jaw snaps open in disbelief, “Why does everything that come out of your mouth have to be so fucking disgusting?” He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, feeling an onslaught of headache coming, “I’m not denying anything. It’s just—it’s not the right time.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Were you waiting for someone to throw you a parade?” Hange snaps, “If you didn’t say I love you, then what did you even confess?”

“Enough for him to know that I’d tear the Walls down with my bare hands if he asked me to,” Levi snaps back. Because he knows how he feels, and what he should have said, and why he couldn’t let himself so easily say them, when Eren was the easiest—the only person—he could ever say them to. 

And Levi knows they’re just three words. But it’s enough to pull a trigger, enough let the world know that you have something it can take, because the world is that cruel. The world is that selfish. Making up for its lack of heart by taking the one who holds yours. And Levi can’t dare to taunt it. Not with losing Eren at risk. He’s not sure he’s ready to be that brave. So he’ll trick the world by keeping quiet. Let his body do the talking. Let his hands speak what his mouth can’t say out loud. Just because he can’t say it, doesn’t mean it’s not true in every way.

In place of the three words he can’t give, Levi will offer himself instead.

“Not now, Hange, okay?” Levi says, quiet, “Not now.”

Hange regards him for a moment, searching his face; the two of them, staring each other down. Levi doesn’t know if they found what they’re looking for, but they put their hands up in surrender, mouth softened with a tiny smile, “Alright, alright. I get it. I’ll back off,” They nudge him on the shoulder, “I really am happy for you, though.”

“Can’t you be happy for me without being a pain in my fucking ass?” 

“Consider this as practice then,” Hange smirks, lips pulled back high enough to show teeth, “Eren’s gonna be quite the literal pain in your ass from now on, after all, isn’t he?” Their eyebrows wiggle up and down, before they go for an exaggerated wink that makes them look like they’re having a seizure, “I would know; I supervised his physical exam.” 

Levi throws Hange a withering look, which makes them cackle harder; grubby fingers pinching his cheek, sinking into his flesh, and his misery. Growling, he yanks the glasses perched on their nose, and pitches it off like a ball, smacking straight, and bouncing off someone’s head. It crunches beneath a foot, but Levi isn’t worried; Hange’s got a hundred of those.

Hange gasps, pawing around their eyes, hitting Levi on the arm,“You fucking devil! I can’t see!”

“Not my problem,” Levi snorts, walking away.

“Choke on a dick, asshole!” Hange yells, waving both middle fingers in the air. 

Levi smirks, yelling back, “I’m working on it!”

* * *

  
A plate of breakfast in one hand, a cup of tea steaming in the other, Levi makes his way over to Eren; the boy’s back turned to him, as he butts heads with Jean. Both of them baring their fangs at each other, palms slapped on the surface of whining wood. Half the table egging them on, half as miserable as Armin who’s tugging at Eren’s sleeve pitifully, and Mikasa who’s staring up at him with silent reverence, looking like she’s ready to go down on her knees, and pray. Levi snorts. She probably thought Eren’s sneeze was the gospel.

“Training just to get away from the Titans,” Eren scoffs, eyes narrowed, “Your system is strange. Even stranger that you don’t question it!”  
  
“You think it holds any weight for you to say that now? Well, guess what,” Jean barks like he’s about to start frotting at the mouth, “I want that stupid system to stay in place, for my sake.”

“And you call yourself a soldier!”

“Shut up! This is the real world!” 

“Your world only has two walls left, Jean, and where do you think you’ll go, not _if_ , but _when_ you run out!” Eren snarls, yanking Jean by the collar; skin stretched white over his knuckles ready to stuff Jean’s ego back into his mouth.

“Eren, quit it!” Armin pleads, the same time Mikasa stands up, his blue eyes bursting with panic.

“Stop that,” Mikasa chides, gently uncurling Eren’s fingers off the wrinkled fabric of Jean’s shirt. She gives Eren’s hand a squeeze as soft as the look in her eyes when Eren visibly calms down at her touch. It almost makes Levi dizzy how bad it makes the nerve in his forehead twitch.

Jean’s eyes follow the way their hands locked, frozen for a second, until Mikasa patting Eren’s head jolts him awake, and this time it’s him twisting, and yanking his way around collars; a fist raised, and waving around like a flag, “Screw you!”

“What? Let go, you’re going to rip it!”

“I don’t give a damn about your clothes! I’m jealous!”

“Hah? What are you talking about—”

“Oi,” They all flinch at the loud clatter of Levi’s plate when he tosses it carelessly on the table; squeaks when his cup follows with a slam. Jean scrambles to let go immediately, his arms stiff at his sides, shaking too much to make proper eye contact. Eren, however, stares like he hasn’t seen Levi in years. His eyes wide, cheeks dusted red, lips caught in between teeth; the hostile air around him replaced with something shy and docile. And Levi tries not to think of how warm it felt, breathing deep into that mouth, that it felt so wrong to breathe on his own right after, “It’s too early in the morning for you two to be so rowdy. Do I have to make you shovel horse shit with your mouth just to make you shut the fuck up?”

“He started it,” Eren mumbles, plopping down on his seat. 

“Eren,” Levi warns. And he does his best to not get knocked down on his feet by the sheer force of Eren pouting. The dip between his brows. The unhappy pull of his lips. Levi has to draw a breath when something punches through his chest, demanding that he go and kiss it better. 

“Fine,” Eren huffs, “I’m sorry you’re a coward, Jean,” He mutters quietly, but he might as well have said it out loud, with the way the words spiral throughout the table. Connie, and Sasha not even bothering to hide their snickering. There’s a freckled boy trying to shush them—was it Mark or Marco?—with Krista on his side, doing the same thing to Ymir who’s got her head thrown back, cackling. Levi finds it eerie how much her laugh reminds him of Hange’s. 

“Tch. Brat,” Levi flicks him on the forehead, “Is that how I taught you to apologize?”

Eren looks at him blankly, “You never taught me that. You said being sorry was for losers.”

“Oh well,” Levi shrugs, sitting down next to him, a lazy arm draped over the back of his chair, “My bad, I guess.” 

Eren rolls his eyes, then stares back at him again; the kind that Levi can’t look away, can’t even blink from. Eren bumps their knees together, and he’s smiling, and Levi’s trying so hard to ignore the need to have that smile for breakfast instead; how it makes Levi want to steal him away, have him the way he did last night, his heart knocking against the back of his teeth, Eren spilled over him like a chapel ceiling hovering above, eyes bright, lips warm, looking like something holy.   
  
Levi reaches for his tea, hoping that having something in his mouth would stop him from saying something stupid when he notices the stiff bodies gawking, watching his every move. Levi lifts an eyebrow, making eye contact with Connie, who lets out an embarrassing squawk. Levi can’t blame him, though. Erwin said once that eye contact with him is just as worse as staring down the barrel of a gun, which he can’t really disagree with, considering that Connie’s flapping around in panic like he just got shot.

“You have something you want to say, Springer?”

Connie jumps up, shaking his head like he’s trying to shake it off his shoulders, “What? Me—No, no. No. No, Sir. Captain Levi…Your Honor…Sir,” He winces. Sasha snorts at him behind her bread, “It’s just that, uhm, you don’t, uh, usually eat at the cadet’s table, Sir,” He laughs nervously, though what’s so funny, Levi doesn’t know. 

“I wanted a change of scenery,” Levi drawls, fingers tapping on wood, “You got a problem with that?” 

Levi sees Mikasa scowling at him in his peripheral vision, and he knows he doesn’t need to ask her to figure out that she’s definitely got a problem with that. He’s positive Eren hasn’t broken the news to her; she’d be lunging to rip his throat off with her teeth, if he had. Levi throws her a smirk. Her hands inch closer to a knife. And because he’s 5’2” of pure hard muscle, and pettiness, he shifts his arm over the back of Eren’s chair, dipping his fingers on his nape, scratching lightly at the exposed skin there. Eren leans into him closer, Mikasa looks like she’s about to hurl the entire table at his face, including the ones sitting around it, and Armin is sighing into his hands, the only other person who seems to have an idea about what’s going on. All in all, it’s starting to be a great day. 

“Problem?” Connie squeaks, “Psh, no. No. Who’s got a problem—Not me. No, Sir. Connie Springer is a problem-free-we-all-good-here zone—“ He rambles. Levi pins him with a dry stare, “I’msorryCaptainpleasedon’tkillme,” He says in one breath, hands clapped together. 

“Levi,” Eren tuts, “Stop it.”

“How the fuck did this turn into you scolding me?” Levi huffs. He tips his chin to the side, gesturing to Eren’s plate, “Hurry up, and eat. We’ve got a lot of training to cover today. Maybe you won’t suck as much if your stomach is full.”

“I don’t suck,” Eren scowls, hanging his head over his food, “What’s that?” He asks suddenly, fork pointing at the sliced sausages on Levi’s plate.

“That’s a sausage. Reserved only for the officers, mostly, but when the budget allows it, Erwin splurges sometimes so the cadets can have a taste. Something about boosting morale, or some shit,” Levi shrugs. 

Eren blinks at him, down to the plate, then back at him again, before stabbing a piece, and shoving it quickly into his mouth. He hums his approval, chewing with his cheeks puffed up into a grin, looking so proud that he managed to sneak it under Levi’s nose, while Levi sits there, wanting to slam his head onto the wall until it cracks, because something so stupidly simple as watching Eren eat shouldn’t make him so happy, but it does. He’d try and make sense of it, but there’s nothing left in his brain that can, so he pretends like he doesn’t notice Eren snaking his hand over his food again, choosing to focus on his tea, instead. When he looks up, lips pressed on the rim of his cup, Eren is still chewing, and everyone is gaping at him like he just got away with murder, not once, but twice. Sasha is staring at him like she’s just seen a god. 

Levi pulls out a handkerchief from his breast pocket, tossing it over at Eren’s face, “Oi, don’t you know it’s bad manners to steal someone’s food? And to be so filthy while eating it, even worse. Clean yourself up.”

Eren grumbles unhappily, wiping the sheen of oil on his mouth with the small cloth.

“S-so, uh, Captain?” Armin says, fidgeting,”How’s Eren’s training been going? I hope he’s not being too much of a handful.” 

“You better hope harder then, because this one here is a fucking brat,” Levi snorts, “We focused a lot on strength training these past couple of days; build up his core muscles, and stamina. He’s not too bad with ODM, but his skills still leave little to be praised, although he does make up for it with combat training. For some reason, he’s gotten the hang of it much quicker compared to the other exercises. I don’t know, maybe he’s just an angry little shit,” Eren lifts a piece of sausage onto his mouth; Levi accepts it with a mumbled ‘thanks,’ chewing, and swallowing it quickly, “Anyway, most of you here are from the 104th’s top ten, right? If you got some free time to help him out, then it’s appreciated. He’s gonna need all he can get.”

Armin blinks at him slack-jawed; the rest, wearing the same dumbfounded face, except for Mikasa who looks even more murderous than usual. If she’s this pissed, then he’d gladly take credit for it, though in this case, he’s not quite sure why. He looks at Eren, and he seems fine, still eating, oblivious to the manslaughter his sister seems to be planning. 

“The fuck is wrong with your faces?” Levi asks, frowning.

“C-captain, did he just…?” Jean stammers, a limp finger pointing to Eren, then to him.

Levi frowns harder, waiting for him to explain why they’re all staring at him like he just shoved someone’s grandmother in front of a speeding carriage, when he licks over his teeth, the smoky taste of meat still lingering there.

“Did Jaeger just… _feed_ you…Captain?”

 _Oh_ , he realizes. Although he does so a bit too late. 

He throws Eren a sideglare, tempted to shove a boot up his nose for being so clueless about the mess he just thrusted Levi in; even more so for letting himself get so accustomed to Eren shoving random shit in his mouth, because when his leg almost got chewed off useless, Eren automatically assumed that the rest of him was just as incapacitated, like Levi didn’t quite literally tackle him to the ground when they first met. And when Levi refused to eat off of his fingers, Eren would go quiet, and he would sulk, spending the rest of the day fleeting in and out like a ghost; Levi, there, stuck, keeping watch of him out of the corner of his eye, thinking of how much he hated when Eren talked until he couldn’t talk anymore, and how he hated it even more when Eren was so quiet he made everything else disappear except his silence. 

Levi gave up, eventually; swallowing his pride the way Eren made him swallow berries, and weeds, and overcooked meat, and plants he didn’t even know he was allergic to, off of his hand. And it’s worth the smile on Eren’s face, even if it meant accidentally getting poisoned once or twice a week.

It didn’t take too long after that to figure out there’s not a lot he wouldn’t let Eren do to him. 

Sometimes it’s easy to forget that they’re no longer outside the Walls when everything he felt for Eren then, he feels tenfold now. 

Levi clears his throat, though it does nothing to chase away the awkwardness in the air, and if there’s one thing he learned on the field: it’s that some battles you only win by retreating. So he schools his face, sets his voice as dry as he can manage, and says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but if you’ve got the time to spout nonsense, then surely you have the time to clean,” He stands up, making them flinch when his chair screeches against the floor, “I’m putting you all on cleaning duty today, and you brats better not be sloppy. If I come across one speck of dust, I’ll have you redo everything thrice over,” He nudges Eren by the ankle, giving it a small kick, “Even you, shithead. You’ll join them after I’m through with you,” He pins them with one final glare, satisfied that most of them are still in shock to really process what’s going on; he steps back before they could catch up, “Now, if you’ll excuse me. Some of us actually has work to do.”

Levi turns around, heading for the door. He counts to three in his head, smirking when he hears the table erupt into a groan at the last second, fists pounding on wood, plates clattering; the air swirling in choruses of ‘ _Jaeger what the fuck’ ‘Were we in some kind of group hallucination, or was the Captain really here’ ‘I was just on cleaning duty yesterday—that’s not fair’ ‘Would you like to say that to Captain Levi’s face, Connie?’ ‘Shut up, Marco….Eren, this is your fault. You say it for me.’_

Ah. Levi sighs in contentment. 

There’s nothing quite as filling as the misery of others so early in the morning. 

* * *

Petra narrows her eyes at the Captain. Then at Eren. She turns to look at the rest of her squad, all carrying the same face that she does; confused, concerned, maybe even a little bit scared. But mostly, just a whole lot confused. 

She lifts an eyebrow at Gunther who only shrugs in return before bringing her attention back to the pair; Captain Levi, with his arms crossed, brows scrunched. Still small, and angry. Still looks like he’d punch your teeth down to your ass if you breathed around him wrong. Still glaring daggers at everything like he bullies babies for a living. 

But there’s something different. Not in what he does, but how he does it. The change, like an itch she’s been trying to scratch at all day. A shift. Non-existent, if you don’t know him. Barely there, if you know him just enough. But a brick in the face, if you’ve stood by his side for years, learning his quirks and habits like a second language; if you’ve stuck by him long enough to discover that there’s more to him than just threats, and shit jokes, and uncomfortable conversations. 

Eren is heaving next to him, palms on knees, hair all over the place, wrecked by the wind; breath stuttered, but still running a mile. Lungs taking off after it. He asks why Captain Levi was trying to kill him.

The Captain’s been making him go through the forest running on foot, then barking to switch on ODM, just to order him to race back on the ground again. All of that, while still having to get rid of the Titan dummies that she, and the rest of the squad have been ordered to operate. Petra thought he was doing quite well, though his techniques were still a bit sloppy. Midair speed could use some work. At one point, he tried to copy the Captain’s signature spin, which ended up in him triple-twisting straight into a tree, and with Captain Levi, bristling, flinging curses left and right, like his teeth are made out of spite, looking like he was about to break Eren in half, and swaddle him with a blanket, all at the same time.

It was funny, seeing the Captain being all bark and no bite, all hit and no blow; Eren pawing at him, asking him to stop being mad, wrapping around him in apology, like a puppy trying to play with a cat with anger issues. Captain Levi threatened to step on his kneecaps. And Eren smiled because he knew he was forgiven. 

So maybe it’s in the way his fingers brushed over the bruises blooming on Eren’s body, like he wasn’t sure where to hold him first. How all that silent worry made it look like more than just hands on skin, because there was something so careful there. Or the way he looked at Eren like he couldn’t possibly look anywhere else, see anything more, like he wasn’t even aware he’s been looking so much in the first place. It’s not hard to imagine what he sees even with his eyes closed. The thought of Eren probably comes to him as easy as pinpointing the Sun in the dark. 

Or maybe it’s the easy way Eren leans against him now, and the even easier way the Captain simply lets him. It was no longer so weird to see Eren draped over him like a second cloak; they’ve all just silently accepted that he was now a part of Captain Levi’s personal space, and it had been nice to know that the Captain wasn’t completely allergic to the feel of another human being. She hears him complain about sweat and dirt, along with a casual ‘ _fuck you,_ ’ thrown here and there. She almosts pelts him with a stone for being so crass. History could be made with a love like theirs, and it truly is a sight to see him falling a little bit in love with Eren’s everything everyday, but perhaps it was a bit too much to expect the Captain to say _‘I love you’_ like a normal person.

She sighs, watching them bicker; it’s such a puzzle, seeing two people so perfect for each other, but never without the threat of a fight in every conversation. They were strange, but she supposes not so strange, because this is who they were. This is what they’ve always done. 

Eren begs the Captain to show him one more spin, with his eager eyes, pulling, and insisting with his eager hands. He’s running around now, making a show of how he could do it, and how he could do it better. Captain Levi swears at him again. Eren laughs. The air around them tastes so sweet, it almost feels wrong to breathe it alongside them. There’s something different in how they breathe it together. 

She thinks again. Harder, because the change feels more drastic this time. 

Maybe it’s the way the Captain says Eren’s name. Like it’s something else. Something more. 

Eren tells him to stop swearing, and he tells Eren he will if he stops being stupid. Eren whines, and runs away, then runs back, because Captain Levi wasn’t catching up, and they always, _always_ had to be together. He picks up a leaf, and snickers when he presses it on the Captain’s forehead. Snickers harder as he watches it fall. She waits for the Captain to throw another fit, but he doesn’t, because Eren plucks out a stone from his pocket, letting it sit on his palm, oddly-shaped, and dirty, and gray, but blue when the sunlight hits it at just the right angle. 

Eren says ‘ _I found your eyes again_ ,’ and she’s not sure what it means, but it must mean a lot, with how the Captain softens. Then smiles. The kind of smile that he only reserved for Eren. The one that looked like a night lit up by fireflies. How bright and tender it looked in a face so sharp.

So maybe it’s the way the Captain’s eyes remain piercing, but unguarded. The way it’s the most honest she’s ever seen them. He’s looking at Eren with the eyes of someone in the middle of falling in love, and Eren is looking back with the eyes of someone who knows.

 _Ah_.

So that’s it. 

He’s not trying to hide it anymore. The change she was feeling wasn’t a change at all. It was just honesty. The Captain is finally letting Eren see what everyone else has always seen.

Later that day, as they were finishing up, she finds her way skipping to her Captain’s side, not bothering to suppress the laugh that bubbles from her throat when he lifts a suspicious eyebrow at the happy hum that accompanies her steps. 

“What do you want?” He grunts, religiously rubbing a handkerchief under his nails.

“Oh, nothing, really,” She hums again, “Just wanted to say Congratulations, Captain,” She says, throwing a pointed look over at Eren who was poking Oluo with a stick. He hides behind Eld when Oluo runs after him. Gunther tries to help, but ends up tackling all three of them into the ground. The Captain grimaces, like he was in physical pain just by looking at their tangled limbs.

“…I don’t know what you’re trying to say,” He huffs. But he looks at Eren again, and she tries not to get blinded by all the fondness there. 

“Right,” She says with all the sarcasm she’s accumulated from him for years. She gives him a small pat on the back, smling with too much teeth to show she doesn’t believe him. Not one bit, “Sure, you don’t.”

It wasn’t long before Eren’s back at his side. Their shoulders brushing, fingers dancing against each other in quick, barely-there-touches. They’re quiet. Not saying much of anything at all. Or maybe they were, but in their Levi-and-Eren language, caught in a world of their own. 

And it’s nice. 

Because they were weird like that. Strange like that. Always on a frequency that only they could understand. But she thinks that it’s okay. Because this is who they were. This is how they loved. And this is what they’ve always done. 

* * *

  
“So, Eren,” Connie starts. There’s a sly grin stretching his mouth, rearranging his face into mischief. Sasha’s already in midlaugh, and that’s how Armin knows nothing that will come out of that mouth can be good. 

They’re all piled on the floor, huddled around a mountain of chestnut shells, trading stories spilling on every corner of the room he shares with Eren, Connie, Jean, Marco, Reiner, and Bertholdt, because Connie insisted on an official welcome party for Eren, even though it was a week late, and Sasha insisted harder, but that’s just because she wanted an excuse to collect chestnuts. Connie is prone to choking on them, so Armin thinks that maybe she just really wanted an excuse to kill Connie; he stole a potato from her earlier, so it’s hardly much of a surprise. 

“Spill it. What’s with you and Captain Levi, huh?” Connie teases. Armin tries to fight off a groan, and the urge to strangle Connie when he sees Mikasa’s eyes darken. The way she presses herself closer to Eren. She still touches him like he’s made out of liquid. Like he’ll slip away if she doesn’t hold on hard enough. That the small space between them is still space enough for him to leave. 

Maybe that’s why she hates the Captain so much. Because when she looks at him, she sees the same fear looking back. 

And maybe that’s why she doesn’t hate him at all. Because she understands. 

Armin does too. Sometimes he crawls into Eren’s bed at night just to ask him if he’s real.

“Levi?” Eren blinks innocently. It doesn’t escape any of their notice how they’ve never heard him once refer to him as ‘Captain.’ Nor has the Captain ever made Eren address him as such. They all share a knowing look. Armin wonders if the Captain genuinely thinks that he and Eren were being subtle. He’s Captain Levi. Surely, he was smarter than that?

“Yeah, what gives? He seems awfully sweet with you,” Connie wrinkles his nose, “And trust me, sweet is a word I never thought I’d use to describe the Captain. Ever.”

“Well. He is. Sweet,” Eren’s _voice_ is sweet. Fond. He scratches at his cheek like some sort of diversion from the twitch catching on his lips. Makes his mouth purse into a weird smile-but-not-a-smile. Eren looks down. Looks like he’s seeing a memory play. It’s warm when he laughs, “Levi is sweet,” He repeats, nodding. Like it’s absolutely important that they know. That they believe it in the way he does. 

Jean makes a face, and lets out an ugly snort. Eren throws a chestnut shell at him. Marco grabs Jean’s wrist before he could throw one back. He settles down, gritting his teeth, jaw flexing like he’s chewing on his tongue, and the only reason Armin knows it’s still there is when he uses it to hiss at Ymir who cackles when she calls him ‘ _Whipped_.’ She shuts up when Krista starts pouting. Armin wonders if Ymir knows she was saying it about herself, just as much as she was saying it about Jean. 

“Oh, shit—so it’s true?” Connie gawks, “You guys are like, _together_ together?” He bumps both his pointer finger side to side. Pauses, then switches one of them for his pinky, grinning like it was the most ingenious thing. Laughter rings in their tiny circle, mostly from Reiner who laughs like he’s got an earthquake trapped under his tongue. Laughs with his whole body. Laughs so hard he accidentally spits the chestnut he was chewing on onto Bertholdt’s lap. Bertholdt doesn’t even flinch. Just sighs sadly like he’s used to it. He probably was. Reiner has the grace of a sledge hammer. 

“Together?” Eren repeats the word as a question. Like he only knows half of what it means, because it doesn’t make sense to him as a whole, “But I’m here, and—I don’t know where Levi is.” 

“No, you fucking dumbass,” Jean says in that tone that always makes him sound like he’s asking for a fight. Like he’s already got a fist up before you even realize you’re the one he’s talking to. Which is why his words always get taken the wrong way, especially by Eren who has never learned to put his fist down even now, “He’s asking if Captain Levi’s giving you his sausage in the bedroom, too.”

The air is loud with teasing that Eren doesn’t understand. Jabs on ribs, and grins, and sexual innuendos punched with wiggling eyebrows, and laughter making shoulders shake. Marco’s scandalized ‘ _Jean, that’s so rude’_ lost in the noise. 

Armin sighs. One of these days, he should really ask Jean where his brain goes when he talks because he always says things without thinking. 

“…But I’m not allowed to eat in Levi’s room?” Eren looks even more confused now, “Levi says he’ll lock me up if I get crumbs on the carpet,” He adds, mumbling. 

Armin hears Jean whisper ‘ _Is that a sex thing?_ ’ to Marco, and if Armin can hear it, then Mikasa can, too. And if Jean ends up in a body bag buried six-feet under by the end of the night, then he has no one to blame but himself.

“No, dude. We don’t mean literal sausage—Fuck Maria,“ Connie huffs, “What we’re saying is, are you and Captain Levi a couple or…?” He trails off, making vague gestures with his hands. 

Eren frowns, looking thoughtful. Blinking. Chewing on his lower lip. Something settling in his eyes. Something strange. Almost shy. Then after a moment, he says, “…A couple of what?”

“Oh my god,” Jean groans. Connie wails just as miserable, stuffing his face into his palms, mumbling something about suffering, ”You know what—Forget it. This is—This is stupid. I’ve had conversations with a brick wall more productive than this.”

Eren straightens up, ready to burst into a fit, because Jean always had to argue, and Eren always had to be right, and they both always had to talk through knuckles, and threats, and bruised egos. 

“Eren,” Krista cuts in, and they both stop, because Krista was all small smiles, warm comfort, and soft understanding. Says Eren’s name like she has sugar in her mouth. Everything coming out of it always honey-sweet, “You’ll have to excuse the strange way they’ve been wording it. I’m sure they don’t mean harm in spite of how much they pry. It’s just that—“ Her lips continue to curl like a cloud, “We’ve never seen Captain Levi look so..happy. Usually, he looks like—“ Her smile is still tender, but it crumbles on the edges. Cloud lips half white, half gray, “Like he’s not allowed to be.” 

And there’s something in the way she whispers it that makes the room ring still into silence. Makes the air a bit heavier. A bit harder to breathe. Like stones in your lungs, and water in your nose. And it was strange to think of Captain Levi. Strange to think of the people he knows who turned into bodies he knew. Strange to think of the rain that follows him. 

Strange to think of Humanity’s Strongest; his sadness, stronger.

The oddness of it. To be hurt by pain that isn’t yours.

Armin used to look at him, and think it must be so lonely. To live beneath the sky and still not know the Sun. Like no one ever told him it was okay for him to look up. 

It was a shame. The Captain has such kind eyes. 

“But it’s different now,” Krista continues. Still cloud-soft. Still honey-sweet, “I think you’ve made it different now.”

“And that’s—that’s a good thing,” Eren says, fidgeting. Looks at Krista like he’s holding his breath, “Right?”

“It’s fucking weird—that’s what it is,” Jean grumbles from the side.

And it’s the way Eren stills. The way the light in his eyes dim like the Moon going through its many phases. Full, then half, then hardly there. The way he closes them like he wants to hide, that makes something fierce, and sharp, and angry ripple through Armin’s chest. Makes him want to break something. Throw something. Break something just to throw it away. Throw it at someone. Throw it at Jean. 

Because Armin always hears it in passing. Hears it in murmurs, and boxed conversations. Hears it whispered in hallways, and corridors. Hears it fleeting through walls. How the Captain looks at Eren, but never how Eren looks back at him. 

But Armin sees it, and he sees it so clearly. Because Eren loves him like sunlight on water. Bright, and golden, and warm. Loves him with a heart made out of fire. Loves him with a heart too big not to hurt. Loves him like he only knows how to love him more. But it’s beautiful. And it’s good. And Armin never wants Eren to feel like it’s wrong. Never wants him to feel like it’s something he has to explain to anyone. Never wants him to feel like it’s something he has to apologize for. 

He remembers the many times Eren fought for him. It used to kill him how he never got the chance to fight for him just as much. Just as hard. 

But Eren’s here now. And Armin is done letting himself die. 

“It’s fine though, isn’t it?” Armin’s voice is quiet. But it makes everyone look. Makes them listen. Quiet, but loud enough to make the walls shake. Hard enough to leave a bite, “It’s fine. If it’s weird, because—because maybe it is. Because maybe it’s supposed to be,” He scoffs a bit, “Because who in the world looks for love, and wishes that they find it normal?” He takes Eren’s hand. Fingers pressing, feeling for his light back. Trying to keep it where he is. Eren is still warm. And when Armin gives him a smile, warmer, “Does he make you happy, Eren?” 

Eren nods.

“What else does he makes you feel?”

It takes a second, but when Eren speaks, Armin has to wonder why anyone would want to try and fit a question mark in a love that sounds so sure, “To me, Levi is like—like a house with no locks. He makes me feel like—I never have to knock, you know? Because Levi always has his doors open. And I never have to knock, because wherever he is,” Eren’s eyes are glassy. Like he’s about to cry. But he doesn’t look sad. No. He looks like the sky before a shower of warm spring rain. “I know I’m always welcome there,” Like windchimes in summer winds, “And he makes it feel okay, that sometimes I have to go,” Like the flames in autumn leaves, “There’s always a light on for me, Armin. Levi always leaves a light on. So I don’t get lost when it’s time to come back. And I don’t have to get scared even when it gets dark, because Levi, he—he always makes sure I know where to find him, when I go look for myself,” Like winter falling away, “It’s him, Armin. The place I can always go back to—it’s him. And I’m happy that it’s him.”

Eren is smiling, and it’s the Sun in its full entirety. And that’s how Armin knows Captain Levi is part of the lucky ones. Because as long as he had Eren, he will never know a world lukewarm. 

It’s silent. But not the kind that makes it suffocating. Just quiet enough to let the time pass gently. 

Unsurprisingly, it’s Jean who breaks first.

“Idiot,” Jean huffs. But Armin doesn’t bristle, because it sounds more like when you say one thing, but really mean another. Soft in spite of the harsh word. Jean looks at the ground, like he’s trying to find something. Maybe the right words to say, “I said it was weird,” He grumbles, “Didn’t say it was wrong,” He glares at Eren. More out of habit, less out of genuine spite, “I don’t like you, Jaeger. But if there are people who fuck with you and the Captain, then I don’t like them more, so—so fuck ‘em.” Marco pats Jean on the shoulder that looks a lot like an ‘ _I’m proud of you.’_

“How fucking eloquent, Jean,” Connie snorts, then raises his arms, yelling, “But yeah! Fuck ‘em! Fuck ‘em good!”

Everyone else chimes in, voices overlapping the other, like they’re saying things as fast as they can, until the room is full with curses thrown back and forth, laughter barked, fists pumped. Makes the walls feel alive with too many hearts beating at the same time. How it punches through the roof, strong, like a war cry. Like a storm in the middle of the night. And it’s chaotic, and noisy, but it’s nice, and safe, and warm, because this is what friends do. 

Armin glances at Mikasa. Her eyes closed, head on Eren’s shoulder. Seeing her hand curled over his, is the only thing that reminds him that he still has Eren’s. He gives it a small squeeze. Eren squeezes back. And there’s a heart beating there, too.

Someone says something that makes Eren laugh. The light in the room changes. 

Armin smiles.

The Sun is even brighter at night. 

* * *

  
It’s raining outside.

And Eren is here, toeing off his shoes, tugging his hair loose from its tie. He fills the empty space on the bed. Fills a lot of empty spaces in Levi, too. Levi looks at his face as he murmurs a soft ‘ _Came to say goodnight.’_ Looks at his chapped lips. The tip of his nose. The rise of his cheeks. The cloudless night he has for eyes; how it has all the room for stars. Looks at all the pieces of the boy who has made him whole. 

It’s raining outside.

And Levi is here. And he’s the luckiest person alive. 

“You’re late,” Levi says, stroking Eren’s hair with a gentle thumb. Eren lets out a happy sigh, pressing closer, tucking his hands between their chests. Between their steady breathing. But Levi guesses his won’t be steady for long. Not when he slides his arm down, draping it over Eren’s waist, and he learns just how warm a body can be when you’re holding the right one. 

“Sorry,” Eren leans forward to give his chin a tiny kiss. Quick, and shy, like he’s still not sure it’s okay for him to do it. But that’s fine. Levi will spend this night making sure Eren knows it’s okay for him to do anything, “Was with friends.”

“You had fun?” Eren nods, “Then you don’t need to be sorry for anything.”

They don’t say anything for a while. Eren has his eyes closed, as he hums. Just like how he used to do, sitting at the mouth of their cave, humming at the Moon, like he was waiting for it to sing back. Levi doesn’t mind the silence. He knows Eren doesn’t too. Levi was never one to talk much, but Eren had said that was okay, because he liked the way he listened. 

And Levi thinks, it’s good like this.

Really good, but also a bit scary. 

But he also really wants Eren and the stories he tells when Levi pretends he’s sleeping, and Eren thinks he can’t hear. Wants to lie with him at night, while Eren traces shapes hiding in shadows, and he’d ask Levi if he likes magic, and he’d hide under the covers when Levi says _‘I like you, don’t I?’_ Wants to hold his hand, hold him like they haven’t seen each other for days. Wants to argue about anything, and everything, and fix it with kisses before they go to sleep. And kiss him, and kiss him, and kiss him some more. Kiss him harder. Gentler. Slower. Everyday. Kiss him everyday. Kiss him until he smiles. Kiss him until he laughs. Because Levi likes that. Likes it when Eren laughs. Kiss him in all the ways someone so beautiful should be kissed. 

And Levi wants it. Wants all of it. Wants Eren so much even though he doesn’t always have the words to admit it. 

Because it’s really good, but also a bit scary. To want so much in a world that allows you to have so little. To have something left to lose in a world that’s already taken everything from him.

Eren stirs, blinking at him. Then curls, making himself small. Presses his ear against Levi’s heart. Listens. Speaks, “Levi?”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t—Yesterday, I—“ Eren stammers. Breathes. Breathes like he forgot how to. Continues, “I didn’t say sorry. For yesterday. The things I said—I didn’t—“

“Hey,” Levi says softly. Fits Eren’s face into his hand, like he’s holding something that might break, “It’s alright.”

“No,” Eren shakes his head stubbornly, “No, it isn’t. I don’t—I always do things like that. Say things that I—I want to say so much, but I—“

“Eren,” Levi whispers, “You don’t have to tell me your secrets,” Eren seems surprised. But he lets Levi talk. Lets Levi pause, and think, and figure out how to say what he wants to say, so he doesn’t say it wrong, “But at least,” Lets Levi knock their knees, and lock their ankles. Lets more silence pass between them, soft and gentle,“Tell me something true?”

Eren tilts his head up. Fingers soothing over the bone, over the dip of Levi’s collar. Touches him warm like Summer against Levi’s winter-pale skin. Then he stops. Kisses Levi’s palm. Gives Levi more of his love to hold on to, “My name is Eren Jaeger,” He whispers, “I’m eighteen years old. Born in Shiganshina. Son of—“ He swallows. Levi hears the names collapse on his tongue. Levi gives him time to rebuild them again, “—of Grisha and—and Carla Jaeger,” Levi kisses him on the forehead, “My family is Mikasa, my sister. And Armin, my best friend. And—and,” He smiles, and it’s so sweet it makes Levi’s tooth ache. Makes his chest ache. Makes his whole body ache with the tenderness of it, “And you,” It comes out soft, and shy, but it sounds so happy, it leaves Levi helpless. Stunned. Helplessly stunned. In the _oh-my-god-holy-shit_ type of way. In the _I’ve-never-wanted-to-kiss-someone-so-bad-in-my-whole-life_ type of way, too. 

“You’re family, but also—also more than that. Uhm,” Eren chews on his lip, suddenly looking nervous, it makes Levi a bit nervous, too, “I—I don’t know if we—but, uhm, Krista said that—that what we are, it’s called,” He looks at Levi, brows scrunched, “Are you my lover, Levi?”

Levi chokes. Though he’s proud of himself for not accidentally coughing up a lung, or doing something ridiculous like dying on the spot. He clears his throat, trying to regain what composure he can, before Eren decides to take it, and hurl it out the window again, “Yeah, I—” He says, feels it scrape against his throat like sand, “I suppose I am.”

“Oh, okay. Is it so different?” Eren asks, face curious, “From how you were before?”

“Well, for one thing,” Levi shifts, runs his fingers over Eren’s cheekbones, presses their foreheads together; noses nudging. Levi kisses his eyes. Kisses down, until he reaches the corner of Eren’s lips. The spot where his smile catches when he laughs. Eren’s mouth obediently opens on its own, and Levi eagerly fits it against his, breathing him in. Eren smells like soap and clean water. Tastes like good dreams, and honesty, and granted wishes, and promises. Feels like blankets on cold nights, and late fall, and early morning Sun. And it used to hurt Levi so much, looking at Eren, and thinking he was going to spend his entire life looking at what he can’t have. But somehow he’s here. And somehow he’s here with Levi. And somehow he’s here with Levi, warm against his mouth. And Eren is breathing his name, then stops breathing when Levi licks it off his tongue. He pulls away, smirking, “I get to do that now.”

Eren looks at him dazed. Blinks at him funny, before his cheeks turn cherry red. He dives straight into Levi’s neck, whining, and hiding there. Toes curling against Levi’s calf.  
  
“Come back here,” Levi chuckles, tracing a fingertip down Eren’s spine, “I wasn’t done.”

Eren shakes his head, says something muffled that Levi doesn’t understand. And before he could ask, Eren starts peppering tiny little kisses all over Levi’s throat. And that would have been fine, except Eren finds his pulse, gives it a small lick, and Levi tries very hard not to die on the spot all over again. Tries very hard not to think of the shapes Eren’s body could make, twisted on Levi’s sheets.

“Eren. Fuck. Don’t—“ Levi rasps, because he’s surprised at how good it feels. _Scared_ of how good it feels. He pulls back, cups Eren’s face, lips hovering over his pretty mouth, because Levi wants to kiss him, and kiss him, and kiss him again, “Don’t do that like you don’t know what it does to me.”

Eren stares at him, traces his face with his eyes, and it makes Levi feel so seen. So real. And suddenly he’s afraid he’s messed it up somehow. But Eren’s mouth touches his again, and it’s just a whisper of a kiss, but Levi will be bruised with it forever. Eren smiles, and Levi wishes he could take a piece of it somehow. Keep it tucked in his pocket, pull it out on days when he loses his. Like his own personal patch of sunlight. 

“Levi?”

“Mm?”

“I wanna kiss you forever,” Eren says it so serious it makes Levi laugh. Like some sort of declaration. Like he’s ready to fight anyone who wants to stop him, or anyone else who wants to try. 

“Want to be with you for longer,” Eren says. Slow, and careful, like he’s ready to swallow the words back down, in case they aren’t what Levi wants to hear. Ready to let them disappear into the dark of the room. 

Levi has to bite down on his lips hard to stop himself from smiling like an idiot, “That’s good, then,” He says, “I’m planning to keep your lazy ass for longer, too.”

Eren grins, and even with his sleepy smiles, and drowsy limbs, he says, “Kiss me again?”

Levi can only nod, because he can’t find his voice anymore. He leans in, drops a kiss on Eren’s forehead, feeling his hand curl on the collar of Levi’s shirt. And then, it’s Eren’s mouth on his again, spreading like sugar on his lips. Flower-petal soft. Levi’s still not quite sure how he got here, kissing Eren long, and hard, but what he really kicks himself over is why he didn’t get here sooner. _He could have had this so much sooner._

Levi trails his hands down, fingers digging in Eren’s waist. Their legs slide over each other, until Levi is above him, and he feels drunk, and gone, and pushed over edges, because Eren is all warm skin, all his. And long, and hard turns into slow, and deep. And it’s all so good that it hurts. 

Eren’s hands slide over to his hair. Still a bit like he doesn’t know what he’s doing, or if he’s doing it right. But Levi isn’t bothered. Lets Eren explore his mouth how he wants to, and in turn he lets Levi’s tongue be curious about the sounds it can push Eren to make, until the walls are banging with _is-this-okay’s, and more’s, and can-I-touch-you-here’s, and please-yes-please’s, and fuck-you-taste-so-good’s._

And there’s _begging begging begging_. Begging for something. Begging for more. And Levi thinks it’s him, and Levi thinks it’s Eren, or maybe both of them at the same time. Eren kisses him like a question, kisses like Levi has all the answers. And Levi is gone. Ruined forever. He doesn’t think he can come back from this. 

Levi never wants this night to end. 

“I want you,” _Closer_.

“I want you,” _Always_. 

Outside, the rain falls harder. 

Here with Eren, so does he. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOT WHAT PLOT I ONLY KNOW FLUFF
> 
> Okay I know I know I indulged a bit in this chapter, and there’s still a million secrets to unveil. I mean, they don’t even know Eren’s a Titan yet. BUT STILL I wanted a chapter that focuses on their relationship, and omg they just kissed do y’all really want me to throw angst in there so quickly. And also, I wanted to write about how Eren is with the other characters, and the reason why this chapter took so long, because I struggled a bit, writing using a point of view that wasn’t Levi’s because I was in his head for so long I didn’t want Petra and Armin to sound like him, while still wanting to keep the “poetic” feels of the story. 
> 
> Anyway, we’ll get the plot going next chapter. Spoiler alert: more badass Eren.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter! Tell me what your favorite moment was down below!
> 
> ... And also like....does the AOT universe have condoms or..... I’M NOT IMPLYING ANYTHING I’M JUST ASKING....FOR SCIENCE


	12. Just In Case

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO HERE’S YOUR PLAYLIST FOR THIS CHAPTER  
> First scene: Cherry Wine / Hozier  
> Second: Tenerife Sea / Ed Sheeran  
> Third: Winter Bear / V (A VERY SOFT SONG FOR A VERY SOFT SCENE PLEASE PLAY THIS ONE OMG JUST PLEASE)
> 
> Also, there’s a later scene here that heavily focuses on Eren. So if you wanna play the background theme whenever Eren transforms into a Titan, then please go ahead because it just makes everything more badass omg. Oh wait is that a spoiler? ;)

Levi isn’t quite sure how he managed to go from ‘ _How do I kiss Eren_ ’ to ‘ _How do I stop kissing Eren_.’ But that was a question in a long list of how’s because Levi finds that he isn’t quite sure about a lot of things, lately.

Like how Eren makes his name sound like the beat of a song every time he sighs it into Levi´s mouth. 

How time is both too slow, and too fast, when Eren’s lips catch on the line of Levi’s throat, and leaves a bite hard enough to make the whole word pause and wait. 

How Eren’s hands slide on his skin like water, and how there’s never enough space to breathe when his fingers trail over Levi’s chest, like he knows how easy he can break what beats inside it, then kisses him like he’s asking if Levi knows that he never will. 

How quick Levi’s sanity stretches into a flimsy thread; Eren, keen on destroying his ability to think whenever he goes from ‘ _Levi, stop that tickles’_ to ‘ _Levi, please touch me more_ ,’ until it’s palms on thighs, and hands underneath shirts, and backs pressed on walls, on locked doors, sprawled on the floor, on Levi’s scratchy carpet, on his sleep warmed bed. Bodies so open it makes it so easy to be honest, so easy to say the things that live in the pit of your stomach, say the things you never thought you could mean, say the things you never thought you were _allowed_ to mean. 

_I like your soft wrists, and your cheeks, and the tip of your nose_

_Like it when you look at me like that_

_Like the way our laugh sounds when we laugh together_

_Like it when you said meeting me was like walking back home_

  
_Eren, I—_

  
_Levi, you’re so pretty_

_Levi, you’re my favorite person in the world_

_Beautiful things remind me of you_

_The Moon reminds me of you_

_You look like you can carry the sky_

_You look like you can live in the sky_

_Lunar. That’s the word. You’re lunar, Levi._

_Eren, do you know that I—_

_Levi Levi my Levi_

_Yours._

_Mine._

_Okay?_

_Okay._

_Eren, I love—_

Beside him Eren stirs, shifts closer, lids heavy, sleep still hanging from his half-open eyes. Gives him a smile as sweet as the chaste kiss he presses on Levi’s lips. Whispers a soft ‘ _Good Morning’_ on the corner of his mouth. The shadows of early light clings on to his skin, and Levi is still trying to work his head around how something so good can be just for him.  
  
“I had a dream,” Eren murmurs. Levi runs a thumb over his jaw encouraging him to continue, “You were there.”

“Was it good?”

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Eren shrugs, “I don’t remember.”

Levi snorts, “Then how’d you know it was good?”

Eren looks at him funny. Makes Levi feel funny. The kind of funny that makes his toes curl, makes him hold his breath, makes his chest whine like there’s something struggling to get out, “Like I said,” He places his hands on Levi’s cheeks. Warm. Eren’s hands are so warm, “You were there.” 

“You fucking sap,” Levi flicks him on the forehead, before rolling himself on top of Eren; Eren’s arms automatically wrapping around Levi’s shoulders, pulling until there’s only a breath in between them. Levi’s fingers ghost over his ribs, the side of his leg, before he surges forward, swipes his tongue on Eren’s lips, and tastes sunlight. Pokes deeper, and tastes summer mornings. 

It’s not always perfect. Not in the technical sense, at least. Sometimes there’s too much tongue, too much spit, too much clacking of teeth against the other´s, nails digging a bit too sharply; both of them too clumsy, and too eager. Sometimes Eren gets too excited, and accidentally kicks Levi off the bed. Sometimes Levi gets too excited, they don´t even make it _on_ the bed.

But it’s nice. It’s always nice. And Eren is always pretty. Always beautiful. With his hair a tangled mess against the pillows, mouth kiss-bitten red, looking at Levi like he’s caught in a dream.

Levi drags his tongue on the shell of his ear. Nips at his chin. Sucks on the soft curve of his throat. Eren moans his name like he’s ready to snap, ready to break, but that’s okay, because Levi is here. And Levi will always, always put him back together. 

“I don’t wanna leave this bed,” Eren sighs. Squirms, as Levi continues to pepper his neck with kisses, “Really, really don’t wanna leave this bed.”

“That’s too bad,” Levi says, pulling back a bit to stare at Eren, balancing his weight on his forearms, “I was thinking we could go somewhere today.”

That makes Eren perk up, green eyes widening in interest, “Really? Where? No training today?”

“Erwin owes me a day off,” Levi says. 

He tries not to get too irritated by the fact that said day off should have been used ages ago, but Eren is always knitting with Petra because _I wanna make you gloves so it’s like we’re always holding hands, Levi!_ (The gloves ended up with one of them having more space than it normally should have, and Petra had smirked at him like she knew Levi would somehow find a way to grow a few extra fingers if it meant Eren would stop pouting; Eren has learned to wield his pout like a weapon lately, which is especially lethal when he puffs out those soft cheeks, and everyone and their grandmothers know that Levi is completely defenseless against it.)

And if not that, then he’s stuck playing audience to Oluo’s narration of his entire life in the military, because Eren gets so easily excited if you tell him a story through exaggeration, punctuated with pumped fists. And Levi’s pretty sure Oluo’s never _punched a Titan so hard its face turned into a knuckle-shaped bowl_ , but Eren likes his stories, and Oluo likes to tell them, and Levi likes Eren so he’s forced to tolerate them too by default. 

And then there´s Gunther, who´s introduced Eren to drawing, where they spend hours gazing at the sky, and translating it through charcoal, only for Eren to give Levi a picture of his version of the Sun, which, to be honest, had looked like an egg that’s been left out to fry for too long, but Eren was so proud of it, had smiled so wide that it hurts, that Levi decided that if Eren said the Sun was an egg, then it was a fucking egg, and anyone who dared to believe otherwise was wrong. 

And if he wasn’t busy doing all that, then he’s off wood carving with Eld. Eren gave him a heart on his first try, but in Levi’s defense, he didn’t really know it was supposed to be a heart at the time, so he asked why Eren was giving him a wooden ass, which ended up in a whole day of silent treatment, and cold glares, and upturned noses, but also a whole night of licking his apology into Eren’s mouth, and making Eren moan and whimper his forgiveness. (The wooden ass now sits proudly on his desk. Levi and Hange named it Erwin.)

Not to mention there was Armin and his lessons, and Mikasa who still can’t be in the same room as Levi without baring her teeth, and the rest of the 104th who’s always hanging around him like Eren’s got them on a string Eren _let´s roast melon seeds Eren come I’ll show you where you can sneak in to take a nap not even Squad Leader Mike can sniff you out Eren can I braid your hair Eren can you help me steal beef from the Officer´s pantry Captain Levi has the keys please please please Oi Jaeger you’re in charge of cleaning the stables today ha what do you mean you don’t wanna meet my family_

It’s amazing how easily Eren had fallen into everyone’s life like he was always meant to be there.

“And since I’m in charge of you, you get the day off, as well.”

Eren looks at him amused, “Are you sure that’s how it works?”

“Anyone who disagrees can fuck right off,” Levi huffs. Then bites Eren on the shoulder. Bites him on the collarbone, too. Because he can. Because he can do that now, and more _holy shit—_

Eren laughs from under him, burying his fingers in Levi’s hair. Levi stops his ministrations, pulls back, and looks at him. At his crinkled eyes, and the blush on his cheeks, and the happy twist of his lips. Levi remembers the first time he saw Eren smile, and how nothing else mattered except making him smile again. Remembers the way he saw Eren then, and how Levi sees him now; looking at Eren has never been anything less like looking at the Sun. 

“Where are we going, anyway?” Eren asks, hands moving down to Levi’s face, touch dancing over his skin. 

“You’ll see,” Levi smirks as Eren whines, tugging petulantly on the hem of Levi’s shirt, demanding answers. 

And then they’re back beneath the blankets, and he’s kissing Eren like the world is going to end if he doesn’t, kissing him like they’re making up for lost time. Eren’s lips are so sweet, so red, like apples growing in the fall; grows even sweeter when Levi sinks his teeth in, when he watches Eren fall apart beneath his shaking hands. Eren tells him that he thinks Levi’s hands are pretty. Tells him that they look like wings. Tells him that Levi makes him feel so free, as their fingers meet between their bodies, and Eren is running his mouth on Levi’s knuckles, like he’s whispering a promise there.

Levi catches more sunlight on his tongue when Eren laughs brightly as Levi strokes the plane of his stomach. Pours all his laughter in Levi’s mouth, like his happiness is edible, and Levi is so, so full; he’ll never go hungry again.

Levi doesn’t know how he ever managed to go so long without this. Without him. 

“Ah shit,” Levi grumbles, “We haven’t even brushed our teeth yet. Gross, Eren. Gross. You’re turning me into a savage.”

Silence.

Then, “Levi?”

“What?”

“Would you like to kiss me again?”

“…Fuck, yes.”

Like Levi would ever say no to _that_.

* * *

  
Levi takes Eren to the heart of Trost. Green eyes impossibly wide, as he takes in everything. The market square where haggling is the only acceptable form of communication, the sound of children playing, loose in the air, the buzz of people doing their Sunday shopping, the scent of Trost delicacies tickling under noses, and vendors boasting discounts, and freebies, and the wonders of impulse purchases.

It’s nowhere near as fancy as the shopping districts in Sina, but Trost has life. Trost has color, so much of it, and Eren deserved to see every single one. 

Eren grabs his hand, vibrating. Face scrunched up in a smile so big, and only gets bigger as his eyes land on used books, and old pieces of furniture, and vintage clocks, and artworks, and odd strips of clothing, and scraps of decorative wood, and polished trinkets, and—

Everything. Levi wants to give him everything. 

“Levi, this is—“ The rest of his words get caught in his throat, and what little that comes out, comes out breathless. Eren can’t keep still, and their linked hands sway between them as he bounces on his feet, like he’s about to break into a run.

And he looks so young. So innocent, so happy, like this. Like he’s never known the world, and how cruel it was, and how cruel it could be. Like he’s never crawled into Levi’s bed in the middle of the night, crying, looking like he’s been ripped out of something or like something’s been ripped out of him. 

Levi hates the world for wanting to ruin someone so good just because it can.

“Figured HQ’s getting a bit stuffy for you, so..” Levi shrugs. All non-chalant. Like it’s not a big deal. But then, Eren smiles at him. One of those smiles that’s too warm, too fond, too unreal to not be kept like a secret, hidden in a pocket, or tucked under pillows, because it makes Levi’s heart stutter into a hiccup in his chest, and he’s selfish, and greedy, and wants that particular smile only for himself. 

“Thank you, Levi. Really,” Eren says softly. Because Levi doesn’t have to say it for Eren to know what this really means. This is Levi attempting to return the life Eren could have been a part of. One where he wasn’t under constant threat, one where he wasn’t alone, one where he had more choices than just try to survive. 

_There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you_ , he wants to say. He bites his tongue before the words come out. 

“Wanna get something to eat?”

Eren nods, looks around, then gets seduced by the smell of roasted corn coated with melted cheese, and butter. Levi buys two; Eren eats them both.

“Aren’t you hungry, Levi?”

Levi eyes the pink tongue darting out as Eren licks his lips clean, making his mouth glisten. He lets out a small, satisfied hum that is so much like the sounds he makes when Levi kisses him just right.

Levi swallows, ”Starving.”

Eren offers him a bite, which he declines with the shake of a head.

“Later,” Levi says, reaching out to wipe the remaining stains on the spots Eren’s tongue didn’t reach, with a handkerchief, “Is there nothing that you can eat that won’t turn you into such a mess?” He grumbles. Even though he really likes doing all these things, too. Taking care of Eren. Eren letting Levi take care of him. 

Eren ignores his scolding, and leans closer, pushing his cheeks into Levi’s hands, and Levi’s chest does that hiccup-stutter all over again; his mind replaying memories of Eren wrapped all over him, sighing into his neck, warm breath stroking his skin, _you’re so good to me, Levi so good so good to me._

Levi watches Eren’s hair flutter, wisps whipping around all over; his head is a bird’s nest, more than anything. Strands tucked carelessly behind his ears, some of it keeps getting stuck on the corner of his mouth, his flimsy tie barely hanging on. Eren looks like he’s been through a wind storm, and his hands are sticky, and the faint orange-y stains on the edge of his lips look like it’s planning to stay there for a long, long time, and he’s a mess. Such a mess. All of him, a mess. 

But—

The Sun hits him so well out here in the open, with they way the light pours, and drips off of him. Eyes a brighter green, sometimes a brighter blue. Eren often tells him about the sea. Flips through Armin’s textbooks that speak of something so endless, and vast, and all-consuming, and it’s _so deep your toes won’t reach the bottom, Levi! And so much salt, so much salt—Sasha will love it! And, and it’s big. Like a lake that can fit the whole world in it. We can fit the whole world in it, Levi. Isn’t that great? We’ll go there, won’t we? Someday. We will, Levi. We will._

Eren blinks down at him, lips still twitched up into a smile, 

Eyes a brighter green, sometimes a brighter blue, 

and all Levi can think is:

This must be what the sea looks like.

This must be how it feels to drown in it. 

———

Levi watches, amused, as Eren plays with children that accidentally bump against his too long legs. Watches as they chase their breath while they chase each other in their impromptu tag. Watches him beam with pride when they send him off with a ‘ _Bye, big brother!_ ’ Watches more as he preens when his cheeks get pinched by mothers, and old ladies that gush and coo over what a charming, young man he is, helping lift heavy bags, and returning purses that slip out of pockets. 

Eren returns to him with a sunny grin, instantly reaching for his hand, and it’s sort of sweaty, and a bit dirty from playing around, but also warm, and big, and fits so well with his own, and— 

Levi hits his stomach discreetly hoping he can make it stop fluttering with brute force. 

They go through stalls, and shops, the way Levi’s blades go through Titans; everything that Eren so much as looks at for more than three seconds, Levi buys for him. Eren whines. Whines a lot. Whines some more. Says that it’s unnecessary, and Levi’s spending too much, and no, he doesn’t need that painting of a flower pond that’s as big as Jean’s ego. 

But he does keep a gentle hold of Levi’s wrist. Rubs his thumb over it gratefully, a happy flush dusting his cheeks when Levi buys him books, and charcoal, and a small box of sweets, and Levi’s favorite tea, and a silver pocketwatch, and _clothes_.

Anything that fits Eren, he buys. 

“I don’t need so many, Levi—Stop!” Eren huffs, swatting him away when Levi tries to fit another shirt over his chest, “I already have clothes.”

Levi wants to say, no, you don’t. Those are Gunther’s. Or Marco’s. There’s even some from Jean. Even some from _Erwin_. And Levi knows it’s stupid, but something ugly rears it’s uglier head whenever he has to look at Eren wearing the clothes of other men; a feeling that he really, really doesn’t want to give a name to, lest he makes it worse, like that one time he asked Eren if he can just stay in uniform all the time, which Hange overheard, and had somehow taken as an invitation to start discussing what a kink was, and the many, many types that there were. For an entire hour. Levi didn’t even know there could be so many. Eren refused to look at him the entire day. 

“Borrowed clothes, Eren. You have borrowed clothes.”

“And? Is that bad?”

“For my sanity, yes.”

“What—What does that have to do with anything!”

“Just try on the goddamn shirt!”

———

  
Eren’s hand drifts off to pick up a black woven bracelet that meets into a metal clasp in the middle when they pause by a booth that sells handmade jewelry. The old man that owns it lets their interest wander through without making too much of a salestalk-fuss. Just gives them a short run down of what he sells, and ends it with a crooked smile. 

“Pretty,” Eren murmurs, turning the bracelet over in his hand, his fingers getting caught in its loop. He bites his lip, as he brings it closer; a careful thumb brushing over the metal. 

Eren turns his head a bit, looking over at Levi, shoulders jolting up when he sees Levi already looking at him. Levi lifts an eyebrow, but only gets Eren returning the bracelet back to its place, and quickly scurrying away, in response. 

Levi picks it back up, hands it over to the old man, and says, “I’ll take this.” 

The old man takes it, along with the payment, humming as he puts it inside a small cotton bag, “You know, with the way you’re lookin’ at your boy, I think I oughtta be sellin’ you a ring instead.”

Levi shakes his head, “Too soon for that,” He says, all calm, and cool, and face so blank you can maybe draw a new face all over it, but his stomach hurts, and his chest hurts, but it’s not the kind of hurt that hurts bad. Just makes him feel like he’s about to float out of his own body, because he isn’t physically capable of processing the thought of Eren, and a ring, and what it means to have Eren, and a ring together. 

Because Eren is only eighteen, and it’s too soon. Because it hasn’t even been a month since he confessed, and it’s too soon. Because they still have so much shit to figure out, and it’s too soon. Because they still have a war to fight, and it’s too soon. Because they still have walls to break down, and it’s too soon. 

Because now is not the time. Not tomorrow. Not the day after that. Or even the year after that.

Because it’s too soon too soon too soon 

But Eren would look so beautiful, Levi thinks. Would make the word ‘Yes’ sound like a song, while Levi kneels down on one knee. Would look like something that came straight out of a dream with the way the light would reflect on him through a church window, as Levi waits at the end of the aisle. 

It makes Levi feel dizzy. Makes him feel so raw and open with how much he wants. 

“That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard,“ The old man says, frowning, “I actually got married pretty young, myself,“ He sniffs, “Was lucky enough to keep my wife’s love for fifty years.“ 

“Was?”

“Angels aren’t meant to stay here on Earth for too long, unfortunately,“ He smiles at Levi sadly, “World’s unpredictable, son. Your too soon can turn into too late in a second, you never know,” He shrugs as he ties the cotton bag close, dropping it on to Levi’s waiting hand, “Here,“ He gestures to a box with a selection of rings cushioned in a dark foam pad. Levi’s fingers clench so hard, he feels like his bones might break, “Just in case.“

The old man turns away, giving him one last knowing smile, before giving his attention to another customer.

Levi’s eyes rake over the box; his heart leaps up his throat at a pair of silver bands glowing gold as it catches sunlight. 

Just in case, it whispers.

_Just in case._

* * *

  
His door opens without a knock, as always. Levi hears its quiet click as it settles back into the doorframe, followed by the sound of Eren’s eager footsteps. 

Eren tucks himself in Levi’s arms, nuzzling his neck, but not before almost knocking over the lamp sitting on the bedside table, and getting his too long legs stuck in the sheets. The book Levi was reading earlier flops pitifully down the floor, and there’s most likely going to be a bruise where Eren accidentally jabs him on the ribs as he wiggles to share body warmth between them—But that’s fine. 

Levi has long been defeated by the fact that he’s absolutely smitten by all the way Eren takes up space, and if he’s left nursing an injury or two along the way, then so be it. It’s a small sacrifice compared to how Eren makes up for it by pressing tiny hello-kisses all over Levi’s face, pressing the sweetest of them on the center of Levi’s mouth.

Eren places his ear against Levi’s chest; he does that a lot. Talks to Levi’s heart just to listen. It’s loud and warm, he’d say. _It’s beating like it knows I’m listening._

Eren laces their fingers together, and smiles up at him. It’s always a sight; how their hands slot together just right, “Came to say good night.”

Levi hums, lips grazing over Eren’s forehead, “Sleep here tonight?”

“I want to,” Eren says, though it comes out more of a whine, “But Mikasa…”

“Are you sure your sister’s aware that you’re not a fucking toddler?” Levi scoffs, “She coddles you too much.”

“That’s just how she is,” Eren sighs, “I wish you’d get along,” He tacks on, sounding hopeful. He stares at Levi with eyes wider than they usually are, blinks at him slowly; the way he does when he wants something, and he knows he’s gonna get it, because Levi is absolute shit at denying Eren anything, so he doesn’t even really try to anymore.

“If she stops pulling out a knife every time I’m around, then maybe.“

“Not good enough,“ Eren shakes his head.

“Fine. I’ll let her stab me once as a peace offering,“ Levi snorts, “There. Happy?“

“Still not good enough, but I’ll take it,“ Eren smirks. It does something weird to Levi’s stomach, like he’s been thrown down from somewhere very, very high up, and he doesn’t mind the fall. Not even one bit.

“Brat,“ Levi murmurs, pulling Eren on top of him, painting the shape of his hands on Eren’s waist, fingers kneading on the soft flesh there, so drawn to it all the time, “When did you go get so cheeky, huh?”

Eren smiles on Levi’s lips, their mouths sliding softly together; it makes the room spin faster with how quick it all still makes Levi’s heart beat. Eren pulls back a bit to look at him better, the ends of his hair falling like drizzle on Levi’s skin. 

Levi loves it when Eren looks at him like this; eyes shining with every single color of the sky that there is. Eyes so bright they look like something living. Like they can bring back a life. 

“I got something for you,” Levi says, straightening himself, repositioning Eren so that he’s sitting on Levi’s lap instead.

“What—There’s _more_?”

Levi reaches inside the drawer beside the bed, pulling today’s last gift out.

It feels heavier. Feels like it weighs more than it should. 

Maybe because it carries the weight of a promise.

Maybe because it carries the weight of a future. 

Maybe because it carries the weight of something even more than that. 

Levi takes Eren’s left hand, smoothing a thumb over his knuckles, pausing on his fourth finger where a ring could so beautifully fit. 

“Eren?”

“Hmm?”

“Do I make you happy?” 

Eren looks offended for a brief second. Like how dare Levi doubt that he makes Eren feel anything but. But it goes away quickly, and his face shifts into something more thoughtful. His free hand moves over to Levi’s face, stroking the high of his cheek, then slips down, tracing the edge of Levi’s mouth. 

“Yes,” Eren whispers, “Happy when we’re like this. Happy even when we’re not. Even when we’re just sitting together, walking together. Happy when you tell me about your day, and when you listen to me tell you about mine. Happy when you let me have all the pillows when we sleep. Hange said you used to sleep with only one pillow. But then suddenly you asked for more,” He laughs. Quick, and breathless. Closes his eyes as he presses his forehead against Levi’s, “One for each year I had to sleep without one.” 

“I’m happy when I wake up next to you. And happy when you hold my hand. Happy when you hug me. And when you kiss me—“ Eren’s breath hitches, “Levi, I was so happy when you kissed me. So happy when you kissed me again, and again, and again,” He giggles when Levi captures his lips to make a point. And Levi is dizzy with how beautiful Eren sounds. Dizzy with how beautiful Eren is. 

“I’m so happy when I found you,” Erean says. And it makes Levi want to go down on his knees and beg. _Is this real? Are you real? Please tell me that you are. Please tell me this isn’t a dream_ , “And so happy when you found me.”

Levi kisses him again. A little bit deeper. A little bit desperate. And Eren kisses him just as hard, the feeling of his lips will never leave Levi’s bones. 

“Sometimes you make me so happy that it’s scary,” Eren continues, “Like I’m using all this happiness in one go, and someday I’ll just—“ He says. Almost too quiet that it sounds like he’s speaking from somewhere far away, “run out of it. Eventually.”

Eren chews on his lower lip; something he does when he’s refiguring out how to breathe right without looking like he’s forgotten how. 

Levi gives him one more kiss, hoping it would make it easier to breathe, before asking, “Are you an idiot, Eren?” 

Eren looks upset, and like he’s about to hit Levi with something; a pillow, preferably. So Levi pushes through, taking his gift out of its tiny bag, smiling at the burst of color spreading over Eren’s cheeks, “Worrying about such things. Happiness running out. Tch,” He grumbles, “Who’s to say I won’t make you just as happy in the future, huh?” Levi loops the bracelet Eren was eyeing earlier around his wrist. His eyes drift back over to Eren’s ring finger. Clears his throat. Swallows back the question he knows he shouldn’t be asking now, “Happier, even.”

“Levi,” Eren’s face melts into softness as he twists his wrist, looking the bracelet over, “You didn’t have to.”

“You kept making googly-eyes at it, of course I fucking had to,” Levi grunts, making Eren laugh.

It makes Levi float. Makes him sink. Makes him fly in the middle of a free fall. 

“Thank you, Levi. It’s really pretty. I love—“ Eren pauses, a strange look passing through his eyes like he’s just been hit with something, “—it,” He stares at Levi; hand sliding up his arm, then his shoulder, until it ghosts over his cheek. Levi feels his face go hot in Eren’s palm, as that strange look in his eyes persists, and lingers, “I love it,” He whispers. Levi doesn’t know how to name it. That look. The way it seems so delicate. Like something falling into place. Like Eren waking up. Like Levi’s being included in a secret that he should already know by now. 

“Yeah?” Levi asks. 

“I do,” Eren says, and Levi’s heart kicks, imagining those words spoken in a different context. 

“Don’t get too attached to it, though.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” Levi breathes. Buries his face in Eren’s neck. Hides. Breathes more, and breathes again. Eren smells like the forest. Smells like something sharp, but also something sweet, something that squeezes Levi’s throat so much harder than a hand could, something that’s everything he’s terrified to lose, “The bracelet’s just for practice.”

  
“Practice?” Eren asks, confused; fingers carding through Levi’s hair, “For what?”

“For—“

_For when I find the courage to offer you a life spent together because I want all of you can I have all of you will you say yes if I ask because I’d give you all of me too I’d let you have anything you never have to worry about happiness running out because I’d make you so happy I think I could make you so so happy and I’d ask you now I want to ask you now even though my brain says no not yet I can’t I can’t I can’t but you have such pretty fingers they’d be prettier with a ring and god I want to so bad want you so bad but I shouldn’t but would it be so bad if I did would it be so bad if I asked would it be so bad if said I love y—_

Levi pushes everything in the back of his throat, and swallows hard. 

“Just—For asking. Something. In the future.”

“Why can’t you ask me now?”

“I don’t know how,” He admits. He lets Eren pull him closer. Buries himself further in Eren’s skin. He’s afraid of what he might look like right now. Afraid of what Eren might see. Afraid that Eren might not like it, “You might say no,” He adds more quietly. 

It’s silent for a long moment before Eren speaks again.

“Are you an idiot, Levi?” Eren throws back at him, mockingly. Laughing when Levi pinches him on the side. 

“Fuck you,” Levi growls, the sound muffled by his face still stuffed on Eren’s collarbone, “You’re a brat, and you’re annoying, and I hate you.”

Eren snorts, “No, you don’t.”

“No,” Levi agrees in quick defeat, sighing, “No, I don’t.”

“Hey, c’mon, look at me,” Eren pulls back a bit, making Levi straighten so that they’re eye to eye, “If it’s you, then it’s a yes to everything,” He says. Says it with eyes so honest, and clear. Says it like every word is important. Important that Levi knows. Important that Levi never forgets, “You don’t have to tell me now, but—“ A pause. A beat. Certainty. Eren is looking at him with so much certainty, “If it’s you, then yes. It’s always yes.”

Something in Levi breaks open. Something in Levi spills. 

Levi takes a deep breath.

_How do you do that_

_How do you make me feel like this_

_How do you make me feel so much_

“Sleep here tonight?”

“Okay,” Eren whispers, warm like the flicker of a candle flame, “Okay, Levi. I will.” 

* * *

“You know, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this,” Hange says as soon as Levi and Eren step into Erwin’s office, swatting around air, making vague gestures towards them. 

“Of?” Levi asks, lifting an eyebrow, realizing too late that it would have been best if he didn’t; nothing good ever comes out from encouraging Hange to talk. 

“Seeing proof that you really do have a heart,” Hange smirks, eyeing Eren’s hand that’s currently curled on the end of Levi’s sleeve, “I mean, I always believed that you do—It just happened to be very small, and buried deep,” They pause, thinking, “Sort of like an ingrown toenail—“

“Is there any reason why we’re being called here other than to have our time wasted?” Levi huffs, glaring at Eren who was failing to swallow down his laughter, stifling it with the back of a hand.

Erwin shakes his head, wiping the amusement off his face, returning it back to business, “Have a seat, both of you. Contrary to your belief, Levi, we actually do have serious matters to discuss today. And I’m quite certain you won’t be too pleased, so I’m asking you in advance, please do refrain from breaking anything, especially since you refuse to replace them no matter how expensive they are.”

“Cut the bullshit, Erwin,” Levi says, narrowing his eyes, “What’s this about?”

“I believe Hange’s raised this issue to you once before,” Erwin folds his fingers beneath his chin, heavy gaze directed at Eren. Levi’s stomach twists, “We know it was out of Eren’s hands, but the fact remains that it is considered illegal for civilians to be outside the Walls.” 

“Erwin—“ Levi snarls, fingers itching to hold a neck, and make it snap. He feels Eren stiffen beside him, and it’s so wrong. So wrong. Levi knows what he’s thinking. That he’s about to get taken away. From Levi. From the friends he’s made. From Mikasa, and Armin—taken away from his family for the second time. 

Again.

They’re going to make him lose all that again.

It’s midday but the room is snow-storm cold. 

“Levi, please, calm down for a bit,” Erwin says, voice stern. Hange sits down next to Eren, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. It does nothing to help, “Eren, forgive me for beginning this conversation by bringing up such cause for discomfort. The issue still stands, however, do not think for a second that we will bend to it so easily.”

“Get to the fucking point before I murder somebody,” Levi grits through his teeth.

“The central government feels uneasy because of the mystery that surrounds how Eren came to be outside the Walls, and how he’s managed to survive there for such a long time. But I was able to hinder their call for his immediate arrest, vouching for how valuable he is to our cause. And after quite a very lengthy back and forth, we’ve managed to reach a compromise.”

“Which is?”

“They refuse to take only my word regarding how great of an asset Eren is, so they require a report of all of his knowledge about Titans, and how he’s made life outside feasible,” Erwin gives Levi a look that makes him want to burst out of his skin, “Provided that this report is supported by a demonstration of its details, witnessed, and agreed on by all the other three key figures of the military: Dot Pixis, Nile Dok, and Darius Zackly.”

”Pixis and Zackly, maybe—But Dok?” Levi spits out the name like it’s something rotten, ”You expect that fucking cockroach to look at Eren, and pass on fair judgment?” He knows he must seem like a rabid dog barking at shadows, but the anger makes his words catch fire, and he needs to watch something burn, ”I’d be surprised if that asshole doesn’t handcuff Eren the second he steps foot here!”

”And that’s why we’re here, so Dok doesn’t pull anything weird,” Hange cuts in, ”And even if an arrest falls through, they can’t hold him for more than a month.”

”A month is long enough for them to pin some ridiculous crime on him,” Levi stands up, palms slamming on Erwin’s desk, ”That’s what all this fuss is about, isn’t it? They know he didn’t just get lucky—No one is ever lucky once they’re outside, Erwin. But you know that better than anyone, don’t you?” 

Levi refuses to let his words tremble, even though he can’t breathe right, like something sharp is piercing through his lungs.

”Those fuckers are afraid of what he knows, and who he might turn out to be, because they’re so comfortable inside these walls, they want to get rid of those who know how to get out. Isn’t that why they keep the Survey Corps running? Not because they believe in freedom, but because they’re just waiting for us to die out. To make an example of what happens to those who dare to chase after a life beyond this goddamn slaughterhouse.

But Eren is different. He survived. And that makes him dangerous in their eyes. He poses a potential threat in the life they’ve built. So they’re afraid. And fear always makes people do terrible things.”

There’s silence. Heavy, and oppressing. Like the air is making room for something awfully loud.

”Yeah. Yeah, okay,” Hange says after a while, a bit grim, ”Zackly would have been enough, really,” They sigh, ”But, yeah. It’s obvious. They’re sending Dok to make sure he disproves whatever Eren says—Fucking lapdog,” They grumble, ”Even if Pixis is on our side, unless we sway Zackly in our favor, Dok is never gonna vouch for Eren. And they have to be unanimous regarding this, right?”

”Yes,” Erwin agrees, ”And it can go wrong in a lot of ways, but I know Zackly. The man has his own goals, and motivations, and I’m certain that Eren can be the dark horse he needs to achieve those.”

”That’s your fucking plan?” Levi growls, and the heat of his anger grows stronger than the one before, ”Offer him as a pawn, as if he’s not already one of yours—Goddammit, Erwin!” 

It makes him feel sick. Makes his skin burn. And he hates this conversation. Hates that he has no choice but to have it. Hates Erwin. Hates Dok. Hates all the filthy cowards over at Sina. Hates everyone who doesn’t understand that Eren is just a kid, and he’s so good. He’s so, so good. Good, and brave, and selfless. The one thing that made Levi think life could be kind.

And all Levi wants to do is tuck him inside himself, because Levi won’t let any of them have him, not even over his dead body. Especially not then. 

But he can’t find the right words to say any of those things, so he lets them fester on his tongue until it aches. Until it all hurts so much that it bleeds. 

”Levi,” Eren calls. And there’s something strange in the way he says it. Something cold. Something numbing, ”Stop.”

”Me?” Levi turns to Eren in disbelief, ”You’re asking _me_ to stop?” He scoffs, ”So you expect me to just let them take you away, and hurt you, is that it?”

It’s like a crack on Eren’s face.

A shift you’d miss if you weren’t looking hard enough. But Levi’s always been looking at Eren, because he’s never wanted anyone but Eren looking back at him. So he knows. Notices. Feels all these little things, as if they were his own. 

”Hurt me?” 

Eren is angry. 

It’s hidden in the slight tremor in the controlled edge of his voice. Hidden in the empty smile that looks even emptier when it tries to cling up his eyes. But Levi sees it; he knows it for sure, because he doesn’t know everything about Eren—doesn’t know much of his secrets, and the shadows they’re born from—but he knows him well enough. Knows him better than most. Knows that Eren didn’t survive out there because he was lucky—

”There’s not a single soul within these walls that’s capable of hurting me, I can assure you that.”  
  
—Eren survived because he refused to die— 

”Let them come. If they really think they can take me away,” 

—Eren survived because he was dangerous—

”Then I’d like to see them try.”

—And now he’s about to show just how dangerous survival made him to be. 

* * *

”Hello.”

The thing about the Sun is that it can either leave you so warm, you let it melt you into a shape that makes it easy to wrap you around its finger, or leave you so cold that you’re frostbitten inside out.

”My name is Eren Jaeger.”  
  
It’s silent, but it’s clear that Eren’s anger still persists. He doesn’t bare his fangs. Doesn’t raise his fists. But he shakes the hands of the members of his jury, and the wind blows like winter came early. Like a stray breeze could trigger an avalanche, and bury everyone alive. 

”It’s nice to meet you.”

Hange is as chaotic as always. Erwin, calm and composed. Levi, still as impassive as a rock.

But they all have their guards up—

”So this is the kid who saved your sorry ass, Levi?” Nile says with a sneer, ”Never thought that Humanity’s Strongest could turn into such a damsel in distress. What a way to live up to your name.” 

—Eren raises an eyebrow. And they all have their guards up higher. 

Nile’s face is twisted into an ugly smirk, and it takes everything in Levi to not go, and bash all his teeth in. But he takes a breath, regulating his temper. He won’t be any help to Eren if he gets locked behind bars for assaulting the Commander of the Military Police, no matter how tempting the thought might be. 

”Well, I’m no damsel, but I’m definitely in distress—Constantly risking my life for the sake of humanity, and all that,” Levi says, dry as Summer, before crossing returning Nile’s smirk, twice as smug, ”Not that you can relate.”

”You disrespectful piece of—” Nile looks as if he’s ready to grab Levi by the shirt, but Pixis steps in before blood spills where it shouldn’t. Levi feels Erwin’s disapproval burning a hole on the side of his head, but he pays it no mind, because Eren is doing the exact same thing to Nile. And being the wild card that he is, Levi won’t be surprised if Eren just suddenly decides to light Nile on fire, and Levi can’t say he’d be too displeased if that happens. 

He’s a sucker for letting Eren do what he wants, after all. 

”Now, now. I can’t say I haven’t missed that cruel wit of yours, Levi,” Pixis says good-naturedly, clapping him gently on the shoulder. Then he smiles at Eren. The kind of smile that Pixis does a lot. One that’s sort of like an open book written in a foreign language. Levi sees it, but he has no idea what it means, ”But I believe this day is meant to be spent getting to know a new friend, no? The two of you can have your stabbing match later—I’d even officiate, if you’d like.”

”Best not to encourage them, Pixis. Though, I can’t say I’m not too keen on watching that match myself,” Zackly chuckles, ”Erwin, what exactly have you been brewing up here that’s got the higher ups in such a fuss, hm?”

”Nothing that isn’t for humanity’s greater good,” Erwin answers. 

”Is that so?” Zackly hums, ”But your notion of the greater good and their notion of the greater good doesn’t seem to align much, do they?”

”A shame.”

”I agree,” Zackly says. He turns to Eren. The heavy way they’re sizing each other up is beginning to cast a shadow; Zackly giving Eren a nod that looks more like intrigue than approval, which Eren returns with a defiant cross of his arms. 

If there’s one thing that Levi is a hundred percent sure about him, it’s that Eren never feels things halfway. It’s either he laughs like a child that’s never known pain, or cries like his body has enough water to drown the whole world with. 

So it’s only understandable that when Eren hates, he hates as much as he can. 

It’s not that he hates them because he’s being threatened to be taken away from his family. He hates them because he’s being threatened to be taken away from his family _again_. 

Eren talks about it often; the guilt he feels when Mikasa holds on to her scarf like a lifeline, or when Armin talks about a memory he can’t remember. 

_It feels like I’m living as a ghost_ , Eren said.   
  
Said he knows that they love him, but sometimes that love makes him feel like an impostor in his own skin. 

Said that he’s ashamed for leaving with their hearts in his hands, only to come back without both. Only to come back without his own.

_But maybe that’s okay too, Levi. Maybe that’s okay too. I can make it okay. I’ll die trying to deserve their love. So maybe that makes it okay somehow. Or maybe not. They won’t like it if I die. The least I can do is stay this time. I’ll stay this time. I will, Levi. I know they’re still afraid that I won’t, but no one will take me from them again. I swear it. I—_

”You’ve been stirring quite the ruckus, son,” Zackly says, ”But I’m sure you know that already.”

”Should I say sorry?” Eren responds. And Levi is sure Erwin is itching to reprimand that tone he’s using, but he can’t. None of them can. Not when Eren’s head is held so high. Face set hard like stone. 

And his eyes. 

Those are the eyes you see on a wild animal out to hunt. One that has smelled blood, and is hungry for it.

Eren is a lot of things, but he is nothing like the cornered animal they expect him to be; scratching and clawing because he refuses to grow into anyone’s expectations. 

”It’s either you say sorry, or you make _them_ sorry,” Zackly smirks. He likes what he sees, ”Choose wisely, Eren Jaeger.”

* * *

  
There is a barricaded clearing in a secluded part of the forest that was meant for Titan observations in case of experiments that involved studying their movements without restraints. 

Sawney is there in the middle. Monstrous, and flesh-starved, with teeth that only know how to break, and hands that only know how to take.

They’re on platforms set up on the surrounding trees for optimal view, and here is where they will watch as Eren teaches them how he lived. As he proves why he deserved to. 

Nothing kills Levi more than Eren having to go through this alone, because Levi would take his place if he could. Bleed for him over and over. Die for him again and again. But there are things that Eren needs to do, and Levi has to give him the space to do it without him.

”I hope you don’t mind the other Squad Leaders joining us today, General,” Erwin says, ”I figured it’d be best for them to relay all this new information to the rest of their teams, if they see it firsthand.”

”Of course, of course. It’s no problem at all,” Zackly turns to Hange, looking amused, ”Are you alright, Hange? You seem like you’re about to jump out of your skin.”

”Ah, I’m sorry, General. I’m fine, it’s just—” Hange looks at Eren, and smiles. The kindness of it softens Eren a bit, because for all his sharp edges, Eren isn’t cruel when he doesn’t have to be, ”Eren fights like a miracle, that’s all.”

”And today’s a fine day for miracles, it seems,” Pixis says, taking a swig from a flask he pulls out of his breast pocket. 

”A miracle? Is that what luck is called these days?” A sneer curls back into Nile’s face, and all Levi wants to do is to damn the consequences of destroying it, ”I’ve heard about your…new techniques. Can’t say I trust ‘em, kid. They don’t seem to have much science behind them. I’m not sure how they’re meant to work consistently all the time. If they even can, that is. We have lives on the line, and we can’t bet them on your instincts alone.”

”I don’t know, Commander,” Eren smiles the way a wolf would bare its teeth before it slaughters you. It makes him look cold on the outside as he does inside. And it’s strange. Strange to ever think of Eren as anything other than all-consuming fire, when the mere memory of his hands on Levi’s skin makes him burn. But that’s fine. Everyone can look at the Sun, but not everyone deserves to have it, ”How about we go out the Walls—you and your science, me and my instincts—Let’s see who survives.”

”What did you say to me, you fucking—”

”And also please don’t call me Kid,” Eren cuts Nile off, looks at Levi with eyes that can split him open, ”Only the people I love get to call me by that name.”

Zackly clears his throat, gathering their attenion, ”Shall we begin?”

Eren gives him a nod.

”Be careful down there, Eren. I’d wish you luck but I believe you have no use for it,” Erwin says.

”Yeah, go show ‘em how to kick ass!” Hange pipes up, giving Eren a quick hug. 

Eren laughs; the first that he’s done so since this morning. Levi thirsts for every beat of it. 

”I’ll see you later, Levi,” Eren says softly. 

Levi thinks, _Can you promise me that you will?_

Instead, he says: ”Don’t do anything reckless.” _Don’t do anything that will make me lose you._

Eren doesn’t give him an answer. Levi knows Eren doesn’t like lying to Levi if he can help it. 

It makes Levi feel infinitely worse. 

There are two questions that have to be answered today: 

_What makes Eren special_

And more importantly, 

_What makes Eren a threat_

Eren answers it by firing his hooks, and dropping down the center of danger. It takes all of Levi’s strength to not jump down after him.

”The first thing you need to know,” Eren lands with ease, but it alerts Sawney nontheless. The Titan lets out a gurgling roar, before rushing over to where Eren is. Arms flailing, jaw snapping, saliva pooling, and sliding down the corners of its mouth, ”is that it’s your blood that triggers a Titan’s insanity the most,” He cuts his finger with a blade. Levi follows his blood trickle down his wrist, as alarms blare inside his head, because Sawney is getting closer and closer and closer, but Eren isn’t running _why is Eren not running_ , ”Doesn’t matter how little, or how well you hide, because they _will_ smell it.”

This is a nightmare. This is everything that makes Levi toss in his sleep. Everything that makes him lose it. His chest is trying to smash itself open, heart slamming, and clawing for a way out, as his brain screams and thrashes and yells because _what are you doing why are you not down there with him why did you allow this Eren is in danger and he’s still not running why is he still not running—The Titan’s coming it’s here it’s here it’s coming it’s coming it’s coming do something_

Levi unsheathes half of his blade. Erwin’s fingers clamp down on his wrist.

_I’m gonna lose him no no no no no no_

_I can’t_

_I can’t_

_Eren, please—_

Eren slices off the hands that were swinging in the air to grab him. Spins to cut through the Titan’s legs, forcing it to crash down with a loud thud. Dust swirling along with the steam from the body desperate to stitch itself back together.

The Titan howls, but it forces itself to crawl forward. Teeth still aching to sink down on a fresh set of flesh, and bones, going frantic with its hunger. Delirious with the urge to steal a life. 

But Eren—

Eren looks just as hungry. Just as ready to devour. 

And to Levi, Eren has always been the forest green of where they met, and the blue of the sky, and the sea that he dreams of. But now he is blood red. The red that stains your hands, and never leaves. The red of a murder scene. The red of a last breath spilling. The red of a young boy who killed two men when he was nine. The red of someone who’d do it again. The red of someone who could do much worse.

But Eren is beautiful no matter what color he chooses to be, even though his shades aren’t always easy to look at.

Levi promised to forgive him in spite of why he needs to be forgiven. He hopes Eren heard it for what it means: _I will always be here to make sure you’d never go so far that you can no longer forgive yourself._

”It gets slower every time—if you do it like this. Continuously on the wrist. And on the leg, behind the knee,” Eren hacks away from one limb to another, hindering the Titan’s cycle of regrowth. Smoke rising from the specks of blood splattering on his face, ”Not by much, but if you can slow down their healing just enough, it can give you the time you need to escape if you need to. They can’t trap you if they don’t have hands. Can’t chase you if they don’t have legs. Just in case you fail to kill them immediately.”

Sawney screeches each time the blade cuts through its skin, but it remains feral. Still snapping its teeth at Eren whenever he gets too close.

A strange look passes over Eren’s face as he examines his handiwork. He takes a few steps back. Stares up at Levi for a brief second, before his fingers travel to the buckles of his gear.

The sight of it makes Levi’s stomach sink.

”Levi,” Hange frowns, ”Levi, what is he—”

”He’s taking off his gear,” Levi swallows down his dread like stones, ”He’s going to fight without it.”

”What—Is he insane?!” Nile splutters, eyes wide as he watches Eren release the straps off of his body.

”Is this not what you’re demanding of him?” Levi snarls, ”That he give you a front row seat on what he had to live through out there alone?” He grits the words out through his teeth. They taste like rust on his tongue, ”You think he got lucky, huh? You think being separated from his family, and being forced to grow up with monsters was a stroke of luck? Eren _is_ dangerous, Dok. But did you really not consider why he fucking had to be.” 

Nile doesn’t say anything back. Nobody else does, either. All they can do is watch as Eren loosens his gear buckles one by one, sounding like cannons exploding as he drops them down, kicking them away, leaving himself with two blades. 

”Your wings are unreliable because they run out of flight. You think it’s impossible to defeat Titans without them, and that’s why it is,” Eren walks away, keeping a far distance from Sawney, waiting for it to heal, ”You fear Titans because you fear the ground. But the ground doesn’t mean death—It shouldn’t have to.”

It doesn’t take very long for Sawney to get all its parts back intact, and stand back up. It looks twice as wild, twice as hungry, twice as deadly, charging towards Eren with a roar that makes the trees shudder down to its roots.

But what it doesn’t know is that it’s charging towards someone wilder. Hungrier. Deadlier. 

Any other person would have cowered, or ran, or flinched, at least. 

But this was Eren. And he was no any other person.

Eren doesn’t fear Titans, because he genuinely believes he has no reason to. _They can’t hurt me as much as I can hurt them, Levi._

And that’s what sets him so far apart from the rest of them. They grew up fearing Titans. Eren grew up making Titans fear him. 

Eren is always so delicate in Levi’s hands. Soft as a petal against Levi’s lips. Not a body with a heart, but a heart with a body; everything he touches, he gives life to. 

But Eren is also vicious. Lethal, as he spins, and jumps, and lets his blade cut through skin like he’s cutting through water. Devastating, like a calamity passing through. Every move is poison. Each swing of a hand is venom.

Levi’s Angel of Death. 

Levi’s apocalypse. 

How can anyone not be down on their knees for him.

”Erwin, are you seeing this?” Hange asks, breathless.

”Yes,” Erwin says, ”And I regret not seeing it sooner.”

Levi knows there was something he was about to say. Maybe something rude. Something sarcastic. Something uncalled for. But all of that gets swallowed down, as his soul attempts to leave his body at the sight of Eren getting scooped up into the Titan’s hand; the slow sinking dread making him ice-cold numb. 

Levi has seen this scene before. It all plays in the same slow-motion just as it did last time. Different monstrous fingers curled around the same breakable body. The same monochrome silence. The same fragile seconds in between too soon, and too late. 

Levi should never have let Eren leave his bed this morning. Should have let him sleep the day in instead. Should have wrapped him in warm blankets, and warmer arms, where everything that might hurt, Levi could kiss better. 

Instead, Levi is too far away, and Eren is too close to a set of teeth preparing to clamp down on his head, and Levi should have been faster, should have been stronger, should have known better by now, but he’s still numb all over, and all that makes him move is years of honed instincts. He fires his hooks, unsheathes his blades, ignores Erwin telling him to wait, tunes out all the horrified gasps. 

Levi must have been screaming Eren’s name but he doesn’t know, _he doesn’t know._

Eren is all that Levi’s world narrows down to. 

They make eye-contact. Levi in mid-air. Eren, a terrifying second away from losing his head inside the Titan’s mouth. Its teeth grazes the top of Eren’s hair. It moves further. 

Levi feels every single part of him shatter. Like his limbs were all torn apart at the same time. His bones crushed, until there was nothing left of him but dust, and ruin. 

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. 

Levi was supposed to teach him chess tonight.

They were supposed to go back to town next week. 

They were supposed to stay together in a world that demands so many things from them.

Levi was supposed to make Eren happy. 

Happier. 

There was a question Levi was supposed to ask.

Something he was supposed to ask, kneeling.

Maybe Eren was supposed to say yes.

Maybe Eren would have said yes. 

Eren would have said yes. 

He would have. Of course, he would have.

Because Eren loves Levi.

And Levi—

Levi loves when Eren talks with his hands when he talks about the books he’s learning to read. Loves when Eren calls Levi his home. Loves that Eren’s taller, but they fit so well somehow. Loves Eren when he feels so brave it’s like he can conquer the world. Loves Eren when he feels so scared it feels like the world will conquer him. Loves when he trusts Levi to not let that happen. Loves when they argue about stupid things, and things that matter. Loves when they forgive each other for both. Loves the world Eren dreams of, and how he tells Levi that he’s the center of each one. Loves when Eren kisses him when Levi tells him that he’s the center of his. 

Maybe Eren was always meant to break Levi’s heart. And maybe Levi was always meant to let him.

But not like this.

_Please not like this._

They make eye-contact, and Levi feels like he’s dying with his eyes open. 

All that’s sinking in is Eren’s head in between teeth, that he wasn’t really processing how they were still making eye-contact when Eren should have been bitten through seconds ago. 

Eren smiles. It’s soft, and gentle, and says _didn’t I tell you to believe in me didn’t I swear I’d never leave you_

Levi cuts off the hand holding Eren, the Titan’s mouth still open, paralyzed. Eren’s blade piercing through the pulse point near its jaw. 

Eren lands with a thud, prying himself out of the steaming fingers still curled loosely around him. 

Levi is still operating on instincts and adrenaline, obeying without question when Eren asks him to fire a hook behind the Titan so he can paralyze the rest of it. He nods wordlessly, wrapping an arm around Eren’s waist, and he must have been shaking, because Eren tries to soothe him with his thumb subtly smoothing over Levi’s hand. It’s an apology. It makes Levi want to break even further. 

Eren drives his blade on a spot an inch above the nape where they usually go for the kill, and before Sawney could even collapse on the ground, Levi releases his hooks, swinging both of them back up the platforms, away from any more grabbing hands, and snapping teeth. 

”Oh my God, Eren, are you okay?!” Hange asks, placing their hands on both sides of Eren’s face, looking him over.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Eren whines, as Hange goes into hysterics about recklessness. 

“I’m glad you’re alright, Eren. You gave everyone quite a fright,” Erwin says, “Would you mind explaining to the rest of us what exactly just happened?”

“Oh, uh, I wanted to show what to do in case you’re ever in a situation where you’re grabbed, and about to be eaten. The spot here,” Eren taps the pulse point on his neck, “paralyzes the mouth. Just leave the blade pierced through, okay? Don’t draw blood. The Titan’s healing will force the blade out on its own, but it’ll give you the time to escape. And the spot here,” He turns around, pointing to an area on his nape, “This paralyzes the Titan’s whole body. Again, not for long, but it’ll help. Do you remember, Hange? I did it with Bean, too.”

“Of course I do! That was both the worst, and greatest moment of my life!”

Eren explains the rest of what he knows. How to mess with a Titan’s sense of smell. How to locate the soft tissues inside a Titan’s stomach so you can cut yourself out in case you get swallowed alive. Their weakened state at night, and early morning. More sensitive spots. 

He tells them about the terrain on the deeper parts of the forest. Where to hide if needed. How to keep yourself alive outside the Walls. 

”I have to say, I’m glad you’re on humanity’s side, son,” Pixis chuckles, ”I’d hate to be up against you in a fight. Wouldn’t you say the same, Nile?”

Nile answers with a huff, but contributes nothing more to the conversation.

”Are you, though?” Zackly ask gruffly, ”On humanity’s side, that is.”

Eren doesn’t speak immediately, but when he does, he says, ”Where else am I supposed to be?” 

Levi isn’t sure how to interpret that. Isn’t even sure about what’s going on anymore, really. Not when his insides are still being shaken by aftershocks, trembling with the need to touch Eren. Hold him. Make sure that he’s real. Real, and present, and alive. Needs to hear him say Levi’s name. Needs to taste it straight off his lips. Needs him to promise that he’s never going to do something like that again, even if it’s just a lie. 

”I don’t know where you’re supposed to be, Eren,” Zackly says, ”But I do hope it’s where you deserve to be.”

It sounds like well wishes.

It sounds like a curse. 

* * *

  
”You reckless, son of a bitch—“

”I’m sorry, Levi.”

”—You’re an idiot. You’re an absolute idiot—“

“I didn’t mean to go that far.”

“—How worried do I have to be before you’re satisfied—“

“I want to kiss you.”

“—Do you want to die so badly, you damn bastard—“

“Can I kiss you, Levi?”

“—The next time you pull something like that again, I swear to god I’m gonna murder you myself!”

…

“Well, what the hell are you still standing there for? Are you going to fucking kiss me or not?!”

* * *

  
It’s only been a week after, and they’re already being called back in to Erwin’s office. They haven’t even stepped in, and Levi’s already dreading it. Nothing good ever comes from news spoken inside this room. 

But Eren’s beside him, and he’s holding Levi’s hand, so whatever trouble that Erwin’s been plotting again, maybe he’ll learn to forgive eventually. 

Levi doesn’t really know what he expected when he opened the door, but it certainly wasn’t to be greeted by a face that’s belonged for so long in the past. 

Their visitor walks over to Eren, and suddenly the room seems to lose all its space, “You remind me of your mother,” He says, “But the fangs lurking beneath those eyes…” The air is cold. So thin it could cut you, “are unmistakably your father’s”

There’s tension on the set of his shoulders. Life has made the lines of age on his face look so harsh.

Levi speaks, because Eren looks like he never will.

“Hello, Shadis. It’s been a while.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you play the transformation theme? Did you think I was really gonna spoil when Eren is gonna turn lmaaaoooo but the music does make the demo more badass though, you gotta admit.
> 
> AND ALSO ERERI DATE. Raise your hand if you support the Levi sugar daddy agenda. 
> 
> AND LIKE CAN Y’ALL SENSE HOW MUCH I WANT THEM TO GET MARRIED IF IT WASN’T GONNA MESS UP THE PLOT LEVI REALLY WILL BE DOWN ON HIS KNEES RIGHT NOW
> 
> Anyway, I’m sorry this was late. Things happened, and my mental health was not the best for quite a while so I needed to take a bit of a break. But I’m doing better now, and I really really hope the chapter didn’t suffer I really tried my best with it. So yeah.
> 
> AND to everyone who answered the condom question last time, thank you very much for your input! Now, do y’all want smut or.....dhgvhvsahgvsdg I’M A BIT SHY ABOUT WRITING IT HOWEVER I CAN BE PERSUADED LMAO
> 
> Thank you for reading! Leave me your thoughts down below AND ARE YOU GUYS KEEPING UP WITH THE MANGA BECAUSE HOLY SHIT WTF IS HAPPENING EVERYTHING IS SO AAAAAHHHHH


	13. Bells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GET SMUT YOU GET SMUT YOU ALL GET SMUUUUUT
> 
> You guys have spoken, and you know I try my best to please so there you go! 
> 
> Please play Take Me To Church by Hozier during the scene, because that playing in the background while Levi worships Eren’s body is just ahagsfsgshdjddfmfj
> 
> And also there’s some science-y stuff down there because of Hange, and I tried my best to make it believable so I hope it worked!

The tension in the room is so thick, it almost takes up as much space as their physical bodies do. It’s palpable on the hard line of Eren’s lips, his measured breathing, the sudden void in his eyes where the Sun used to rise, and set. He sits next to Levi like a statue. Just marble left where life used to be. 

Eren’s walls are back to standing at a thousand feet tall—cold, and grim, and oppressing. There are shadows that cling to him like a second skin. Pulls, and tugs, and claws until he’s too worn down to wear his light correctly. Until his head gets caught between inside and out, you can’t see him anymore. Until you’re almost tricked into forgetting what he looks like in daylight. 

But Levi has long learned to trace him in the dark. Has long learned how to press Eren back inside himself when he feels the need to move out of his own body, because sometimes, Eren’s grief needs all the space, and sometimes, they have no choice but to let that sadness take it all. 

There are names that Eren rarely talks about. Names that drag him down, and pull him under. Names that turn all his bravery into glass. Names that make him seem like he’s ready to break something, and break himself along with it. 

“Who are you?“ Eren says, controlled. The hardness of his voice travels all the way up to his eyes as he stares at Shadis, “How do you know my parents?“ 

“Eren,“ Erwin cuts in. Takes on the tone of a parent ready to preach to their child about manners, and the consequences of talking with the lack of it, “Instructor Keith Shadis here is a former commander of the Survey Corps. When we first met, his name was mentioned as one of the people who may have been acquainted with your father. Do you remember that conversation?“ 

Eren doesn’t say anything. Just digs his nails into his palms like he’s trying to dig for an escape route, even if he has to dig into his own flesh. Levi wants nothing but to empty the space between them. Hold out his arms, press Eren into his chest, and make him feel real again. 

_(Hearing your heart beat brings me back, Levi. When I feel like I’m outside myself, you bring me back. Like—I’m here. I know I’m here, because you are. Like I’m real, because you make me feel like I am. It’s nice being real, Levi. It’s nice being real with you.)_

Erwin speaks again to make up for Eren’s silence. Directs his words at Shadis this time, “If you will, Instructor. Please tell us what you know.“

“To be blunt, I don’t know anything,“ Shadis says, “But if you’d like to hear a story with no benefit to humanity, then I’ll tell you.“

Shadis looks at Eren but it’s like he’s seeing someone else. Someone farther away. It makes him look older than he should be. Like he’s aged tenfold from still carrying the weight of something that belongs to a distant time. He looks sad. He looks tired. And not the kind of tired that passes overnight. Levi wonders how he can still do the things he does. 

“It seems fitting that you were found outside the Walls,“ Shadis says after a moment. Eren remains quiet, but he meets Shadis’ gaze nonetheless, “That’s where Grisha and I first met, after all. Like father, like son, it seems.“

“Wha—Outside?!” Hange sputters, looking like their soul has been ripped away from their body, “As in, he was actually living there? You mean, he wasn’t from the Walls originally?”

Levi can hear the cogs in Hange’s head turning. Hears the cogs in Erwin’s, too. Levi knows the possibility of what that statement might mean, but no one voices it out. Not yet. Shadis must hear the pieces of the bigger picture that they’re all trying to put together inside their minds, just as loud, and just as clear, because he waves his hand as if he were trying to wave their rampaging thoughts away. 

“Like I said, I don’t know anything of much importance. Grisha never confided anything in me that could have answered those questions.”

“Then why,” Eren says, hands balled tight into fists, skin stretched too thin. Right now, all of Eren looks like it’s being stretched too thin, “Why are you here? If you don’t have answers then what’s the point of coming here?”

“I was only ever a bystander then. And perhaps, that’s all I’m meant to be, even until now,” Shadis answers. He doesn’t avert his eyes even when Eren looks like he can burn the room to the ground with his, “But when Erwin penned me that letter—seeing the Jaeger name again after years of being a mere memory,” He huffs, shaking his head, “I didn’t come here to give answers, stupid boy. I came here to bury the ghost of your father, once and for all.”

“That makes two of us.”

Levi isn’t sure how to interpret what Eren means. On the rare occasion Eren agrees to talk about his mother, he speaks of nothing but love; the meals she was fond of cooking, the stories she told him at night, the songs she used to hum. But when it comes to his father, it’s a bit of an in-between. Eren remembers his father teaching him how to properly dress a wound; his long list of lost fights, and his father patching up his swollen cheeks, and broken bones, and bruised up ego. 

But most of all, Eren remembers that Grisha Jaeger had secrets. He doesn’t know the entirety of what they are, but he lives the consequence of what keeping them had cost.

“Well, if you’re both so pissed off at Grisha Jaeger, then can you please enlighten the rest of us as to _why_?” Levi says, directing his scowl at Shadis, “You can butt heads all you want, but do it at your own damn time. Unlike you all, I actually have a fucking job to get back to.”

“Levi,” Erwin scolds, “Mind your tongue.”

Levi ignores Erwin in favor of lifting an eyebrow at the smirk Shadis has plastered on his face.

“Your manners are impeccable as always, Levi,” Shadis says, dripping with sarcasm. 

“You don’t kill Titans by being polite, Shadis, you know that,” Levi smirks right back, “Now; Grisha Jaeger outside the Walls—Get to the fucking point.”

There’s silence. They wait for Eren to say anything more, but when he doesn’t, Shadis takes that as his cue to continue his story. 

“I wasn’t lying when I said I was just a bystander. But here’s what I remember,” Shadis begins, “I met Grisha... around twenty years ago, I think? We were returning from an expedition, and the Titan encounter rate was much lower than normal. Then, just outside the Shiganshina gate in Wall Maria,” He looks Eren in the eyes again, and Levi knows Shadis doesn’t see the Sun that Levi sees in them. Doesn’t see all that bright gold. Just the muted colors of the memory of a ghost that refuses to die, “He appeared.

Unlike you, Grisha didn’t get the chance to escape time in prison. But he never made as much fuss as you’ve been doing. He got let off easy, because he had none of your Titan secrets, or anything of the sort. You lost your memories, Eren, and so did your father. Makes me wonder if it’s just the trauma of living outside, or something out there that messes with memories, specifically, that’s been causing such thing.” 

“Eren didn’t even remember his name when Levi met him,” Hange says, “So Grisha was the same?”

Shadis shakes his head slightly, “Grisha did remember his name, and that he was a doctor, but other than that, he truly knew nothing; about the history, and creation of the Walls, the names of places—even the concept of money. I wasn’t sure whether he was sick, or if it was a temporary thing, but it did seem that something really had impaired his memory. He was a strange man. 

However, true to his word, his skills as a doctor remained. A plague suddenly hit the town of Shiganshina, and Carla would have lost her life had Grisha failed to find a cure. I don’t know how they found the time to fall in love during such dire straits, but they did, and it wasn’t long after the plague that they decided to get married. Almost the same time I was named as the 12th Commander of the Survey Corps.”

Levi hears it in the way Shadis speaks of Carla; the longing, the regret. Loving someone too much, and losing them too fast. He looks at Eren, and selfishly pleads that he never has to suffer the same. To always be able to stay with Eren. To always wake up next to him. To always hear him say Levi’s name like it’s something sweet. To always see him smile, and hear him laugh louder than he means to be, when life is kind. To always hold him close on the days that life isn’t. 

Levi’s hands are itching to feel his warmth. Touch him where he can. Reach for where he can’t. But there’s so much weight in the air, and Levi finds that he can’t move. 

“Even then, the Survey Corps never did appeal much to the public opinion. But Grisha was different—had always been different. He said the Corps was special. A group of chosen individuals. It was the first time anyone had ever called me that,” A pause. Heavy, “Special...” A pause. Heavier, “Chosen.”

“I never felt like there was a place for me within the Walls. I also thought I was different from the rest, and to have Grisha confirm that for me—All I could think of then was: Yes. This world,” Shadis’ eyes flick back to Eren, “This world was too cramped for me.” 

“I thought, if I could just become Commander, I’d be able to get results. That one day, I’ll achieve something so great, even a rat will know its importance. And on that day, no one will laugh at me. Everyone will finally understand. They’ll all see who I really am. Because I was special. Because I was _chosen_ ,” Shadis, Levi thinks, has spent so much of his life being haunted by ghosts, he’s become one himself. Even more so now, “I had never been more wrong.”

“The first time I saw you Eren, you were no bigger than a pup; clinging to your mother as she stood among the crowd. We had just gotten back from another failed expedition—another destroyed base. Half of the men I took with me, gone. 

She asked me if I was going to keep doing this until I die. A part of me understood that she was only worried, because it was Carla, and worrying was what she did best. But even with the odds stacked against me, I was still so hell-bent on insisting that I was special. Because Grisha believed that I was, so I had to be. 

Do you know why average men can live out their lives and die without accomplishing anything? It’s because they lack imagination. They never find anything more valuable than their own lives, so they live and die, shamelessly creating nothing but shit. Great deeds can never be accomplished by those on the level of ordinary men. Not ever.”

Shadis takes a deep breath in. Keeps himself steady. Rubs his right thumb over the left one. A ghost trying to make sure he’s still solid. 

“Those ended up being my last words to your mother. But it was only one more expedition after that, that I’d turned over my position as Commander to Erwin. Because average men really aren’t able to accomplish anything. Special people do exist,” Shadis says, looking at all of them. Levi has seen him angry. Has seen him cruel. Has seen a lot of his old and rough edges. But Levi has never seen him be this honest. Levi isn’t quite sure how to feel about it just yet, “It’s just that...I wasn’t one of them. But I had to lead so many of my comrades to their deaths, before I was able to figure that out.”

“When Wall Maria had fallen, all I could do was get swept along with the crowd. I questioned what caused me to overestimate myself so badly. But then I saw your father, running against the crowd, and then I remembered.”

“Grisha Jaeger was present during the Fall?” Erwin asks, surprised, “Eren’s childhood friends were with him at the time. They said there were no signs of him on the day of the breach.”

“Grisha was there searching for his family, but with all the chaos happening around us, I didn’t have the time to question what he was up to before Maria fell. We found Eren sleeping in one of the shelters in Wall Rose. Grisha took him, and—“

“Wait, wait,” This time it’s Levi who cuts in, “All this time it was _him_? If he’s the one who took Eren, then how the hell did he end up abandoned outside the fucking Walls?”

“It’s hard to say what was going through Grisha’s head at the time. Maybe this is one of the memories you’ve blocked out, Eren, but all the ruckus woke you up. And the first thing you talked about was your mother, and the—The Titan that ate her,” Shadis says like his words had to claw their way out to be spoken.

At this point, Levi has gone past caring about decorum; ignores the question in Shadis’ eyes, as he silently wraps a palm over one of Eren’s shaking fist. Covers the way it tremors with the gentle pressure of his hand. Lets their skin breathe against each other. Allows the words to travel across veins, and bones. _I’m here and you’re real you’re still real, Eren you’re still real here with me._

“Grisha told you to avenge your mother. So I asked why he couldn’t avenge her himself. After all, he was the special one. What if you were different? What if you weren’t chosen? Was he going to curse yet another person? What if you didn’t turn out to be the person he expected you to be?

He never answered any of those questions. Grisha didn’t have to, because you aren’t like me, Eren, and he knew that. You’re his son, so of course he did. You’re his son, and maybe that’s what made all the difference.

He asked me not to follow the both of you, so I didn’t. I felt like I didn’t have the right to. And that was the last I ever saw of your father. The last I ever saw of you. Until now.” 

Shadis looks solemn. It looks misplaced on the harsh lines of age on his face. 

“Looking back, I wonder how different things could have been had I chosen to follow you that night.”

Silence ticks loud like impatient fingers tapping on a surface, but it does not last for long.

“I don’t know if you do, but...you don’t have to regret it. Not following, I mean. Because,” Eren turns his palm up, fits his fingers in between Levi’s, and holds tight. Bits of color returns to his eyes. Like he’s waking up. Parts of him slowly flickering back to life, “Someone else came for me. And that’s enough,” He turns to Levi, and smiles. A sweet, tiny thing, “He’s enough.”

Levi looks at their joint hands. Feels the many ways it still makes his heart lurch. Levi doesn’t understand Grisha Jaeger. Doesn’t know how anyone who held this hand could ever want to let go. How anyone could look at Eren, and still leave him behind. How anyone could leave, and not beg for a way back. 

“Your story, Instructor,” Eren continues, “Is that all? Nothing else?”

Shadis nods, “That’s all I know.”

“You were right about one thing,” Eren says, “Questioning whether I was special. I’m not special at all,” There’s a far away look that flickers over Eren’s face, “It’s just that I was the son of a special man.”

“Your mother—when I asked her all those questions back then, Carla asked me in return,” Shadis says, “If one really had to be special. If it was so important to need people’s recognition. Because she didn’t think so. At the very least, not when it came to you.”

Carla never needed you to become great. Would never have asked you to be better than anyone else. Because to her, you already were.”

Levi agrees. 

Because to him, it has always been enough that Eren was warm and breathing.  
  
Because Eren has always been the Sun even without the idea of anything else. 

“ _Because you were born into this world._ ”

* * *

  
It’s Levi who escorts Shadis back to his carriage.

Before he goes, he leaves Levi with this:

“I’m not going to ask what he is to you, Levi, because the way you looked at him had already spoken for you. Quite loud, actually, ” Shadis says with a snort, “But the Jaeger boy—Those eyes...” He shakes his head, “It’s just like his father wanted. His life is like a blazing fire. And I’m sure that fire will burn him to ashes, along with those around him.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sure he’ll be very useful when Winter comes,” Levi responds, using sarcasm to mask the fact that he knows. Knows it better than anyone that someday Eren’s secrets will be too big for his body to hold in, and Levi will never be afraid of him, but he will always be afraid for him. 

“It truly requires skill to hold a decent conversation with you,” Shadis huffs, “But then again, what do I know,” He sighs, “In the end, I was nothing more than a bystander, after all. I’ve always been powerless to change anything.”

“That’s the difference between you and me, I suppose,” Levi says, “Even if I were powerless, I would never have just stood by and watch the people I love get hurt.”

Because if Levi can’t put out the fire, at the very least, he will not let Eren burn alone. 

* * *

  
“Okay. So,” Hange starts, “I have a theory, and I know it’s gonna sound totally insane, but frankly, I don’t really care, because after hearing all that I really, really, really, think it’s possible—I mean, I thought it was possible ever since meeting Eren, but I never had much of anything to back it up, and also with everything that’s going on, and the thing with the blood—I didn’t have time to—“

“Hange,” Erwin clears his throat, “Your theory, please.”

“Oh, uh. Right,” Hange laughs, waving a hand around as if they’re waving their ramblings away, “Sorry, sorry—Just. Okay. Well, what if...Grisha Jaeger being outside the Walls means that there might actually be other civilizations out there?” They hold a hand up, signalling them all to not speak just yet, “Before you disagree, just think about it for a minute. There are no records of Grisha Jaeger’s existence prior to Shadis finding him. What if, during the Fall of Wall Maria, he was trying to go back with Eren to that ‘other place,’ and that’s how Eren ended up outside, because maybe they got separated, or ran into some sort of troube while they were on the way there?” Hange finishes, looking at them expectantly.

“I have considered that theory, as well,” Erwin says, making Hange perk up, only to instantly deflate when Erwin continues, “However, why risk so much to leave at that very moment? No one could have predicted the breach, but why leave only when there’s been one? Even if the chaos was what he was going for to avoid suspicion, he could have let a week pass, and no one would have paid a random civilian much mind should he be found lurking around the gates of Wall Rose. Not when Maria was—and still is—very much Titan-infested.”

“Well, unless you find a way to track down Grisha Jaeger, then I guess we’re fucking stuck, aren’t we?” Levi clicks his tongue, frustrated; picking his brain apart, because maybe if he cracked open something hard enough, the right answers will spill. 

“I think,” Eren, who has remained quiet ever since Shadis left, speaks up suddenly, “I think my father—I think he always meant to leave that day.” 

“What do you mean, Eren?” Hange asks, brows pinched. 

“My father kept his secrets in the basement of our home in Shiganshina. I wasn’t allowed to go there no matter how many times I asked, but that day—“ Eren bites his lip, “That day, suddenly..”

Eren’s breath hitches a bit. Like coming up for air, only to be pulled back down to sink underwater. 

Sometimes, when Eren revisits these kinds of memories, he comes back with the tiniest pieces of him missing. Constantly being chipped away. 

Sometimes, Eren looks like he’s always looming on the edge of an impending drop. Falling down, faliing over, but never falling into place. 

Right now Eren is standing on a cliff, and all Levi can do is try to look for something to say. 

“How much do you remember about your father?” Erwin asks, before Levi could open his mouth. 

“That day, he—“ Eren whispers, eyes glazing over like he’s watching a scene play, “He said he was going to show me what was locked up in the basement. Years, and years of not being allowed to know. But that day. That day he—When he returned home, he said he was going to. Finally, he was going to. But the breach happened. And Maria fell, and my mom she—“ He wraps his arms around himself, caging himself in, nails digging through skin shaking shaking shaking an earthquake tearing through. 

“Eren—Eren, stop.” Levi tries, but Eren isn’t here anymore. Doesn’t see him anymore. Right now Levi is far away, and Eren is farther. 

“He came for me. Shadis was right, he did come for me. But I don’t—I don’t know where we were. I don’t know where he took me, but he was there. He was there, and he said I had to—if I wanted to save Mikasa and Armin, he said I had to go. I do—I have to. I have to go. I—“

“Eren. Hey—hey, it’s me. It’s Levi,” Levi says, gently taking Eren’s face into his hands, before he shatters. Because Eren is still watching his nightmares unfold in daylight, and Levi is far away, and Eren is farther, but they are not so far apart that Levi would stop reaching. Would stop pulling him away from his cliffs, and edges. Because if he had to jump, and if he can’t be caught, then Levi will not let him fall alone, “I’ve come to get you now, okay? I’m here. I’m here, and you’re with me. Not with anyone else. Just me. It’s just us. You’re safe here. I would never let anything hurt you, you understand? Nod if you understand me, Eren.”

It takes a few seconds, but eventually Eren gives a shaky nod; it causes a stray tear to fall. Levi tries not to grit his teeth. Tries not to punch his fist through something just to feel it break. 

Levi would eat his own heart raw, if it meant Eren would get to keep his whole. 

“That’s it. You’re doing so well, Eren. Can you feel my hands on your skin?” Another nod, “You know what that means, right? It means you’re here. Here with me. Means that you’re real. Do you feel real, Eren?”

“..M-mm,” 

“That’s it,” Levi says softly. Ghosts a finger over his heart. Makes sure it’s not broken, “There you are.” 

Levi sighs in relief, brushing away a couple strands of Eren’s hair away before he turns back to Erwin, and Hange. Erwin’s face is unreadable as he regards the two of them silently. Hange looks like they’re itching to wrap Eren in a hundred blankets, and hide him away from the world. Levi probably looks the same. 

“Can we continue this another time?” Levi says, “I think it’s best if we do this after he’s gotten some rest—“

“No,” Eren mumbles, cutting in quietly.

“What do you mean no? Talking to Shadis has obviously taken its toll on you. You’re tired. This can wait—“

“But I can’t,” Eren insists, pleading, “Levi, please.”

Levi doesn’t know how long they spend staring at each other, but eventually Levi relents, because if Eren begins to cry again, he doesn’t think he can take it. Eren’s tears always leave him with no room to breathe. 

“Fine,” Levi sighs, “But we’ll take this slowly, okay?”

Eren tries for a smile, “Okay.”

“Uhm, how about we just start with simple questions, and piece the story from there?” Hange suggests, “Sound good?”

Eren nods, “I can do that.”

“Okay, I’ll start,” Hange says, clapping their hands once, “Earlier, you said you had to go.”

Eren gives another nod of encouragement for Hange to continue.

“Then, to where, exactly?”

It’s quiet again, for a moment. Levi takes Eren’s hand, in case he gets caught in the dark, again. In case he gets caught in shadows. Holding it tighter, as he lets the words he keeps prisoners in his mouth out.

“The basement,” Eren whispers, “He said I had to reach the basement. If I wanted to save everyone.”

“Did you father not give you the slightest clue as to what could be hidden there?” Erwin asks, before his lips press back into a thin line. 

Frankly, Levi is terrified of what Erwin plans to do with all this information, because he knows he will have no choice but to follow it. Eren will force him to. 

Eren shakes his head, “No, but he...”

“Yes?”

“Every time he came back from there, he always looked like,” Eren hesitates, “Like something’s been taken from him. Or like something was gone, and it reminded him just how much was missing.”

None of them knows how to respond to that, so they don’t. They let Eren gather his thoughts; line them up in a way that won’t let them stray. In a way that won’t let _him_ stray. 

“Commander,” Eren calls, “Can we not retake Shiganshina?”

Erwin sighs into the fingers he’s got folded beneath his chin, “Not being able to retake Shiganshina is not due to lack of attempt. We have devised countless plans in order to do so, until the best plan ended up being to just leave well enough alone. At least, for the mean time. Unless we manage to seal the hole that the Colossal Titan made in the Wall, then I’m afraid trying any more than we already have is futile.”

“Do we have to retake it, though?” Hange pipes up, “It’s not like we need all of Shiganshina at the moment. We just need to get to Eren’s basement, that’s all!”

“That’s all, you say,” Levi repeats mockingly, “And what do you intend to do with the Titans running around the damn place? You think those fuckers will sit around and wait until we get shit done?”

“Isn’t Squad Levi famous for stealth? If anyone can pull it off, it’d be you guys!”

“Fuck, fine,” Levi groans, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Erwin, if you can come up with a plan that doesn’t involve just shitty-fucking-glasses’ enthusiasm at its core, then that’d be great.”

“Then—then we’ll really go?” Eren asks, perking up in his seat; the shadows that were still blurring his face, clears into something hopeful, “I’ve been remembering more, and more of Shiganshina lately, so I can—“

“That’s fucking adorable, Eren,” Levi says dismissively, “But you’re not coming.”

“Excuse me?” Eren stills, looking like Levi might as well have ripped a limb, and hit him with it. Like Levi just tore something in him wide open. Tore something so wide, it welcomed betrayal, and let it come in. 

Levi sighs, hating that when it comes to these things, he always has to play the bad guy, “Your training isn’t done. Therefore, you’re not coming.”

“I’m not helpless, Levi!” Eren cries out in frustration, “Have you forgotten where I came from?!” 

And that’s the thing. He never did, and he never will, because Levi will always think about Eren, and how the world outside could have been his early grave. How he suffered for so long alone, and how easily he could have died alone. 

How easy it could have been for them to never have met. For Levi not to have known the way his laughter sounds like a beating heart. Or the feeling of waking up next to him, tangled together. Eren’s hands, and how big they are, and how right they fit. How his lips against Levi’s can heal everything that hurts. 

It’s selfish, and irrational, and maybe even wrong, Levi knows. But sometimes—

Sometimes, Levi wishes Eren would just stop fighting. Would just let Levi fight for him, instead. Would just stay where he’s safe. Would just remain warm, and alive. Would just stay where there’s no threat for him not to be. 

“Do you even know where you’re going?”

“Arlert can draw us a map. Any other information we need, your sister can provide.”

“That information is pointless if you don’t have the key,” Eren grits his teeth, fisting the key hanging around his neck.

“Then I’ll break the damn door open,” Levi bites back. 

“And what if the key is meant for something else? What then, huh?”

Eren reaches out. Presses a palm onto Levi’s face. Levi leans into it, by instinct. Lets himself melt into it, by helplessness.

“Levi, I know you’re worried. I know you have your reasons—I do. But please,” Eren whispers. Sounds like there’s something broken. Sound like it’s something that Levi broke, “Levi, don’t do this to me.”

Levi hates that there are tears prickling the edges of Eren’s eyes. Hates it even more that he’s the one who put them there, but he doesn’t know what to do except let anything but silence answer for him. Until a tear falls. Then two. Then three. 

The room is cold. Winter begins in Levi’s bones. There’s a snow storm brewing on his skin, where he tries to catch the tears that drop. 

“Levi,” Erwin speaks after a while, “This is just one possible plan out of many. I hope you do not think so little of me that you believe I’d let any of you go unprepared, when the dangers are already so high as it is,” His voice takes on a tone of finality. Anything that comes next is law, “If we are left with no choice but to follow through with this plan, then best believe I have polished it in all the ways that I could. Train Eren as efficiently as you can, in the mean time. And trust in him the way that he trusts in you,” Erwin sighs, “As I have always told you, I am your Commander, first. Your friend, second. I understand where you’re coming from, but this decision is not just yours to make. Am I making myself clear?”

Levi clenches a fist, jaw tightening as he answers, “Yes, Commander.”

“Thank you, Levi. This will all go a lot more smoothly with your cooperation,” Erwin turns to Hange who’s looking at Levi with unconcealed sympathy. Levi refuses to meet their eyes, “Hange, have you made progress with your research regarding Eren’s blood? If we can use it as a weapon for this mission, I think it will greatly impact the chances of it being a success.”

“Uhh,” Hange says hesitantly, looking at Eren for permission to continue. Eren nods his assent, “Well, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Seriously, I think Eren’s blood is the first of its type. Our normal blood types are usually classified according to the presence or absence of antigens. Most blood types fall into one of the four blood groups—O, A, B, and AB—according to whether they contain A or B antigens. We have hundreds of those, but A and B are the two main ones.

For example, people with A antigens fall into type A. People with B antigens, have type B. Those with both A and B, obviously belong to the AB type. And lastly, people with neither antigens on their red blood cells have type O. 

But Eren’s blood doesn’t fall into any of those, because he has a complete lack of antigens in the Rh system. 

How does this affect Titans the way it does, you might ask. Now, you have to understand that I had to do these experiments using the influence of other chemicals, because you know we can’t preserve Titan samples for very long before they dissolve. And I’m not a hundred percent sure, but this lack of antigens may have caused his body to produce a whole different set of enzymes. Aggressive ones. It speeds up chemical reactions in Titans so much that it kills, because it catalyses the breakdown of the structural components of their tissues. It disrupts protein peptide bonds, causing blood-vessel wall damage, and haemorrhaging, and muscle-fiber deterioration. 

In layman’s terms, it really is an effective poison. But what really puzzles me, is that it’s poison to Titans, exclusively. It does nothing to humans, does nothing to animals. Though, that’s not a bad thing, I suppose. Just a bit strange.”

“Have you thought of a way for us to weaponize it?” Erwin asks.

“Oh, have I ever!” Hange says, vibrating into their seat, “I’ve drafted up a lot, but I really think something that resembles a gun is the way to go, and bullets that contain Eren’s blood which will be triggerd to break apart when it shoots through flesh. It’ll be hard, but I think I can do it. Imagine the difference that it’ll make in our survival rate once we finally devise a weapon that kills Titan long range!”

“But..?” 

Hange sighs, puffing air into their cheeks, “We can’t mass produce it, because, well, we can’t mass produce Eren, so there’s that. It’ll be bad for his body in the long run if he keeps being bled dry.”

“I can take it,” Eren says with all the determination of a soldier in the frontlines of war.

Levi wants to shake his shoulders and scream, _Even if you can, you don’t always have to_. But Levi doesn’t. He couldn’t. The words don’t fit quite right in his mouth so he doesn’t speak. 

“Your determination is very much appreciated, Eren, but I’m afraid Hange is right. If we keep pushing you to your limits, your health will suffer, eventually. You are a key player in this war, so we cannot have that.”

“But—“

“Don’t worry, I’m certain we’ll be able to come up with a viable solution in terms of mass production. For now, how about we begin small?” Erwin turns to Hange, “How long until you’re able to create a prototype?”

“I’m not sure, to be honest,” Hange says, scratching their head sheepishly, “But give me a deadline, and I’ll try to meet it.”

“I believe I’ll be able to polish plans for this mission within a month.”

“Then, a month it is.”

“Levi, will you and Eren be ready by then?” Erwin looks at him like he’s being seen through. Like everything inside of him has moved on to the top layer of his skin. All that ugly, suffocating tension in his chest, glaring visible, and obvious. Levi averts his eyes before Erwin could hear what he’s thinking. All the things he’s trying to keep buried, and quiet. 

_no, I’m not because a lifetime isn’t enough to prepare against the chances of losing him and losing him means losing myself do you even know what you’re asking do you even know what you’re trying to take from me I won’t let you I won’t let you_

Because words like that are hard to silence, but they are much harder to say. 

“We will be,” Levi says through clenched teeth, “You’ve given me no choice.” 

* * *

  
It’s late, and Eren hasn’t come, which is wrong because Eren always, always comes to say good night.

Levi looks at the other side of his bed, and his eyes hurt at its emptiness. 

Eren should be here by now. Should have his fingers locked with Levi’s by now. Should be laughing his tiny little laugh that sounds like the pitter patter of warm summer rain against Levi’s skin by now. Should be pressing kisses, and stories into Levi’s lips by now; the history of bruises he’s collected throughout the day, the plot of the book he’s currently reading, the new dreams it influenced for him to have. Eren tucking those dreams into Levi’s hands; says that he’s planting them, and making them grow. 

Eren’s good at that. Making things grow. Giving things life. 

Levi looks at the other side of his bed again. He sighs. He doesn’t know what to do with all that space. 

Levi makes his way out of his room, armed with apologies, and desperation. Only to startle when he sees Eren crouched by the door, staring at him with wide eyes, looking like an abandoned puppy.

Then, it shifts. Turns into something heavier. Turns into something that cuts deep. He looks at Levi like it hurts. 

Eren stands up. Stares at his feet. Murmurs, “Came to say good night,” Whispers. Quiet. Like he doesn’t want Levi to hear. Like he doesn’t know if Levi wants to hear, “...but I wasn’t sure...if you still wanted me to.”

Eren’s face is red and puffy. Like he’s been crying. He probably was. 

Levi thinks it’s his fault. And it probably is. Knows that it is, and—

Fuck. 

_Fuck_. 

Levi takes Eren’s hand wordlessly. Leads him inside, leads him to the bed, where Levi wraps himself around Eren, and lets Eren wrap himself around him. Eren has always been a hundred feet tall, has always been larger than life, has always been bigger than anything Levi’s ever known. But right now, he’s so small. So small as he fits himself in Levi’s arms. 

Eren feels breakable. Cries so hard that it almost scares Levi, but the most Levi can do is let him. Hold him through it, smooth away the tremors, gather the fallen pieces until his sadness finally allows him to have them back. 

“I’m sorry,” Eren hiccups, folding himself further into Levi’s chest, “I don’t know why I’m crying so much, I just—“

“No, no don’t apologize for that. Don’t apologize for anything,” Levi says, running his fingers on the back of Eren’s head, “This is a safe space, remember? Everything you feel—they’re all valid here.”

“Okay,” Eren sniffs, “But I’m still sorry. Please don’t be mad anymore.”

Levi sighs, nosing at the top of Eren’s head, pulling him closer, “Mad isn’t the word, Eren. How can I be mad at you for wanting to find out the truth about yourself?”

“But you’re unhappy.”

“Because you’re putting yourself in danger again,” Levi murmurs into Eren’s forehead, “I know I could have handled things better—handled things in a way that didn’t hurt you—but I just want you to be safe. The things I’d do to make sure that you are—“ He closes eyes, trying to ground himself, “Fuck, Eren.”

“And I’m grateful for that, Levi, I really am. But I’m not safe anywhere. None of us are,” Eren pulls himself up a bit, until they’re seeing eye to eye, “But if we find out the truth, then maybe we can be,” A sad soft look. A sad soft smile, “And you can’t find it without me. But you already know that, don’t you?”

“I had to try.”

“And I have to do this,” Eren whispers, “And you have to let me.”

Something in Levi snaps. Falls. Crashes straight into Eren’s mouth, wild, and desperate, and pleading. Bites, and licks, until Eren’s lips are so red, it looks like it has its own heartbeat. 

“Don’t you dare fucking die on me, Eren Jaeger,” Levi says, voice tight. Ignores the swelling in his throat, “Swear to me that you won’t.” 

_Swear to me_

“I swear.”

_Lie to me_

“I won’t leave you, Levi.”

_Make it sweet_

“We’ll make it to the sea together.”

_Make it hurt_

“Together, or not at all.”

Poison on Levi’s lips. He consumes it all. Lets it consume all of him, in return. 

Levi brings their mouths together over and over, again and again. 

Offers his own promises, _I’ll protect you. I’ll always protect you, you know that right? Go through it if you must, but I’m here, Eren. You have me. You’ll always have all of me._

Offers his own lies, _We’ll make it through. We’ll find a way. We’ll make it through it alive, won’t we? We have to. We’ll live by the sea. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? We’ll live where the Sun is at its brightest. Together, Eren. Together, or not at all._

Eren arches beneath him beautifully; the sounds that leave his lips, shattering, as Levi sucks on the soft skin of his neck. Licks the purple bruises that look like fresh lavenders blooming above his pulse, before returning to Eren’s mouth to kiss him and kiss him. Kiss him deep, kiss him hard. Kiss him until they know the taste of nothing else but each other’s tongue. 

Eren kisses him just as deep, and just as hard. Like he’s trying to breathe air directly into Levi’s lungs. Because Eren is good at that, too. Helping Levi breathe. 

Levi’s hand settles on Eren’s waist, toys with the hem of his shirt. Fingers sliding beneath it.

“Eren,” Levi rasps, “I want to take this off,” Eren moans when Levi mouths at the shell of his ear, “Eren, please. Can I?”

“Okay, okay. Please,” Eren says, breathing hard, “Yes, please.” 

Levi wastes no time. Almost ripping Eren’s shirt off just to get him out of it. He licks his lips, staring like a starved animal at the smooth expanse of tanned skin presented before him. He doesn’t know what to get a taste of first, but Levi swears he’d have devoured everything by the end of the night. 

Levi’s hands slide up and down Eren’s sides as he bends down. Smirking when Eren whimpers as Levi introduces his tongue to the line of Eren’s ribs, one by one, making his way up, until he reaches a nipple, grazing over it with his teeth, tugs at it, almost dies at the sound of Eren’s breath hitching, crying out Levi’s name like he’s calling for a god. 

“Levi,” Eren whines, clawing at his back, “M-me too,” He says shyly. Cheeks lit up red, “I want to see you, too.”

“Shit,” Levi curses at how high his heart leaps, “Shit—yeah, alright. Want to take it off?” He asks, gesturing down to his clothes. Levi swallows hard when Eren nods, moving back a bit to help Eren sit up, kneeling between his legs instead.

Eren undresses him painfully slow. His eyes trace over Levi’s now unclothed chest, biting his lip like he’s deep in thought. He raises a hand. The tips of his fingers fleeting over the scars carved on Levi’s skin. Feather-soft. Sun-warm. 

“This okay?” Eren whispers.

“Yes,” Levi whispers back, feeling his chest go hot beneath Eren’s hand. 

“I don’t like that they hurt you,” Eren says, “But these are your stories,” His finger lands on the memory of a dagger that had cut so deep it shook hands with his bone, “I wish they were kinder.”

“They were kind enough to lead me to you, weren’t they?” Levi leans forward. Murmurs on the edge of his mouth, “That’s all the kindness I need.”

Eren doesn’t say anything more. He doesn’t have to. Not when his mouth is busy nipping at Levi’s jaw. Lips that get Levi drunk like sweet red wine. Going lower, and lower, until they reach his neck. Eren’s tongue darts out, warm, and wet, and devastating, as he licks a stripe up Levi’s skin. Presses closer into his body. Fits all their angles together. 

“Oh, fuck,” Levi moans, teeth digging into his lip, as Eren sucks on the lobe of his ear. The heat of his mouth, searing. Levi feels like he’s in heaven and hell all at once. The pit of his stomach, burning, and burning. He’s slowly catching fire within, and nothing has ever felt so good. 

And nothing else will ever feel as good. Not unless it’s Eren and the soft scrapes of his teeth, his even softer mouth, all his warm firmness, twisted so pretty against the sheets. Pliant, and sweet, and wanting. 

A part of Levi is afraid to move. Afraid that he might shake himself awake. Destroy this, if it ended up being just a dream. But then Eren takes his face, presses gentle kisses all over it. Smiles when he leaves a kiss on the tip of Levi’s nose, and it’s so simple, but it’s already so much, all because it’s Eren. 

Levi feels real. 

He likes it.

Feeling real. 

“How far do you want to go tonight?” Levi asks against the line of Eren’s throat. 

“Uhm, I don’t know,” Eren says, tilting his head further back, “As far as I can be taken, I guess?”

“Fuck—no. No, don’t say that. You’re killing me here, Eren. You’re killing me,” Levi groans, “But I’m serious. Set your limits. I need to know where I’m supposed to stop.”

It’s quiet. And then,

“Who says I want you to?”

It strikes Levi so hard, all he does is gape at Eren, saying goodbye to his ability to form words ever again.

“W-what—But—“

“I said I don’t want you to,” Eren repeats. His cheeks are flushed, and his hands are trembling, but his voice is firm, “Don’t want you to stop, I mean.”

“Oh,” Levi breathes out, making Eren laugh, because Levi is a fucking idiot. 

“Are you sure?” Levi manages to say at some point, “We don’t have to—“

“But I—I want to, ” Eren murmurs, burying his face on Levi’s shoulder, “Don’t you?” 

“Shit, Eren, of course I do. You have no idea just how much, but I,” Levi sighs, stroking Eren’s hair with careful fingers, “I don’t want to push you too far if you’re not ready.” 

“I trust you,” Eren says. Leaves a small kiss on the dip of Levi’s collar before leaving another on his lips, “You won’t hurt me.”

“Do you even know exactly what you’re asking to do with me?” Levi asks, lifting an eyebrow. Tries to hold back the laugh threatening to spill when Eren ducks his head, ears flaming red. 

“Well,” Eren grimaces, “Uhm, Jean and Connie, sometimes they, uh—Sometimes they talk, and—“

“Please tell me you did not learn about sex from Jean and Connie, of all people,” Levi says dryly. Feels a headache storming its way through, “C’mon, Eren. You’re better than that.”

“Don’t be mean,” Eren pouts, hitting him lightly on the arm, “I just—I don’t really know, okay? I hear them sometimes, but I—I don’t really understand,” He mumbles, glaring down at the sheets. 

Levi’s mouth curves into a fond smile, tugging Eren closer, wrapping his arms around his waist, “Alright, alright,” He says, rubbing gentle patterns on the skin of Eren’s back, “But if we’re gonna do this, there’s gonna have to be a few rules, okay?”

“What rules?”

“If there’s anything you want me to do—you want me to go slower, or faster, gentler—you tell me. If anything becomes uncomfortable, or if anything starts to hurt, you tell me. If at any point, you want to stop—I’m serious. Doesn’t matter whether we’ve already started, or whether we’re already in the middle of it. If you want to stop, then we stop. Are we clear, Eren?”

Eren responds with a shaky nod.

“Use your words, Eren.”

“Y-yes,” Eren stutters, “Clear. We’re clear.”

“Good,” Levi smirks, “Wanna get rid of these?” He asks, thumbing the band of Eren’s pants. He leans closer to whisper on the shell of Eren’s ear, “How about I take off yours, and you take off mine?”

Eren sputters, looking like he’s ready to faint. Breath hitching like his heart just dropped right down to his feet. But then a look of determination paints over his face, deepens the dip of his brows, like he’s about to bare his fangs and start growling. All steel and bursts of adrenaline. Eren tries to yank Levi’s pants down in one go, crying out in frustration when he fails. Lips pulled into an unhappy pout. It’s the most adorable thing Levi’s ever seen, and he is so so so fucking endeared, Levi wants to kiss him for one week straight. 

“Hey, hey. Relax,” Levi says, “No need to rush. You’re already doing so well, Eren,” Levi watches Eren preen under the praise, like a flower opening up to Spring “Look at you,” He whispers, “Being so good for me.”

And then there’s more soft touches, fingers getting caught in fabric, lips here, and there, quiet laughter getting hooked in each other’s mouths, and _more, please more, it feels good, feels so good there, again kiss me there again,_ clothes on the floor, limbs slotting in all the in-betweens until there’s only skin on skin. The heat of it. So much of it, that it eats them alive, and swallows them whole. Spits them back out bare, and open. Until all Levi can comprehend is Eren and his pretty mouth, and the pretty sounds that leave it. 

Levi makes his home between Eren’s legs. Eren’s hands buried in his hair, feet hooked, and dangling over his shoulder. Levi’s teeth find the inside of his thighs. Marks an entire map of the places that his tongue has been, all over the tender flesh; Levi could build an entire city with his mouth alone. 

Eren’s length is already hard, and leaking; it makes Levi’s throat dry. Makes his blood surge like a storm through his veins. There’s a skipped beat in his chest, and punched out air from his lungs, because _Levi please please it hurts touch me please I need you do something make me yours Levi make me yours_

And when has Levi ever been able to deny Eren anything?

Levi swirls his tongue over Eren’s tip, then sinks further down, swallowing him in one go. Eren chokes, and cries. Does both at the same time. Eren moans his name so much, so loud, that it’s a permanent fixture on the walls. His hands claw at Levi’s bare shoulders, hips bucking, as he hits the back of Levi’s throat. 

And Levi is a sinner down on his knees, moaning his prayers, falling in worship, because how can he not when Eren tastes just like he looks—

Divine. 

“Oh, oh, Levi. Please—Don’t stop,” Eren cries out, “Right there, please. Just like that.”

Levi is so so gone, he doesn’t even bother hiding it anymore. 

Eren’s back arches, chasing after pleasure, toes curling, ankles gripping him like vines. Levi wraps his arms around him tighter, holds him closer, takes him in a little deeper. And Levi hopes that Eren feels it. All this careful adoration. All this devotion. Hopes that Eren knows deep in his bones that there is no one that Levi will kneel for except him. 

Eren whines, eyes watering, and looks at Levi, betrayed, when Levi pulls back before he reaches relief. Levi kisses the corners of his eyes in apology. Offering small kisses, and soothing hands. Tilting Eren’s face to where his lips can press closer.

“So mean,” Eren sobs, “Why are you being mean?”

“Shh. I’m sorry,” Levi says, stroking his cheeks, “But I want your first orgasm to be from something else. I’m sorry—Let me make it up to you, hm?”

Levi reaches inside his drawer, pulling out the small bottle of oil he keeps hidden there. He puts a generous amount on his hands, warming it up between his palms.

“I’m gonna start preparing you now, okay?” Levi says, placing a reassuring kiss on Eren’s forehead, “It might be a bit uncomfortable. Tell me if it hurts too much.”

With Eren’s consent, Levi carefully inserts a finger inside him, slowly, slowly taking him apart. Eren lets out a gasp at the intrusion; sweat beading on his forehead as Levi goes deeper, and deeper. Whimpering when he’s halfway in.

“You’re doing so well, Eren,” Levi murmurs, “Look at you—you’re gorgeous, love.”

Eren tightens his hand around Levi’s arm, lets Levi push his tongue in his mouth as he eases his finger all the way. Drinks Eren’s whimpers, drowning in them as they drip into his lips honey-sweet. 

“Fuck, that’s tight,” Levi rasps, eyes hooded, “How are you feeling?”

“It’s—It’s weird. But not—“ Eren breathes hard, trying to draw as much air as he can, “Not bad weird. I’m okay, I’m okay.”

“It’ll pass, don’t worry,” Levi bends down to trail his lips over Eren’s neck, “I’ll take care of you,” A shiver, “I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

Levi flicks his teeth over the hard buds on Eren’s chest, sucks, and sucks, until they’re red, and swollen. Until Eren is a crying mess beneath him. Pulling at Levi’s hair, at his shoulders. Clawing until his nails dig moons into Levi’s skin. Creates constellations. Creates his own sky there. 

“I’m going to insert one more,” Levi tells him, “You think you can handle one more?”

Eren gasps out a broken yes, and Levi almost breaks with it when he feels Eren’s length hard and hot against his stomach. And Eren is so close, so close. Levi can feel his heart beat so close against his skin, like it’s being pulled out of him, and all Levi can do is hold on to Eren’s hips as his legs wind around Levi’s waist. Body tensing and uncurling, like something that grows turning into something that blooms. 

Levi continues to massage Eren’s walls until there’s room for a third finger. Until he’s loose enough for more. 

Levi lines up his length around Eren’s hole, gritting his teeth just at the feel of it, “Eren, I’m gonna—“ He groans, “Gonna enter you now. Can I? Eren—Eren, please. Fuck.“

“Yes, yes, Levi. Need you, I need you please—“

Eren is hot, and wet, and tight, and the sound that leaves Levi’s mouth when he enters him is nothing more than spilled words that have ran out of order. A mix of Eren’s name, shaky breaths, and something garbled. His eyes rolling back when Eren clenches around him as he eases his way in. His stomach string-tight. 

“Holy shit,“ Levi moans, head thrown back, “Eren, you feel so good. Feels so good, love.”

Levi breathes hard. Heat licking from his chest all throughout the rest of his body. All his muscles knotted tight.

“Are you okay? Talk to me, Eren.”

“Levi,” Eren hiccups, “Levi—hurts. It hurts.“

“I got you, love,” Levi slows down, jaw clenched, “I got you. I’m sorry. Just a little more. Just a little more, okay? Do you want to stop? We can stop.”

“No, no, I can—“ Eren takes another deep breath, gasping and panting into Levi’s shoulder, “I just need a second. Just need—Oh my god, Levi,” He whines, digging his teeth into Levi’s skin, “Is this you? All of you? Are you all the way in?”

“The hell are you talking about, I’m barely halfway inside,” Levi grunts.

“Oh my god, you’re gonna kill me,” Eren groans, “Why is it so big—You didn’t tell me it was so big!“

“Why do I need to tell you when it’s been out the whole night! You could have just looked!” 

“I didn’t know it was gonna go down there!“

“Of course, it’s gonna go down there! How many other holes do you fucking have?!” 

Eren’s shoulders begin to shake; a fit of giggles fighting their way through. Levi can’t stop his lips from twitching up at the sight even when he feels like his body’s being pulled in opposite directions at once. 

“Goddammit, Eren—Stop laughing!” Levi chides as Eren’s laughter makes its way over to him, making his own break out of his mouth, “You’re the worst— _god_ ,” He says, kissing away the tears clinging on Eren’s lashes. Small and delicate as morning dew. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Eren snickers. Then stops. Inhales, and exhales. Catches his breath. Relaxes into Levi soothing a hand on his face, “Okay—Okay. Move now, Levi. I’m fine. Was just nervous. You can move.”

Levi softens. Heart full and warm with just how much Eren is trusting him with. Levi kisses him gently. Just a short press of lips, but it’s enough to make his chest flare. Enough to tip his whole world upside down. 

“What do you want?” Levi whispers. 

Eren smiles. And it’s seeing the Sun for the first time all over again.

“Everything you have.”

And then it was just their breathing. Breathing, and breathing until their lungs knock together. Their tangled hands, tangled limbs, tangled bodies aching hard, singing into the night. Tightening against each other. Twisting until they’re chest to chest, until there’s a whole new heart humming there. _He has a part of me, and I’m a part of him._

Levi is brutally honest with his mouth. Lets Eren feel how much he wants. Doesn’t give him time to think twice when he kisses every curve, every secret untouched spot. Traces Eren’s body with his lips. From corner to corner. From edge to edge. Pain to pleasure. Pleasure to pain. 

So good, it hurts.

So good, it heals. 

Like they could be anything they want to be in the world, and get away with it. 

And Levi thinks, this is it. What people build altars for. What they go to war for. What makes them pull out their dying breath, offer it up with a smile, and say _this is yours_

_Yours yours you all of you you and your summer laugh and your ocean eyes and your heart as infinite as every lifetime that’s passed you and your forgiving soul bringing heaven down to a sinner you’re the beginning of life you’re the ends of the earth the beginning and the end of me_

_Youyouyouyou_

_Only you_

_Always you_

Levi thinks back if there was a specific moment that he knew. One that made him look at Eren and think, _Oh it’s you. I think I’m meant to love you forever._

Maybe it’s the first time Levi saw him cry. Or all the times Levi saw him brave. Saw him weak. Saw him curled up on the floor one second, on top of the world, the next. 

Maybe it’s when they held hands for the first time. Fought for the first time. Kissed for the first time. Kissed for a second, Kissed for a third. 

Maybe it’s the time the Sun left the sky, walked on the earth, just to take his hand and say, _Let’s get you home._

Maybe it was all those times, and Levi just didn’t know it then. But the Universe did, and so it made him learn. Maybe it always meant for him to. That for once it was on his side. 

“Levi,” Eren murmurs. All warm breath, and throbbing quiet. A shared silence. The curve of a smile. Levi places his mouth there, takes a bite. Tastes peaches, and peak July Sun, “I wonder if you know. Even if I haven’t said it, I wonder if you know,” The tips of his fingers on Levi’s cheeks. Kisses on palms. Lips on wrists. The steady beat of a pulse. Moonlight on Eren’s skin like it’s trying to hold him close, “But I hope you do, Levi. I hope you know I’ve always loved you.”

Eren is magic, and chaos, and life, and everything else that Levi doesn’t know how to make sense of. 

But he likes it.

Likes that Eren is Eren. Likes that Eren just is.

Him, and his sleepy eyes, and gentle hands, and heartbeat lips, and the way his eyelids flutter close, and his laugh, and his smile that can pull colors out of thin air. All that sunrise gold. 

How can Levi be born for anything else

How can Levi look at him and not say

“ _I’m in love with you.”_

And it’s the easiest fucking thing. The truest. Because Levi’s only ever had one Universal Law. Love Eren. And when you do, love him even more. 

“I know.”

“Yeah?”

“This is the first time you said it. But you’ve told me before. Told me in a lot of ways,” Eren says, “You love me so well, Levi,” _Loved you for a long time, will love you for longer,_ “You love me so loud.”

Now, Levi doesn’t know a lot of things. 

But what he does know is this:

Whatever happens tomorrow, this is theirs.

Whatever comes, this night will always be for them to have. 

* * *

  
“You see a Titan so much as scratching its ass, you tell me. You hear me, Levi—how many scratches, what hand they used to scratch it, how deep they scratched—All of it!“ 

“Hange, I don’t know if I’ve told you this today, but in case I haven’t,” Levi deadpans, “You’re fucking disgusting.”

Hange cackles, slinging an arm over Levi’s shoulders, “I don’t why you’re so grumpy. I mean,” They smirk, “You got laid last night, didn’t you?”

“And how the hell would you even know that?” Levi clicks his tongue, trying to shove Hange away. He’s fighting a losing battle.

“I’m guessing those monstrosities around your neck aren’t mosquito bites?” Hange grins, flicking the collar of Levi’s shirt. 

“Not mosquito bites,” Levi grunts, “Also not your fucking business.”

“Fine,” Hange huffs, “Be that way. Since you’re out, I’m just gonna spend the day with Eren. Bet he’ll have nicer things to say. And—oh, speaking of the cute little devil.”

Eren makes his way towards them. His long hair down instead of up in its usual bun. Levi tries not to think too much about the remains of last night still blooming on his neck. Tries not to think of how much he wants to leave more.

“Oi, shouldn’t you be training?” Levi asks.

“I was,” Eren pouts, “But Oluo told me to get you, said your horse is ready,” His face twitches, “Where are you going?”

“Sometimes the Survey Corps helps the Garrison man the Wall when the gates need maintenance and all that shit. Nanaba’s team is already there, but Erwin thought last minute it’d be good for me to join,” Levi shrugs, “In case there’s something new to observe about the Titans lurking around Maria. Erwin’s already drafting up plans for Shiganshina, the damn nerd.”

“Can I come?” Eren blinks down at him hopefully. It’s unfair, really. How quickly Eren can disarm him with just one look.

“Since you’re both still at your honeymoon phase, let me be the bad guy here,” Hange says, cooing when the tips of Eren’s ears go bright red, “I’m sorry, Eren. But time’s running. And you’ve only got a bit left of it to finish your training. Erwin’s not gonna be happy if you skip out today.”

Eren visibly deflates, but doesn’t argue. Just gives them both a sad nod before tugging at Levi’s sleeve.

“Be careful, okay?” Eren says. 

And it takes all of Levi to not grab his face and kiss him until it’s them, back to the night before, on Levi’s bed, a mess of arms and legs, and hooked wrists, and ankles, and so much more. But Hange will never let him live it down if he did, so he settles for ruffling Eren’s hair, instead, along with a soft, 

“You, too.” 

It’s not enough, but for now it will have to be.

Eren opens his mouth to say something, but the words never get past his lips. His fingers catch on Levi’s wrist before he collapses down to his knees. Grips Levi hard. Grips like he’s about to break bone, shatter all the veins knotted there. 

“Eren—Eren, what’s wrong?” Levi asks, frantic. The same panic in Hange’s voice as they both crouch down beside Eren. Eren, who’s clutching his head, and curling in around himself, screaming in pain. Convulses, then stops. Turns into something worse. Because there’s blood. Blood dripping down his nose. Drops of it. Storms of it. So much, so much—

And all this sudden fear shakes Levi so hard out of his body, makes his heart drop a hundred feet down, because he’s helpless _helpless_. He shouldn’t be. It isn’t the time to be. Eren needs him, needs him to be solid, needs him to think, needs him to do something, but Levi doesn’t know, doesn’t—

“Eren, I’m taking you to the infirmary, alright? Can you hear me—Can you stand? I’ll pick you up. You’ll be okay, Eren. I’m here, I’m here. It’s going to be okay. I’m going to make it okay—“

“Levi,” Eren whispers. Eyes blank. Faded. Fading around the edges. All blurred lines then—Empty. _So empty_ when he says, “They’re here.” 

And then, the earth shakes. 

Tremors of it reaching down to marrows, and bones. 

Breaking and breaking and breaking through further.

That cold, paralayzing dread.

The shadows on Eren’s face, lunging, clawing just to get a piece of him at all. 

  
Then, the sound of alarm bells ringing

A chorus of screams and cries as it rang and rang and rang.

An apocalyptic symphony.

The entire world suddenly windblown into chaos. 

  
But Levi hears it.

In the middle of it all, he does.

Loud, and clear, and devastating.

  
_The Colossal Titan is back._

_Wall Rose has been breached._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...so you all got smut bUT AT WHAT COST
> 
> A lot of the comments in the previous chapters were saying that all that fluff was just the calm before the storm, and I’m here to say you guys were right because WE’RE HAVING THE BATTLE OF TROST NEXT CHAPTER BITCHEEEEEES 
> 
> AND I KNOW YOU GUYS KNOW WHICH TITAN MAKES HIS APPEARANCE THERE OH I KNOW YOU KNOW
> 
> I AM SO EXCITED AND IF YOU GUYS ARE SCARED THEN THAT’S BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE THE PLOT THICKENS FINALLYYYY AND WITH ALL THE ANGST I HAVE PLANNED, I’M CONFIRMING IT NOW, THAT YES I AM SECRETLY ISAYAMA IN DISGUISE LMAOOOO
> 
> Idk if you guys remember which members of the 104th that Nanaba has on her team, but I think I mentioned it somewhere in chapter 7? Although, it should be obvious looool
> 
> Oh, and I hope the smut was alright. I couldn’t make it too graphic because apparently I can’t write the word nipple without laughing for three days straight ahahsgsgsgdgafsfs
> 
> Leave me your thoughts down below! And have a happy new year everyone!


	14. Reach

Levi thinks of words. Thinks of them a lot. The soft curves of a lie, and the sharp edges of the truth. What they mean, and what they shouldn’t, and what they can’t. Thinks of how there are words that are easier to say in the dark. Words that are easier to hear in the absence of silence. Words that sing, and words that don’t, and words that try to speak on their own. 

He thinks of words that choices are made of.   
  
And how easy it is for regret to fit as one of them. 

How hard it is, sometimes, to fit anything else. 

“The Colossal Titan has appeared in Trost,“ Erwin announces. His voice like thunder rumbling overhead. A great, big storm pressing in, “The gate has been destroyed.“ 

All the soldiers have been called to line up at the court of HQ as Erwin briefs them on the situation. Awaiting orders, awaiting plans. And perhaps—inevitably—awaiting death. 

Death can happen at any time. And right now, it seems that death is all that they have time for. 

The fear wafting through the air is silent, but sharp like broken glass. So thick that it’s physical. Like hands on throats. Like stomps on lungs. Like live vines slithering, and clenching through hearts. The terror, numbing. The numbness, ending a breath as soon as it’s taken. 

“As practiced, you will split into your squads, and perform resupply, message relay, and Titan-clearing duties, along with the Garrison regiment. The Intercept Squad has already beed dispatched, taking on the role as vanguard, which Squad Levi is tasked to join later on. The Cadet Corps, led by the Support Squad, will take the middle guard. And the rest of the Garrison, and the Corps’ Elite Squads will take the rear guard.” 

Eren stands between him, and Hange. Nothing like the wreckage he was, just a few moments ago. No trace of collapse. No hint of ruin. Instead, his shoulders are rolled, and squared. The flame in his eyes, burning like hellfire. Like he’s ready to grab the world by the neck, and return it to ashes. 

A part of Levi knows that he might. That he can. 

That he will. 

Levi isn’t sure what’s meant to worry him more. 

“Additionally, I’ve received word that the Advance Team has been wiped out. The outer gate has been breached, and the Titans have entered. In other words, the Armored Titan could very well appear again, and demolish the inner gate at any time,” Erwin continues grimly, “The vanguard is already engaged with the enemy. This defense operation has only one objective,” His blue eyes scour through all of them, “To defend Wall Rose until the citizens have finished evacuating.”

There’s plenty of things to think about when doors break, and windows shatter, and walls fall, until suddenly there’s so much space for the world to end.

“Be prepared to lay down your lives.”

And Levi always has been. 

Levi was always meant to sacrifice his life for the greater good. Was always meant to spoon-feed his flesh and bones to snapping teeth, and grinding mouths to satiate the hunger of the noble cause. 

But then he looks at Eren. That desperate urge to take him, and run. Keep him breathing, one more second. Love him, one more day. Taste his warmth, one more time. 

And Levi knows that he can’t depend the future of everyone else on how much he wants to keep one boy safe. Knows that he can’t tip the scale in favor of the one person that carries the weight of Levi’s entire world. Knows that even with the Sun so high up, there is still duty and responsibility above all else.

Levi swears he knows all those things—knows them all so well, but still—

“Are you willing to offer your beating hearts for humanity?”

The wind blows along with echoes of determination, and assent. The hard thump of fists on chests.

But Levi can’t find it in himself to echo back.

All he has left is a battered body, and an even more battered soul to give. 

Levi can’t offer what he no longer has.

His heart has long been beating in the hands of someone else, after all. 

“Dismissed.”

Levi grabs Eren by the elbow as the rest of the crowd disperse, signalling him to wait, only moving to leave when Eren responds with a nod. Hange tries to give him a reassuring smile before he makes his way over to Erwin, but it’s all blurred around the edges, all forced, and wrong. 

Eren looks like he’s about to push someone off the Wall, just to jump from somewhere higher right after. 

Levi doesn’t have to stare at him too long to see that that looks all wrong, too. 

“Erwin,” Levi says, trying not to grit his teeth too much, “Erwin—what the fuck,” is all he manages to get out.

“I know,” Erwin sighs, “If they break through any further, then we’ll have another tragedy as we did eight years ago. Delay them as much as you can, Levi. Once I’ve secured that all the evacuation procedures are in order, I will follow you to the Wall.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Levi frowns, “Unless you know a way to seal the damn hole there, what’s the point of going all the way?”

“Evidence,” Erwin’s face hardens. The great, big storm he carries with him sink down to Earth lower, and lower, “I need to find evidence.”

“Evidence of what?” Levi asks. The pinch in his eyebrows settling deeper. 

“That this attack is not just a coincidence,” And there’s something feral there. Buried in the lines of Erwin’s mask that he calls a face. Something strung too tight. The air a whole lot heavier just from the weight of those words, “Now, go. These are matters to be discussed at another time. The civilians are all caught in a panic, and our men need assistance as soon as possible. We need this day to be more than just a collection of casualties, and we cannot do that by standing idle here.”

Levi clicks his tongue, unease still spreading throughout his chest. But he nods his head nonetheless, “Fine,” He says, “But if it’s evidence you want, then I’m taking Hange along with me, in case you can’t make it. I don’t know what the hell you’re trying to find, Erwin, but Hange’s got four eyes for a reason. It’s about damn time that lunatic makes proper use of them.”

“Do as you wish,” Erwin says, “Achieve your objectives, whatever it takes.”

“Tch. Don’t I always?” Levi drawls, “Try not to die out there, Eyebrows. I’ll drag you right out of hell if you even dare think of leaving me to deal with Hange alone.”

“I’ll do my best,” Erwin gives him a small smile as he squeezes Levi’s shoulder once in farewell before leaving. There are rocks in his stomach. Ashes, and dust in his mouth as he watches Erwin walk away. 

Levi returns to Eren, seeing his friends gathered around him; Mikasa, and Armin on both his sides. The latter, shaking with panic stumbling out of his skin. 

“I’m fine—I’ll calm down soon enough,” Armin stutters, as his fingers hover, and twitch over his gear. Patting all over to make sure it’s all still in place. To make sure _he’s_ still all in place. Like he doesn’t know how to get a hold of himself with the world spinning so quickly away, “Still, this is bad,” He continues, teeth caught in a chatter, words tripping on the way out of his tongue, getting dragged down by fear, “We don’t have the technology to quickly seal an eight-meter-high hole, and unless we seal the hole, the city is good as lost. It’s only a matter of time until the rest of Rose is breached. In fact, if they ever feel like it, they can pretty much wipe out humanity anytime they want—“

“Armin,” Eren cuts him off. He reaches out, steadying the tremors trying to crack through Armin’s palm with his own. Ties their fingers together until the earthquake in Armin’s bones calm into a pulse, “This isn’t like last time,” Eren says. Soft, and gentle words, but Levi hears the threat behind them. Sees the shadows Eren keeps. Peeking. Waiting. Lurking around corners, “Humanity won’t lose to any Titans this time. Didn’t I promise you that I’ll end this war?” 

Mikasa looks skeptical, but she doesn’t argue, though the worry that radiates off her is loud. Her fingers curled on the hem of Eren’s shirt, grip tight, like it would physically hurt her to hold him loose. 

Levi understands; symphatizes, even. Because Levi’s greatest fear is losing Eren. But Mikasa’s greatest fear will always be losing him twice. 

“If the battle gets chaotic, the two of you—come find me,” Mikasa says, “Even if we’re in different squads, I’ll—“ Her arms wrap around Eren, and Armin. Like she plans to tuck them inside her ribs, where nobody can touch them unless they pry her open. Would still fight even if someone did. Would still resist even with her insides bare. The love she has for them, a blade all in itself, “If the situation falls apart, things won’t go according to plan. I’ll protect you.”

“Ackerman,” A soldier suddenly interjects, “You’re in the rearguard. Special orders. Come with me.”

“I-I’m not skilled enough,” Mikasa stutters, shaking her head, “I’ll only be a burden.”

“I’m not asking for your opinion. The citizens’ evacuation is running late. We need as many elite soldiers near them as possible.”

“But—“ The word hangs in thin air, ignored by the soldier who has already turned his back to leave. She looks at Eren, distraught, but the panic dissipates just as quickly as it came, when Eren thumbs at her scarf; adjusting the way the fabric curls around her neck.

“Do you trust me, Mikasa?” Eren asks, a kind smile on his lips.

“With my life,” Mikasa answers firmly, “But I do have one thing to ask,” Her voice quivers. Her head down. All of her, delicate, and breakable, “Please don’t die.”

“I won’t,” Eren whispers. Seals the promise through a kiss on her forehead. The rain in Mikasa’s eyes threaten to pour even more, “And I won’t let the both of you die, either. I won’t allow any of them to hurt you, because if they do,” 

Levi doesn’t think he’ll ever forget that look on Eren’s face. His eyes, a few shades darker. But the light in them—it’s not stolen. It has made way. It stands with his demons, and allows them to shadow the Sun. 

Night, and day painted in one sky. 

“I’ll burn this world myself,” Eren says.

The eclipse in his eyes is blinding. 

* * *

  
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Eren murmurs as they walk over to where Hange, and the rest of his squad are waiting for them. The back of their hands brush with each step, and it’s all of Levi’s strength versus the need to press the lines of their palms together. Tie all of Levi’s ends to where all of Eren’s warmth begins. Because Levi needs proof that he’s alive, and that he’ll always, always continue to be.

“I’m thinking that this is a very shitty day,” Levi huffs, “And everything you do from here on out will most likely send me to my early grave.”

Eren laughs, but it’s small, and sad, and apologetic. Everything that Eren should never be. 

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not,” Levi scoffs. Then, softens, “Can I really not convince you to change your mind?” Levi says, even though he knows it’s futile. Even though the answer will never be what he wants it to be. Levi still tries. Tries again, because he has to. 

_Can I really not convince you to let me fight this war for you?_

“You can try. And I love you, Levi—I really love you for trying,” Eren smiles. It looks genuine, but tired, “But this is how it’s supposed to go. And—It’s going to be okay. I promise, I can make it okay.”

“How would you even know that?”

“Just a feeling.”

“What feeling?”

“You know, like,” Eren pauses. Eyelids fluttering, looking like he’s staring at somewhere far off. Like he’s here, but not all of him. They’re standing on the same ground, but Eren is not by his side. And for some reason, his next words make Levi’s stomach turn with cold dread. Winter with teeth. Spiteful in its bite, “Like I’ve done this before.”

Levi thinks of words. Thinks of them a lot. The shape of words that are left unsaid. The angles that words bend into when you should have said something, but didn’t. Words that bite your tongue when you keep them quiet, and words that are quiet even when you say them out loud. Thinks of ‘ _don’t_ ,’ and ‘ _leave_ ,’ and what they mean together, and how maybe he should have said them louder. 

He thinks of words that love is made of.   
  
And how easy it is for regret to fit as one of them. 

How hard it is, sometimes, to fit anything else. 

* * *

Trost is bleeding, painted red with the blood of the crushed, and the fallen. The smell of rust clings on the air, while scattered bodies, and chewed off limbs, and stolen lives, and robbed futures are smeared in clumps on the earth. 

There is only rubble where life used to stand. Only ruin, where the heart of Trost used to beat. The town is numb with defeat, and time does nothing but rush forward.

_Too, it ticks. Late, it tocks._

“Captain, look!” Petra points their attention to a Titan who has half a soldier’s body dangling from its mouth. Levi grits his teeth at the sight. His blood boiling right out of his skin, all his anger too big for his body, when he sees the soldier still trying to put up a desperate fight; swinging a blade straight through the Titan’s jaw.

Levi speeds through the distance between them; a hook fired at a bell tower that stands next to his target. His blades extend out of his hands, almost as if they were a physical part of him. They glint wickedly beneath the Sun. Thirsty to tear through flesh. Hungry for punishment. Starving for retribution. 

Levi’s body spins—a manmade hurricane—as he cuts through the Titan’s nape. Dust swirling like cigarette smoke in the air when it collapses. He lands on a nearby roof, surveys the rest of the place.

Two ten-meter Titans on the left. Three fifteen-meter ones on the right.

“What are your orders, Captain?” Eld asks as they all land in front of him one by one. Only Eren lands close to his side. 

“Petra, go and help the soldier on the ground. Eld, Oluo, Gunther—you take on those fuckers on the left,” Levi commands with all the grace of someone who’s done this a thousand times before, “The two of you,” He tips his chin at Hange, and Eren, “You’re with me.”

Levi doesn’t wait for them to answer. He flings himself off the roof, catching one of the Titans’ attention. He scoffs at its pathetic attempt at throwing itself at Levi, mouth snapping at the space that his body has occupied just a second before. It tries to swat at his cables, but Levi has already pulled them out, and released his hook, letting it bite through the Titan’s shoulder instead, before its fingers could even graze the steel wires. 

Levi lets his gear hurl him up, gas hissing like a snake, until he’s face to face with the back of the Titan’s head. He wastes no time, his dual blades sinking without mercy, like he’s trying to cut free all the life that he knows this monster has taken. A door for all the snatched souls to pass through. 

“Don’t worry,” Levi hears Hange say, waving their arms at a Titan while standing perched on a roof. It lets out a growl before diving straight to where the brunet is wriggling at. But Hange is quick as they are annoying. Dodging the attack with smug ease, a hand palmed on their hip, “I’ll try not to make this hurt so much. I promise you won’t feel a thing!”

A huge hand swipes down, but for a second, all Hange does is stare up at it while cackling. It does nothing to stir panic in Levi’s chest, because Hange is as much of a menace to Titans, as they are to him and Erwin, and the rest of humanity. Hange flies swiftly off their feet just as the Titan’s fingers close in, clenching into a fist.

“Oh, wow, that was close! How naughty!” Hange yells, “It’s my turn now!” Hange twists their body midair, angling their hooks to fire at the Titan’s shoulder; the momentum pulling them in line with the Titan’s nape, where Hange slices head on. Hange watches it fall down with a triumphant smirk, settling on the closest high surface, and jumping up and down like they have spring beneath their feet, trying to call for his attention with a loud, “Did you see that, Levi?!”

But Levi’s attention is already fixed somewhere else. On Eren, and the ruthless way he bends the bones of Death, and makes it kneel. The way he makes it look like a dance. The way it makes Levi’s pulse speed up, makes him feel like his chest is too small for his heart to beat in, as Eren soars. Spins once. Twice. A terrifying tempest of wild fury, carrying the will of the wronged. His blades connect from one limb to another, leaving the Titan’s arms to crash down into disintegrating bits and pieces. Cuts through every raw spot. Until finally, he lunges for the nape.

And it’s one of those things you never get used to seeing.

The way Eren sheds his skin, and turns into wildfire. 

It’s like watching lightning strike up close. 

All that beautiful, shattering, blinding light. 

Levi’s Angel of Death delivering his sentence. 

Eren sees Levi looking, and immediately flies over to where he is. He wears a proud smile on his lips, and all Levi wants to do is pin him on the nearest wall, and taste how well that smile can fit into his own mouth. 

“I told you, you don’t have to worry!” Eren says, his chest puffed up with pride, “Did you see me, Levi, huh, did you see!”

_Of course, I did. My eyes are never not on you._

“Tch. Yeah, yeah, don’t let it get to your head too much. The bigger it gets, the easier it is to get bitten off, brat,” Levi snarks with no real bite. He ruffles Eren’s hair, and fights the urge to melt at the soft kiss he places on Levi’s wrist. 

The sight that greets them when they reach Petra, and the rest of his team is gruesome. The soldier he tried to save earlier lays on the ground. His clothes, bloody. Red dripping off from the sides of his mouth. His stomach almost torn open. 

As much as he likes to pretend that it does, it never gets easier. Being able to peer inside a body. Watching the life that belonged inside it slowly leave. 

“Captain, I—“ Petra says helplessly, “I can’t stop the bleeding.”

The cloth she’s pressing on the soldier’s wound is already soaked with blood. Life, continuing to seep out by the second. 

“Captain Levi...” The soldier rasps. Levi bends down, kneeling next to his side in an instant. 

“Talk to me,” Levi says, “I’m here.”

“Was I helpful to humanity at all?” The soldier grunts in pain. Tears prickling the corner of his eyes. He lifts a hand, offering the remaining fragments of his breath to Levi, “Am I going to die without having been any help at all?”

Levi closes his palm around his. Feels something in his chest crack open. Allows the words to spill from somewhere other than his mouth, “You achieved many great things. And you’ll continue to. The resolve you leave behind will give me strength. I promise you. I will put an end to the Titans, without fail.”

“Captain..” Petra says quietly after a moment. Voice thick with sadness, “He’s already...”

“Did he hear it all?” Levi asks, still holding on to the soldier’s hand tight. 

“Yes, I’m sure he heard you. Look,” Petra smiles softly, though it’s too small to reach her eyes, “He’s resting with a look of relief on his face.”

“That’s good, then,” Levi murmurs, gently laying the soldier’s hand down. He stands up, and orders Oluo, and Eld to carry the body somewhere safe. Or at least, safer. Rather than leaving it in the middle of the road where a Titan could come and defile it even further. Levi’s anger grips his lungs tight just at the thought of it. 

Levi turns to Eren, his mouth poised open to speak, but the words quickly die down on his tongue. Eren looks miserable. There are gray clouds in his eyes, tucking away the Sun. Tears clinging on corners, until they finally drop. Each one fragile like petals falling. 

Seeing Eren cry makes everything that Levi is made of ache. 

Eren always wears his heart on his sleeve where it hangs ripe for picking. And his grief never ceases to be hungry for it. 

And the worst part is that Levi doesn’t know how to shield him from this kind of pain. Because Levi can try to save Eren from the world. But Levi can’t save the world from itself. 

“I only remember losing my mother. Hers is the only death I know,” Eren says, and it’s heartbreaking. Eren is heartbreaking. Even the way his breath shakes as he takes it cuts through Levi like the shards of broken glass, “But you—things like this—death like this,“ He shakes his head, “You must have already seen so much of it, even before this, and I—“ His voice breaks into a sob, breaking more of Levi with it. The sound sad enough to snap his bones, and punch a hole through his lungs, “I was just out there. Doing nothing. Helping no one. And I know, Levi. I know you’ve already told me about choices, and not regretting them, and I understand what you were trying to say. I do, I swear, I do, but—“

And it hits Levi so damn hard, like the sudden slap of someone’s hand, like his body being thrown against a wall, like everything that used to be whole in him becomes pulled half-torn. The weight of all the sadness Eren carries, and the weight of the truth that Levi can’t carry them for him no matter how much he wants to.

And Levi wants to. Wants to so bad. Wants to offer Eren peace. Wants to offer Eren rest. Hates the Universe for being so reckless, when Levi has been nothing but careful with him. Hates how little he can do about it. 

“But I regret it so much. I regret so much,” Eren whispers. Eyes haunted. His heart is the grave of so many ghosts. One of them, his own, “Just what the hell have I been doing all this time!”

Levi’s fingers twitch to wipe away the dampness on Eren’s cheeks. Smooth over the fragile lines of sadness drawn on his skin; all the dips, and dents it has left. Offer back all of Eren’s stolen pieces. Remind him that he is whole. 

But the earth shakes, the ground rumbling. The sound of large footsteps echoing another threat. 

“Captain!” Gunther shouts, “There’s an abnormal incoming—Oh, fuck, wait—there’s two of them!”  
The two Abnormal Titans rush down the street, sprinting into view, knocking away everything of hindrance. Their eyes crazed, a wicked grin on both their faces. Tongues out, blowing in the wind. 

Levi clicks his tongue in frustration, replacing his old blades with new ones, as he speaks, “I’ll handle the ten-meter. Hange, go distract the other one. The rest of you wait for my signal to—“

“Eren!” Hange suddenly cries out. 

Levi feels his heart collapse down the ground at the sight of Eren speeding towards the Titans, his gas tank hissing air furiously. Swinging through the remaining distance with reckless abandon. And he’s so close, yet so far away all at once. Levi’s body moves on its own before his brain could catch up, and scream at him to do so; his fingers squeezing the triggers of his gear hard. He pushes his body to fight against its own limits. Needs to be faster. Quicker. Stronger. Doesn’t matter if he snaps, or breaks, or does both at the same time, as long as it’s him, and not Eren. As long as Levi keeps him safe. As long as Levi keeps the Sun alive. 

“Eren, come back here!”

Levi manages to chase after him quick enough that he’s close enough to Eren when the Titans come close enough to him.

The Titans spot the two of them, but for some reason, only Eren catches their attention. Levi doesn’t know what to name it, but there’s something suddenly different in the way they look at him. Levi sees the initial mindless hunger. Sees the way their hands tried and failed to make a grab at Eren. Sees their teeth snap in places where Eren had been. Feels bile rising up his throat as it all happens. Feels ice cold blood in his veins. Feels everything inside him twist out of order. All that panic rising, making everything else inside him sink low. 

But then Eren speaks.

And it’s so venomous it makes Levi’s skin prickle. So much anger in one body, trying to claw out of one tongue. Like it’s sharp enough to wound. Like it’s holding you at knifepoint. It turns Eren into the deepest shade of red from all the bloodlust there.

“I am sick and tired of you trying to take everything from me!” Eren snarls in a fit of rage as he slices from one limb to another. The violent kiss of cold metal through flesh and blood. Like Eren is trying to carve out all of humanity’s anger with each cut. 

“How many times do I have to say,” Another rush of blade against teeth. Hunger versus something hungrier. Eren doesn’t kill them. All he does is make it hurt. Make it last, “There is nothing for you here!” 

Levi always knew that there was a part of Eren that was made up of storms, and Levi tried so hard to make sure it didn’t rain. That Eren didn’t drown in his own downpour. That he didn’t drown the rest of the world with it.

Levi sucks in a breath. There is water in his lungs. 

Levi launches his cables at a nearby building, swinging behind one of the Titans, quickly ripping his weapon across its nape. He doesn’t allow himself even one second to be distracted by its fall, immediately directing his attention to Eren who was still prolonging the other Titan’s pain. One more swing of his blade, then a second. Tendrils of smoke curling. Flesh racing to stitch itself back together, only to be torn open, then back again. 

“Eren, calm the fuck down!” Levi growls. And when Eren doesn’t listen, Levi prepares to launch himself where he can swipe at the raging Titan’s weak spot, and end its misery once and for all. Maybe end Eren’s burst of misery with it. 

Levi leaps when a giant hand tries to close in again on Eren, his gas tank hissing furiously on his sides, weapons ready. 

But then—

“Out of my way,” Eren snarls. There’s anger, and there’s hatred, and right now, Eren’s eyes are raw with both. 

And it’s like the world shifts along with every word. Adjusting its angles, rearranging itself. Makes space for what he commands. Like it was always just waiting to obey.

And Levi swears he’s not imagining it. That it’s all too fast, but also all too real when the Titan’s hand twitches. A quick spasm when it was just a few inches away. Then, it hangs. A second. Suspended in time. Then, it drops. 

Eren finally takes that as his cue to sink his blades on the Titan’s nape, ending the fight. Landing on a roof, where Levi chases after him. He slams Eren’s back against a chimney, his fingers twisted on the front of Eren’s shirt. Slams him again for good measure. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing,” Levi snaps, “I don’t care what shit you pull with other figures of authority, but you do not get to pull the same with me. Out here, I’m your Captain, and you will treat me as such, do you understand? Going off on your own, directly disobeying command,” His grip tightens, “Are you so damn desperate to make me watch you die?”

Levi expected him to, but Eren doesn’t struggle. Just lets Levi rattle away. Lets him spit what venom he needs to get out of his system. 

“I’m sorry,” Eren says quietly. His eyes refuse to meet Levi’s, and he’s got that hollowed-out look on his face—The one where it’s Eren, but not quite. 

Levi sighs, loosening his hold on the abused collar of Eren’s uniform, “You know I don’t like lying to you, so I can’t tell you anything that can make you feel better right now, because all this shit that’s going on,” He gestures to the ruin wrapped around them, “It’s only going to get worse from here, and we’re all going to lose so much more than we think we’re prepared to. And the guilt—“ He swallows, “The guilt of being alive, when so many no longer are—that’s never going to be an easy weight to put down. But being so reckless wil only disrespect what the dead fought for. I understand how you feel, Eren. I fucking hate that I really do, but a life thrown for the dead will not bring them back. So don’t be in such a hurry to throw away yours.”

Levi steps back, and tries to offer what room he can to let Eren breathe. Make way for his world to get back on track, and start moving again. 

“Levi,” Eren says his name like he’s afraid to, “Are you not going to ask?”

Levi stiffens. He immediately understands what Eren’s referring to. Is actually a bit scared of what he’s referring to. Not of Eren, of course. No matter what, never of him. Levi’s sure he can handle the truth. It’s the what-comes-next, and the what-comes-after, that he’s worried about. 

“Only when you’re ready to answer. And I doubt you’re ready now.”

Levi sees his squad catching up. He walks over to the edge of the roof.

“After this—!” Eren chokes out, “I—I’ll tell you everything...after this.”

Levi opens his mouth to say something, only to find that he doesn’t have it in him to respond with more than a nod, so that’s all he does. 

“Will you listen when I do?”

Levi gives him another nod. Wants to say that of course, he will. That the answer’s yes, before he even asks. But Levi appreciates the question, because it’s one thing to hear the truth. Another, to listen to it. A whole matter altogether, to understand it. 

Levi thinks of the consequences of kept secrets, and whether they’re worse than the consequences of them being known.

He looks at Eren’s eyes; the Sun continue to set. 

* * *

  
They encounter other soldiers along the way, doing their best to clear paths for other squads, trying to make sure they limit the count of dead bodies as much as they can. Powers through Titans, and all the debris. Right now, Trost is nothing but a memory of people who tried to survive. Levi hopes that a lot of them did. That a lot of them will. 

Petra gets flung against a wall when her confidence overshadows her skill, trying to take down two Titans on her own. They were lucky that Eld was close enough to assist. She gets an earful from Levi, in which she retaliates with three consecutive kills. 

Hange’s head almost gets bitten off at some point. They taunt a fifteen-meter, and it almost gets bitten off again. Much to Levi’s delight, and dismay. He thinks that if Hange ever gets eaten, they might actually just get spitten back out, because he’s pretty sure Hange hasn’t stepped beneath a shower in days. 

Right now, there’s gravel crunching beneath a gigantic body after Oluo and Gunther drag their blades up a Titan’s neck, all the way down to its spine. Making a contest of who can defeat it quicker, only for it to end up in a draw. The ground spitting dust from the impact. 

Eren is as silent as a shadow beside Levi, dutifully remaining behind lines he shouldn’t cross. His temper left with nowhere else to go. Sometimes Levi catches him staring too intently at those they fail to save, the hard clench of Eren’s jaw. The wet sheen in his eyes. The way he looks like something that can shatter in a closed fist. Something in him so close to breaking open. 

“Damn, this is a fucking nightmare,” Oluo grumbles, wiping off a speck of blood splattered on his cheek, as they glide through what’s left of the rest of the town. 

“If we can’t hold them off at the Wall, this is going to turn out the way it did eight years ago,” Gunther sighs.

“Wasn’t Nanaba’s team stationed with the Garrison there?” Petra asks, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, “I hope they’re alright.”

“It’s Nanaba we’re talking about,” Eld quips, “I bet she’s got the Colossal in a chokehold as we speak.”

“Speaking of the Colossal,” Hange says, a deep frown pinching her forehead, “It went for the cannons, have you heard? It almost seems like—“ A hesistant pause, “Like it knew what it was doing. Like it had some sort of purpose, you know?”

“Tch. The last thing we need is for the damn bastard to have intelligence. It’s a fucking nuisance enough as it is. But now that you’ve mentioned it,” Levi says witht the same reluctance, “Do you remember the Titan we mentioned during the last mission’s initial report?”

“Oh, yeah, the one that saved Eld?”

Levi nods, “We didn’t have enough time to observe how much awareness it had, but it showed no aggression towards humans, and it seemed fairly in control of itself at the time. Obviously, it had different motivations compared to the Colossal, and the Armored Titan, but do you think the three of them—Is it possible that Titans have some sort of superior breed?”

“That’s one theory,” Hange hums in thought before giving out a long wail, “What I’d give to see that Titan you guys met out the Walls! You said all it did was turn all the other Titans into mush, right? Imagine if we could train it! Turn it into a weapon, like our own giant Titan-killing puppy dog!” 

Hange continues to gush, and coo, about how great it’d be to keep a trained Titan as a pet. The name they’d give it. What it would feel to travel perched on its shoulders. See if they could make it wear its own uniform. Levi has half a mind to kick Hange midflight just to get them to shut up, but Eren speaks up a second before he does. 

“Do you think you could trust it?” Eren asks. It comes as low as a murmur. His eyes are set straight forward. Shoulders heavy like they’re carrying the weight of the world twice over, “If—“ He swallows, “If you see that Titan again, do you think you could trust it?”

It’s silent for a moment. Levi thinks the question through. With Eren, the answer he wants to hear is not always the right one. 

“No,” Levi says after a while. Firm, and simple, “A monster is a monster. No matter who it bares its fangs to.”

Maybe if Levi had looked at Eren a second longer, he would have seen the exact moment his words went into Eren’s chest—went as far down as they can reach—and broke everything it touched, until all that was left was a decision.

Maybe if Levi had looked at Eren a second longer, he would have seen the exact moment the world decided to take Eren. And the exact moment Eren decided to go along with it. 

* * *

  
The end starts when they see a Titan, a flash of yellow. One, then two. A gigantic swipe of a hand. The wrong place, at the worst time. A body flying. A bigger one crashing.

“Hey,” Hange breathes out, “Isn’t that—“ 

“Armin,” Eren whispers. Then, louder. Angrier than Levi’s ever seen him, “Armin!”

Eren rushes to where Armin is, and although it hangs on his tongue, Levi can’t find it in himself to reprimand him for his excessive use of gas. He knows the sheer panic Eren must be in right now, seeing the brother he loves so much getting swatted away like a fly. 

They land on the roof of the lone church that stands in Trost. Armin is groaning, trying to push himself up from where he lies. Annie Leonheart stands beside him, blue eyes impassive and cold as always, like they’ve seen better—like they’ve seen worse. Replacing her blades in quick calculated movements, probably having dulled the previous ones from her recent kill.

“Armin,” Eren crouches down beside Armin, frantically looking all over him in search of injuries, hands skimming on his face, his arms. Teeth gritted all throughout the process, “Are you okay—Armin, please. Talk to me.“

“I—I’m fine, but I—“ Armin chokes out a sob before an onslaught of tears drips down his cheeks. Hiccups his words more than he speaks them, “We were trying to help the supply team, but we were ambushed, and there were so many. There were so many, Eren. And I wasn’t able to do anything—Eren, I tried. But they still got us, and I—If Annie didn’t come, I would have—“

“Breathe, Armin,” Eren takes Armin’s hand, trying to steady each tremor, “Breathe for me, Armin, please.”

It takes a couple of stuttered inhales and exhales before Armin calms himself down enough to speak. But even when he does, the tears don’t stop dripping, “The cadets of Squad 34—Thomas Wagner, Nack Tierce, Milieus Zeremski, Mina Carolina—These four members fulfilled their duties, and died valiantly on the battle field!” He shouts, “While I,” He shakes his head, burying his face in his hands, “While all I did was survive for no good reason. If I had known this would happen, I would have rather just—“

“If you had died, you would have killed me with you,” Eren says, wrapping his arms around Armin’s still shaking body, “So thank you, Armin. Thank you for surviving.”

“Oi, Leonheart,” Levi says, tipping his chin in her direction, “Give us a rundown on what happened. Weren’t you with Nanaba’s team? Where is the rest of your squad?”

“It appeared out of nowhere. The Colossal, I mean,” Annie answers, “Destroyed the cannons. Created a hole in the wall. But it disappeared with no trace just like eight years ago. We didn’t have time to trace where it went, because after that it was just chaos. We tried to fight off as many as we can, but the Titans were coming in too quickly. The last I saw of Squad Leader Nanaba, she was luring the Titans away from us, until with all the fighting, eventually we all got separted. I think Reiner went to help her, but the others, I’m not so sure,” She shrugs, “I saw Armin just a few minutes before you came. His gear is faulty—The hit he took earlier might have made it worse.“

Levi’s stomach plummets when he sees the dent on Armin’s gear, parts of it already gone loose. 

“Captain, what do we do? We have no way of accessing any extra gear, but we can’t just leave him here to get picked off.”

“I know that, Petra,” Levi tries to keep his temper in check, although he feels his failure to do so by the second, “We don’t have a lot of options, and the ones we do have are nowhere near pretty, but—“

“He’ll take my gear,” Eren inerjects, deft fingers already loosening the straps hugging his body, “I’m used to fighting without it, anyway. It’s more use to him than it is to me.”

“You will do nothing of the sort,” Levi grips him tightly by the arm, putting a stop to the subtle panic causing a small tremble in Eren’s hands, “I understand how you feel, but your emotions are starting to get the best of you. I know better than anyone how capable you are, but the Colossal and the Armored Titan could very well still be lurking out there, and there’s no fucking way you can take them both the same way you do with any other Titan, because for some reason, those bastards might actually be able to think. It’s too dangerous.”

“They might be dangerous, but so am I,” Eren snatches away his arm from Levi’s hold, snarling, “I will not let Armin get left behind. You can punish me all you want—Leave me here, for all I care. I respect you, Levi. With everything I have. But you do not have jurisdiction over me—Not when it comes to this. Not when it comes to my family.“

Levi forces himself to take a deep breath. Then another one. He knows that nothing good will come of fighting someone’s anger by being angrier, so he tries to come up with the proper words, but all they do is shrivel up, and get caught in his throat. 

“Why?” Annie speaks up suddenly. Winter blue eyes looking at Eren like he’s some sort of puzzle, “Why do that much for someone? He’s a soldier. He’s prepared to die—All of us are.”

“Armin is my brother.”

“And right now, he’s a burden. Why bother?”

Eren’s fist clenches, and Levi expects his temper to boil over. Release all those jagged edges, cut whatever’s in it’s way. But, surprisingly, it doesn’t. Instead, Eren looks at her straight in the eye, like he’s looking through every inch of her all at once, “Because Armin dreams. While we all fight and kill, Armin dreams.”

“Of?”

“A world where all of us can be free to have our own dreams, too. If anyone can make it happen, it’s going to be him.”

All Annie does is give a vague hum in response. Levi doesn’t know what to take away from that.

“Both of you brats, cut it out,” Levi runs a hand over his face, sighing, “I never said anything about anyone getting left behind, did I?”

Eren seems to calm down a bit, but the knot on his forehead is still tight. Levi hates himself for what he’s about to say next, but the best decisions are rarely the easy ones, “The best we can do at this point is...salvage gear from the dead. It’s not the most tasteful of options, I know, but our hands are tied. We can’t leave Arlert, and we can’t just lug him around, either.”

Levi sees the grimace on his squad’s faces, but none of them protest, thankfully.

“I’ll go look around. Eld, Gunther,” Levi beckons them forward, “The two of you, come with me. It’ll be faster with more of us looking. We can’t afford to waste any more time than we already have—“

“Uh, Captain?” Oluo says, with a hand raised timidly.

“What is it?”

“Captain, is it just me or can the rest of you hear footsteps coming?” Oluo visibly pales. Levi sees the bob of his throat as he swallows down hard, “A lot of them.”

* * *

  
Armin isn’t sure how it happened the way it did, but he remembers Eren smiling. Remembers Eren squeezing his hand as he tells him to stay put. That it’ll be okay. That he’ll keep him safe. That he always will. And at some point, Eren tells him that he has to go now. And Armin’s sure he fought. So, so sure that he tried to tell Eren to wait, because Armin wanted to fight alongside him, because he can do that now. He was supposed to do that now. Because it was three years of blood, and sweat, and tears, and broken bones, and torn up skin, and a body that’s begun to barely feel like one, because things were meant to be different now.

Because every punch, and every kick, and every bruise that Eren caught for him has always been burned in his mind, and Eren thinks he knows so much of Armin’s dreams, but wasn’t everything that he’s ever wanted was to protect Eren the way Eren’s always protected him. Protect him the way Armin failed to do before. 

But Eren’s already flying away— _why was he always, always going away?_ —before Armin could say anything more. He goes for the center of the horde, and the Captain follows, because when it comes to Eren, when does he not? They move like they’re both an extension of the same body. Read each other like they’re the extension of the same soul. 

A Titan tries to reach for Eren, and the Captain’s already tearing it to pieces, not even letting its shadow get any closer. Another one comes; Eren slices through its ankles, while the Captain lets his blades bite mercilessly through its nape as it falls down on its knees. 

Armin feels the trust between them like it’s alive. 

But then, Armin watches everything unfold like he’s seeing it all backwards. Everything going the wrong way. More Titans come. Twice the number compared to how many he’s encountered today. Armin feels his heart pick up. It’s all too strange. Their timing, too convenient, like it’s part of some strategy. The way they move like they’re being led. 

“Where are they all coming from?!”

“Are you fucking kidding me—Petra, on your right, be careful!”

“We can’t hold all of them off, we need to run!”

“What about the kid—“

“We’ll carry him for the mean time, right now we need to go!”

“Hange and I will distract them, the rest of you get the fuck out of here!”

“Wait, Eren—Eren’s bleeding. Eren, are you okay?!”

“Eren! Eren, fuck, what happened—Take him somewhere safe, you all need to go now!”

It’s all blurred chaos, and intertwined noise, until,

“Eren,” Annie says, dodging a Titan’s snapping teeth, “Is Armin still worth losing all our lives for?”

“I can’t speak for you. All I know is,” Eren spins midair, every bit of him as deadly as the blade he holds, “He’s worth losing mine.”

It hurts, letting himself hear all this, watch all this, and being able to do nothing but just that. 

In retrospect, he should have paid more attention. He was so caught up in the pandemonium that he forgot that whatever danger Eren was in, he was, too. It doesn’t register quickly; the grinning, bearded face that pops in his direct line of sight. Armin hears a scream, and it takes a slow second to realize that it came from him. As much as they shake, somehow his hands manage to move on instinct, aimlessly swinging a blade to fend it off, but all it does is enlarge the target on his head even further. 

Armin feels the Titan pick him up. Feels the wet slide of its tongue against his skin. The roughness of it. The panic, the dread, the sad acceptance. 

And all he can think of is _this is it. Mikasa’s gonna be so angry, she’ll probably bring me back to life just to kill me again. And Eren—I hope Eren doesn’t punch someone to death, because of this. He probably will. It’ll probably be Jean. He’ll probably deserve it. But gods, and goddesses, whatever’s up there, I hope they make it. I hope all of them do. If this is what it takes for them to live. I hope they see everything else that’s beautiful in the world. I hope it makes them happy. I hope they see mountains, and magic, and life out there. I hope they make it to the sea. I hope they think of me when they do. I hope—“_

A hand pulls on his arm, tugging, and tossing him with great force; he lands back on the cold, church roof, wincing as he does so.

Armin feels the harsh drag of it when his heart sinks down to his stomach. His breath shakes, bile rising up his throat as he stares in horror at the sight in front of him. 

Eren is holding the Titan’s mouth open; its teeth digging on the flesh of his palm. There’s blood all over him. Armin isn’t sure when it happened, but there’s a huge gash on his right leg, like it’s only through good timing, and luck, that it wasn’t bitten off.

A cry ripples out of Armin’s lips, because he should be doing something, anything, but for the life of him he just didn’t know what. His mind is screaming, and thrashing, trying to order his muscles to move, but they remain stiff and unresponsive, and he hates himself so much, because nothing’s changed. He’s still so weak, and helpless, and the worst that Eren could possibly be in is in Armin’s place, and yet that’s where he always ends up in. Because it’s Eren. His first friend. His only brother. Eren who’s heart is as big and bright as the Sun. Eren who doesn’t deserve all this. Eren who Armin loves so bone-deep.

“Hey, Armin,” Eren smiles. Armin can’t understand how it’s still so soft, and kind, and warm, “The sea—it’s real.“

“Eren!”

Armin doesn’t know if it’s him, or the Captain who screams louder. He thinks he’ll never forget it. Thinks that it must be what nightmares are made of. The pure, genuine fear on Captain Levi’s face as he stretches out a hand, reaching, and reaching, and reaching.

Eren reaches out his.

The mouth of the Titan snaps close.

Their hands never meet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story time: This entire fic was actually born from that last scene. For some reason I really wanted a story where Levi and Eren are so damn in love, and then boom Levi watches him “die” Isabel and Farlan style. Therefore, here we are lmaoo
> 
> And also! There’s a clue in this chapter that points to this fic’s biggest plot twist. Don’t go for the obvious theory, because it’s certainly not that. I love reading your theories, so if you have some then don’t be afraid to discuss it in the comments!
> 
> Speaking of comments, I’ll be replying to the comments in the last chapter only now because I’ve been busy with a new job and it’s taken up a lot of time so I’m really sorry if the updates aren’t as fast as they used to be, but we gotta get that coin soooo
> 
> Anyway, the battle of trost ain’t gonna go the way you’re thinking, so watch out for the next chapter, and pleeaaaase brace yourself for the angst because Levi just watched Eren “die” and I’m already miserable just thinking of how miserable Levi will turn out to be lol 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Tell me what you think in the comments below! Thank you for reading!


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